D’s visit update
D had asked to see his Dad on Sunday. He said he wanted to come home after supper, and not spend the night. I emailed X and asked if he agreed to this, if he’d be able to get D home. He said, “Yes.” I should have known better. The last time D successfully stayed over night with his father was Summer, 2011. He was sent home early on Christmas, 2011. He hasn’t seen his dad since then. He hasn’t talked to dad on the phone since January 2013.
X emailed me and said he was having the kids at noon time. I emailed and texted him at 12:30 asking when he’d be coming to get them.
Roommate came to get kids at 1:20.
D called at 3:30 asking to spend the night. When D got home he said he asked dad, “I’d like to spend the night, what can you do to make that happen?” According to D he was told, “Call your mother and ask her.” I told D he didn’t have any of his things, and that I’d need an email from X, that would be the first step. I never heard from X about this. I also heard from D once he was home that he wanted to stay because he was having fun playing video games with dad, and that is all the did the whole time he was there.
I emailed X at 7:15pm asking when he would be bringing D home. I didn’t get a response.
D called me at 8 asking if I could meet him in the school parking lot with his things in the morning.
I told him no, that we made a rule about not calling and asking for more time. He apologized and said he didn’t have a ride home. Roommate wouldn’t bring him that its too late. He asked if I could pick him up. I told D that if dad needs me to come get him I would, but we can’t pass this stuff through the kids, so dad needs to send me an email.
I emailed X. No response.
I called X. No response.
I texted X. No response.
I texted Roommate. No response.
I called A No response.
I called Roommate. No response.
I called A again. “Dads emailing you”, he said. I said I just called to talk to D. A said, “my phones almost dead.” I said ok, but I wanted to talk to D and dad wasn’t answering the phone.
When I talked to D he said he needed to get somewhere private. He said the dad was being very persistent about spending the night. I tried to talk to him about staying the night and getting him a change of clothes in the morning. Then A’s phone died.
I tried calling X back. I left a voice mail saying that I wanted to talk to D before bedtime. It was after 8:30pm at this point, and if he was going to have D spend the night in his own clothes, and go to school like that in the morning, then I would just pick him up at school and bring him home for a shower and clean clothes.
Then X called me. I thought it was D calling back, but it wasn’t, it was X. “D wants to spend the night. he’ll be dropped off at school in the morning at 7:30am.” I said no, it would actually be better that if he didn’t plan on bringing D home like we agreed, that he should bring him home, instead of the school in the morning, so he could change and shower and brush.
Then X started screaming at me that I’ve made D feel terrible for wanting to sleep over. I control everything and D is afraid to tell me that he wants to stay over. And its horrible that I’d be making D late for school on Monday because I wanted him to come home first to get changed. I said “If you choose to keep D past the time we agreed to, there isn’t much I can do from here.” His response was “You’re goddamned right there isn’t ANYTHING you can do!”
I pointed out that he didn’t have his clothes, his jammies, his toothbrush, that he wasn’t prepared to sleep over tonight, and X said that was because I didn’t bother to send any of his things with him. I said I didn’t know why I would do that – he was only supposed to stay until after dinner.
Then I asked to talk to D. I asked about 7 times before he stopped screaming at me.
When I got D on the phone I apologized for making him feel bad about not spending the night, he said “What? I don’t feel bad.” I said, oh, well Dad said you feel really bad that you can’t sleep over, and well, its late now, so do you have your pajamas on? And had your shower and teeth brushed?” D said “No.” I said oh ok, well, I can just bring you all your things to school tomorrow, or I can pick you up there and bring you home in the morning and then you can change and stuff….”
D said, “I want you to come pick me up. Can you come get me? You have to tell Dad that I don’t want to sleep over. I can’t tell him.”
I said yes. We’ll leave now. i’ll be there in less than 20 minutes.
I texted X and told him that D asked me to let him know he wanted to be picked up, and we’d be there in 15 minutes. When we arrived, I rang the doorbell and D came out and we left.
Once home, D asked me, probably 6 times, to tell dad he doesn’t want to go there tomorrow. He can’t tell him. He doesn’t want to offend him. He doesn’t want to make dad feel bad. He said “I’m going to feel really bad if I have to tell dad I don’t want to go there tomorrow.” I told him I’d take care of it, there isn’t anything D needs to feel badly about.
D also said that X spent a LOT of time talking about 50% of the time he has to stay. Half of the time. 50%. 50% out of 100% of the time. I told D that’s not a thing grownups should be talking to the kids about. That’s for the grownups to work out themselves.
Then he said, “there were a lot of empty beer bottles in the basement where he stays. And he’s growing his beard back. And he was withered.” I said, “Withered?” husband said, “Do you mean thin?” D said, “No, like withered…” I said, “Like a withered flower?” D said, “Yeah, just minus the flower part.”
At this point D said he’d not sure if he wants to go back any time soon.
Looking Forward 