audit

I is for Income Taxes

Fandango28 Comments

My income tax forms have been completed and they are ready to be filed. There is good news and bad news. The bad news is that I owe money to the federal government. More money than I had expected. But the good news is that I’m going to get a refund on my California income taxes. But my California refund only amounts to a quarter of what I owe to Uncle Sam. So net-net, it’s costing me.

My wife is trying to persuade me to not pay my federal tax bill. As justification she is pointing out that the IRS is undergoing significant workforce reductions, with plans to cut up to 25% of its approximately 100,000 employees by mid-2025. She noted that some reports suggest that the goal may be even more drastic, targeting a 50% reduction by the end of the year.

Then she noted that nearly 70% of displaced employees were involved in collection and enforcement, which includes audits. This reduction will likely result in fewer audits, particularly for high-income individuals and large corporations, who historically face higher audit rates.

I told my wife that I am not a high income individual, but she countered that experts warn that weakened enforcement could lead to reduced compliance among taxpayers, as the deterrent effect of audits diminishes, thus causing delays in processing tax returns and initiating collection activities for outstanding tax liabilities.

“You know” I said to my wife, “if I don’t file and pay my taxes by April 15th, if I get caught, we’ll be paying significant interest and penalties.”

Her compromise solution: “Okay, file your tax forms. Just don’t send them a check.”

I’m so tempted to follow her suggestion. So tempted.

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The Audit

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“I can’t believe how you are persecuting me,” Jonathan said. “I’ve dedicated my entire life to selflessly caring for others, and yet here I am, faced with a flood of criticism and accusations. I’m a man of the cloth.”

“Yes, Reverend Jamison, I understand that,” the IRS auditor said, “but in reviewing your personal income tax filings, we have found a number of irregularities.”

“What did you say your name is?” Jonathan asked the auditor.

“Charles Bancroft,” the auditor responded.

“Let me ask you, Mr. Bancroft — Charles — are you married?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well, God bless you and your marriage, Charles. And since you are married, you surely understand how this works,” Jonathan said. “My wife loves to go shopping. She loves leather jackets, purses, and, of course, shoes. She likes jewelry that has some glitter to it. She has to get her hair done once a week to look her very best for the cameras. You know how it is. Happy wife, happy life.”

“But Mr. Jamison,” the auditor said, “you claimed all of that spending as business expenses for your ministry.”

“Charles, you have to understand that I’m a spiritual leader and my wife is an important aspect in attracting new members to my megachurch,” Jonathan said. “She’s a beautiful woman who could have been in the movies, and I’m lucky to have her by my side. She helps with bringing in the lovely jingle jangle of coins, if you get my drift.”

“Be that as it may, Reverend Jamison,” the auditor said, “You can’t claim your trophy wife’s extravagant clothing and accessories as legitimate church business expenses. I’m disallowing them. You’ll be receiving a notification from the Internal Revenue Service within a few weeks that will itemize the penalty and interest due. Failure to comply will result in your arrest and imprisonment.”

Written for these daily prompts: Your Daily Word Prompt (dedicated), Ragtag Daily Prompt (caring/glitter), The Daily Spur (flood/hair), MMA Storytime (shopping/movies), Fandango’s One-Word Challenge (leather/lucky), and Word of the Day Challenge (jingle).