I'VE FINALLY CAUGHT UP ON KINGS EEE.

As usual, way way way too detailed episode reactions under the cuts:


Kings 1x09, "Chapter One":

I watched this the week it aired and didn't write up my responses because I SUCK, blah. So now I'm kind of skimming through the episode quickly to remember parts I may have wanted to mention. And ooh, I also have chat transcripts – those might just work.

Okay, here's what I got:

* Right off the beginning of the episode, I got excited at the ceiling painting:



I always get so excited when I see these things! Like, ooh, angels and fighting, it might be Jacob wrestling with the angel! And then it turns out to be Prometheus, from the New York Public Library main building. Which, more than anything, just makes me wanna go there.

* A stolen Charter! That sounds very, LOL, randomish, but I'm taking it as a parallel to the Ark, which I believe was lost in Saul's time and recovered in David's, and then lost again and recovered by Indiana Jones.

*googles a bit; I either never studied or paid attention to this part*

Okay, I was wrong – this is how the parts relevant to this plotline roughly went down in the Bible:

The Ark was taken by the Philistines just before Samuel became the high prophet (1 Sam 5), and placed in the temple of Dagon in the Philistine city of Ashdod; the people of Ashdod and two other Philistine cities, Gath and Ekron, were smitten with plague and boils and mice and hemorrhoids. After six months they consulted with their diviners and decided to return it to the Israelites, along with OMG TRAUMA WTF, five golden mice and FIVE GOLDEN HEMORRHOIDS O_o. I'm pretty sure they never taught us that part in school ew. Seriously, WTF.

Okay, so the Ark is returned and placed in Beth Shemesh where the men who gaze at it directly are smitten. After that the Ark is moved to Kiryat Yearim, where it stays for twenty years until David decides to move it somewhere else, and there's a snag, and then three months later David brings the Ark up to Jerusalem in a great celebratory parade, where the Ark stays until Solomon builds the Temple. Mostly.

Anyway, so I can see how Charter = Ark here; narratively, David searches for it in Ekron and in Ashkelon, both Philistine towns mentioned in the original story (well, almost, but people confuse Ashdod and Ashkelon all the time anyway). Ideologically, it makes sense that the Ark, the holiest artifact in the Bible and very religious in context, would be translated into this Charter, whose meaning is a little unclear in the fictional Kingdom of Gilboa, but whose imagery brings to mind the American Declaration of Independence, safely stowed in the National Archives.

So that was me spending way too much time on that one detail! Moving on.

* Silas sending David to find the charter is pretty awesome for a number of reasons:

(a) In the Bible, Saul sets the bride price for his daughters at 100 Philistine foreskins, forcing David to prove his worthiness in a de facto suicide mission that will rid him of David. Here, he doesn't want David to be with Michelle (plus his trust in David is broken), so he sends David to “retrieve the Charter”, a de facto suicide mission that will hopefully rid him of the boy.
(b) Ironically, David will use the same kind of evasive tactics to kill Uriah when he himself is king (only he'll be less subtle about it).
(c) FINALLY, some conflict! :D

Notes from chat while watching the ep, since I'm not going over the whole thing: (sabrina_il hadn't seen the ep yet)

sabrina_ilWAIT
  are you watching this week's kings right now or something/
  ?
  I just clued in
8:08 PM me: lol, yeah, I started, even though I only have a few minutes before I gotta go
  I'm just watching it as I do my nails.
8:09 PM sabrina_il: LOL
  how... ricki lake of you
 me: lol, there's a new location in Gilboa: Ekron
8:10 PM that's where Bilu Center is :-) [Note: Bilu Center is this huge outdoor mall/industrial center like 20 minutes away, so weird and random.]
 sabrina_il: AHAHAHAH
  what's there in gilboa?
8:11 PM me: it might not be in Gilboa, maybe it's more southern than Gilboa
8:12 PM sabrina_il: well what's there?
8:13 PM me: in Kings? I'll find out...
 sabrina_il: lol
8:14 PM o it's a mystery...
 me: well, supposedly The Charter was stolen and is there, but I don't know if it really is.
 sabrina_il: LOL
8:16 PM me: lol, I love it when they talk about the Plains of Dan
8:17 PM you know Jack and Katrina are getting married, right?
8:18 PM sabrina_il: what?
  I thought katrina was dead?
 me: lol, katrina: With me, Jack can be king by day, and a bad boy, with whatever boy he wants, at night. I might even join in.
8:19 PM sabrina_il: AHAHAHA
  WHAT
  LOL
 me: ...um, unless she dies in this episode, in which case I hate you for the spoiler
 sabrina_il: um
  meep
  IDK
  did she really say she'd join in?
 me: yup.
 sabrina_il: LOL
 me: direct quote.
8:23 PM hahaha, ashkelon.
8:26 PM sabrina_il: oh wow
  do they have arsim there?
 me: they haven't gotten there yet :-) but I doubt it.
8:27 PM LOL DAVID JUST GOOGLED ASHKELON
  I love it :D
8:28 PM sabrina_il: AHAHAHA
  what's the plot of the ep?
8:29 PM me: WTF?
  OMG
  JACK JUST ARRIVED TO HIS OWN ENGAGEMENT PARTY WITH THIS RANDOM CHICK
  who is not Katrina. wtf, idgi.
  ...I guess Katrina's dead.
8:30 PM sabrina_il: O_o
  that would be a strange way of announcing it
8:31 PM the bride is dead
  all hail the new bride
 me: yeah, Silas and Rose had a muted conversation about it after the dramatic entry.
  entrance.
 sabrina_il: WOT
  lol
  does their google have a name?
8:32 PM me: yeah, something else...
 sabrina_il: lol
 me: don't remember.
 sabrina_il: googleboa?
  ok i gtg now
  have fun with the party thingy :)
  *hugs*
  bye
8:33 PM me: eeeeeeeeee
  jack's real name is Jonathan!
  bye :-)

LATER THAT NIGHT

2:58 AM me: lol, it cracks me up so much that there's so much Ashkelon in this episode, like it's this mysterious place
2:59 AM me: Ashkelon is like 40 minutes from Tel Aviv, it's this little bumfuck city, so it's pretty hilarious.
 thedeadparrot: ahahahaha
 me: it's like he's on a search for the mysterious... Birmingham, I dunno.
 thedeadparrot: heee, yeah
3:00 AM me: HAHA STU
  lol
  I never thought we'd see him again :D
 thedeadparrot: GREATEST JACK MOMENT IN EP
3:01 AM me: lol, did Lulu only just realize Jack was gay?
 thedeadparrot: yup
  i think
3:03 AM me: oh, god. Is David really that easy to drug?
  okay, wait: is the place David is travelling inm Ekron -- is it in Gilboa or not?
3:04 AM thedeadparrot: no idea!
  i was mostly going, hmmm, that lens flare is preeeeetttty
 me: oh, the Daddy teaching piano moment was so much better on bsg.
3:05 AM "if you ever get lost, follow the time. You'll find your way." That is so... Alice in Wonderland.
3:06 AM HAHA TRAIN TRACKS
  it's like he's in a 1950s cartoon.
3:09 AM thedeadparrot: yup
  it's pretty ridiculous

3:19 AM me: omg omg
  I think there's, like, good acting from David
  omg
 thedeadparrot: WAT, sure you jest
 me: the end of the ep, when he loses his faith in Silas
  omg, seriously
3:20 AM thedeadparrot: heee, i liked that moment a lot
 me: ah
  Chapter One. got it.
 thedeadparrot: yup
 me: I suspected it'd be something like that.
  kind of awesome, actually.
 thedeadparrot: yup
  stuff! moving forward!
3:21 AM me: especially since in the end, there's neither a Book of Silas NOR a Book of David, but two Books of Samuel.
  okay, David's with Michelle now -- Dave, please don't break your streak
  YAY SOLDIERS
  aw, crap, I thought she was gonna help him escape like int eh Bible, oh well.
  so HEY
  THE END OF THE EPISODE WAS ACTUALLY GOOD! \o/
3:22 AM that makes me so happy
 thedeadparrot: i know!
 me: plus, Biblical references throughout!
 thedeadparrot: it was a good ending!
 me: like, places, and events kinda, and DAVID NOT BEING AN IDIOT IN THE LAST THREE MINTUTES YAY
3:23 AM thedeadparrot: it's like they decided that he shouldn't be stupid any more!
  it was fun!
 me: yes!\
  so awesome.
  he actually challenged Silas head on and didn't look like an idiot doing it --
  it wasn't one of those brave/stupid moments,
 thedeadparrot: right!
 me: but actual aware self-confidence.
 thedeadparrot: it worked!
3:24 AM me: and he's got Perry on his side too :-)
 thedeadparrot: yuuup
 me: which actually, now that I think about it -- the last two books of the OT are Chronicles I and II, which are like alternate versions of Samuel/Kings, except with a big House of David bias.
3:25 AM so the new book Perry's writing could totally be the equivalent of that.

Okay, more observations from now:

* I love the guy who plays the friendly bartender dude.

* David's dad: okay, so Silas wanted his own men to be made an example of, and ordered to have them killed? This totally sounds like something that could happen in the Bible, I just can't think of any particular instances. Anyone?

* William is so very, very skeevy.

* So until now, this country wasn't even officially designated a blood dynasty! Makes sense because Silas is the first, but hmm. Wonder how the reaction to that will go with the public.

* Michelle's vow – apparently means nothing now that she's not a little girl any more? Yeah, that makes... sense. :/

* I can't believe William actually smacked Jack's head. This is really painful to watch. Why don't they just kill William, Jesus?

* Okay it has to be said again: HAHA STU. Jack is succ a complete bastard to Lulu, though. Who looks like a Bratz doll, BTW, and a little like Anne Hathaway.

* LOL at David getting picked up by hippies. Who drug him. Okay, this is the second time I'm seeing this episode, and I'm still having a hard time keeping track of what's going on. I really do wish David and his dad were playing “All Along the Watchtower” or something instead of this melancholy waltz, which is just depressing. Although okay, now that I'm seeing it again, vision of king!David is actually awesome.

* And then he's in Edom! A new country in the Kings universe geography, and one that Biblical David eventually conquered. Meanwhile, I have no idea what's going on with Silas and these turbines or whatever.

* Jesse is creeping me out a bit and I don't like her anymore, but I do like her acknowledgement that she and Silas will be the two who regret setting the “monster” loose.

* Okay, I seriously have no idea how David is actually finding the Charter – he's following time? Following the music? It's all very mystical and serendipitous. And I hate David's sweater.

* And now I'm at the end of the episode and hey, Silas even called it an “act of worthiness” for seeing his daughter, so the Charter is definitely also the equivalent of the 100 foreskins. AND GUYS, DAVID IS FUCKING AWESOME IN THIS SCENE, I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE IT. I'D GIVEN UP HOPE AT THIS POINT, BUT THIS ONE SCENE IS BRINGING BACK SO MUCH HOPE FOR ME NOW, I'LL BE CRUSHED IF THEY DON'T CONTINUE ALONG THIS LINE. And Silas tells David that he asked him as much as he would ask his own natural born son, which is true in a way – in the pilot episode, Silas was absolutely willing to sacrifice his own soldiers, and when it turned out Jack was one of them, although he wanted to reverse the order, he never officially did; it was just luck (and maybe divine intervention?) that David rescued Jack in the end.

* And then the final scene, David captured while in bed with Michelle. I feel kind of robbed on Michelle's behalf, considering that her one act of heroism in the Bible is saving David's ass in that situation by improvising and sneaking him out the window, but we'll see where things go from here; that could still happen yet. Anyway, WHO CARES, DAVID HAS SUDDENLY BECOME A COOL CHARACTER. AT LEAST UNTIL I SEE THE NEXT EPISODE, I SAY: REJOICE.


Kings 1x10, "Javelin":

Breakfast!

Oh, Jesus Christ, the headline. DAVID SHEPHERD ARRESTED! <--please, Gilboan press, unless you are a tabloid – which I now guess you are – do not add exclamation marks to newspaper headlines. It's tacky.

Haha, Silas wants Jack to plot David's downfall; all the ingredients are there, and “all it requires is the correct application of heat”. I'm sorry, that sounds like the summary of a PWP.

William to Jack: “And all will be yours... from one sea to the other”. Gilboa is located between two seas? I thought it was a relatively small country, not a continent?

LMAO at the reporters' questions for David: “Are you innocent?” “Are you guilty?” and only then “What are the charges?”

Eeee David as a spy of Gath! Okay, awesome. And LOL, Jack has testimonies from the Sons of Moab? That sounds like a curse (you son-of-a--). And David is all backstabbed pout and a SMOLDERING GAZE OF INTENSE HOTNESS, WHAT THE WHAT.


David looks hot! Color me shocked.
David and Michelle in the lobby: He loves her? That could be, but I'm choosing to believe that everything David says and does from now on is completely calculated. Also, David should always walk around with a cut above his eyebrow – it gives his face a natural slightly more sarcastic expression, which the boy desperately needs.


David'd third eyebrow.
Hee, Jack's also the DA, what? Did he get a law degree when I wasn't looking? “...But can anyone actually be this good?”, Jack asks. Probably not, I say, with a caveat of: unless you are David Archuleta.

Whaaaaaa? Why does the Son of Moab sound like a southern farmer? Is Gilboa at war with Texas, in addition to everything?

I serve the king. That is all I am guilty of. I serve the king. That is all I am guilty of. I SERVE THE KING. THAT IS ALL I AM GUILTY OF. David, honey, repeating a phrase over and over will never be as legendary as Inigo Montoya, so cool it, this is embarrassing (and a step back from last ep's good ending...)

OMG the Thomasina/guard interaction scene was so awkward. And a little funny?

Silas visiting David's cell: eeee, even when David is justifying himself (“That is my only sin to account for”) he has this half-smirk on his face!


David characterization = still strong.
And OMG, show, STOP SLASHING DAVID AND SILAS PLEASE:


They don't really need to be that close to hear one another.
HAHAHA, okay, the defense called PFC Sean something, and I heard him testify: “We've known each other since basic – around two years. Fucked together every day –” and O_O, until I rewound and realized that it was fought together, but seriously, PFC Sean, CONTROL YOUR DICTION. And aww, it's the wrench guy!

LOL, “In training, we were taught the simplest explanation is always the truest.” Yeah, that totally sounds like something that should hold in court.

Eeps, so David looks at Samuels who's sitting at the top of the courthouse, and the camera zooms in on the empty seat beside Samuels. Is that supposed to be, like, God sitting next to him?

Jack: “...that David Shepherd is somehow magically endowed?” *takes a moment to revel in 12-year-old humor*

Hee, I love Silas' random quirks, like grocery shopping.

Samuels' attempt to make peace between Silas and David is a little weird. He tells Silas “You know he is not your enemy”, except that of all people, Samuels actually has reason to believe that David truly is a threat to Silas – he was the one who anointed him in the first episode. Maybe he's just trying to make the transition between them flow smoothly.

...and now I've watched the rest of the conversation, and okay, got it.

EEP SAMUELS TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS OMG MAGIC. “Don't give God reason to tear from you this kingdom.” He's already given God that reason – again, pilot episode.

The story about Samuels' wife: uh, what? Wow. Eeeeentersting. The one event I can think of that this might hint at is biblical Samuel's order for Saul to destroy all of Amalek, including even the livestock, because that's the kind of total destruction Samuels and Silas seem to be talking about here; however, in that case it was God's order, not really Samuel's, and anyway Saul failed to follow it to the letter.

Loved the family drama in the kitchen scene.

Eeee, Samuels is saving David! Biblical Samuel gave David shelter too (1 Sam 19:18), although whoa, where did William come from? Dang, he just keeps popping into scenes like a creepy nasal-voiced Jack-in-the-box.

David refusing to go with William – hmm. William: “You worried about his opinion of you?” David: “I'm worried about my own.” Also, David's worried (I DAMN WELL HOPE) about his reputation, and not appearing as a traitor is in his own self interest. And hee, I love Samuels' horrified expression when David hands him back his Watch of Destiny.

Okay, I was gonna post a screencap of Jack looking so pretty between the bars of David's cell (seriously, the cinematography here, gah), but then he licked his lips for like 90 whole seconds or something, so this is for miarr:



Okay, what, Michelle has cancer again? Why are they trying to piss me off with Michelle's plot? She had BETTER help rescue David without sacrificing herself later, is all I'm saying.

OMG WHAT. MICHELLE'S PREGNANT? I so did not see that coming. Hahaha, Rose's shock – the doctor said it was impossible! And then her eyes widen – David's child. Apparently David is magically endowed.

I like that Silas is consistent in his complete lack of regard for human lives of people who threaten him.

...and we're back to a David with crappy acting, sigh – so crappy that his accent slipped and he said “idea-ers” instead of “ideas”.

Okay, seriously, could they be standing ANY closer together?


“I... only ever meant to serve you.”
...and sorry, Thomasina and the guard is just too random for me to take in.

EEEEEEEEEEEE OUT LOUD SQUEE I SO WAS NOT EXPECTING TO OUT LOUD SQUEE BUT JACK'S “STOP TALKING DAVID” JUST HIT ME LIKE THAT OMG. HE'S ALL LIKE “STOP TALKING YOU FUCKING MORON”

UM WTF IS GOING ON JACK

OMG “AND YOU'RE NO PRINCE YOU FAGGOT”

OMG THIS IS ALL BEING AIRED LIVE ON TIMES SQUARE AND SILAS IS GOING BATSHIT (AND DAVID'S MOM LOOKS LIKE SHE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT, LOL)

OMG THE COUP

Okay, so wait, how come William has the allegiance of the troops? Did he just buy the whole army?

NEXT EPISODE NOW.


Kings 1x11

Haha, Abadon's first line ftw. “Yes... I think you might have made a mistake.” I love how Silas is taking advice on how to stay king from the former king he conquered and imprisoned in a cell. Like, you sure that's the guy you wanna be taking advice from?

Oh my god, Lulu is cutting out pictures? What the fuck? Is she actually five years old?

Okay, Macaulay Culkin continues to be creepy as hell. The only Biblical character I can see him playing now is David's son Amnon – you know, that guy who raped his sister.

Port Prosperity's evacuation – “Anyone who hasn't been evacuated by the deadline will be arrested, and anyone who resists arrest will be shot – twice.” Sometimes I wish it were ethical to be this evil in RL :-(

Rose and Silas having sex and talking about their kids – um. Because the reverse would be sort of 'ew, why are you talking about your mom?', but I have no idea if that works the other way around?

"If he behaves, I won't cut his throat.” Father of the Year award.

Oh poor David he cannot trust Michelle UGH, whatever.

O_o the forced evacuation footage, omg. It's horrible enough to see in RL without guns, and I take back what I said about wishing it could be like this.

Aw, Michelle took Paul! I knew he was gonna end up being Paltiel. Maybe. It's too bad he wasn't characterized as anything but slightly sleazy here; Biblical Paltiel was probably a much better man, not to mention a lot more loving, than David.

I live the David/Abadon cellmate camaraderie. And I love the fact that Silas gave Abadon a TV which is apparently tuned in to soccer or something, when I'm not even sure this dungeon is wired with electricity – it's still lit with kerosene lamps or something.

"Die loved, and die happy.” “I'd rather live miserable.” Aw, Dave, that makes me sad. But not really, because ultimately David is the most beloved character in the Bible, pretty much, so lack of that isn't something he'll ever suffer from.

Jack goes to see Silas – and hey, he brought Lulu with him. This is, by the way, the soundtrack that plays through my head whenever I see her.

Oh, wow. “Forgiveness is a form of love, and I do not love you.” And then Jack talks back – “Yes you do” – half choked up – and then Silas says “Kneel,”, and man, Ian McShane can act with his voice. OH HOLY WOW, kiss the ground I walk on. OMG “your mouth's been in dirtier places,” Silas you fucker. I should stop before I end up quoting this entire scene.

OMG:


This is so, so painful to watch.

Wow, Jack must hate Silas so much right now. Actual hate.

LOL, the trumpets sound like the opening bars of that part from The Nutcracker.

...doing so well, and then David lifts up his eyes and prays from the heart, and I am attempting not to throw up at his ~purity~.

HAHAHAHAHA ON THE FLOOR FOREVER A REPORTER THREW A SHOE AT SILAS. FOR THE WIN, GUYS, FOR THE WIN. Hee, okay, maybe it wasn't at Silas but at the Gath general – very badly aimed in between them, actually.

OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT O_O O_O O_O

OMG SO MANY THOUGHTS RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD, FROM ALREADY? TO EVERYONE IS GOING TO SILAS AND NO ONE IS RUNNING TOWARDS JACK TO YET ANOTHER RABIN PARALLEL WOW TO BUT JACK AND DAVID NEVER BECAME FRIENDS :-( WHAT.

THE REST OF THIS WILL PROBABLY BE WITH CAPSLOCK, OKAY. REPORTS THAT SILAS IS DEAD, STILL WOWING. FIRST SHOT WE SEE IS OF CANDLES + NARRATION THAT FUTURE OF PEACE IS AT STAKE = RABIN AGAIN, BUT okay I'll stop with the caps because I'm annoying myself.

OMG ROSE. SO HE'S REALLY DEAD. AND JACK'S STILL ALIVE.

Let me tell you guys, when I saw that the episode was titled “The New King”, I was not expecting that king to be Jack.

And okay, here is my expression now:


o.O ?!?!?!?!

OMG JACK. OMG "I SWEAR TO YOU FROM THIS MOMENT ON". I MEAN IT'S SUDDEN AND A LITTLE WORRYINGLY PSYCHOTIC BECAUSE JACK IS ONE MESSED UP DUDE, BUT EEEK.

Okay, what the whoa. William brings the term “puppet king” to a whole new level. And ugh, I swear, Cross has the most annoying voice EVER.

OMG SILAS IS GONE. THIS IS MY EXPRESSION NOW:

o.O ?!?!?!?!?!?!

Aw, man, very disappointing if Rose honestly doesn't know where Silas goes for pilgrimage; I hope she's lying.

Hee, “No one leaves this building until I see a body,” and then the camera pans to a close-up of Macaulay Culkin's face, because you just know he takes these things literally, and now he'll probably go and murder a squirrel or something so he can present it to Daddy and leave the building.

Aaaand that was Michelle's heroic ass-saving? A little disappointing, but sigh, I'll take it over nothing.

Aw, R&G have a purpose at last! So they let David out and I just hope Cross doesn't kill them for it.

GO THOMAFUCKINGSINA, is all I have to about David's arrival at the farm. Wow, that woman is dedicated.

Aaaaaaaaand yeah. Okay, done. So. Only one more episode left? :-(

I have no big metaish thoughts about this show at this point. They certainly managed to surprise me, which is great on the one hand because I like that it's unexpected, and a little too bad on the other because it looks like they've skipped over some of my favorite plotlines. I'm looking forward to the last episode; the way this is progressing, I would totally have loved seeing another season because they definitely planned it out so that they'd have enough canon + original stuff to play with, but I'm also fine with them wrapping it up in the next episode. And you know, even when the show is over, hopefully the fic will live on. (Hopefully I'll get off my ass and write some of it, even.)