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seasnakes , let's see if I can actually remember how to dreamwidthjackluminousToday is one of those days when I basically hate everything in the world. So… that’s nice. More or less everything today just seemed designed to remind me how sucky the world can be and how vile humans can be when they try (or even when they don’t try very hard) and how the way our world currently works is just really kind of awful, and… I don’t even want to go into details because bleh and trigger and fail. But I really need to think of something to make me feel better. Maybe I’ll go clear out my room and lie on my bed and read or sew and ignore everything else ever for a while, maybe. Also drink wine.
(On the bright side I did see an incredibly cute kitten today.)
[Edit: Nope, apparently I am going to work this evening instead! YAY. But at least there will be money.](I’m still struggling to write anything, so this has taken a while.)
***
Came back from a week in Scotland recently. I already wish I could go back, even though it rained most of the time, and I mostly just sat in a caravan and knitted or cross-stitched like the dork I am.But there were good moments - lovely moments actually. I saw a Scottish wildcat, for one. A real one. In the wild. It turned and ran away from me the second it spotted me, and for a moment I didn’t even realise what it was - it was so big, my brain just didn’t quite register the idea of “cat”. But it was amazing to see it. I saw one before, about twenty-five years ago - it hissed at me and ran away - but it’s not a common thing, at all.
***
And the stars were so clear, this one night… My boyfriend was standing outside, smoking a cigarette, I was sitting inside, and he knocked on the window and said “Come outside. The sky’s so clear, there’s not a single cloud, the stars are great.” I was warm and cosy, I didn’t want to move. I pointed to a white smudge in a the sky and said “Cloud, right there. Don’t exaggerate.”
“Just come out.”
I came outside, and let my eyes adjust for a minute.
“Oh… oh, holy fuck.”
“Kind of impressive, right?”
“… Right, so that’s not a cloud. That’s the fucking Milky Way.”
For some reason I’ve been finding it unbelievably hard lately to actually write anything here (or indeed anywhere). However, when I try to talk/write about this it just makes it worse, so I’m just going to skip the whole thing and go straight to babbling about inconsequential crap.
So last week I finally decided to stop procrastinating and went down to the tattoo studio in the city centre and got my seahorse.
Please excuse the weird/awkward angle of the photo; it's sort of at a really difficult spot to take a picture of, I have to twist my legs into peculiar angles in order to see it, heh.
Anyway, yes. I like it a lot. It was so much more difficult getting it done than it was the first one, somehow - it took five or six tries to find a placement I was happy with, and then once I'd finally settled on one and the tattooist got started - it really hurt. Which is strange, because other than a few moments of "ouch", I remember being quite surprised by how not-painful the first one was - more like a mild electric shock than anything sharp and pointy. This one, though, this one felt like being stabbed wih knives repeatedly in the same spot. Ow.
Nonetheless, I got through it, I was very proud of myself, and it's there now.
***
I read a message board thread a few days ago about tattoos with meaning/significance, people discussing what their tattoos meant to them, whether they had a 'meaning' or had just been chosen because they looked good. My Escher tattoos do have a meaning to me, but it's not one I can easily sum up - nothing as straightforward as "I got this lilac in memory of my grandmother because she loved lilacs" or "a pink heart to mark the occasion of my daughter's birth" or things like that. They just sort of... between them, sort of connect to a lot of things that I love, that have meaning for me, and that are important to me, and because of that, they are stupidly meaningful to me, even though to anybody else they don't really look like anything except odd little colourful designs (though I also hope they look pretty, at least. I think they do, which I suppose is what matters). Also, I have said ‘meaning’ far too much in this paragraph and I’m now getting that thing where it starts to lose its, uh… meaning.malionettetimeasmymeasure
