autobiography

Fandango’s Flashback Friday — March 13th

Fandango12 Comments

This was originally posted on March 13, 2022.

The Ghostwriter

I contacted a guy who came highly recommended to be a ghostwriter for my autobiography. I sat through hours of being interviewed by him and was persuaded that he was capable, so I offered him the job. He said to give him three months.

Sure enough, at the three-month mark, the ghostwriter showed up with his first draft. I eagerly opened the box containing the manuscript and started reading. After about ten minutes I looked up at the ghostwriter and said, “This is not about me. What the hell is this?”

“It’s an autobiography,” he said. “Didn’t you hire me to write an autobiography?”

“Yes, you imbecile,” I screamed. “But I didn’t I hire you to ghostwrite your own autobiography. I hired you to ghostwrite mine.

“Oh,” he said. “I guess I misunderstood what you meant when you said you wanted me to write an autobiography, which, by definition, is an account of a person’s life written by that person.”

“You idiot,” I said. I threw his manuscript at him and said, “You’re fired.”

“Wait,” he said, “are you giving me the boot and not paying me for three months of hard work?”

“I’m giving you the boot figuratively speaking,” I said, “but if you don’t leave here immediately, I’m going to literally shove my boot up your ass.”

Written for Scott’s Daily Prompt (ghostwriter) and Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge (boot).

WDP — My Autobiography

Fandango4 Comments
Daily writing prompt
You’re writing your autobiography. What’s your opening sentence?
View all responses

Both the title and the first line of my autobiography would be “It’s all about me.” What else could they be? It’s an autobiography. By definition, it’s got to be all about me. If it wasn’t all about me, then it would have to be all about someone else. In which case, it wouldn’t be an autobiography. Duh! What a stupid prompt question.

JYProvocative Question #11

Fandango18 Comments

Our host for the weekly provocative question challenge is Jewish Young Professional, aka JYP.

So what is her provocative question for this week? She was apparently inspired by the publication of Britney Spears’ memoir, “The Woman in Me.” At first, I wondered why a teenager would be writing a memoir. But then I Googled her and found out she’s going to be 42 a week from Saturday. How time flies, right?

Anyway, thus inspired, JYP wants to know…

Have you read a memoir that surprised you? In what way?

I am not a fan of memoirs or autobiographies, so I don’t read them. They’re both the story of someone’s life written by that person, and they both use the pronouns “I” and “me,” since they’re written in the first person. They’re both allegedly true stories from the author’s life.

But since the writer of these books is also the subject of these books, I can’t imagine how the books can be objective, much less reliably factual. And to me, that makes them ego-stroking and self-serving exercises. I know that if someone asked me to write a memoir or an autobiography, I’d be likely to amplify the positive aspects of my life and downplay or even ignore the negative. It’s human nature to see yourself through a different lens than others do.

I do like reading biographies of famous people written by third parties. These writers can depict the subject objectively, warts and all. One of my favorite biographies, not that anyone asked, is “Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln” by Pulitzer Prize-winning American historian Doris Kearns Goodwin.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Ghostwriter

Fandango13 Comments

I contacted a guy who came highly recommended to be a ghostwriter for my autobiography. I sat through hours of being interviewed by him and was persuaded that he was capable, so I offered him the job. He said to give him three months.

Sure enough, at the three-month mark, the ghostwriter showed up with his first draft. I eagerly opened the box containing the manuscript and started reading. After about ten minutes I looked up at the ghostwriter and said, “This is not about me. What the hell is this?”

“It’s an autobiography,” he said. “Didn’t you hire me to write an autobiography?”

“Yes, you imbecile,” I screamed. “But I didn’t I hire you to ghostwrite your own autobiography. I hired you to ghostwrite mine.

“Oh,” he said. “I guess I misunderstood what you meant when you said you wanted me to write an autobiography, which, by definition, is an account of a person’s life written by that person.”

“You idiot,” I said. I threw his manuscript at him and said, “You’re fired.”

“Wait,” he said, “are you giving me the boot and not paying me for three months of hard work?”

“I’m giving you the boot figuratively speaking,” i said, “but if you don’t leave here immediately, I’m going to literally shove my boot up your ass.”

Written for Scott’s Daily Prompt (ghostwriter) and Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge (boot).