character

Overcoming the Poison of Society’s “Success”
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Overcoming the Poison of Society’s “Success”

In the pursuit of a dream, we will stumble across many “poisons” that attempt to deter us, weaken us, and make us doubt our dream’s capability and legitimacy. Like a physical poison, it’ll work through your system and slowly kill any hope of passion and confidence.

One of those poisons that has haunted me quite a lot is the perceived notion of “success” that is intentionally-unintentionally pushed on us from society. Well, it is half the time, and then the other half is our own self-imposed notion. There’s different factors that we may deem “successful,” and it can slightly differ amongst us, but overall it involves the same concept. And, ultimately, it results in us believing that because our lives don’t match this picture, then we’re not successful.

First of all, this is all this “success” is: a picture. An idea. An ideal imagined by generations of a collective culture that has changed and merged and intersected so much we’ve lost track. So this picture of “success” has changed an insurmountable amount of times. It’s irrelevant. It’s pointless. There’s no need to pay it any attention.

Here are a few things to dwell on:

  • What makes you happy?

Now, if having a certain income or marrying well or climbing the ladder to CEO or becoming famous is what makes you happy, then by all means pursue it! If none of that matters to you, then there’s nothing wrong or different about that. If you’re happy, or at least content, I’d say you’re doing pretty good.

  • Every path is different.

Even when two people are pursuing the same thing, they won’t do it exactly the same way. And both are valid and equally successful.

  • What’s better: satisfied others or satisfied you?

What’s so great about living a life that others demand and being miserable and bitter all the time? I’m sure you’d rather be pleased with yourself. Now, this doesn’t mean you don’t listen to wise and well-meaning advice from those you trust and who know you well, and this doesn’t mean you don’t practice humility and sacrifice (after all, Character comes before dreams). But also don’t forget to listen to your own gut. Even in the midst of presumed certainty, your gut will never lie.

  • Society knows nothing of you.

You know you. Your family and friends know you. What do they say about you? What does your heart say about you?

  • Divert your thoughts when they dwell too long on this “success.”

Thinking too much about this will only make you lose hope and energy. Have a plan to divert your thoughts to something more productive, and something more positive. Choose a subject on which you will habitually think about when your mind starts to wander into darkness (Philippians 4:8-9, “think on these things…”)

The Danger of Putting your Dream on a Pedestal
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The Danger of Putting your Dream on a Pedestal

As someone who thinks of dreams, who lives for dreams, who worries over dreams, who endlessly talks about dreams…I naturally live my life around my dreams. Many would say that’s a good focus to have, and it is. But too much of a good thing is too much of a good thing. At some point I realized that I had reached a dangerous zone of idolization.

Leviticus 19:4 says “Do not turn to idols or make for yourselves any gods of cast metal: I am the Lord your God.” Our minds initially go to physical idols, like statues. The Bible is indeed addressing these, but we forget that it’s also addressing intangible idols that we can set up in our minds. This can be anything, and anything that begins to take God’s place in our thoughts and attention ultimately becomes an idol. The scary thing is, this can go unnoticed because it’s not directly in front of our eyes.

After a serious bout of stress because I had convinced myself that my dreams were never going to be fulfilled, I realized I had risen my dreams to a level on the verge of obsession. It became harmful to my mental life, my daily habits, and my relationship with God.

During those times when it seems like our dreams are on hold or they look bleak and impossible, perhaps that’s the season of character building. As I’ve said before, Character comes before dreams, Character is more important, Character is God’s greatest concern for us.

By all means, follow your dreams. Pursue them with passion and persistence. But beware of putting them on a pedestal and obsessing over them. It will just make you an anxious, bitter, dissatisfied person. Nothing good comes from obsessing, even when the topic is a positive one.

 

Weekly Devotion-Tough Love
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Weekly Devotion-Tough Love

May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.

-2 Thessalonians 3:5

I find it interesting that “the love of God” and “patient endurance” is together in the same scripture, both being encouraged and persuaded. I’ve been told by a very wise individual in my life that sometimes the love of God is putting us through challenges that ultimately make our character stronger, because our character is the most important thing to him.

This scripture is a prayer for us, that we would come to understand the patient endurance that God wants us to have, endurance that comes only from Christ. We need it, to overcome, to press on, to finish. It’s something we call “tough love.” Even God uses it, and it’s always for our best.

Weekly Devotion: Character First, Comfort Later
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Weekly Devotion: Character First, Comfort Later

…So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.

1 Peter 5:10 NLT

I love the beginning of this scripture,”…after you have suffered a little while….” It reminds me that this is God’s perspective: Character first, comfort later. Sometimes, He doesn’t care about how comfortable you are. He’s more concerned with building your character. Character building doesn’t happen except outside the comfort zone. The way this sentence is phrased, it’s telling us that there is a guarantee that we’ll do some suffering (“Here on this earth you will have many trials and sorrows…” John 16:33), but there’s a reason for them (“…for we know that they help us develop endurance.” Romans 5:3).

And the second part of the scripture? It reminds us that God does not forget about us while we do our character-building suffering. After we go through the trial and develop some endurance, He picks us back up and sets us on our way again. It’s a cycle, all with a greater purpose in mind.

It’s Time to Change the Atmosphere
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It’s Time to Change the Atmosphere

There’s a small, very small, percentage of people who are truly content staying in the same place. That’s generally those who are 50 and older. I don’t mean staying in the same job or living in the same house. I mean staying in the same place, whatever that may be. Mostly physical. If it also means something emotional or psychological, changing the physical can often be the catalyst to a healthy emotional or psychological change. There comes a time when changing the atmosphere is a stronger need than a want.

When should you change the atmosphere?

“Well, when you’re unhappy, of course!”

Not necessarily. When I’ve been unhappy in places or situations, I consider the holy struggle that I believe is mine to share with Christ, and that’s to be put in circumstances that are either meant to help me grow or help someone else. If we left everything that ever made us unhappy, we’d be going on an endless, futile journey. And everyone is made happy by different things. Happiness is important, but it should never be the main thing we consider when we want a change of atmosphere.

A change of atmosphere is in order when you see an end to growth. If you wake up and realize that you are the same person that you were last week, a lightbulb should go off. A healthy place is a place where you are growing, lots, and if you’re not, then it’s time to move on. Also, if you discover that no one has been positively changed by you being there in recent history, then that also should trigger a lightbulb. It may be difficult to separate the absence of purpose from the absence of happiness, but that’s because the two usually go hand in hand. If you are feeling unhappy, take a deep look and try to figure out why. If it’s just because you want to escape some problems or you can’t stand a certain person or you want to try something new,  maybe it’s not the best to go just yet. But, if you really believe deep down that you are not growing and no one else is growing, then consider making a change of scenery.

The pursuit of change and growth is always a good thing. What creates problems is if the reason for change is not necessarily a good thing. Remember, character comes before dreams. 

Remember, Character comes before Dreams
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Remember, Character comes before Dreams

Romans 5:3-5 says: “More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Despite how much God wants to see your dreams fulfilled, and help you achieve those dreams (he has a purpose for you, after all), there is something significantly more important to him than that, and which should be more important to you. That is character.

And here’s the thing: you can invest in Character right now. You began from the moment you had the ability to make your own choices. Character doesn’t need resources. In your life pursuits, character comes before dreams. And with good character, the pursuit of your dreams will be more successful and pleasant. To the right people, your character will stand out stronger than your ability; to the right people.

What you leave behind will stick around longer than what you bring about in your lifetime. Don’t stop pursuing dreams, but pursue character first.

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5 things that God has been working on with me

This has been a very trying time for me. So…so much has been happening, every one of them equally stressful and needing my mental and emotional attention, and I am tired. Eventually things will calm down. But I’m reminded of the verse Romans 5:3-5…

“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

During all these trials, I’ve been experiencing some heady character building. It’s nowhere near over, but I’ve been developing a lot in the past few months. Here are five of those things:

  1. Building my assertiveness. I’ve come to discover that it is my nature to be passive and avoid confronting wrongful behavior that genuinely hurts me. Each time the moment is right, I always think, “Nah, I’m just being sensitive. I’m at fault for letting it bother me.” Though that is often a good way to go, it’s not always the right way. I did it so much that it turned me a little bitter, and now God is helping me build the courage to confront and the wisdom to know when it is right to confront.
  2. Learning to say no. My family is a yes family. It’s a family trait to say yes to every favor asked of us. Therefore each and every one of us has had to struggle with the burn out that it causes. Right now I have to consciously say no, because saying yes is still so habitual to me. I’ve learned that at some point I have to put my own interests into thought.
  3. Letting go of a label. I am naturally a sensitive person, and there’s something I’ve had to come to terms with: Being a sensitive person is not a bad thing! That’s been difficult, because whenever I was called sensitive it had a negative connotation to it. Most of the people around me don’t really view sensitivity in a good light, but that doesn’t have to define me. That plays in with my passive nature. Whenever I had a problem with something someone did, I always put the blame on myself and claimed I was just being sensitive. I’ve been learning that, first of all, it’s not a bad thing, and second of all, I have a right to stick up for myself when I am hurt.
  4. Believing that no job is too small. Because of certain not-so-good seeds planted in me, I’ve struggled with believing that I ever did enough, no matter where I was. That has caused me to take on more than I should and devalue myself because I never felt like I was doing enough, or at least doing an adequate job. That is a deep-seated falsehood that God has really been working on uprooting inside me.
  5. Believing I am worth it. Recently, in a deep conversation with a pastor, when they said something along the lines of “you’re worth it,” I burst into tears. I couldn’t seem to believe it. I realized that I never saw myself as worth “it,” whatever it was. God has been working on getting me to see that I am worth it, worth anything, worth most of all his unwavering love.

With God, anything can be uprooted, no matter how deep it goes. What sort of things has been getting uprooted in you?