process cannot be avoided
things change outside the self
which lead to changes in the self

this wondrous lair in which I’ve lived for 17 years
the longest   I have ever lived in one place
has suddenly become unavailable to me
my landlords are selling the house
and I have until mid-August to pack and leave

I have often said I did not
 ever want to live any place else

but things change
and now I must find a new lair

decisions have been made
a plan is in place
and I am going to return to 
Madison, Wisconsin
my fourth “going to” Madison
to live
first in 1960 I went   to graduate school
 and left in ’68 to Philadelphia
returned in ’71 moved to the country in ‘73
returned in ’79 when the country lair burned
left in ’82 to come here to upstate NY
and now
returning once again

so while I was numb and    devastated   
yesterday   upon learning I must leave
today 
I am quite excited about
the prospects of being a Madisonian again
and living close to my elder son and his family 
who are in Chicago

there are people offering to help
with packing
with the actual move
with finding a place in Madison
B. my mate-in-the-lair
my ex-
my elder son
my younger son

and everyone seems happy
with Madison as my destination point

and after the boxing up
(pick the 8000 or so books
in boxes
picture the shelving and decorative tiles
that are my bookcases
picture bags and bags of fleece and yarn)
an imposing task ahead
for the next two months

so there will be photos
from a new place soon
gracing these pages
along with thoughts and feelings
altered by the alterations

stand-by. . . 

crest of the wave
and the wave  and the wave
froth and foam roiling
in lace embrace of the sea

upthrust amid  the groaning 
  earth songs    the movement 
of plates   bending currents to sway 
 the liquid paths meander
 the moving echo passes
gathering itself to roaring grow
    rushing to clash
shores effaced   boundaries 
erased in passing

backlit by waning sun
the wind   the way the leaves
  clashle and bash
among themselves
a soft frenzy of dancing

all that I think
and do
makes no difference to the world
at large
unfazed as they
societies/cultures/nations/academies
are by a lone voice
with none of the credentials
that matter to Them

no huge hunk of cash
no power on their stages
no blockbustin’ celeb fame
no prestigious Nobel/Pulitzer/National Book Award
(and yet
a winner with every crackjacks box)

though I am not unheard by
the cashier at the Hess station
surrounded by soda
and cigs
and chips
and nuts
and energy drinks
and chewing tobacco
and cigarette papers
and bottled water
and blunts
and newspapers
and lottery tickets
and beer
and condoms
and lighters
and Aleve
and the racing form
and gasoline by the gallons

she’d like me to apply
for a position
so we could talk
and the work would get done

you see   ???
hardly anything to say

there are times like this
and while they are not gleeful
they have their merits

sometimes
 sensations
 thoughts
 emotions
 events

siphon 
 energy
at an unnoticeable rate
from the whole muttering pot
 of suzannish energy
until the moment comes
when I realize 
that I’ve been siphoned
  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
off    far by now
by then
  from my usual glee

*     *     *
topography

pastiche of itch and groan
      the occasions of ecstacy
the frailstrong moans

this is a life   origami
            folded
by jackson pollack

the rules ordering
   turbulence
are not fully mapped

there is  order
in all these wrinkles  and
   folds
in this crep’d skin

not fully
   mapped