There’s an inherent difference between the two. Self-worth is a feeling that comes from a place of security, whilst wanting to be considered worthy is an action/s from a place of insecurity. I recently had a conversation with a person, who will not be named, that asked me “so what has everyone been doing in their life?” before adding “what achievements have you made lately?”
My response to the question was “Hrm, well nothing really.”
They further asked “Well, what’s great in your life?”, they seemed shocked by my response that they fumbled their words. As if they were trying to figure me out and judge how to treat me, based on how notable I seemed. I had self-worth in this situation to not voice what I’ve done from birth to now. Quite honestly, I dislike speaking about my achievements like I am listing out my resume in a first interaction conversation. Yes, this was the first time I had talked to this person and the question did somewhat irk me.
I had then replied, “I don’t measure my life by the number of achievements I’ve made.” and I had honestly said it as lightly as I could so it would not be perceived in a rude sense at all. I had simply replied based on how the question had sounded to me. It was a very ‘prove your worth to me’ question, much like when you go in for a job interview that you only half mediocrely like, so you only feel half inclined to say something. If there’s one thing I know about the concept of self-worth is that people do not understand you in full detail even if you go to extreme lengths of listing out your life achievements. In fact, it only makes others feel less worthy when you overshare grand life achievements. It’s also an ego thing that people like to do to measure themselves up against another person and fuels the act of us to compare, compare, compare. Hence the insecurity in it stems from feeling inept against another and having to do more actions to be deemed more worthy.
It may seem like only one question. Theoretically, yes, it is. However, it really can undermine people and come off as insensitive from an in-progress self-development perspective. We struggle enough on a day-to-day basis wondering if we are capable (which we most certainly are!) and it can spiral out of control when a question like that is said as an ‘icebreaker’. Wrong approach, sorry. In instances like this we should be instead saying “How was your weekend?”, as it’s a simple check in which is personal and not too overbearing for a stranger to say. It allows for people to share how they feel, what they’ve done and any hobbies they like freely. In turn it also builds someone up for connection and doesn’t demand what they’ve done to be seen as great or not.
Self-worth is the secure feeling of being enough and showing up as someone who believes they don’t need to compare lives. Life shouldn’t be reduced to a list of things you’ve achieved and done. This sort of information about yourself should be natural and freely expressed rather than confronted with. The focus in conversation should be staying personal, sensitive and accepting so to allow others to feel safe. It acknowledges all of our life moments, and not just the highlights and how self-discovery contributes to it all.
Life as a Twenty-ish 