Tag Archives: thoughts

Night Time Reality

You’ll find me here with night syrup medicine drank
just to help me.
My mind is not comprehending what it already knows.
May
be
In
Denial. I think I wanted the story to be different
oh look an ant crawling up my screen
but it is not
and I will tell it just like it is.
Reality
is a beautiful and always never
a rare occurrence.

UnHazed Thoughts

Very concise thoughts have been slamming into my brain.
It doesn’t hurt but it can be startling.
And I must write them down. Keep them.
So I’m timing myself on the track and don’t want to stop. I keep repeating the thought over and over again until I finish. Then I write it down in my scrappy ripped notebook.
It becomes a little overwhelming getting filled up with these life ideas, these personal bits of new. A lot to explore and to expand on, but I will.
It’s one of the things I love to do afterall.
And by golly if I let it render me frozen, unwilling to put a foot in anywhere.
That’s just silly.

Ohh, Now I Get It

A lot of things are coming up in writing these days that I realize were affecting my mood on certain topics. It is sense pushing through letting me know it’s alive down there and it changes how I handle that topic.
What I’m trying to say ( not really but I want to ) is that I’m thankful to have my brain and ability to connect the dots and how I’ve learned that being gentle and holding myself like a widdle baby wabbit at times, is the most important thing I can do. Not wimpy. But necessary.

A Loaf of Mind

Life can be overwhelming when you’re trying to get it all onto paper. Those mental notes you make, that maybe sometimes get to the Notes on your phone or scribbled on the back of a receipt. Inevitably, most of those get lost or goes untouched. I have shed a bit of this consistent urge to capture it all. Plenty of it still lingers. I’ve realized it takes over the actual part of living, in a stressful kind of way. Yes, part of me enjoys the findings in the nooks of my brain land. I do have a passion for leaning into that planet and locating the particles and putting them together in a more processed, understood way. So maybe if I make the mind crumbs into dough, then bake and eat, I’ll at yeast know I’m living more fully.

Holes in the Boat

Riddled with punctures, deflating into my kitchen floor
while annoyance spins me

rough edges?
no, rough all surfaces
just want to face plant in the sun shine patch

want to call anyone that’ll hold the phone close
to hear me yell for wild
to yell for
anything to help me feel like I’m not going crazier

then my cats howls as i wash her back
and rub her dry like boneless ribs I’d like to devour
I’m feeling defeat in my eyes as they let leak a wet

that flavours nothing.
Down to the grip I don’t have,
this part of it all
isn’t fun and is only crowded with overgrown thoughts
undergrown soil
and masses of bugs that don’t know which to feast on.
So much golden grit here to taste
i’m just too sunk to use oars.

The Grippy UnGrip

I don’t feel even in my head. Off. I feel spacey and limp. Yet, surge of defined thoughts fluctuate in. In what I could view as a beautiful flowing masterpiece of my mind. But it’s just confusing and almost aching. I feel lonely and I stand there in the middle of the street, watching the blue be blue and I feel that I don’t feel like I have anything together but then I know I’m trying and I’m doing better then I was a month ago and that maybe I could pat myself on the back for being where I am right then and there. The middle of the quiet street with the icicles melting like the tension in my shoulder blades. I just can’t seem to get a grip on these fleeting solid moments of brain work. It’s like I ease up on trying to understand them but it just hits back harder. I want to message and call and talk to and walk with my ex who is like comfort soul to the food I am trying not to eat. And then I feel smart in my mind because I know I’ve tricked and staggered and used distraction for myself as to appease the imbalanced sense of the roads in my head. And I won’t do that now. I can just sit in solitude and feel warped and dysfunctional. I don’t need to break the imaginary barriers just so I don’t admit I’m losing myself on these roads. But this is it. This is part of the process, isn’t it? The balances levelling out or whatever they’re doing. It takes roads to make a town and it takes time to make the map. If unproductive minutes are what I need, they are no longer without purpose.

Unravelling Cognition



I’ve thought about you more then I’ve wanted to let on. I guess some part of me feels like the thought of you is an intrusion. Or that I’m guilty of trying to distract myself with elegant memories and pieces of you. Is it strange to think you seem to have made more impact on my life then the one I married? I must dig into this later. I realize such different circumstances are an incredibly large involvement in this idea. I also recognize that loneliness is a part of this too. I am aware of many factors in my thinks, and I am okay with them. There is a core to it all and I feel innately guided.

It’s Already Happened

If I can change my thoughts,
to choose what I am thinking
seems so far on up the hill.
But what of habit
to pierce my inner cycle
of tormenting self
with all this shame, contempt
and guilt.
In years time
I will only have regret
for regretting now,
the past that is far beyond my reach.