Looking Forward

It’s Friday, right?

I’m finding myself feeling a little frustrated today. However, reading other’s blogs, I also feel grateful for the situation I am in, as opposed to some of the really crazy shit some of the others of you have to deal with. Its exhausting to be civil, to be polite, to someone you want to see shived to death. Someone told me that its a waste of energy and bad karma to wish him dead. However, my brain has been going there more often this week.

I had some crazy dreams last night, woke up with a raging headache and my shoulders in knots. Well. At least its Friday, right?

I found out this week that my credit score has dropped from bad to worse because the X missed a loan payment with my name on it. No amount of begging the bank will get my name off of that stupid loan – so, unless I want to pay it myself, there’s not much I can do…and of course I don’t know its late until AFTER the fact. There is so much tied up with me obsessing about my credit score. Its how I’m going to be able to buy a house. Its how I’m going to move past this hell hole of a house we’re all trapped in. Its one more way to break another tie I have with the X. It feels like him doing this, messing with my credit is him trying to control me. Of course, it effects him the same as it effects me, and it was likely an oversight…but all the same, my paranoid self is wary.

Because I didn’t feel like the counseling was working out for me, (and thank you to everyone who weighed in on that – a little bit of validity about what I was feeling really helped me to see that this dude really wasn’t a good fit for me) – I’ve decided maybe I need to try getting a massage and see if that can help alleviate some of my tension and crap. I’ve been pretty against massage in the past as I have an aversion to strangers in my space, much less touching me! Ack! But lately, I’ve been making an effort to try different things and to not be so stuck in my ideas about things I’ve not tried.

Husband and I have been desperate for some quality time lately. The kids, as I’m sure most of you are aware, always need something…RIGHT NOW! And, with no other parent in the picture, this gets a little overwhelming 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without a break. We’re going to spend some time at a local craft show on Saturday, and maybe take the dogs for a hike on Sunday…Big goals for someone who has a mountain of laundry to tackle, and a quilt to make before Christmas.