Flashback

I began writing in my paper journal again, if 2 days in a row constitutes ‘again’. Like this blog, and my entries into it, I have been writing somewhat sporadically in my journal as of late. Don’t know why particularly, just have. Todays journal entry brought me here.

What sparked this particular blog post was the sun, that beautiful yellow orb that rises most days and brightens our lives. I say most days because although it certainly comes up every day (wouldn’t that be a bummer if it didn’t) we here in the beautiful Kootenays of southern BC don’t necessarily get to see it. We don’t always get to witness awe inspiring sunrises and feel the warmth on our faces. Today is such a day, the sun has shown it’s face.

I’m sitting here on the couch, beside the east facing windows. That yellow thing is shining through the glass, brightly now as its fully crested the mountains opposite us. The warmth is striking not only my face but is soaking into my spirit, melting away some of those doldrums that so often take hold of us. It inspires me, it takes me away and back to earlier times where I could sit outside on the deck and bask in it’s glory. It’s giving me flashbacks.

It was only months ago mind you but that time will soon be here again, spring, a time of rebirth and freshening, not only of the land but of our spirits. A time of new beginnings.

But hey, I don’t want to rush away from this time, the present. To do so would be unfair and not keeping with good practice. I have learned that I must enjoy the present, be in the moment, this time happens only once.

“You can’t change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying about the future”
– Unknown

I’m not sure who wrote that but it pretty well sums it up.

So I will enjoy the sun now, I will appreciate the day and what it brings while remembering the good times. Those good times will come again. I will be back outside, perhaps lamenting the heat, but taking solace in the shade with a cool drink. I may have flashbacks then too, but for now I will enjoy now. The past is gone and the future will be here soon enough.

It’s a beautiful day for a walk, the air is fresh, crisp and cold but not so cold as to burn your nose and cheeks. I don’t know exactly what inspired me today but I’m thankful, appreciative from the reprieve of blah.

Being the tech geek I am it seemed only appropriate to fire up the pedometer IPhone app I recently acquired and test it out. To be honest I have used it before but to venture outside with it may help inspire me.

About halfway through my trip, day dreaming about my new toy and taking in the beauty of the day, I noticed a bright red object lying on the ground adjacent to me. It was across the street but as the sun illuminated it I almost immediately recognized it as a child’s firechief hat, laying there discarded and appearing as if it had been run over.

In that moment of recognition I had an instantaneous flashback to some earlier time in my life, it was a moment of clarity, taking me fully into the past. But as quickly as the feeling came just as quickly it vanished.

I struggled to capture it again, the thoughts ran through my mind, was it a smell, a taste, a happy feeling? What was the sense that was so quickly brought to me then stolen, like a sneeze that tickles your nose then evaporates as if it was never there to begin with. I looked again, the warm feeling brushed me again, but once again I couldn’t identify exactly what it was. It was a childhood feeling, that much I knew. So pleasant, so calming, I wanted to go back to that young point in my life where everything seemed so easy, and everything was happiness and glee. But alas, tis not meant to be. I struggled to recapture and hold the essence of that feeling, to identify it’s source and tap into it, but it was gone. I failed to experience it again.

I continued my stroll with no further epiphanies. To feel it for those quick moments was something, but I wanted more. Like a fix to junkie it was a drug to bring me to a time place I’d been before, I just didn’t know when nor where. I’ve had this sort of thing happen before, a link to a happy childhood passed, and I relish every one. It was enough though, even though I desired more, the uplifting carried me though the rest of my journey, it was a walk into the past.