“Why did you take your books down from your shelves?” she asked.
“I’m donating them to the local library,” he answered.
“You don’t want them anymore?”
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
“Because I downloaded them all onto my Kindle and now I have my entire collection in the palm of my hand.”
“Cool.”
(278 characters)
Written for this week’s Twittering Tales prompt from Kat Myrman. Photo credit: Portrait of Tracy at Pixabay.com.
Hey, sweet thing, how ya doing? Another fine day at the beach, right? Yeah, I know. I do look pretty cool. In fact, I am the epitome of cool. I’m smart, I’m good looking, I’m rich. I dress with the best of them. And I tell you what, I look even better without clothes on than I do with clothes on. It’s true. Women are wild about me and even some guys have hit on me. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I’m very open-minded. But fuhgeddaboudit, guys, this door doesn’t swing that way, you know what I mean?
Why am I here by myself if I’m all that? No, I’m not waiting for anyone to join me. I just needed some quality alone time. If I wanted to be here with someone, I’d have my choice of little fillies to keep me company. You think I’m full of myself? Why would you say something like that? I just got the goods, babe. I’m the real deal, primo real estate, you know what I’m saying?
Look at you playing all hard to get. That’s precious. I can dig it. Say, you want a beer? No? Okay. I can light up this doobie if you’re into that shit. No, huh? So what are you into, anyway? Not me? Wow, that’s harsh. I bet if you got to know me you’d change your tune. I’m charming and irresistible and dynamite between the sheets.
Hey, where are you going? Don’t walk away from me. That’s just rude. What the hell is your problem, bitch? You need someone to pull that stick outta your stuck up ass. And I’m just the man to do it, too. Well, you had your chance to score with me, but you blew it. Fine, don’t look back. I don’t care. No skin off my back. You’re not even in my league, babe, and I got more important things to do than to play head games with you. I was just getting ready to leave this scene, anyway. Goodbye and good riddance.
Written for this week’s Photo Challenge from Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie. Photo credit: GQ.
I’m an old guy — as in senior citizen old. And I’m sometimes challenged to keep up with the latest and greatest language lingo and usage.
For example, when my daughter’s boyfriend told me that he was “down with” something I said, I became very defensive, thinking that I was being insulted. I later found out that it meant that he agreed with me or was “okay” with whatever it was that I said.
And when someone recently asked, “Do you feel me?” my response was, “Um, in this #MeToo era, do you really want me to?” I’m glad I asked first.
So these days, before I react to something I hear or read, I often look to the Urban Dictionary to help me understand what the hell people, particularly younger people — which, at my age is almost everyone — are talking about.
A few days ago, I heard someone use the phrase “off-the-hook.” The way I always understood the phrase “off-the-hook” is that it means being relieved from responsibility. For example, when Donald Trump heard that Attorney General Bill Barr’s summary of the Mueller Report found “no collusion and no obstruction” (it did not, in fact, find any such thing), Donald Trump felt like he was off the hook.
But it turns out that the person who used that expression meant it in an entirely different way. When he said it, his intended meaning for something being “off the hook” was that it was “fresh” and “new” and so in demand that the items in question are virtually flying off the hooks (or hangers or shelves) at stores.
Sure enough, when I went to the Urban Dictionary site, that was the second definition. The number one definition was “cool, happening,” as in “Bob’s party was totally off the hook!”
“Off the hook” also refers to something that exceeds a minimal standard of satisfaction or is appealing to one’s mind, as in “that song is off the hook!”
My definition for “off the hook” (to get away with something or to not be responsible for it) is what the Urban Dictionary calls the “old school” definition.
So I’m “old school,” huh? Well, that’s okay. I don’t really mind being thought of as old school. I take it as a badge of honor. And, by the way, the Urban Dictionary defines “old school” as “anything that is from an earlier era or previous generation and is looked upon with high regard or respect.” Woo hoo!
Besides, it’s also one of my favorite Steely Dan songs. I mean that song is off the hook.
“Look at that!” William said. “I can’t believe how full the courtroom is.”
“I know,” Jason, who was sitting in the first row of seats directly behind William, acknowledged. There’s a real flurry of activity here.”
“That’s good news,” William’s lawyer said. “We’ll have plenty of character witness to testify on your behalf in this lawsuit.”
The judge asked the attorneys if they were ready to proceed with their opening remarks. The defense attorney started first. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” he said. “This case may be an emotional one for you to hear, but your job is weigh the evidence in a cool, dispassionate manner. You will see that the accident that injured the plaintiff was caused by his own willful negligence and irrational behavior.”
The lawyer pointed to a police officer in the courtroom. “You’ll also hear from the officer who attempted to collar the plaintiff, only to have the plaintiff, despite having just broken his leg, attempt to flee the scene. There is simply no way anyone in his or her right mind could condone what the plaintiff did or that it was in any way the fault of my client, the defendant.”
Then it was the William’s attorney with the opportunity to address the jury. “My client, this poor, now crippled young man, was simply doing his laundry at the laundromat. He put his clothing in a basket and brought it to the establishment, where he loaded it into the washing machine. As he was waiting for his wash to complete, he climbed into the industrial-sized dryer and asked his friend, Jason, to turn it on. It was at that point that my client sustained the severe fracture to his right femur, rendering him unable to walk without crutches.”
The lawyer moved closer to the jury box, used his finger and thumb to sarcastically mimic playing a tiny violin, and in a stage whisper, said, “The opposing side would have you believe that my client’s actions were reckless and that the owner of the laundromat should not be responsible for my client’s medical expenses plus compensation for pain and suffering. But let me inform that there are no signs or warning labels anywhere in the establishment indicating that patrons should not climb into the machines. So how was poor William to know that doing so would result in personal injury. Thank you.”
The judge shook his head and said, “I’m sorry, but this case is an insult to my court.” He looked directly at William and said, “Son, you’re a jackass and the injuries you sustained were due to your own stupidity. Case dismissed.”
Written for Rachel Poli’s Time To Write Sentence Starter prompt, where the starter is “Look at that!” Also for Paula Light’s Three Things Challenge, where the three things are basket, violin, and lawsuit. And for Teresa’s Opposites Attract prompt, where the opposites are emotional, cool, and dispassionate. And finally, for these daily prompts: Your Daily Word Prompt (flurry, plenty), Word of the Day Challenge (collar), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (condone), and Ragtag Daily Prompt (laundry).
The small table fan did little to cool the air on that terribly hot and muggy summer day. Nick sat on his couch wearing only his underpants in a failed effort to keep cool.
His thoughts wandered to what happened the night before, when Anita told him that she just didn’t love him anymore. “You’re a dreamer, Nick,” she said. “You have all these big dreams, make all of these grandiose plans, but nothing ever comes of it. I need someone who is a realist, not a dreamer. I need someone who will actually make something of himself in the real world, not someone who just dreams about doing things in a make believe dreamscape.”
He’d seen movies, heard songs, and read poems about unrequited love, but he never imaged that he would be the victim of it. He was hurt and was trying to figure out if there was a way to salvage his relationship with Anita.
But Nick realized that there was little he could do. He was, and would always be, a dreamer and his dreams and Anita’s pragmatism were simply incompatible. Maybe someday he would meet the woman of his dreams. But today, his dream was limited to trying to stay cool on this hot summer day.
wrotten for today’s Three Things Challenge, where the words are fan, cool, and summer. Also for Fandango’s One-Word Challenge, “dreamer,” for the Ragtag Daily Prompt, “salvage,” and for the Word of the Day Challenge, “unrequited.” Photo credit: John Fornander at unsplash.com.
June gloom really is a thing along the Pacific coast.
It’s not as if the sun doesn’t shine in Northern California throughout the month of June. It does. In fact, the sun shines on many days, even in June. But often you don’t see it until the middle to the late afternoon, if at all on some days.
June mornings at or near the coast in the San Francisco Bay area are typically cool, misty, foggy, and cloudy. But if you head east across the Bay only a few miles inland, you’ll find mostly sunny skies and much warmer temperatures — even in June.
I don’t mind June gloom. In fact, I prefer the cool, crisp air to the high heat and humidity June brings to other parts of the country. It’s also a precursor of sunny days to follow.
And according to the weather app on my iPhone, it will turn sunny by around 1 p.m.
This post was written for today’s One-word prompt: Sunny.
Facts, Fictions & Fantasies 