Looking Forward

Making a better life for me and my kids

Archive for the tag “visitation”

08 Oct 2013
8 Comments

Vomit.

Our hearing was postponed. We have not gotten a new date yet. We do know that it won’t be in October. 

Back in June when we went to court the last time, X filed a motion to enforce the old order that he had ignored for the whole previous year. He wants D 50% of the time. At that time, he also filed a motion to modify (which I’d already filed, duh) requesting that he be the primary residential parent and that I should pay him child support for A.

My lawyer and the magistrate suggested that all these issues be heard at once, during the hearing that was to be scheduled from my original modification. He agreed to have his request for modification to be heard then, but the motion to enforce, he said no to. So, while everything else was being piled together, this motion to enforce is on a track of its own.

I heard last week that we’ve been scheduled for mediation regarding this motion to enforce on October 29th. We also have been scheduled for a one hour hearing on Nov. 5th. My lawyer requested from X that we consolidate this issue with all the others. He said, “No. D and I should not have to wait any longer for a resolution.” Vomit. My lawyer will file a request to consolidate anyway.

X has been emailing me this week, his typical narcissistic, gas lighting, crazy making bullshit. Then he emailed my lawyer. Saying he ‘thoroughly’ addressed all my concerns (‘D needs clothes at your house’ does NOT mean 2 tshirts and a pair of shorts!) and he has NO idea why on earth I am denying him access to his son! I’ll say it again. Vomit. 

We already owe my lawyer $1500.00 It’ll be another 2k for the hearing, whenever that may be. And now we have to add in her services for mediation and an enforcement hearing. Along with these whiny, bitching emails. Seriously. This is fucking ridiculous. 

Yes, yes, we are asking that at least a portion of our legal fees be allocated to X because of how much of her time and effort he is requiring above and beyond a normal “modification”. But, what does that really mean? Nothing. 

D called me at work yesterday afternoon.
He said, “sooo, dad just called. He was all ‘when are you coming over?’ ‘don’t you want to come over?’ ‘when do you think you should come over?’ ugh! I said ‘i don’t know. i don’t know. i don’t know.’ Then dad said, ‘well i don’t know isn’t an answer. I need an answer.’ and i mumbled a bunch but didn’t say anything.”
I said, “Oh my, ok well…I’m sorry about all that.”
His answer was, “Yeah, well, he said i’m supposed to call him back but i’m really not going to, so i’m just going to turn the ringer off on the phone now.”
I said that was ok, and thanks for letting me know.
He said, “Okloveyoubye!” and hung up. 

Later that evening I told him that dad was telling me that D has been asking to spend time with him, specifically during the week. (This is what he put in an email to my lawyer). I said it was OK if that’s what D wanted, but reminded him that he can’t be telling dad something different than what he’s telling me. D got angry, “I did NOT say that! When dad says stuff like that, you need to check with me, ok?” I told him that’s what I was doing. He said “No. I didn’t say that!” 

I don’t want to worry him about upcoming enforcement hearing and crap. But I did want to let him know that it was likely a judge was going to, at some point, say that D needs to visit dad more than he’s visiting right now. I asked if he wanted that time to be with A there or not. He said he preferred A not to be there. I asked why not. Apparently A and X fight over chores. A doesn’t do them right so X hollers at him. A hollers back. X swears and shouts. A swears and shouts. D says this makes him put his head down and just try to focus on his video games and wait for it to be over. He’d rather not go to dads when A is there and they’re likely to fight. 

I asked what happens to the laundry and dishes when A isn’t there? Do they just pile up and wait for A to come back? D said he didn’t know. “I do know that I’ve never seen dad pick up any of his own crap.” He speculates that the work gets done between A and the GF.

This makes me want to vomit. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
04 Oct 2013
6 Comments

More of the same…

This morning I sent: 

Will you be picking D up at home at 9:45 on Saturday? Also, I’d like an update on progress you’ve made in finding a counselor for A.

And in return I got:

As I said before regarding A and his counselor – I gave you names and then free reign to select whomever you wanted.  I have been waiting for you to select one which you have not done or at least you have not informed me of any such selection.

I have yet to speak with D regarding this weekend, and had I had earlier notice or even better a reasonable set schedule of visitation for my son everyone would be on the same page.   I have tried to call the last two nights but no one answered… I will try again this evening.

I have also not heard back from you regarding a scheduled appointment for D to get his braces.  It has been a month.  Should I need to go through the Court to make this happen I will do so.  D should not have to wait any longer to recieve proper dental care, care that is long overdue.

As I mentioned to your attorney, I am seriously considering asking the court to appoint a GAL for each of the boys and am currently investigating options in that regard.  Of course that will depend on how things progress in the very near future.  I also understand that this will be a significant monetary burden on both of us and from what I have gathered so far will probably extend greatly the amount of time that this court process ultimately takes.  However, given your reluctance to work with me on a reasonable schedule for D and your insistence that I only be allowed to see my son every other weekend, at this time I see no other solution to ensure that the boys interests are met and their voices are heard.

As always I remain open to valid and reasonable suggestions in regards to working out our differences in regards to what is in the boys best interests.

 

Whatever loser. I’m going to go watch my son play football tonight. You and your bullshit issues are the furthest things from my mind. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
19 Sep 2013
14 Comments

Can’t stop the crazy

Rather than answering any of my questions, he sends this:

I find your newest and latest argument to be absolutely invalid – that him forgetting his meds at my house would be an issue given the close proximity of our homes and the ease with which I could return the medication.  In regards to the transportation of his medication I will certainly defer to the doctor who is the professional in these matters and the one who has dealt, I assume, with this sort of thing on numerous prior occassions.  He feels that D is fine to transport and that it is ok for his meds to be with me.  Please give me the name of the officer at the DEA office who told you that it was not ok for D to transport his meds and for his meds to be at my house while D is with me, and I will be more than happy to contact this person and discuss the issue with them so that I may hear it first hand.

Once again we truly differ on what is “Adult” matters and should not be discussed with the boys.  A schedule for D that will impact his everday life is certainly not something I would consider inappropriate for discussion with him, nor is giving him a heads up about going to court.  He is not 5 years old anymore, he is 13 and quite capable of understanding what the discussion is about and certainly capable of adding valuable input as to what he feels and wants.  Your continued exclusion of him from events that will directly effect him is what I find very disturbing and inappropriate to the point of being overly controlling.  If what you have said all along is true than I would think you would welcome the chance to have D speak with the judge and settle the matter right then and there. 

Please explain the process that you followed when D was taking his medication at school.  I will be more than happy to follow that process as it must have taken into account all of the concerns you have yet still allowed him to take his medication at school. 

Frankly, your continued efforts to prevent him from staying with me during the week are quite perplexing.  I have found no legitimate reason thus far in what you have stated as reasons why he cannot stay with me.   You seem to keep coming up with more outageous and unrealistic notions as to why D should not be allowed to stay with me – against both D and my own personal wishes. 

Please ensure that both A and D are available for the specified trial dates that fall under their scheduled time with you.  D is more than welcome to stay with me anytime, but the rest of this nonsense must be heard by the judge. 

I resent the last two paragraphs of my original email asking if he’d like to have D on Fri-Sun and asking him to contact the pharmacies.
I am done for the day.
Fuck him.
Seriously.
FUCK. HIM.

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , ,
19 Sep 2013
11 Comments

Hurry up and wait

Here we are.
5 days until our scheduled court date.
Bad news though, it might be postponed. I’m trying not to let it eat at me, but I’m just so frustrated.

On Monday X called D. He’d wanted to make a plan for D to come over to his house, Wednesday through Sunday. D is doing really good at saying “You have to email mom.” Rather than just agreeing. X then said that he wasn’t going to email me because I would just say no. Then he told D that D would be coming to court with us, and that he’d have to speak in front of a judge and tell the judge what he wants. This, rightly so, panicked D. 

D called me at work. I said “Hello!”

D was hollering, ” I HAVE TO GO TO COURT?! I HAVE TO TALK TO A JUDGE?!” 

“Ummmm, what? Whats going on?”

“DAD JUST CALLED ME AND TOLD ME THAT I HAVE TO GO TO COURT! THAT I HAVE TO SAY TO A JUDGE WHAT I WANT ABOUT VISITING HIM!?! IS THIS TRUE!?!” 

“Oh sweetie…ok, so no. Its not. We’re going to do everything that we can to make sure you don’t have any part in going to court. The grown ups need to work this out. This isn’t anything you need to be worrying about.”

“I DON’T WANT TO GO TO COURT! UGH! Ok. Fine. Dad said you emailed him and told him that you only want him to see me one time every two weeks?” 

“Um, I don’t remember doing that – but is that what I’ve been telling you?”

D said, “no. its not. You say that I can go when I want.” 

“Right, ok then. This is an adult thing, and not for you to worry about, ok?” 

“ok fine. I WAS in the middle of my homework!” 

I said it was ok if he wanted to finish it after I got home. He said ok, and that was the end of the conversation.

I emailed my lawyer about this and asked how it works and what we can do to keep D out of court. She emailed the clerk and asked for conference with the judge before the trial in order to resolve this kid thing beforehand. The clerk replied that she didn’t think we’d be heard in September, so maybe we had more time to meet with a judge, but she’d let us know in a day or so. That was on Tuesday. I haven’t heard back from my lawyer. I don’t know what to expect. I just want this to be over. 

X emailed me yesterday afternoon wanting D to come over that night. I said no. For all the reasons I’ve said every time about school night visits. I said he could have him all day Saturday and until Sunday afternoon. He said, “So now it has changed to something else as the reason you are denying me the right to see my son.  This is certainly a growing pattern of denial of my rights on your part. “

God this is exhausting. 

That evening X called D. I answered the phone and told D his dad wanted to talk to him. I said to D, “Your dad is going to ask you to come over tonight. I’ve already emailed him about this and said that you can go on Saturday, is that ok?” D said, “yeah I guess, you can just hang up then.” I said no, that D needed to talk to dad, I wasn’t going to just hang up. 

D was sucked into the middle the second he picked up the phone. At least 3 times I heard him say “You have to email mom. You have to talk to mom. You have to ask mom.” Then D held the phone up and said “Dad wants to talk to you.” I said, “No thanks.” D said “Mom says to email her.” D then hung up and said “Dad wants you to message him.” I said “thanks.” 

Then this morning I get ANOTHER email from X. 

Just so I understand what you are saying here, it is only you who feels that D cannot transport his mediation to my house… in essence the 10 feet it takes to go from your vehicle to my door.  I noticed that he took medication at school for some time – please tell me how that worked since you don’t allow him to transport it on his own and the medication can only be stored at your house.  I am really interested in knowing how that worked, because maybe that process is something that I can mirror when he is with me at my house. 

And am I also to understand that you feel it is reasonable to ask the doctor, whom has already said that there is no issue with D transporting or me holding onto his perscription while he is with me, to prescribe a second subscription for me to have at my house.  I will call the Doctor this morning and see what he thinks of this plan and if he agrees I will get his medication and send you the bill.

Now that I feel I have addressed all of your concerns from the previous email and given that D wants to visit with me overnight and I want him to, and given that I will take him to any swim practices he may have, and given that he has toiletries at my house, and given that I will get him any clothes he may need while he is with me because you refuse to send him with what he needs, and given that I have a bed for him to sleep in, and given that I will have a prescription for his medication if possible by this evening – Any other issues that might prevent him from staying with me tonight through Sunday morning?

If not please let me know a good time to pick him up this evening.

I couldn’t take it any more. I wanted to not reply. I wanted to just say, “Fuck You.” He’s saying the same things over and over and over. I think he’s mentally handicapped. That must be what his problem is. All the back pain meds he must be on, mixed with the alcohol I’m sure he’s drinking, he’s killed enough brain cells that he inflicted an impaired mental capacity upon him self. He has become handicapped.

Here is my response. I’m not usually so lengthy in my response, but clearly he’s not understanding. I’m sure this won’t help him be any less stupid, but it was worth a try….

I am not going to send the medication that I have for D to your house. In the event that he forgets it, he won’t have any for when he is home. That is why it is important for you to have your own supply to give him. It is also one of the reasons I am uncomfortable with having him at your house on school nights. He need to take his medication in the morning. He also needs a shower every morning, and to brush his teeth every night. This was part of the treatment plan leading to him getting braces. D needs to be a better and more consistent brusher. It was reported that the last time he stayed over with you on a school night these things did not happen. 

It is also concerning that you’re calling D and talking to him about your plan to have him speak in court. Whether or not that happens has been yet to be determined. I’m not sure why you think it’s a good idea to get him involved and upset over something that is not yet concrete. I would ask that you refrain from discussing adult matters with him. 

I was able to do some research yesterday and found that perhaps when the next medication refill happens, the pharmacy can give me two containers, one for each house. My research also led us to contact the DEA which said two scripts would be better, but other information I saw suggested that regulations for schedule II controlled substances won’t allow one person to have two scripts. I feel like it would benefit you to do some research on this as well. We use the walmart pharmacy and sometimes the rite aid pharmacy. You could call them and see if they’d give out two containers. Also if they could be picked up separately. I feel that this would be the best and easiest avenue. 

No one has ever had a problem with YOU having D’s medication. The issue is, and always has been, the meds we give him at home need to stay at home so they don’t get lost or forgotten. Also, I have already paid for D’s script for the month. I will not be paying for a second script for your house. That will be your responsibility, in the event you are able to get a second script. 

You will need to get him the clothes he needs while he is with you, not because I refuse to let him take his things, but because you are the other parent. Your house is his other home. He needs his own things there. Including a bed that is his, not one he can choose to use, one that is for him, and him alone to use. 

I will agree for you to see D from Friday after school (they have a half day) until Sunday this week. He has swim on Friday from 3:00pm until 4:30pm. He also has diving lessons on Saturday morning at 8:45 until 9:30. We will be attending diving, and can do the transportation for that if you’d rather. I will pick him up at 11am when I drop A off with you on Sunday. 

Please let me know what you find out from the pharmacies. I can schedule his refill as soon as tomorrow. Hopefully, we’ll be able to get the medication issue sorted out sooner rather than later. If you are in agreement, I’ll let D know to plan on getting off the bus at your house on Friday. 

 

I’m sure he’ll respond. Pissed I’m not agreeing. Maybe court will happen on time. Maybe it won’t get postponed. Maybe the wait is almost over…?

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
04 Sep 2013
16 Comments

Is it time to go to court yet?

After the disagreements last week regarding D’s upcoming schedule and how X wants him during the school week and will not agree to anything less than 50% of the time with HIS son, I emailed him on Monday…

I have concerns about D spending overnights at your house during the school week. He reports that he does not have a bed, clothes, pajamas, toothbrush, etc at your house. D has a difficult enough time getting enough restful sleep during the school week without subjecting him to sleeping on a couch.
My alternative suggestion is that for this week, you can pick him up at the Y after his swim practice on Friday at 4:30pm and can keep him until Sunday at 11am. I’ll pick him up when I drop A off. This way he’ll have a proper bed to sleep in, and will give you an opportunity to purchase clothes, pajamas and toiletries for his time with you.
Concerning following weeks, we have yet to determine what D’s schedule will be. However, I will be in touch when I know more.
Please let me know if you wish to have him with you from Friday at 4:30 pm until Sunday until 11am.

He responded with his own ideas, as he usually does. He also seems to think that if he just ignores what I’ve already said, then it never happened.

 
D requested, after discussion with me, that he stay with me from Wednesday after school until Saturday morning prior to his diving lessons.  I intend to honor that choice and will be planning on having him with me during that time period.  I will contact D to see what he prefers for pick up on Wednesday – whether that be me picking him up personally or if he feels comfortable enough to take the bus.  I will drop him off at the Irving station on Saturday morning at 8.  
I look forward to spending time with my son as already planned.

Really? This is your approach to compromise? I want to see him on THIS day at THIS time. This is what D wants. Trust me.

In your email to me last week, you said that if I did not agree to the plan that you had laid out to respond before the end of the week. I did that via my lawyer. I do not agree to D spending consecutive school nights with you. I believe that it will be too disruptive to the schedule we’re working to put into place for him now that school has started.

The timing of visits, as in what days it happens on, matters very little to D. What matters is that he’d like to come and visit you. You can see him from Friday after swim at 4:30 until Sunday at 11am. Eventually a judge will need to decide what will work best for D, and until then we’re trying to facilitate these visits to best meet D’s schedule and needs.

Please let me know if you’ll be able to pick him up from the Y at 4:30 on Friday or not.

And here comes the crazy!

I sent you the email and asked if you had concerns so that we might discuss them. There has been no discussion on your part about a set schedule beyond offering to allow D to visit with me every other week on the weekend.  Your proposal is not even close to 50/50.  What you offered is not a discussion that is meaningful nor does it take into account what D and I want. I offered to continue to discuss options with you at which point Armanda replied that we would need to go before a judge – that is not a discussion.  That is you making a demand. 

I am sorry if you feel that the schedule I proposed is going to be too disruptive to him now that school has started.  I waited all summer long, trying to establish a schedule of visitation with you to no avail. Your only stated concern all along, that I can recall, has been that you didn’t want to allow him to visit because he didn’t want to and that it would be damaging if he was forced to do so.  Visits that only occured when I was able to make direct contact with him or him with me because for some reason going through you first seemed to result in you not allowing it to happen.  There has been no damage done with his visits with me and in fact they have led him to wanting more. 

D wants to visit with me, he has said this to me.  He has verbalized this fact and is ok with overnights as am I.  We had an open and frank discussion about it.  He gave me his concerns and I made sure they were addressed in the proposal I sent to you.  I see no valid reason why he should not be allowed to visit overnight and you have not presented me with any reason that it should not happen.  I can understand your concerns with him not being with you all the time, but I am his father and I have a right to see him too.  You even stated in your email that the timing of his visits matters little to him, so the only one that seems to have an issue with when he visits me now is you.  I would like to point out that although I can appreciate you “trying to put into place” a schedule for him, doing so with little regard to me and my time with him is not ok.  Your actions lead me to ponder whether all the talking and patient attempts to work together on visitation with you have been done so with “bad faith” on your part. 

Again, you have not given me any other proposal that resembles a fair compromise of time with my son, you have refused to continue to discuss the matter and offer compromise, and you have offered no legitimate reason that visitation should not occur as I proposed.  For now, I will look forward to having D with me starting on Wednesday after school so that he may begin to adjust to the new school year and the new schedule that includes time spent with his father. 

I hesitate to go into the following with you but in the best interests of both A and D I would ask that you reconsider your position and work towards reaching a fair and adequate compromise on visitation so that they will not have to go into court with us.   These boys have been through enough already.  A has expressed in the past a desire to be with me full time but I have made sure that the current schedule includes time with you on a fairly equal basis as we originally agreed to.  D has expressed a desire to be with me for part of the week yet it feels as if you continue to make efforts to block this from happening.  Regardless of my silence on the issue of motivation on your part, they both are seeing this happen and it is not a good thing.  Although they may not understand everything right now and they may not appreciate all that is happening – one day they will.  I am not asking for full custody of either of my boys.  I am looking to share based on what is best for them regardless of our personal differences.  There is still time and my offer to work on a reasonable compromise for visitation still stands.

Ok this is exhausting. Can you please stop being an asshole? Just for a second?

Unfortunately, it appears that a compromised isn’t going to be reached. A judge will have to make a final decision regarding these issues. In the meantime, if you would like to see D from Friday until Sunday this week, he is available.

So what does he do? Well he didn’t stop being an asshole, that’s for sure.

 He called D at home last night. “Hey buddy! I’m going to pick you up at school tomorrow (Wednesday) and you can come to my house until Saturday. How does that sound?!” I hear D ask “Do I have a bed to sleep in?” Dad replies, “We’ll work it out, you can sleep in my bed or in A’s bed. And if you don’t bring clothes with you, we can pick some up. Sound good?!” D said, “Yeah ok.”

I explained to D that dad and I had already discussed this and the answer was already “No, not during the week. Friday, Saturday and Sunday was totally ok…but not during the school week.” D apologized for agreeing with his dad, I told him he didn’t need to apologize. It was ok, and not his fault. This is a grown up thing and its not ok for dad to try to use D to work around the rules I’ve already made. “So dad is using me?” D asked. I said, “Yes. He is.” D tried to rationalize, “maybe I should just go with dad. I don’t know what to do.” I asked him if he really wanted to go, or if he was just trying to keep things….” He interrupted me with an arm sweep in a slow and even line through the air in front of him and said “Caaaaaaaalm” Yeah, I get it. No one likes it when dad gets mad. D agreed. “Yeah, I’ve seen it. It’s not good.”

I went to the school this morning to drop off the current order that says contact is from Sun – Wed and is to happen at a specific location, which is NOT the school. Who knows how the school will handle it. If he can’t get D there, he’ll likely just go wait for him at home and take him from there.

I told D that no matter what happens today, he just needs to do the thing that makes him the most comfortable. No matter what he chooses to do, he won’t be in trouble. I packed his cell phone in his back pack. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t holding my breath.

Is it time to go to court yet? Seriously, this shit is out of hand. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
19 Aug 2013
5 Comments

Update

A quick update….

D was angry with me setting computer limits so he asked to go to dads last week. I said he could go, though I didn’t want to. He was gone from Monday night until Thursday morning. It was rough. I emailed X on Monday night, asking for a confirmation of when he’d be returning D. And of course, X never bothered to email or contact me. Once D was returned home, X did send me an email:

“You had confirmation as you stood by next to D while he called me twice – if you do not remember him discussing it with you while on the phone with me I am sure he can refresh your memory.  You were well aware of the times and insinuating otherwise is just a fabrication on your part.  My number continues to be blocked on your phone, as it has been for almost two years now.  You are not being honest when you say that it has never been blocked and the implication that I am lying and have been all along is quite objectionable and once again is an example of your attempt to mislead.  I again reiterate that I continue to be blocked from sending messages to your phone and have been for almost two years and that you were aware of when D would be with me and when he would be returned.  
Again with the communication piece, I am glad D called me so that he could visit.  It seems the only times he is able to visit are those when he and I make contact without you as the go between.  I look forward to him spending more time with me.”

In case anyone was wonder, he is still nuts. 

When D came back he reported “I survived!” He also said it made him uncomfortable that dad had a lot of empty beer bottles in the back of his car, and that he smokes. In house. And in the car. He was smoking in the car when he picked D up.  

D also reported that he still doesn’t have a bed at dads. Or a toothbrush, clothes, or pajamas. But! Dad does let him stay up until midnight playing xbox! D reported that he stayed up a lot longer than that because dad snores really loud, and its gross. 

Luckily he has counseling this week. 

My lawyer informed me on Friday that the court has sent her a letter saying our trial will likely take place in September. This is great news. We were originally told we’d likely not have a trial until January of 2014. 

Otherwise, the summer is winding down nicely. The kids are ok. I’m ok. I really can’t ask for much more than that. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
24 Jul 2013

I don’t see any benefit in responding

We were in Walmart. I asked D if he’d like to go visit his dad.

He said “Maybe.”

I said, “Do you want to call him? Or do you want him to call you?”

D quickly said, “I want him to call ME!” The last few times D has tried to call his dad, his dad has not answered. He has also not returned his calls. I said I’d email dad and let him know to call.

D said “I’m sure the moment he gets it, he’ll call me immediately!”  Poor kid.

So, I emailed X on Tuesday, as I also wanted to try to square away the back to school clothes shopping stress I’ve been having.

D said that he would like it if you called him. Please use the home phone number. 

Because you currently have A from Sunday afternoon until Thursday mornings, rather than me buying all his school clothes again this year, it would be better if you purchased his school clothes and things he’ll need while he is with you. I’ll do the same for his time with me. This way he won’t need to transport clothes and personal items between houses.

Also, since you’ve moved, I’d appreciate having your new address.

I heard nothing back and asked D on Tuesday evening if he’d heard from dad yet. He said, “No.”

Then this afternoon I got an email.

So am I to go through D now for scheduling?  This seems the opposite of what you have been advocating all along – that scheduling be done through you and not the children.  I have no problem doing this, but I am not going to set something up with him again only to have you once again tell me that you have made last minute plans for him.  Also, you told me you would get back to me about his availablity – that was over 2 weeks ago.  He wanted to visit and I wanted him to visit.  We have both been waiting on you.

(He put his address here)

Still no word from you on D’s appointment with (The Therapist).  At this late of a date I will assume that you will be taking him and that billing information will be passed along at that time.  I will call (The Therapist)  tomorrow for verification that he was present for the scheduled appointment.

And I responded….

If you’d rather contact me regarding scheduling for D, you can feel free to do so. In the past you’ve been adamant about wanting to make these plans with the kids without any input from me. Whatever way works better for you is fine with me, as long as beforehand I know the dates, times and locations of pick up and drop off. I need to know what you’re willing to do for transportation and what you’d like me to do for transportation. 

In regards to you wishing to have time with D and us already having made other plans, to combat this from happening in the future, I would suggest that you consider giving me at least a few hours notice that you’d like to see D. 24 hours would be better. This way I have time to let you know about any other plans already in place, there would be time to either change those plans, or for you to make an alternate arrangement. A set schedule that doesn’t include overnights at this time would be best in order to prevent things from being scheduled during your time with him, and to limit the amount of communication between us. If Wednesday’s don’t work for you, then it would be up to you to make an alternate suggestion.

His response seems like he’s forgotten how much he wants to see his son – so much – rather than just doing what he should do, giving me a date and time, and notice of more than an hour, he has to spend three paragraphs telling me I’m wrong.

You are incorrect.  I have never been adamant about scheduling anything with the kids exclusively – the plans we have for the time with me is for the most part none of your business.  Your perception of scheduling is yours alone and not one based in any fact whatsoever.  The fact that you read communications between the children and myself against our wishes and come to those conclusions on your own and prior to me sending you actual propsed plans is in my opinion the reason that you percieve this.  Again you are not at all correct in your statement that I have been adamant about excluding you from scheduling.

You are also not correct in implying that I did not give you adequate notice regarding my last attempted visit with D.  You had more than 24 hours notice and several options that could have worked had you taken the time to simply decide on a time for him to visit.  There is no combatting this from happening in the future if you would care to respond in a timely fashion to the numerous options given.  I have said it before and I will say it again, the children are free to stay with me any time they want – I will gladly take them.

I seriously have no idea what you are talking bout here with the scheduling proposal you just made.  I have no idea what logic you are using when you imply that an overnight might disturb things being scheduled during my time with him.  I want my son to spend as much time with me as possible and I want him for overnights – a set schedule that includes this will prevent you from scheduling anything during my time so feel free to tell me what days of the week you prefer.  This is my alternative suggestion – I want a regular time with my son at least 50% of the week until we go to court and have it finalized.  As far as pick up and drop off is concerned I have no problem with the same setup as we have with A.  However, I am not going to do any type of agreement with you about D unless it is in writing as you have not kept your word numerous times in the past.

 

I forwarded it to my lawyer and said “I will not be responding to this. If you feel differently, please let me know.”

To which she replied, ” I do not see any benefit to responding.”

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
08 Jul 2013
7 Comments

Same old, same old.

He’s an ass. Its not new. 

D called his dad yesterday to see if he could go over and visit. X didn’t answer his phone. X never called D back. He was too busy with his new girlfriend and daughter having a bbq at the coast apparently. 

Like I said. He’s an ass. Its not new. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , ,
05 Jul 2013
7 Comments

Small Claims and Other Shit

Ah, such shit lately. Where to begin…

X served me papers in April for a small claims suit for $4300.00. I’ll take this moment to remind you all that he has paid ZERO dollars in child support over the last three years. 

We got a court date of July 1st, we hired a lawyer and off to court we went. X showed up wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans. He hadn’t shaved in weeks. He looked like shit. 

During mediation he showed pictures declaring we had DESTROYED the place, and demanded repair costs and past rent monies. Our lawyer asked if he had anyone living there now. He said he did. My lawyer asked when that person moved in. “May 1st” X answered. Our lawyer did some quick math and said that his claim against me was now reduced to 1635.00, as he can’t charge me rent that he’s already receiving from someone else. X said “Ok, I guess so.”

Our lawyer also asked him about the past child support he was going to owe me. X said, “I’m not going to owe her anything. In fact, I have my oldest son the majority of the time now, she’s going to have to pay ME support.” This made me laugh a little. 

We had a side meeting and decided that we would offer X $500.00 to avoid a hearing. When our lawyer offered him this, he laughed at my lawyer. He laughed at me. He said, “I don’t think so! That’s not even CLOSE to what you owe me!” And off to a hearing we went. 

In front of the judge he was so disorganized. He was fumbling. He was confused. He had too much paper, and didn’t know what to do with the papers he did have. He talked too much. Before too long he had the judge sighing and frustrated. 

He stated we “trashed the place” and left all kind of things, like bikes, in the yard.
The judged asked him “Could they have been your children’s bikes?”
X answered, “they could have been, I don’t know.”
The judge said, “You don’t know if they were your own children’s bikes or not?”
He said, “No, I don’t.” 

X talked about how “lucky” he was to have a renter ready to move in as soon as I’d moved out. When asked why he didn’t have someone move right in, why wait until May?
He answered “I wanted to put down new flooring.”
My lawyer countered with, “You realize you have no claims against my client for flooring?”
X said, “I know. I was trying to keep the costs down for her.” 
When X was asked about the broken window, he was asked at what point he learned about it. He said he had no idea until he did the walk through after we left. Liar.

He said he had no idea there was mold in the house. There was a persistent mold problem since 2007. Well before he left the house. “I had no idea” he said. 

While I was a witness, X got to cross examine me. “You testified our divorce was contentious. Correct?”
I said, “yes.”
He said, “You filed for divorce May 2010. Is that correct?”
I said, “Yes.”
He said, and then I lived with you for three months after that before I left. Is that correct?”
I said, “Yes.”
He said, so why would I live with you and be nice to you if our divorce was so ‘contentious’ as you stated?”
I said, “Your motives are your own, I have no idea.”
Then the judge stepped in and told him that this was not the time to be rehashing old wounds. He needed to focus on his claim against me and my defense to it, nothing else. 

In regards to a hole we missed while patching the others, X cross examined my husband. We’d already taken responsibility for the hole in question. We were already prepared to pay for it to be fixed. However, that wasn’t enough for X. “Were you aware of the hole in the wall?” he asked Husband.
“From the pictures, yes, it appears that we missed one.”
X kept going, “Would you say it was a big hole?”
Husband said, “I’m not sure the size, I’d need to see the picture again.”
The judge interjected, “The bench already has a copy of this picture, is this really necessary?”
And with that, X sat back down. 

During our time on the stand, husband and I took responsibility for the broken window, for one door, door trim and a hole in the wall. These are things we intended to pay for, but instead of talking to us about it, rather X just sued us. In the end, those are things we had to pay for, totaling $274.00. 

X was not happy about this. At all. He was out the door and in the elevator very quickly.
Then he started feeling sad. He tried to contact A. “I miss you buddy.” But that didn’t get a response. So he called D. That’s right. D. At 7:15pm. Wanting him to come over. D said he didn’t want to, but maybe on Wednesday. They hashed out a plan for Noon until 8pm. I, like a normal person, expected an email from X confirming this. It was like pulling teeth, but I he did email me. One hour before he was to pick D up.

Once D was returned home, he said he’d had a good time. He said they played Black Ops zombies for 8 hours and made it to level 52. He said he’d had pizza for lunch, and the icecream he was eating was dinner.
D also said he’d like to back and do that again. Before I could email X and try to work out a plan, he emailed me.

The details of D’s pick up and drop off were emailed to you yesterday, and for the record you were already aware of the times and where it was to take place based on the discussion you had with D while I was on the phone with him at the time he decided he wanted to visit (7/1) – because he specifically asked you about it and relayed the message back to me as to what you said. Your emails suggests that you were not aware of dates and times and that is highly misleading – if in the future you would simply like a confirmation from me of information you already know I will be more than happy to send one along, but I do not appreciate the attempt to suggest otherwise. I would have been more than happy to attempt to work with you on a time he could visit with me, but each time I have attempted to discuss visitation with you, you have told me he does not want to visit – once again this was clearly not the case. I am really happy he had a great time and asked to do it again.
I was quite disturbed to see that D has a huge scar on his left cheek (with a smaller one above) – as this is the first time I have seen this and was not made aware of him being so injured, I wonder if you wouldn’t mind explaining to me what actually occurred, when it occurred, and who the doctor was that took care of his wounds – given the size of it I cannot imagine that it did not require a number of stitches at the emergency room.

As I previously stated in an email to you, I have already looked into this provider (__________) and had ruled him out. However, I may reconsider if my initial look at this provider was inaccurate. Please obtain the following – Education, type of psychological practice, number of years practicing, specialty areas, years of experience working specifically with children, what type of psychological method employed while working with children, and his availability for new clients. Please get a letter from his office verifying the information requested and send that to me, at which point I will be more than willing to take another look at him. I will be sending along a list of my choices for providers just as soon as I can.

A. Stop trying to justify your inability to NOT run messages through the kids. It’s wrong. Always. Wrong.
B. There were no ER visits or stitches that you’ve not been made aware of. D was playing with the dog. The dog was too rough. This happened in January. Odd you weren’t this shocked about it when you saw him in May.
C. Stop being a dick about the therapist. Seriously. Just cut it out. You know nothing. At all. Stop pretending you’re important and people care what you think. You’re not. And they don’t.

Perhaps if I could come up with a response that isn’t “FUCK YOU”, I’d respond.

Posted in abuse, child support, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, growing up, kids, parenting, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
29 May 2013
5 Comments

Silent Treatment

I’m not entirely sure where to begin. 

We made the mistake of thinking having a lawyer would some how help us mitigate the crazy that X likes to spew. Instead it just costs us more money when he sends all his crazy emails to her and she has to weigh in only to have him twist and ignore what she says. 

We realized that we were feeling so off balance all of last week was because we were responding to his emails. We typically do not respond to anything if we don’t absolutely have to. Again, we made the mistake of thinking that having a lawyer would some how keep us safe from his anger and bullshit. It did not. 

Back to our old ways of not responding. Not repeating ourselves. Not thinking our lawyer has super powers and can somehow deal with him better than we can. Things have been much quieter since. 

As far as the kids go….

D still doesn’t want to go with his dad. I’ve asked a few times, and D says no. 

I had picked up A from his friends house Sunday morning we spent the day with my mom and her siblings. We (A, husband and I) went out to lunch them, then to the cemetery to put flowers on my grandparents graves. A didn’t have to come along, but he wanted to. We got home and we all played a board game. We ate dinner. We played foosball. A got to drive my car, and my mom’s car. A hung out in his room, listened to music and sang along. Just like a normal weekend day.

A had stayed with X until Thursday, then spent Friday and Saturday at his friends house. He said that he’d be home Sunday and Monday with me. I said that was fine by me. When he contacted his dad about it, he was subtle in his disagreement. 

A

Hey can you pick me up at one tomorrow instead of today

Dad

huh?

whats up?

A

I stayed at reids all weekend so I’ll stay the night here tonight, and go with you tomorrow

Dad

alright, I was thinking that we could hit the movies today though…

You will prob need to take the bus home tomorrow if your thinking one is the pickup time

A

No school tomorrow

Dad

I wont have time to get groceries with you tomorrow either so you will need to give me an idea of what you want

??

thought mem day was next weekend

hmm

A

No its this weekend

Dad

gotcha… looks like it is bbq day for me then haha

A

But mayebe mom will let me go after supper

Dad

its your call not hers bud, if you want here today I will come get ya, period.

A

I’ll message you after supper I’m about to be out to eat with Grammy and then to the graveyard then well come home and we can talk then

Dad

alright, I am not sure when I will be back near the computer though so leave me a message and I will try to get back to you as soon as I can…

A

Ok well you should have your phone on you

Dad

yeah, but can you call me on it??

A

No but you can check fb messages

Dad

lol, have you seen my phone lately!!

bery optimistic of you

very

A

Haha ok Ttyl

Dad

k

love ya

_____________________________

Then around 3:30 it seems A decided it would just be easier to go back to dad’s rather than risk whatever kind of “punishment” dad had in mind for him. I told him whatever he wanted to do was ok with me.

A

Hey you can pick me up after supper probably around 630ish

_____________________________

But, by then, it was too late. A called dad’s phone 4 times from 6pm – 7pm and dad didn’t answer. He didn’t respond to the FB message sent at 3:30 either. Nothing. Silent treatment. 

I got a notification on my phone of a a facebook update. A had posted a picture of himself in his room, standing in front of his mirror with a half smile. The caption said ‘#happy’. It occurred to me how quiet A’s facebook is when he is with dad. No pictures. No status updates. But, he’s home for a few hours and he’s “Happy”? 

A asked me around 7pm if it would be ok if he drove to dad’s and got dropped off there. I told him that was ok with me. Then he said, “So I’m supposed to be home on Wednesday, right?”
I said, “That’s the plan, yeah”.
He asked, “Instead of getting off the bus at home, can I go to dads, then you can come get me there, so I can bring home all my stuff, rather than taking it all to school?”
I said, “Sure thing, I’ll text you when I’m out of work and we’ll figure out a time.”
All his stuff? I don’t know what that means, but I didn’t ask. The last few times he’s been home, he’s not brought anything with him.

When we got to dad’s place I expected not to see his car there. He’s not answering his phone, he must be out and about. But no. His car was there in the driveway. Asshole. 

A got out and started taking his bag out of the back seat. I came around to get in the drivers seat and told him I’d text him on Wednesday about picking him up. I said “I love you, and thanks again for coming with us today.” Rather than his normal grunt of acknowledging that someone is speaking to him, he said, “Yeah. it wasn’t too bad.” 

He went inside and I cried most of the drive home. I wish there was a way to save him from this. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , ,

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started