So my last post was very positive. I really needed this writing outlet to get out my thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, the surgery did not go well.
During the surgery they found her tumor had grown into the main vein. This means that cancer cells have already spread through her body and will eventually claim another organ. This news was absolutely devastating and I do not want to re-live those moments by writing about it. It's just too much.
Since then we have been doing our best to be supportive. She & her husband decided to try a new intense chemo to shrink the tumor. We just got the news that it's working! Shrinking the tumor is buying her time - time to get her family and other things in order. I know this is not a cure but I am focusing on this now, focusing on the positive. Although I know the end is inevitable, I just can't deal with that now. So I go on with my life, happy that my sister is still here and is still fighting. I can't go on any other way.
Life has been busy on top of all that. I am still YW President and I love it. I love my girls and I love seeing them grow and mature. I love my counselors and secretary. They are wonderful women who love the girls as much as I do. It is a very busy calling and I'm trying my best to juggle it all. Work has been so hectic these past few months. I thought I was going to be laid off but instead I took over the lead on filming our European spot for the KCA's. It was exhilarating as always but it was many long days and nights and it took a tole on my family.
People are always surprised that I am looking forward to when I get laid off. I hope it's soon. I know that is what's best for my family. So I sit and wait for the day the call me in to let me go. I had heard it was going to be the end of Q1 and here we are at that time. So I hope it's soon. I want to be home with my family and take a breather. As much as I love my job and absolutely love what I do, I love my family more.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Arrived at the hospital & walked the same path to see my sister for all those months this summer. Everything was familiar to me & I knew my way well.
"Well Here we go again - I feel like I was just here." Kim said last night at dinner. We all laughed trying to make light of it, but you could hear the subtle nervous under tones.
They took her back early this time. We only got to spend 1/2 hour with her. When they called her, we all stood up to say our good-byes, it was different then last time. Last time there was still a lot of hope between us. Things were still unknown. Now we know. This is it. If the cancer has spread she's likely not to survive the year.
So there was more tears this time, more private whispers in her ear, more fear in our eyes and longer hugs. Last time she was brave and barely teared up. This time she wept openly. Herbert could hardly walk as the nurse led them through the doors. We all remained silent & tried to smile encourageingly through our tears.
When the door closed we all sat down in unison. No one spoke as we each cried a little more & watched Keri comfort Kanani. In someways the silence was needed so we all could compose ourselves. In other ways it too intense and I almost couldn't bear it.
I decided not to sit & wait. I went to work but my mind & heart are there. She's in surgery now. They are checking to see if her cancer has spread.
I hope when I get there she is still in. Long surgery = good. Short surgery = bad.
Today I hope its a long day.
"Well Here we go again - I feel like I was just here." Kim said last night at dinner. We all laughed trying to make light of it, but you could hear the subtle nervous under tones.
They took her back early this time. We only got to spend 1/2 hour with her. When they called her, we all stood up to say our good-byes, it was different then last time. Last time there was still a lot of hope between us. Things were still unknown. Now we know. This is it. If the cancer has spread she's likely not to survive the year.
So there was more tears this time, more private whispers in her ear, more fear in our eyes and longer hugs. Last time she was brave and barely teared up. This time she wept openly. Herbert could hardly walk as the nurse led them through the doors. We all remained silent & tried to smile encourageingly through our tears.
When the door closed we all sat down in unison. No one spoke as we each cried a little more & watched Keri comfort Kanani. In someways the silence was needed so we all could compose ourselves. In other ways it too intense and I almost couldn't bear it.
I decided not to sit & wait. I went to work but my mind & heart are there. She's in surgery now. They are checking to see if her cancer has spread.
I hope when I get there she is still in. Long surgery = good. Short surgery = bad.
Today I hope its a long day.
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The surgery
Tomorrow is Kim's surgery. I am so worried about her. I don't want to do anything but sit here. My brother in law is completely devastated. He tried so hard today to be social & let us have our sister time but he never took his eyes off her. I have gained a new respect for him. He's always been a good husband to my sister but since she got sick he does everything for her. He is completely focused on her, in tune with her needs and totally unselfish.
My sister has fought this battle with such dignity & grace. She tries hard not to let him know she's in pain or not feeling well so as not to worry him. She does so much for others even though I'm sure she is tired.
I am sad to say that I don't I would handle it as courageously as she has. She has taught me so much by her example.
I pray she will make it through the surgery. I pray to have more time with her here on earth. I love her so much. I'm not ready to let her go yet.
My sister has fought this battle with such dignity & grace. She tries hard not to let him know she's in pain or not feeling well so as not to worry him. She does so much for others even though I'm sure she is tired.
I am sad to say that I don't I would handle it as courageously as she has. She has taught me so much by her example.
I pray she will make it through the surgery. I pray to have more time with her here on earth. I love her so much. I'm not ready to let her go yet.
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Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tough week
This has been a very hard week. I haven't yet begun to process it.
Thursday - Chad broke his collarbone
Saturday - Found out Kim has a tumor
Tuesday - Rushed Savanah to ER with a bad reaction to antibiotics
Wednesday - Blair's Mom had a stroke
Saturday - Blair injured his shoulder
And today, Sunday - found out my sister Kim's tumor is cancerous.
I'm sitting here at the airport waiting to board a plane to Australia to help Tasha with her new baby. I have yet to really think about any of these things as I prepared to leave. Blair has been wonderful in supporting me in going even though I'm sure he is aching to be with his mother.
My mind is numb & I am focused on helping Tasha bring this new life into the world. I am looking forward to celebrating the birth of this sweet spirit, then coming back home to help my family.
With all this going, I feel the Lord's help, strength & protection with me.
Thursday - Chad broke his collarbone
Saturday - Found out Kim has a tumor
Tuesday - Rushed Savanah to ER with a bad reaction to antibiotics
Wednesday - Blair's Mom had a stroke
Saturday - Blair injured his shoulder
And today, Sunday - found out my sister Kim's tumor is cancerous.
I'm sitting here at the airport waiting to board a plane to Australia to help Tasha with her new baby. I have yet to really think about any of these things as I prepared to leave. Blair has been wonderful in supporting me in going even though I'm sure he is aching to be with his mother.
My mind is numb & I am focused on helping Tasha bring this new life into the world. I am looking forward to celebrating the birth of this sweet spirit, then coming back home to help my family.
With all this going, I feel the Lord's help, strength & protection with me.
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Monday, December 13, 2010
Housewives
I love the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Those crack me up! Right now Nene is my favorite & I can't stop quoting her.
"Close Your legs to married men Trash Box!"
I can't stop laughing.
"Close Your legs to married men Trash Box!"
I can't stop laughing.
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Sunday, December 5, 2010
sick
I hate being sick. And its not even a cold its my body getting used to new medicine. A queasy stomach & in the bathroom about 10 times today. The only good thing is that over the week I've been feeling like this I've lost 4 lbs! I hope when I feel better I can keep it off & this will be my kick start to lose another 5lbs.
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Monday, November 15, 2010
1 year
Almost 1 year - that must be some kind of record. According to my site updates I no longer have anyone visiting my blog. Understandably so :-)
But for those of wander on here, this is an update:
We are doing great - still in the same place and ward. Blair is fantastic and still loves work. I'm still YW President but have new counselors. I also went from 3 girls for a year to 10 girls in just a few months. It's been an adjustment and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing but we are moving right along.
Savanah celebrated her 9th birthday and Chad his 16th. Michael came home from his mission and Raymond is preparing to leave. Corina is tall and beautiful and 13.
Our lives are extremely happy now and I feel so lucky.
This past weekend my sister and her family were sealed and Blair & I were able to be with them through it all. My brother flew in from Hawaii to escort our brother in law in. It was a wonderful site to be there with my brother & my sister!
This weekend I'm flying out to Hawaii to go to the rededication of the Laie, HI temple. I am so excited to witness this amazing event. I feel so humbled that I am worthy to go and have the means to go. I thank my sweet husband who made the arrangements.
This year my oldest sister battled pancreatic cancer and won! Through major surgery she has been cancer free since July 4th. I was able to get to know her better through her trial and our relationship grew.
I have many trials this past year but I feel fortunate to have them. I feel strengthend and matured from them. I have grown personally and spiritually from all of them and feel more compasionate and empatheic because of them.
I have had a good life this year and have seen the progress of my family. I love seeing my children grow and the bond of love for our family stronger than ever.
But for those of wander on here, this is an update:
We are doing great - still in the same place and ward. Blair is fantastic and still loves work. I'm still YW President but have new counselors. I also went from 3 girls for a year to 10 girls in just a few months. It's been an adjustment and I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing but we are moving right along.
Savanah celebrated her 9th birthday and Chad his 16th. Michael came home from his mission and Raymond is preparing to leave. Corina is tall and beautiful and 13.
Our lives are extremely happy now and I feel so lucky.
This past weekend my sister and her family were sealed and Blair & I were able to be with them through it all. My brother flew in from Hawaii to escort our brother in law in. It was a wonderful site to be there with my brother & my sister!
This weekend I'm flying out to Hawaii to go to the rededication of the Laie, HI temple. I am so excited to witness this amazing event. I feel so humbled that I am worthy to go and have the means to go. I thank my sweet husband who made the arrangements.
This year my oldest sister battled pancreatic cancer and won! Through major surgery she has been cancer free since July 4th. I was able to get to know her better through her trial and our relationship grew.
I have many trials this past year but I feel fortunate to have them. I feel strengthend and matured from them. I have grown personally and spiritually from all of them and feel more compasionate and empatheic because of them.
I have had a good life this year and have seen the progress of my family. I love seeing my children grow and the bond of love for our family stronger than ever.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
November 28
This has been a tough few months. We have been so busy my head has been spinning and the days/weeks/months melt into each other.
Since mid-Oct. my MIL arrived. It's always nice when she's here and Blair loves it so much. I often forget that all of his family is in NZ. I know I miss my family so much when we aren't together but we see each other often enough. He sees them once a year if he's lucky. So I bite my tongue and smile when she's here. She is very helpful but we just do things differently. I think any woman would feel that way. She stayed with us for about 6 weeks.
At the end of October my brother arrived for Savanah's baptism. Unfortunately we were all sick so he stayed with our other sister and I missed spending time with him sooo much.
Savanah's baptism was wonderful. I can't believe she is 8 years old! My husband did a wonderful job and his confirmation was beautiful. We had terrific support from our family and friends. She loved her special day!
After that we had family from Australia come in. It was 4 of them so we had 9 people + the occasional aunty making it 10 people in our 2 bedroom. Surprisingly it wasn't that bad. Blair had a great time getting reacquainted with his cousins and meeting the older ones wife and baby. They were young kids when he left and now they are grown and one is married and a father! I loved meeting them and we had a good time. They stayed with us for 2 weeks. During the first week - Blair went to Australia. I know I know - it's crazy. But he went to support Tasha's wedding. It was a surprise and no one knew about it. She was so surprised!!! He was only there for 3 days but gone for 6. It was hard for me but I'm glad he went.
During that time work was insane as we were getting ready to shoot our commercial. I wasn't getting home until 9pm each night and was exhausted. But we shot it and I can't wait for it to air next year :-)
Just as I thought we'd have some time to relax this week - the Australian cousin's left Monday - we had a major health scare. I had to rush Blair to the ER Wed. morning at 4am. They admitted him later that day with a gallbladder attack but something was weird. It's too much to write over again but they tried a few procedures to find and dislodge the stone which they couldn't.
Thurs. they did the operation and the dr. said he found out the gallbladder was gangrene. He said the stone must have been lodged in the neck of the gallbladder for a week and a half or more. He said it was good we came in when we did or he could've died if it had ruptured. It was such an out of body moment when he said that. That I couldve lost my husband and I didn't even know.
He's been in the hospital since Wed. and it's now Sat. and he's home. He had some complications last night but he was well enough to come home. My sister picked up the kids on Wed. and of course Thurs. I had to take my MIL to the airport and make sure she got on ok. So now it's just me and him. He's resting and I am just so very thankful he's still here.
Since mid-Oct. my MIL arrived. It's always nice when she's here and Blair loves it so much. I often forget that all of his family is in NZ. I know I miss my family so much when we aren't together but we see each other often enough. He sees them once a year if he's lucky. So I bite my tongue and smile when she's here. She is very helpful but we just do things differently. I think any woman would feel that way. She stayed with us for about 6 weeks.
At the end of October my brother arrived for Savanah's baptism. Unfortunately we were all sick so he stayed with our other sister and I missed spending time with him sooo much.
Savanah's baptism was wonderful. I can't believe she is 8 years old! My husband did a wonderful job and his confirmation was beautiful. We had terrific support from our family and friends. She loved her special day!
After that we had family from Australia come in. It was 4 of them so we had 9 people + the occasional aunty making it 10 people in our 2 bedroom. Surprisingly it wasn't that bad. Blair had a great time getting reacquainted with his cousins and meeting the older ones wife and baby. They were young kids when he left and now they are grown and one is married and a father! I loved meeting them and we had a good time. They stayed with us for 2 weeks. During the first week - Blair went to Australia. I know I know - it's crazy. But he went to support Tasha's wedding. It was a surprise and no one knew about it. She was so surprised!!! He was only there for 3 days but gone for 6. It was hard for me but I'm glad he went.
During that time work was insane as we were getting ready to shoot our commercial. I wasn't getting home until 9pm each night and was exhausted. But we shot it and I can't wait for it to air next year :-)
Just as I thought we'd have some time to relax this week - the Australian cousin's left Monday - we had a major health scare. I had to rush Blair to the ER Wed. morning at 4am. They admitted him later that day with a gallbladder attack but something was weird. It's too much to write over again but they tried a few procedures to find and dislodge the stone which they couldn't.
Thurs. they did the operation and the dr. said he found out the gallbladder was gangrene. He said the stone must have been lodged in the neck of the gallbladder for a week and a half or more. He said it was good we came in when we did or he could've died if it had ruptured. It was such an out of body moment when he said that. That I couldve lost my husband and I didn't even know.
He's been in the hospital since Wed. and it's now Sat. and he's home. He had some complications last night but he was well enough to come home. My sister picked up the kids on Wed. and of course Thurs. I had to take my MIL to the airport and make sure she got on ok. So now it's just me and him. He's resting and I am just so very thankful he's still here.
