For today’s Sunday Poser, Sadje wants to know…

When there is a tiff, are you the one to extend the olive branch or do you wait for the other side to make the first move?

I suppose my philosophy on this comes from Don Schlitz, the lyrics writer of the mega-hit song from Kenny Rogers, “The Gambler.”

You’ve got to know when to hold’em
Know when to fold’em

I try to weigh the consequences of my actions. What is the likelihood of the other person making the first move to apologize? What will happen if I wait and the other person stubbornly refuses, where does the relationship go from there? And is my being stubborn and refusing to budge worth the inevitable outcome?

Sometimes I’ll try to get by with a non-apology that may sound like an apology. “I’m sorry if I said (or did) something that offended (or upset) you.” That way, I’m apologizing that they were offended (or upset) by what I said (or did), not for having said it or done it.

Sometimes that works; sometimes it doesn’t.

But if the stakes are high enough, and the loss would be greater than the humiliation of having to apologize for something that I might feel doesn’t need an apology from me, I’ll “fold’em” and say that I’m sorry.

But there have been times when I will stubbornly “hold’em,” and gamble that doing so doesn’t come back to bite me on the ass.

And I will admit that when it comes to tiffs between me and Mrs. Fandango, I am more likely to fold’em than to hold’em.