I don't know where to start; so much to love and complain about this past weekend, which I spent at times celebrating and at times glued to the news and at times wanting to die thinking about schoolwork.

Okay:

1. I want to say THANK GOD, IT'S OVER, but of course it's not.

This weekend, the war and I had a serious tete-a-tete. This war's been fought from Saturday to Saturday, with me constantly ambivalent about what I think about it, but in general: The first week in, I supported the air strikes. The second week, when soldiers entered Gaza, I still supported the operation, and I was scared for the troops and I was frustrated and sorry for everyone else. The third week, when the reservists entered Gaza, I was really, really uneasy about the course of action. And this Saturday I'd decided that if the government wasn't voting for a ceasefire, I would officially not be supporting this operation any longer. Possibly even including going to demonstrations, which I hate hate hate.

So I was really relieved when the government decided to cease fire last night (and it's ceasing fire, not a ceasefire, because a ceasefire implies an agreement, which sadly does not exist). And I was un-relieved when I heard it came with a caveat: Israel would cease fire, but wouldn't withdraw from Gaza yet unless Hamas stopped shooting, which, FUCK. An I was re-relieved today when I read that Hamas have decided to cease fire for a week, to allow the IDF time to withdraw. And now I really, really, really, really, really hope they do. Hope the rockets stop falling (although a few have already fallen on Israel today; please let them stop). Hope the IDF actually does withdraw. Hope Hamas and Israel start talking to one another via mediators or not, just to bring Gilad Shalit back home and to open border crossings as safely as possible.

Hoping is futile, of course, but it's all I've got right now. God, I wish there was a way to secure peace for the Israelis in the south, and to open border crossing freely without letting is be a Hamas victory and proof that their methods work, and I wish people the world over were rational and not influenced by nationalism and propaganda, and I wish and wish and wish. I wish I could take back the deaths of a few hundred Gazans. I wish Israel and its citizens could genuinely apologize for the destruction and death in Gaza, not apologize-and-justify, which is what I myself do half the time, and I wish Israel could/would help more than I think it will in rebuilding and aiding Gaza. I wish people didn't bring up Nazis/the Holocaust when speaking about this conflict because even if there is a basis for comparison - which I'm sure in some way, somehow, there might be - it is never the basis through which the events are compared. As usual, I wish I knew what was right, and whether or not this war has helped the process here in any way, or just made things worse.

I also feel like I should say what officially made me make up my mind about the war this weekend, even though I'm ashamed of it. It was the story of this Palestinian doctor, who lost three daughters and two nieces when his house in Gaza was shelled on Friday, and his brother and more nieces and daughters are currently hospitalized. And it's not a unique story, but it got a lot of coverage because this guy had been in touch with a Channel 10 reporter for a while now, and his call to the reporter, weeping at the deaths in his family and the destruction of his home, was broadcast live, heard on speakerphone from the reporter's cellphone. And the reporter immediately left to try to arrange for medical evacuation to Israel for the rest of the family, and like I said, it's not a unique story because a lot of innocent people got killed in this war, but it rattled me. And I feel horrible for needing to see that one story for the deaths to get personal again, because dehumanization of the other side is so easy, not by seeing them as bad people but just by seeing them as figures, and I didn't realize just how much I'd distanced myself until I witnessed the drama (the damn drama that was milked for ratings) this weekend. I don't know how someone who's gone through what he's gone through can not hate Israel afterward.

Okay, there's always more to say and more to think, but I think that's enough about that.

2. Elections are coming up. Yikes and fuck. I am, as of yet, undecided.

3. I got birthday presents over the weekend! My parents got me an iPod touch, which is pretty incredible - I can check my mail and watch TV and post to LJ and many other fun stuff; it has already proved to be a time waster before I go to sleep (just one more episode!), but I love it. And my sister got me - man, I need to take a photo of it and post this weekend - she got me a huge three-branched golden candelabra which looks just like Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast, which is awesome. And I got five books from various people, because apparently people know I like to read! I hope to read them by... the end of the year. Or, you know, the decade. I also got a present which I'm a little uncomfortable with, even though (and mostly because) it's pretty. A guy who studies with me got called up for reserve duty because of the war, and this weekend I discovered he was stationed in my town, so I went to visit him. His birthday was last week, and I didn't get him anything, because we're friends from this one class but we're not that close. And it turns out, he'd gotten me a Mayflower ship-in-a-glass-bottle, which looks something like this. Which, on the one hand, is pretty and thank you!, and on the other hand, is a little bit UM.

4. Shows. I'm up to speed on almost everything, but this week's hits were The Office which made me laugh, SPN for no other reason than it really creeped me out, NCIS for getting a Ziva fact right for once (yes, there is no J in Hebrew!) -- but most of all, it was FNL, which owns my heart from now until forever. Like everyone else is saying, season 3 has been right up there with season 1, and I'm pretty sure at one point in this episode my heart exploded a little. I even - *gulp* - have a vid idea. Which I'm pretty sure I won't go through with, because gah, no time, but the idea, it is there.

5. I have two papers due tomorrow, so I probably should not have been writing any of this at all. I should mention that one of these papers could not have gotten done (not that it's done yet...) without the amazing and generous help of hannahrorlove when I was at my wit's end, and for which I owe a huge, huge amount of thanks for. She claims she also gained something from the process, which makes me feel a little better for asking for her help; searching for data through libraries has never been my idea of fun, and I am hugely grateful for her help.

6. My paid account has expired. Thank you, sean_anam, for a wonderful year of icons and polls editing comments! ♥ From now on, you will have to pardon me my comment typos.

7. Laptop still making scary noises. Yikes.