So I went to the Tom Stoppard talk after all! Got a seat and everything. And he was interesting and had a very spiffy accent as Brits tend to have, and he basically could have been a jar of pickles and I would still worship him, for Shakespeare in Love if nothing more.

Then, today, I went to a fascinating lecture made by director Atom Egoyan, called "In Other Words: Poetic License and the Incarnation of History". He talked about the representation of history in film, and how that representation can set the way we perceive history, how the film can become our image of the history itself (has Titanic the movie become the event itself?). Most of his examples concerned the Holocaust and his movie Ararat, which in a complex way tells the story of the Armenian Genocide, and the story of its denial (ad a follow up question to the last, since this is a subject that has hardly ever been dealt with in film and is hardly in public consciousness: do atrocities need to be made into movies in order to have happened?)

I have to admit, I don't know much about the Armenian Genocide other than the fact that it happened; but knowing now how repressed the subject it is, and how widespread the denial - including, by the way, my own country's official stance, if not scholars' opinions - makes me want to learn more about it.

And then, guess what I watched?

HIMYM 3x20

Score!

This episode made me so happy! I knew Barney would have to get injured before Ted took him back, I knew it - it's a classic twist, but perfect for the character, and I love that the way he got injured was on his way to Ted, and the way he got injured, eep - that damn bus-running-one-sideways effect always makes me shudder. Poor Barney! But WE KNOW WHO'S GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HIM ALL SUMMER, YES WE DO. Because that ending, YAY x 1,000,000! I was really, really hoping they would go there, and then Lily and Marshall started talking about what must have flashed behind Barney's eyes and I instantly started going yes yes yes they're going to do this-- and she walked in and yessss! the aforementioned score. So happy! I hope a lot of people write HIMYM fic this summer, because as little as there is, almost all of it's great.

Also, Ted + Barney = ♥! They're back together! And they cried! That was so much more emotionally satisfying than I'd expected! \o/

Finally - the flashbacks in this episode were great, from Robin's Sir Scratchaone (hee!) to the winner of the evening, the pencil in the nose. Man.

And from Barney reuniting with his bro, we move on to House losing his bro :-(

House 4x16:

Okay, wow. What an episode. My first reaction, actually, was posted in a chat window to queenzulu, and went:

Roga: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude
fuck!
DUDE
dunno if you're here, but DUDE.

And, no, she wasn't there, and the reaction isn't actually that exciting. But. Dude.

I don't really have coherent thoughts about the ep. deelaundry just started an interesting discussion point about House's view of the world here. I will resort to a list of thoughts that crossed my head during the episode:

*Aw, poor Wilson :-( I hated seeing him panicking in the ambulance, but I loved his and House's interaction there, the power balance: they were both in the ambulance, they are both senior attendings, there is no record of House being any better at emergence medicine than Wilson - and yet Wilson was clearly deferential to House, and when Amber flatlined (and my god did they take their sweet time to discuss their plan of action!), it was clear that House was the one who would call the shots, but that he was listening to Wilson anyway.

*God, House was so frustrated this episode. *hugs*

*I ♥ Kutner. I love that he's the one who trusts House's brain and suggests that he try to unlock the memory. I love his backstory. (Even though: "Indian guy named Kutner. Ever wonder what happened to my parents?" Is there some significance I don't know to the name KutHOLY CRAP IS KUTNER JEWISH AND I ONLY REALIZED THAT NOW? SERIOUSLY? CAN THAT BE?

Okay, breathe. What I was going to say was: Is there some significance to the name Kutner that I don't know about that makes it a target, or is it just because it sounds Indian? Because if so, I think that's a pretty sucky way to phrase the question - I mean, if a character said, "Jewish guy named Goldstein. Ever wonder what happened to my parents?" I would think that's a pretty unnecessary kind of bitchiness too. Is anti-Indian racism in the US that bad? Did this happen in the US at all? Am I totally not getting something major in history? Is Kutner's name Jewish, or not? Guys, Kutner is a Jewish name, there are Israeli celebrities named Kutner! I am totally imagining this, aren't I. There's no way Kutner's Jewish, with Taub around. This entire point makes no sense. MOVING ON.)

ETA: Kutner's name explained to me in the comments! Okay, whew :-)

*Wilson and Amber's sex video? does not do it for me, sorry. And okay: Thirteen's the one who closed the laptop when Kutner was watching the video. And then she tells him: "If we were in a stranger's house you'd be watching the video. You altered your behavior because you're friends with her." What up, thirteen? Make up your mind. (Actually, the almost jump-cut between the preceding shot and this make me believe that there were another line or two there that were edited out.)

*As I wrote in... one of you guys' comments, I tend to idealize House and put him on something of a pedestal, and the show does too, and I love, love, love the small moments we get that he is human and fallible and vulnerable and not a robot, but a man. I mean, House's flaws are Tragic Hero flaws. But sometimes he gets a look in his eyes, or makes a gesture. And we had so much of that in this episode -

-The way he closed his eyes and breathed through his mouth and leant in Amber's direction in the first dream scene with her (and Jesus, HL, why don't you just kill me now).
-The uncertain faces he made, every time he considered that maybe he did have an affair with Amber.
-The way he nudged Thirteen's foot underneath the bathroom door - and BTW, I was certain that would be Kutner, because it was such an adorable gesture, but hello, House!.
-The short exhale with an amazed/resigned/accepting almost smile, and the nod to Wilson as he accepts his request (god, that nod; HL's friggin’ expressive face).
-The shock and pleading on his face, in the vision, when he whispers, "don't do it".
-The TEAR.
-His and Amber's bare feet on the bus.
-Just the image of him lying on the bed, in a coma (again), completely helpless.
-The entire conversation with Amber in the end, being completely honest to himself about his own self-loathing and self-destruction and self-pity, the inner House (with his child-like simplicity) within him complaining about the unfairness of the word.

Memento human, House. ♥♥♥. Have I mentioned the "HL, just kill me now" aspect of the episode? God, HL. I know a lot of people are psyched about RSL's acting here, but seriously, in my opinion, it does not compare.

*I know a lot of people are psyched about RSL's acting and shouting EMMY NOW PLZ, but sorry, I'm not one of them. I think he's really good, yes, but I don't see him as Emmy material, especially not in an episode where most of his scenes involve him crying. I don't want to start raining on the parade and I really don't have anything against Wilson, but I was not overwhelmed by the acting or anything. Just saying.

*House/Foreman! I am not a shipper, but I assume many of us are noticing stuff under the influence of one Queen of Zulu, and I totally saw it this episode. When Foreman told House to go rest, it was with genuine care; when House chose agreeing to Wilson's request over his own (and Foreman's) preferred course of action, he totally looked hurt and jealous! And by the end of the episode, I'm sure he was upset over Amber, but he also looked like he was slightly bitter about House choosing Wilson over him, and I could totally see this episode taking place exactly the same way but with an established relationship between House and Foreman in the background. (And a note: in order to see the ship like queenzulu probably sees it, I just imagined Foreman was Chase in all those scenes, and man, was it shippy.)

*WILSON AND CUDDY! Oh, Wilson needs such a huge hug after this episode. I wonder if there's anyone he could get it from. Cuddy's probably his best choice; even under the best of circumstances, House doesn't look like hugging type, although I don't know, maybe they could have. In any case, I couldn't help but compare Cuddy's loving embrace to the ducklings' impotent shoulder pats (and I am sad that we never know whether his own department's doctors as as good friends with him as House's.). Cameron, as npkedit points out, was also a good choice for comforting him, what with her being a widow and all, a fact I have managed to forget in the 20 or so episodes they haven't mentioned it. But I don't think a Cameron!hug could beat that Cuddy!hug.

*I seriously did not expect Amber to die! Last episode, I told people and everything. And yet here she is, and it came as a shock to me, and god, poor Wilson. I don't think that can ever be said enough. Is there... any hope for him now? Can he recover from this? They had such a short time together, but he really looked like he was on the road to happiness, odd as it was, with both Amber and House (kind of) getting along. And now he basically has neither.

*I'm glad that in the end, Amber's death wasn't something House could have prevented, or that any other treatment could have prevented. But seeing that wall loom in front of you and knowing, medically, as a professional, that there's not even a sliver of hope? Wow. Knowing that your loved one only has a few hours to live, and that you'll be the one to pull the plug? Knowing that you only have a few hours to live? I have no words. It's a horrifying situation.

*I love the fact that what eventually killed Amber had to do with House's specialty - Nephrology.

*When House tells Wilson "I'm so sorry", that's - that was a big moment. It didn't feel real. It looked so unnatural, which made it all the more meaningful, of course, and, just - genuine. House's heart in his eyes. Not knowing what to do.

*I HATED the saying goodbye to Amber montage. It was so friggin hypocritical. Except for possibly Kutner. I mean, Taub kissing her on the brow after saying that they don't even like her? Ugh. "We liked her." "Did we?" "We do now," said Foreman, and god I hate that sentiment, and I really doubt Amber would have liked it. Oh, and then "We don't need to say anything"? There's no such thing, it's just a line that sounds good, you don't just walk into a dying woman's room, hug her, and walk away! That's just the way it works in montages! I hope Wilson asked her and she said she wanted to see them and he wanted her to see them too. I hope there was more of a backstory and friendship between her and them than we were led to believe. I hope Amber actually wanted Thirteen to hug her.

*The conversation between House and Amber on the bus could not have been more beautifully filmed. She looked gorgeous, and he looked gorgeous, that dialogue was amazing. The way he delivered "Wilson is going to hate me"... seriously, this scene felt like a child who'd done something bad talking to a rational grown-up teaching him that life is unfair, and they were both House! Beautiful. And the return to our old truths, "you can't always get what you want", and the transformation of "everybody lies" into "everybody dies", were both wonderful for a season finale episode. They're good to bring out for special occasions. And the acting in that entire scene? Oh my god. I just watched it again, and HL. I cannot.

*Cuddy sitting vigil by House's bedside? \o/ House Cuddy next season? GOD I HOPE SO. Also, didja see, didja see how he was holding her hand when she was asleep? And he was awake? Which means he is the one taking comfort from this? Eeeps!

*And Cuddy in general, you know, this summer is going to have a lot on her hands, with both boys to take care of. Poor her. Poor guys. Poor everyone. I SUSPECT THIS MAY ONLY BE RESOLVED IN A THREESOME.

*End montage: Poor Thirteen. Taub climbing over his wife like that is a bit creepy. Why is Kutner all alone? :-( DUCKLINGS DUCKLINGS DUCKLINGS! DUCKLINGS AT A BAR! Oh, how I love, I love. Chase, get rid of that mop on your head right now, I promise you that your SuperDoc powers will not disappear if you cut off your hair, just do it. Now. Also, Ducklings, please be nice and adopt Kutner? He's all alone, eating cereal.

*In the shallow end of the pool: that first scene in the white room at PPTH, with the really pale lighting and the white and blue tones? CHASE. HOT. That is all.

*Also on the shallow end? I love Amber's hands. Her fingers are so sculpted and thin! Her fingernails are so clean! They're gorgeous!

*Hurrah for the return of internal-organ-CGI! I've missed that.

*In general, this ep wasn't as good as the last episode - not when it comes to narrative or suspense. It did reach higher emotional peaks, though, and developed the characters in a very interesting way, create a brand new situation to play with next season and more importantly, over the summer. But: the last ten minutes were amazing. And get better upon second viewing, apparently.

The end. Fic, now? Please?

...and that is officially the most I've ever written about an episode before. Yikes.