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Two lines from possibly the worst sex scene I have ever read:

The two stared at each other longingly, before immediately jumping into the bed.

Her breasts immediately jumped in pleasure, and she groaned in delight as his dick explored inside of her, her hands already scratching his back and chest, causing several chest wounds.

Sorry. I had to share.

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*is blind*

I'm sorry!

Also: how did her nails cause chest wounds but not back wounds?

And I realise that is pickiness of the worst sort to pick up on that, of all things, but I'm trying to ignore the comment below. *shudders*

I don't think any amount of nitpicking in the world would be "too much" for this one. The chest wounds were definitely the final straw for me too.

*blinks*

I now have this image of his dick squirming away, like a little pot-holing ferret. I must swear a vow of lifelong celibacy.

Thank you for somehow managing to make that quote that much worse.

*takes a bow*

How do breasts jump? I was under the impression that they had no muscles of their own? Also, thoase must be preeety powerful stares if they lead to a compulsion to have hardcore sex.

But on the flip-side - you wrote a sex scene. Yay!

Hee!

Well, you know, I copy-pasted one, which doesn't quite qualify as writing yet. At least not legally.

But I will get there one day, I promise.

The jumping breasts scared me, I admit, but possibly not as much as the fingernail inflicted chest wounds.

That is how they jump (http://www.shockabsorber.co.uk/bounceometer/shock.html). NSFW!

I wonder who the taget audience for that ad was.

as his dick explored inside of her

Was it wearing a miner's light? :-D

*will not make helmet joke, will not make helmet joke, will not--*

Okay, your icon is so much more than perfect.

It was a toss-up between that icon and this one. *g*

Wow. That's actually kind of beautiful in its horridness.

-J

It definitely belongs in some hall of fame somewhere.

I think the worst I ever read was by The Rice, something along the lines of, "Yes, open my virgin door!", which is amusing. Oh, the amount of Amusing here.

And the amount of nightmare-generating material? Also not to be ignored.

Never fear nightmares when you can make fun of the material.

compare this with the bulwer-lytton contest winner:

"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburettors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual"

AHAHAHAHA! Was that one serious? It sounds like something from a particularly hilarious Stephen Fry novel. Bad sex scenes make me shrink up like a....can't think of a non-sexual metaphor :D

I agree.

I refuse to accept that we live in a world where that was not a parody.

the bulwer-lytton contest is a contest for best bad writing. here (http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/). there are some real gems there.

Oh, my god.

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