in my life

I have gone back and fixed the typos in my last post which were not due to anything but tiredness last night but they were driving me crazy /o\

( Today was much better than yesterday, after middle sis arrived and I could see she really was okay. )

For the first time since - I want to say October 7th 2023, though technically it's 2014 - but 843 days after, as of today, there are finally no more hostages in Gaza, living or dead.

I legit didn't think we'd get here. I hoped, but realistically, I was sure some would still be missing forever, lost to the fog of war and time. The big weight off was in October this year, when the last living 20 came back, but now, today, the final marker, and something families - and hopefully, maybe, this country - can begin to try to recover and move on, for real.

(Recovery also means getting rid of current leadership amen, which, easier hoped for than done. But I hope.)

Time to start collecting - packing away - tossing out - all of my yellow ribbons and flags, from my car, from my porch, from my bag. It's about time.

Just a couple more hours to goooo

I went to the Hostages Square close to midnight. The air was thrumming with excitement. It's 6AM and there are so many many people there now and I really want to go but also, somehow, have work that I'm going to have to somehow find a way to concentrate on unless I can get out of it.

But anyway that doesn't matter, all that matters is that everything goes smoothly and that no one fucks this up, come on 🤞🤞🤞

I signed up for a professional class that work is very kindly paying for, which means I get to be a student one afternoon a week, which is fun but today was a bit, how do I call it, "the fuck".

First, I got my period, massively underestimated how that would progress during the day, and ended up with a gigantic stain on my jeans which like, you are NOT SUPPOSED TO GET AT 35, dear lord. Walked around with a long shirt tied around my waist like it was 1998. I don't think anyone noticed but wtf self.

So then I'm in class, and 2 hours into it we have a 15 minute recess and I step outside, and there's a TV breaking news livestream on, and out LEFT FIELD I find out that apparently Bibi and Trump and Mohammed bin Zayed negotiated a peace agreement between Israel and UAE?????? WHattttttttttttttttt????

My twitter reaction was basically that and guys, I am still not over it. First - absolute high school flashback to the time I went to an afternoon class and discovered 9/11 had happened and like, we were stuck in class while things were HAPPENING in the real world. But anyway, that aside, this is so - fucking confusing. I'm so conflicted between excitement and despair and hating the fact that Bibi and Trump are the ones who did this and also hating that this is so clearly manipulative and timed just before the elections, and as so many protests are going on, and it's so gross and cynical and definitely not ideal for the Palestinians but at the same time, it's been such a long time since anyone in the government used the word peace, made it any kind of priority, pretended to care about it, and it's so. effing. refreshing.

...while still being weird and wtf //o\\ and WHO JUST SPRINGS THIS ON PEOPLE.

I'm also excited at the prospect of being able to travel to the Emirates someday. It was always off limits and now it's - well, it won't be!

And all of this is so weird, because like, remember, it gives you a happy little whiff of "Peace! Score! \o/" while... not actually have been at war with the other country! Like, yes, I couldn't travel there, and their athletes sometimes refuse to play against ours, and I know a bunch of people who could only travel there while being undercover. But also: the reason they were there was - okay, I don't know exactly, but it had to do with intelligence and military cooperation. Like, not exactly things you do with your nemeses.

Anyway. This is all very weird. I will continue pondering I guess. I know that pretty soon I'll be hit with all of the "why this was bad/useless" takes, but for a moment I just want to dream, for a second, about the idea of peace.

*

MEANWHILE - I am deeply in Old Guard fandom these days, hi, and also will be spending the weekend camping in the desert! Under hopefully stars! These things are totally unrelated!

So things are still - fraught. News just broke that there's going to be a 72-hour (meaning a weekend-long) ceasefire, during which representatives are supposed to meet in Egypt to negotiate further. Honestly though, I don't see this ending in the next week; can't imagine the IDF pulling out without destroying as many tunnels as they can find. Maybe, maybe it'll mean the airfire will stop. If this break even lasts the weekend.

( more about life and the news )

And meanwhile, the rest of life is the rest of life. Work is work. Masters of Sex this week was terrible. Hockey fandom continues to provide awesome fics and pretty fun canon. Dira's PTSD-baby-GK fic has epilogues! (You'd think I'd have had enough of soldiers, and indeed I could not stomach looking at a hockey military AU this week, but apparently this fic is absolutely an exception.) Middle sister and I are trying to coordinate our schedules to be able to go to Edinburgh if her vacation days are approved, and baby sister is home on leave until Sunday, and we are planning on Guardians of the Galaxy tomorrow morning. If I manage to make myself wake up early, this will also be post getting a haircut. Chances of that are... let's face it, slim.

*

And oh, hey. It's August 1st, which wow - makes it a year already, dear god time, a year since I flew to the US for work. It does feel momentous; overall, I spent five and a half of the past 12 months in New York, and I do miss it. Since I never posted photos - and I do still think I will, at some point, but don't take my word for it - here is an image still burned into my mind, from a November day that started with a super-light snow in the morning, and ended with this:

I have to say, yesterday I was going to make an actual positive post, which like - everything is relative, but it had points going for in that: (1) no sirens in Tel Aviv for more than 24 hours (since then: more than 48 even), and more importantly (2) my sister spent the weekend in a base much closer to home and we visited her for 3 hours and it was great. She was good, she gave us a lot of much more concrete information about what she was doing and where she was that she couldn't over the phone, and just having that info helps alleviate some of the worry which is based on a lot of uncertainty. She was in pretty good spirits, seeing her reminded me she's a strong girl, it was excellent.

Anyway, I was too tired to type anything up by the time I got home, and really wanted to deal with nothing but fun tidbits of canon trickling in from the Blackhawks Convention in Chicago, and fell asleep way earlier than I'd intended, and the next thing I know today happened and work was KIND OF OKAY and then everything on the news turned to shit again.

I am once again too tired to post in actual detail but I figured, at least let y'all know that my sister, as for yesterday, was good, since I've been keeping a lot of you worried along with myself and I owe you that, and that this evening was incredibly hard for Israelis watching the news, and that aside from that, being on Facebook and having political conversations with people these days is extremely disheartening at best and sickening at worst and really just awful. So - this is just to say, I am aware of that. At some point I might reach a boiling point when I actually vent about this for real without being so vague, but similar to past posts I've made recently, it's almost 2AM and I have zero energy. My timing could be better.

Things that bring a smile to my face, in the meantime: Brooklyn Nine-Nine. I have 3 eps left and I wish I had a repository of five more seasons because that would have been awesome. I am enjoying this show a lot.

1. They are talking about a ceasefire tomorrow morning, negotiated by Egypt. I'm not actually clear on whether both sides are on board yet but ugh Pleasepleasepleaaaaase let this happen. I mean, for one, obviously less death and war, but also it will mean I can go to sleep again dressed in a less decent clothes than the shorts I've been wearing in case I need to sprint to the shelter right when I wake up. Yay? Also it would mean baby sis could probably come home soon.

It's so weird though, the hours before a (potential) ceasefire. If the ceasefire's supposed to start at 9AM, what does that mean about the night before? Are both sides going to try to dump all they can at the other in the time they have left? (Er I hope the answer is no.)

2. It is important, ultimately, to read the comments in order to remember that these people are part of your country too, that this is part of the discourse, that the closed-minded, mob-mentality racists are not just the loudest anymore but also growing in numbers, but after days like today, sometimes you just have to go back to that mantra: don't read the comments. Don't read the comments. Don't read the comments.

3. Of course, sometimes you don't read the comments, you hear them. Today's horror story brought to you by a video of a scene from the Knesset which, when I saw it, my heart actually started pounding with how ashamed I was that this woman is a representative of the public in Israel, that she has actual power, that this is how MPs conduct themselves. Like, I don't even want to link to the video because I'm so ashamed/embarrassed/horrified that it exists, but here it is for posterity, with no subtitles because really you DON'T WANT TO WATCH IT, like, this is the kind of scene which is dirty laundry that I don't want to air to anyone else but ugh it's too upsetting. I actually just tried describing the scene in words and I want to tear my hair out. here's a link if you want, I don't know, to feel like your own politicians aren't sometimes the worst people on earth. Sorry for being so vague about this but I'm not posting any political stuff on Facebook cause half my work is there, and this incident was just. Where is Hulk when you need him.

4. So, Tumblr: I am really unsure of where I fit there. There are certain types of interaction there that I enjoy, but mostly I just want to lurk there, which is fine, it's great, right up until I meet tumblr people I'd like to befriend otherwise. Which is really difficult, if they're only on tumblr! I mean, that entire site is designed to make sharing and commenting east but having actual conversations hell. So then, you obviously have to put a bit more of yourself out there if you want anyone to get to know you, and then all of a sudden it's like: what, do I make a tumblr post? Do I make tag-posts about things that happen to me? If I want to share something that happens, do I post it on LJ/DW, or on Twitter, or on Tumbler? What if I'm friends with the same people on all platforms and then I'm just spammy?

Idk, I'm sure anyone on tumblr who is also other places has these same types of worries. I'm still figuring it out I guess. (This brought to you by me watching the above video earlier today, wanting to vent, and freezing up when I realized I have no idea where I want to do it.)

5. There was one siren in Tel Aviv this afternoon - right me right at the tail of a heart to heart with a colleague, which was probably the best moment I'd had all day (the, er, the talk, not the siren.)

6. Update they are OFFICIALLY ACKNOWLEDGING the face that they are in CONTACT about a maybe ceasefire yessss.

( Moments from the past few days. In between normal life, this is what's been happening. )

And now we wait. And hopehopehope that a ceasefire comes sooner rather than later.

Hi guys, just checking in to say everything is fine with me. No concrete information on what caused the explosion in Tel Aviv, everyone at work is mostly checking in with family and refreshing news sites and trying to figure out how much to worry and making morbid jokes.

...and okay, worrying a little. Everyone's on their phones. Guess we're all gonna be a little distracted for the upcoming hours until we get more information and check in with everyone.

Okay. This is fun.

Ugh, I don't even know what to link to, but fuckety fuck fuck fuck. Here we go again.

:(