hat

Six Sentence Story — Crazy Like a Fox

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I know you think I’m crazy for wearing this foil hat, but you know that you can’t be too careful these days.

You’ll probably say I’m paranoid and am embracing too many conspiracy theories, but I am telling you the truth.

The government is surveilling us with the help of technology developed by extraterrestrial beings in order to practice mind control on us.

They are bombarding our brains with electromagnetic waves transmitted through our smartphones so they can shrink our brains and wipe out our memories.

My foil hat protects my brain from these advanced invasive technologies that use telepathy to get inside my head.

So go ahead and think that I’m crazy or paranoid or delusional for wearing a foil hat, but one day when you realize that you have been manipulated by evil forces, you will admit that I am, indeed, crazy, crazy like a fox.

Written for the Sunday Six Sentence Story prompt from Girlie on the Edge, where the prompt word is “foil.” Image credit: Reddit.

Song Lyric Sunday — Hat’s Off

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For this week’s Song Lyric Sunday, Jim Adams has asked us to find a song that mentions clothing accessories suggested by Christine of Stine Writing and Miniatures. Assuming a hat is a clothing accessory, I’m featuring Del Shannon’s classic song, “Hats off to Larry.”

“Hats Off to Larry” was written and sung by Del Shannon, which he released as a single in 1961. The song spent 13 weeks on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, peaking at number 5. This was his follow-up to his hit “Runaway.”

In the song, Shannon is heartbroken when his girl leaves him for another guy. But then he learns his ex has been dumped by her new beau and he’s willing to take her back, but not before he tips his hat to Larry for giving her a taste of her own medicine. He sings, “Now it’s your turn to cry-cry-cry now that Larry’s said goodbye to you.”

The song’s slow intro features Shannon woefully explaining the details of his breakup before he launches into an upbeat rock and roll number, reflecting his joy over his ex’s comeuppance. His label, Bigtop, thought a fast-paced intro would be better to hook listeners, but Shannon was adamant. He said he had to fight for about two hours to get that the way he wanted it. “They didn’t want to listen to me,” he complained. “I was just the singer.”

Shortly after “Runaway” hit it big, Shannon made his major stage debut at the Brooklyn Paramount Theatre, where he shared the bill — and his dressing room — with Dion, who had a pair of number 1 hits that year with “Runaround Sue” and “The Wanderer.” Shannon claims to have written “Hats Off To Larry” in the dressing room that night with Dion and fellow rock ‘n’ roller Bobby Vee present.

Here are the lyrics to “Hats Off to Larry.”

Once I had a pretty girl
Her name it doesn't matter
She went away with another guy
Now he won't even look at her

Hats off to Larry, he broke your heart
Just like you broke mine
When you said we must part
He told you lies
Now it's your turn to cry, cry, cry
Now that Larry said goodbye to you

I know this may sound strange
I want you back, I think you'll change
But there's one more thing I gotta say

Hats off to Larry, it may sound cruel
But you laughed at me
When you said we were through
You told me lies
Now it's your turn to cry, cry, cry
Now that Larry said goodbye to you

Hats off to Larry, it may sound cruel
But you laughed at me
When you said we were through
You told me lies
Now it's your turn to cry, cry, cry
Now that Larry said goodbye to you
To you, to you

SoCS — Head Gear

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I rarely wore a hat when I was younger. Yes, in the colder months, I’d wear a knit cap on my head to keep my head warm. And I’d also don a baseball cap to shield my eyes from the sun during the summer months.

When I was in the army, I had to wear two different hats. The garrison cap was worn with fatigues and the dress service cap when wearing a dress uniform.

Garrison Cap
Dress Service Cap

But as soon as I got out of the army in the early 70s, I grew my thick, wavy, brown hair relatively long, and I basically stopped wearing hats at all. Period.

When I was in my early 50s, I went through a straw fedora hat (like the one pictured above) phase for a couple of reasons. First, I spent a lot of time outdoors and as my hair was starting to thin out, my dermatologist encouraged me to always wear a hat to protect my head from the damaging rays of the sun. Second, I thought I looked cool in them.

My straw fedora hat phase ended about a decade ago when I noticed that most of the men wearing straw fedora hats were older men. And even though I, too, had become an older man, I no longer felt like wearing a straw fedora hat made me look cool anymore.

(Just an observation about men’s hats. Did you ever notice that in older movies (say from the forties and fifties), almost all of the men in those movies wore hats? Mostly fedora hats? These days, about the only man I know of who still wears a fedora hat is Raymond Reddington.)

Raymond Reddington still looks pretty cool in his fedora hat

After having had a cancerous growth removed from my forehead, and having lost most of my hair, I decided that I still needed to wear a hat when outside, but as I’m no longer into straw fedora hats, I have started wearing baseball caps again.

These days, I have about half a dozen baseball caps to choose from and I never go outside without one of them on. Well, that’s not entirely true. When I go for a ride on my ebike, I have a special cycling cap that I wear.

I wear it under my bicycle helmet and because it has a small brim on it, it keeps the sun out of my eyes while cycling.

By the way, if you found this post to be a bit boring, don’t blame me. Blame Linda G. Hill for her Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt, where she asked us to write a post using the word “hat” in it.

SoCS — Switch Hitter

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For this week’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt from Linda G. Hill, we’ve been given “hat” “het,” “hit,” “hot,” and “hut,” and instructed us to “choose one, choose ’em all, and to put ’em in your post.” And with that said, I came up with this silly bit of slice-of-life nonsense.

I couldn’t help but notice this wickedly beautiful young woman coming out of a Sunglass Hut store. She was wearing this sexy fedora-like hat, and man oh man, did she look hot. I boldly walked up to her and said, “Hi, my name is Daniel. I love your fedora hat.”

She smiled at me. Or maybe it was more of a smirk. It was hard to know for sure. “Are you trying to hit on me, Daniel?” she asked.

“Actually I am,” I said. “You are one hot chick and I’d love to spend the next few hours getting to know you better.” I extended my hand to her and asked her what her name was.

“My name is Sappho,” she said. “Does that surprise you?”

“It’s a beautiful name,” I said. “Unusual, but beautiful. You were named after the ancient Greek poet from the island of Lesbos, right?”

This time I could tell that her smile was truly a smile and not a smirk. “So you know a little bit about ancient Greek culture, I see. I am impressed, Daniel. But Sappho is not my given name. It’s actually the name I gave myself after I came out,” she said. “So if you’re trying to hit on me, and you know who my namesake was, you must also know that I am not heterosexual. I prefer spending my free time with women.”

“So do I, Sappho,” I said. “But you can’t blame a guy for trying. And even though you play for the other side, so to speak, I do think you’re really hot and you wear that fedora hat quite fetchingly. I’d still like to offer to take you out for a drink. Whaddya say, Sappho?”

Sappho thought for a moment. Then she agreed to have a no-strings-attached drink with Daniel. “You seem like a nice and reasonably intelligent guy,” she said, “and so I’ll agree to your offer. But just be aware, Daniel, that I’m not a switch hitter.”

Photo credit: chictopia.com.

Three Line Tales — The Jester

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“That’s a jester, son, an entertainer from the medieval days and the renaissance period who was a member of the household of a nobleman or a king and whose job it was to entertain guests,” Gary explained to his young son who asked about the statue of man dressed in the funny outfit.

“Jesters,” Gary continued, “would typically wear a multicolored outfit with a cap with bells on it, pointy shoes with bells at the toes, and would brandish a mock scepter, like the one the jester in that statue is carrying.”

Looking a little confused, Gary’s son said, “Thanks for explaining that to me, Dad, but there’s a kid in my class named Chester and he doesn’t dress at all like that.”

Happy April Fools’ Day, everyone. This post was written for Sonya’s Three Line Tales prompt. No photo attribution provided.

Friday Fictioneers — Very Hot Air

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B196993C-5418-43D4-B09A-3E96A5C6FB57“Sir, do you have a cap or a hat?” the man loading the tourist into the hot air balloon basket asked Charles.

“No,” Charles responded. “Why?”

The man answered, “The way these things work is that we heat the air inside the balloon with a burner, which causes the balloon to float upwards. The flames from the burner generate a lot of heat.”

“So are you saying I can’t go on this balloon ride without a hat?”

“No sir, but you are tall and have a full head of hair.”

Charles’ wife was the first to smell singed hair.

(99 words)

Written for today’s Friday Fictioneers prompt from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Photo credit: Ronda Del Boccio.

#writephoto — The Scarecrow, the Witch, and the Wizard

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D3D2201B-77FD-47C4-AE2E-A2346009A9F9During the occasion of a full wolf moon, the scarecrow, the witch, and the wizard went out together for a late evening stroll, as the trio was wont to do on nights such as this. After several hours of walking and talking, the wizard mention that he had developed quite a thirst. The witch said that she remembered passing a tavern on the outskirts of town shortly after they began their stroll.

“Ah yes,” the scarecrow said. “I distinctly recall that place because there was a tall sign just outside of the tavern that contained within it a scarecrow’s hat. But despite the fact that the tavern is home to scarecrows, I’d be delighted if the two of you would join me there as my guests.

“I beg to differ with you, Scarecrow,” the witch said. That tavern is obviously home to a coven of witches, since the hat in the sign is clearly a witch’s hat. But despite that fact, it would be my honor to invite the two of you to join me there tonight.”

“Hold on just a second, my friends,” the wizard said. There is no question but that the hat inside the sign is that of a wizard. Be that as it may,” he continued, “I would be happy to serve as host to the two of you in that establishment.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, either of you,” the scarecrow said. “Anyone can plainly see that it’s a scarecrow’s hat.”

“Don’t be daft, Scarecrow,” the witch responded. “The hat a witch’s hat.”

“It is neither a scarecrow’s nor a witch’s hat,” the wizard interrupted. “It is, without a doubt, a wizard’s hat.

“There is only one way to find out for sure,” the scarecrow said. “We shall, the three of us, head over to the tavern, walk right in, and you’ll see soon enough that I was right. It’s a pub for scarecrows.”

“It is not,” said the witch and the wizard simultaneously. Each determined to prove the other two wrong, the companions locked arms and marched straight to the tavern. Upon reaching the tavern, they looked at the sign.

“See,” the scarecrow said. “A scarecrow’s hat.”

“See,” the witch said. “A witch’s hat.”

“See,” the wizard said. “A wizard’s hat.”

Once again, the three locked arms and, together, squeezed through the tavern doors and stepped inside.

All eyes of the patrons inside the tavern gazed upon the three who had just entered. There was dead silence as those already there and the three newcomers sized each other up. A tension filled the room and the atmosphere grew heavy.

There were no scarecrows, witches, or wizards among the patrons in the tavern. Instead, the customers were farmers and farmhands.

The awkward silence of the moment was finally broken when the bartender cheerfully called out from behind the bar. “Welcome to Ye Old Farmer’s Hat Tavern, folks,” he said. “Find any empty table and I’ll be right there to take your orders.”

Written for the Thursday Photo Prompt from Sue Vincent.

And The Rest Is History

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Red Sox Cap I wondered into the retail shop just to kill some time until my buddy was supposed to meet me. “Can I help you,” she said. She was quite stunning and I was at a loss for words. I looked around the sports store and saw the tent department and pointed to it. “You’re interested in a tent?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “A tent.”

“What size?” she asked.

“Um, seven and a half,” I said.

“That sounds more like a hat size than a tent size,” she said, a knowing smile lighting up her face. “What kind of hat are you interested in?” she asked.

“A, um, baseball hat,” I answered.

“Our baseball caps are over there,” she said, pointing to the other side of the store. “Would you like me to show you?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said. “I’d like that very much.”

She grabbed my hand and led me to the area where the baseball caps were on display. “What’s your favorite team?” she asked.

“The Red Sox” I said.

She reached over and grabbed a Red Sox cap from the rack and put it on my head. Then she put her hands on both of my shoulders, leaned in close, and whispered in my ear, “Mine, too.”

Written for Teresa’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are tent, retail shop, and hat.

Meet Him at the Café

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DED35613-5BB7-47FB-90A3-3B5CA93B7D95“Your brother called,” my wife told me. “He asked me to tell you that he wants you to meet him at the café for breakfast tomorrow morning.”

“Oh jeez, did he say what he wanted?” I asked her, knowing full well that he didn’t.

“No, he didn’t, but he did say it’s important,” she said.

“With him, he says everything is important. He’s probably gonna try to hit me up for money again,” I said.

“Don’t you dare,” she said.

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” I said. “And I’ll tell you what,” I added, “if he’s wearing that goddam MAGA hat of his, I’m turning around and walking away.”

Written for Teresa’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are brother, cafe, and  hat.