Delighted that author Toni Pike will be joining us for the next few months with her series Personal Power which I am sure you will find very interesting and thought provoking.

Finding your personal power and living an authentic life with validation and self-respect.

This is a series about authenticity, validation, self-belief and personal power.

Previously, I talked about values and living your truth – and that means living according to your own core values in every aspect of your life. This article is about standards – and next time I’ll be talking about boundaries.

The role of standards and boundaries

An important part of establishing your values and living your truth is not just thinking about your own behaviour. It’s also about what you’re willing to accept from other people. That doesn’t mean you have to make everyone else conform to your values. I’m referring to having a firm set of standards for what you will and won’t accept in your life.

If your core values, like mine, include honesty, kindness, loyalty and respect – then you won’t be living your truth if you allow people to treat you in another way. Having standards for other people that match your values will help you to live your truth.

Boundaries are the tools you use to enforce your standards. Just like a medieval town surrounded by a thick wall, having strong boundaries means that you can keep out those things and people that don’t match your values.

Standards and strong boundaries are two of the biggest secrets to living your truth.

Standards

Our standards should apply to all the people in our lives, including colleagues, family and friends. They apply in our workplace, and also to our partners, any potential partners, our children and parents.

I now realise my standards were very ill-defined for most of my life and my boundaries were as weak as tissue paper. I’ve recently tried to change that, and wanted to share my new standards with you. I’d love to know what you think.

My Standards

• I will only accept being treated with decency, kindness and respect.
• I won’t trust anyone that I know is a liar
• I won’t tolerate, or make excuses for, anyone else’s toxic behaviour.

That includes behaviour such as:

• verbal abuse or rage
• frequent or constant criticism, or barrages of criticism
• trying to make me feel that I’m always doing something wrong
• trying to invalidate, demean, or belittle me
• trying to make me feel as if I’m unimportant
• treating me as if I’m invisible – ignoring me or giving me no attention
• manipulating and gaslighting me (trying to alter my perception of reality)
• refusing to discuss any issues of concern or answer legitimate questions
• refusing to be accountable for their own behaviour
• blaming their own behaviour on me (shifting blame)
• being cruel and/or uncaring
• using the silent treatment
• using circular arguments and/or deliberately trying to confuse me
• lying to me
• playing verbal games such as pretending not to hear or understand me, interrupting,
• stamping on my speech, not responding, or criticising my speech.

Standards for a potential partner

If I was thinking about dating, I would only be interested in someone who:

• is not involved in any other relationship
• is reliable in all their dealings with me, such as contacting me and sticking to arrangements
• shows a genuine interest in getting to know me, my interests, background and character
• is interested in my friends and family
• takes me out and treats me properly
• is trustworthy and loyal
• is kind, caring, supportive and thoughtful
• is interested in and supportive of me and my goals
• treats me with respect
• has good manners
• is willing to discuss any issues with a view to resolving them and is accountable for their own behaviour
• is able to apologise
• never engages in any form of toxic behaviour (as described previously in my general standards)

Having thought about my standards, I now know exactly what I’m willing to accept in my life.

My next article will be about setting and maintaining boundaries – the weapons to use for enforcing your standards.

Have you thought about your standards? I’d love to hear about them. 

©Toni Pike 2023

My thanks to Toni for sharing her series with us and I know she would love to receive your feedback.

About Toni Pike

Toni Pike is a multi-genre author who enjoys writing exciting thrillers for adults, non-fiction, and hilarious books for children. She also loves travelling and being with family and friends. She lives in Australia and firmly believes that coffee and long walks are an essential part of any day.

Do you like books that you can’t stop reading? Pike is the author of DESOLATION BLUFF, DEAD DRY HEART and The Jotham Fletcher Mystery Thriller Series: THE MAGUS COVENANT, THE ROCK OF MAGUS, THE MAGUS EPIPHANY and HOLY SPEAR OF MAGUS.

The Brody Cody Series is for children aged 6-9: BRODY CODY AND THE STEPMOTHER FROM OUTER SPACE and BRODY CODY AND THE HAUNTED VACATION HOUSE.

She’s also the author of two non-fiction books. THE ONE WAY DIET is a no-nonsense guide to losing weight and coping with the journey. HAPPY TRAVELS 101 is a short book of travel tips with great advice for anyone who wants to travel overseas.

A selection of  books by Toni Pike for children and adults

My review for Brody Cody and the Stepmother from Outer Space

The book does begin on a sad note with the death of Brody’s mother in an accident when he was a baby. However, he and his dad have become very close and lead a rather relaxed lifestyle with a flexible approach to nutrition and after school activities. Brody loves his father completely and their close relationship. He is therefore very put out when a whirlwind romance ends up with a new stepmother, a famous children’s author, who has different ideas about both suitable breakfasts and homework.

His friend Kyle becomes convinced that a UFO has landed, and it is rather coincidental that Brody’s stepmother, who seems a little too perfect, arrived on the scene at the same time.

We follow Brody and his friends as they investigate how his stepmother seems to have special powers of persuasion, and why despite their misgivings, they seem to be falling under her spell.

Many children are faced with loss of a parent or a split in their parent’s relationship which leads to a stepmother or stepfather trying to find a way to integrate into an established family unit. This story highlights this with a humourous tale involving overactive imaginations and a need on both sides of the dilemma to find common ground and acceptance.

Apart from an entertaining read, I think younger children who are experiencing this change in dynamics within their family would find it very helpful as they make adjustments in their lives. Also the adults who are attempting to win hearts and minds as newcomers into a new home.

The story is relevant in today’s society, the characters are all delightful and I can highly recommend.

Connect to Toni and buy the books: Amazon Australia – Amazon US – And : Amazon UK – Follow Toni:Goodreads – Website: Toni Pike – Twitter:@piketoni1

 

Thank you for dropping in today and it would be great if your could share Toni’s series.