Month: October 2017

The Biggest News Controversy of the Week

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It’s not about the Mueller indictments. Nor is it about potential collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. FEMA’s failure in Puerto Rico? Fuhgeddaboudit!

It has nothing to do with a potential nuclear war with North Korea or what really happen in Niger.

No, the BIG story, at least according to Donald Trump’s favorite media outlets, Twitter and Fox News, is about cheeseburger emojis.

You see, Google just released a new cheeseburger emoji (top right) that places the cheese under the burger patty, just on top of the bottom bun.

On the other hand, Apple’s cheeseburger emoji has the cheese on top of the patty, closer to the top bun.

Bowing to intense pressure, Google will be modifying its cheeseburger emoji to move the cheese to sit on top of the burger instead of beneath it. However, in my humble opinion, neither the Google nor the Apple cheeseburger emoji is correct.

You see, the correct way to construct a cheeseburger is for the lettuce to be on the very top, just under the top bun. Beneath the lettuce should be the tomato, then the cheese, and finally the hamburger patty on top of the bottom bun.

Hence, I am calling on Apple to also modify its cheeseburger emoji. Move the lettuce to the top, just below the bun and above the tomato.

That is the only way for both sides to come together to resolve this important controversy.

It’s like what John Kelly, Trump’s White House Chief of Staff, said. The cheeseburger emoji war, just like the Civil War, could have been avoided if both sides had the ability to compromise.

Whoa Is Me

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The word “whoa” comes from the word “ho,” which first came into Middle English as a command to slow down or draw your horse to a stop. Sometime around the year 1620, the spelling evolved into what we now use today, “whoa.”

Aside from its use with horses, whoa is a popular exclamation used to express surprise, amazement, or great pleasure.

It’s a simple four-letter word that people use frequently. But when put in writing, it seems to often be misspelled.

Okay people, listen up. There is only one correct way to spell the word “whoa.”

It’s not “woah.”

It’s not “whoah.”

It’s not “waoh’ or “whao” or “whaoh.”

It’s “whoa.”

And it’s only “whoa.”

Even if you’re British or Canadian. It’s still “whoa.”

Think of the word “who.” You don’t spell who “woh,” do you? Or “whoh.”

Of course, it’s a free country and I suppose, on your blog, you can spell “whoa” any way you want to. As long as you realize that if you spell it any way other than w-h-o-a, you’re spelling it wrong.

And if you don’t mind spelling whoa wrong…well, woe unto you.

Double, Double Toil and Trouble

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The small group of rather ghoulish looking creatures made their way through the forest to the isolated cottage to spend Halloween night together with their favorite witch.

As the ghoulish guests entered the cottage, they removed their wet galoshes and placed them just inside the door. Once the last ghoul had his galoshes off, they all gathered around a large, black caldron hanging in the oversized hearth, not only to warm their cold, damp ghoulish bodies, but to inhale the irresistible aroma of the goulash that was boiling inside the kettle.

One of the ghouls asked the witch what the secret ingredients were that made her goulash so incredibly delicious.

The witch cackled, as witches are wont to do, and replied, “If I reveal to you, my ghoulish little friends, you must promise not to tell a soul.”

The ghouls all said in unison, “We promise,” and raptly waited to learn the witch’s secret ingredients.

“You know those two children from the village who went missing a few days ago?” The witch said.

“You mean Hansel and Gretel?” one of the ghouls responded.

The witch smiled. “Such tasty little morsels, they are.”

And then she started her cackling again as the ghouls joyfully danced in front of the cauldron with its boiling goulash.

When I read today’s one-word prompt, “ghoulish,” two other similar sounding words popped into my head — goulash and galoshes. So I decided to concoct a tale using all three words.

FFfAW — The Ant Hill

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“Whoa! What the hell is that?” Jim asked.

“It’s an ant hill,” Mr. Stevens answered.

The students gathered around the tall formation. “I’ve never seen one that big,” Sharon said.

“I think you’re wrong, Mr. Stevens,” Brian said. “It’s the petrified remains of a tree trunk.”

“I agree with Brian,” Sally said. “It’s way too big to be an ant hill.”

“Actually,” Mr. Stevens explained, “some ants create soft, low hills out of dirt or sand. Others build towering creations of clay. Ant hills can range from less than an inch high to over ten feet high.”

“Ten feet high! Wow,” said Jim.

“Yes,” said Mr. Stevens. “Ant hills have many chambers connected by tunnels. These small rooms serve different purposes. During the day, worker ants work nearer the top of the ant hill to stay warm. At night, they move back to the lower chambers.

“How long did it take the ants to build this hill?” Brian asked.

But before Mr. Steven could answer, Brian began feverishly kicking down the entire ant hill.

(173 words)

Written for this week’s Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers prompt from Priceless Joy. Photo credit: Yarnspinerr.

Manic Monday — A Novel Idea

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Image result for november novel writing

“You gotta read this,” Bob said to his roommate Nate.

“What is it?” Nate asked, grabbing the several sheets of paper Bob thrust at him.

It’s the first three pages of my NaNoWriMo project.”

“Your what?”

“That stands for National Novel Writing Month,” Bob answered. “It’s an annual, Internet-based creative writing project that takes place next month. The idea is to attempt to write a 50,000 word novel between November 1 and November 30.”

“And you’ve got three stapled pages that you want me to read?” Nate said. “Isn’t that cheating, since today is October 30th?”

“It’s only a rough draft,” Bob said. “Just read them and let me know what you think.”

Nate sat down in an easy chair and read the first page. “This is pure fluff,” he said.

“Huh? What do you mean by that?” Bob asked.

“It’s trivial,” said Nate. “It’s trite. It’s a cliché, it’s superficial. I’m sorry, dude, but it’s fluff.”

“Sheesh, that’s harsh,” Bob said.

“Well, you asked what I think. You want me to be honest with you, right?”

“Yeah, but you just read the first page. Turn the page and see if it gets any better,” Bob pleaded.

“Okay,” Nate said. He read both the second and third pages and then handed them back to Bob. “Sorry, Bob, but it’s all fluff.”

This is another twofer. It’s in response to Sandi’s weekly Manic Monday challenge, which this week is to write some flash fiction using the title of the 1973 Bob Seager song, “Turn the Page.”

It’s also in response to today’s one-word prompt, “fluff.”

#MicroMondays — “Evil is Not a Thing”

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F1BB4F21-9993-43FB-8740-92D2C1018A5B“Yes, good and bad do exist,” Aaron said.

“And that’s my point,” replied Joe. “You say God is real and God created everything, right? So why did he create evil?”

Aaron responded, “Evil doesn’t exist on its own. It’s not a thing.”

“Is ‘good’ a thing?”

“Of course it is.”

“Did God create it?”

“Yes.”

“So why did he create evil?”

This post was written for this week’s #MicroMondays challenge from fellow blogger, Varad. It requires a 61-word post that includes the prompt, “Good and bad do exist.” Apparently the 61-word limit for this challenge was assigned because the quoted words appear on page 61 of the book from which they were taken. Yeah, that seems kinda random to me, too.

Kiss My Ring

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18819CFD-DE92-438A-95C0-06E282DC1E34“Show some gratitude to your father,” my mother used to tell me.

“I am grateful,” I would insist.

“Well, you’re not acting like it,” she would tell me.

“What do yo want me to do?” I’d ask. “Genuflect and kiss his ring?”

And then she’d smack me across the face. It was our little routine when she thought I was taking too much for granted.

I actually was very grateful for everything my parents had provided me with when I was young. Our home, the food we ate, my clothing. My father worked long hours, six days a week, at a blue collar job to make sure his family was safe, secure, and that all of our basic needs were met. I appreciated that, I really did.

But because of his long hours, he didn’t spend a lot of time with me, like most of my friends’ fathers did with their sons. I resented that. I know I shouldn’t have, but being the self-centered kid that I was, I did.

Nowadays I thank people for doing something nice for me and my family. I send out thank you notes or emails when someone does me a solid. And I am genuinely grateful.

But even though I feel grateful, expressing that gratitude is not something I’m particularly good at. And that might give some people the impression that I take too much for granted.

Just ask my wife when I forget to thank her for cooking the delicious meal she just made for me.

Written for today’s one-word prompt, “gratitude.”

Sunday Photo Fiction — Heads Up

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“Why do you do that to your dolls?” Samantha asked her daughter.

Sheri was a shy, quiet girl with few friends. She spent most of her free time alone in her bedroom. “You mean pull their heads off?” she asked.

“Yes. Why do you do that?”

Sheri shrugged her shoulders and simply said, “I dunno. I just do,”

“That’s not an acceptable answer, young lady,” Samantha scolded. “You must have a reason for removing the heads from your dolls.”

Sheri shrugged again.

Well, Sheri, if you won’t tell me why, I’ll make sure that Santa knows what you do to your dolls and I’m pretty sure he won’t be bringing you any new dolls this Christmas.”

“Fine,” Sheri said, “I’ll tell you.”

“Go ahead,” Samantha said. “I’m waiting.”

“I’m making a shrine and the dolls are my sacrifices.”

Dumbfounded, Samantha said, “A shrine? What kind of shrine? Who gave you that idea?”

“She told me you wouldn’t understand,” Sheri said.

“She? Who is ‘she’?”

Pointing at her own head, Sheri said, “She did.” Then an eerie smile crossed her face and she added, “Mom, did you know that Satan is an anagram for Santa?”

Written for this week’s Sunday Photo Fiction prompt.

Song Lyric Sunday — Party Time

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The Song Lyric Sunday theme for this week is  “parties/partying.” I immediately thought of the 1963 song by Lesley Gore, “It’s My Party.” It was the first hit single for producer Quincy Jones and it hit #1 on the pop and rhythm and blues charts in the United States.

The song is the sad story of a teenage girl at her birthday party when her boyfriend, Johnny, disappears, only to surface with another girl, Judy, who is “wearing his ring” to indicate she’s replaced the birthday girl as his love interest.

“It’s My Party” was written by Walter Gold, John Gluck Jr., Herb Weiner, and Seymour Gottlieb and was released on Mercury Records. Lesley Gore was only 16 years old when she recorded the song.

It was such a big hit that just three months later, the Mercury label released Lesley Gore’s follow-up song, “Judy’s Turn To Cry,” in which Johnny dumps Judy and returns to his original girlfriend. Ah, young love.

Here are the lyrics:

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
Judy left the same time
Why was he holding her hand
When he’s supposed to be mine

It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Playin’ my records, keep dancin’ all night
Leave me alone for a while
Till Johnny’s dancin’ with me
I’ve got no reason to smile

It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Judy and Johnny just walked through the door
Like a queen with her king
Oh what a birthday surprise
Judy’s wearin’ his ring

It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

And here is the song:

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

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My iPhone 6, which is just over three years old, has been suffering lately from sluggishness and rapidly diminishing battery life. This is a problem for me because I use my iPhone for blogging. And for just about everything except for sleeping and personal hygiene. So I was very excited back in early September when, on the tenth anniversary of the original iPhone, Apple announced the iPhone X.

The X (pronounced “ten”) wraps together state-of-the-art software and hardware that is touted to be on the cutting edge of smartphone technology. It includes facial recognition to unlock the phone, a 5.8-inch, edge-to-edge OLED screen with brighter colors and deeper blacks, and a couple of other “must have” bells and whistles.

Unfortunately, the demand for the iPhone X looks like it’s going to far exceed the available supply. Expectations are that the backlog on deliveries for the X could be from as little as a few weeks to as many as three-to-four months!

At the same time as Apple announced the iPhone X, with little fanfare and even less excitement, it introduced the iPhone 8, a modest upgrade to last year’s iPhone 7. The “plus” model of the iPhone 8 is a little larger than the iPhone X, but the actual screen size on the 8 Plus is just a little smaller.

The market reception for the 8 has been underwhelming, as most iPhone fans prefer to wait for the X. That was my preference, too.

But as my frustrations with my three-year-old iPhone 6 grew, I remembered the old adage, “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” Or maybe “the early bird gets the worm.” I don’t know.

Anyway, I decided to not wait for the iPhone X, but to buy an iPhone 8 Plus. Why? Well first, the 8 is a couple of hundred bucks cheaper than the X.

Second, the 8 is available now, while the X may not be available for weeks or possibly months. So you know — instant gratification.

And third, the 8 Plus is essentially a larger version of my 6. I’m familiar with it, there’s nothing new I need to learn or figure out about using it. The X, though, would require having to learn some new tricks. And you know what they say about old dogs and new tricks, right?

I am composing this post on my new iPhone 8 and I’m very happy with my decision to go with the 8 and not wait indefinitely for the X. I may not have the cutting edge of smartphone technology, but I do have a device that works well for my needs.

And as The Rolling Stones pointed out, “you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need.”

Written for today’s one-word prompt, “prefer.”