As a first self diagnosed ADHD haver, I had noticed the signs for a while before finally admitting it and succumbing to the label. According to the Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRS v1.1), developed by the World Health Organization (WHO), I have ADHD. ADHD isn’t just about hyperactivity, I’m not bouncing off walls. It’s also feeling incapacitated to start things aka ADHD paralysis or executive dysfunction.


Recognition is empowering. From the onset of my life, I had the subconscious awareness that I wasn’t neurotypical. But then I had no idea what neurotypical or neurodivergent meant. It wasn’t thought in school. In school and society, you were made to conform or you were the problem. If you don’t do assignments or do house chores in a timely manner, you were just lazy, most places in my homeland didn’t considered stuff like executive function issues that make task initiation difficult.

Growing up, I thought I was shy, well I was but it become less and less of a thing the older I grew. My crippling shyness become less crippling. Then I also got to know that I was an Introvert. But that didn’t explain the social avoidance that I was sometimes draw to. When in university among roommates, I always made friends and had long chats. I had moments with some mates where we clashed heads but there was barely none that I didn’t interact in an engaging and fun manner. I even had close buddies during that period for some of the rooms I stayed.

But when left alone to my devices, I was more than okay being alone and saw little need to seek physical social interaction. I noticed most of my friends were people who approached me first and kept in touch more. This was more than an Introvert recharging her battery. It was clear that I was adaptive or was it me masking, as the neurodivergent community calls it. I felt good either alone or hanging out. Once I opened up to you enough from you were engaging, it was a vibe. But those days, I still had a period of social anxiety towards those who I didn’t know in large settings and formal places. I might have come across as cold or proud. Theres a lesson there about not judging a book by it’s cover.

I have come a long way, I have less social anxiety and feel better about speaking up, for myself and for others. My issues with executive function remain and sometimes I forget to hold eye contact with people I’m not familiar with. I promise I don’t hate you, lol. I have a system I’m using to schedule, arrange, clean, learn, work, etc all to keep me organised to a functional extent. Things that come easily for some people, mainly neurotypicals had to be devised and crafted for me.

But all in all, I’m greatful, understanding that you aren’t just dysfunctional or “wrong”, is a blessing and beautiful. Also nothing wrong with being weird! To all those with ADHD, Autism, etc and and also to the neurotypicals as well, keep on going. You’ve got this.


#adhd #neurodivergent