First of all, thank you all for the positive thoughts this morning!
At the beginning of this mess with X, 3 years ago, I read as much as I could to A. Try to understand what I was dealing with and B. To learn HOW to deal with him without going crazy.
A. My ex husband has behaviors similar to that of someone with a narcissistic personality disorder.
B. You can’t deal with him. Your best bet is to get as far away as possible.
During this time I felt very defeated. I couldn’t get away from him, I had kids with him. However, I got two pieces of advice that have proven to be extremely useful.
1. Give him enough rope, he’ll hang himself.
2. The more professionals you can put between yourself and him, the better.
Today in court, both of those things happened. The judge we saw was really just supposed to determine if the kids would be speaking in court or not, as X had put them on a witness list. My lawyer said that they were both heavily influenced by dad and that there would be a lot of pressure on them. X said that’s not true because he doesn’t even get to see his younger son. He went on to talk and talk and talk. He talked about how its “A’s preference to have his residence be with me. He doesn’t want a schedule change.” I said that I was asking for more time during the week. I’ve been missing all of A’s school stuff. I was going to ask for a week on and a week off.” The judge asked X, “So why would a week on week off schedule not work?” X said, “A doesn’t want a schedule change.” The judge asked where we lived, where A went to school, if he was in after school activities. Then he asked X again, “Why wouldn’t a 50/50 split work?” And X said again, “A doesn’t want a schedule change. He wants me to be his primary residence.”
Then motion to enforce came up. My lawyer said that she’d submitted a motion to consolidate that with ALL the other stuff in question. The judge said that it was abundantly clear that a consolidation would be for the best. X did not like this. He started whining about how its been “Four months since his filed this motion! He shouldn’t have to wait another 2-3 months for a resolution!” The judge got pissy “I AM WELL AWARE OF HOW THIS WORKS” he said. He went on to explain to X that, “you went to law school, you know how this works. The burden of proof is on you, you’ll have to prove that she is willfully violating the order and has reasonable ability to be following the order. THEN she well have a chance to respond, and explain WHY it is that she’s not following the order. THEN its the courts job to be wise, compassionate, and work for the best interest of the children. If, and I’m not saying this is you (he was speaking to X still) if a kid comes in here and tells me that daddy is a drunk and smacks him around and he won’t go back, then I’m not going to enforce the order that says he has to go.” Then he said to X, “So if D comes in here and tells me that he doesn’t want to go to your house and see you, then its likely that I won’t make him. I’m sure that’s hard for you to hear, but that’s how it is. It seems that the kids coming to court is likely not going to work out very good for him (he points to X) and probably better for you” (he looked at me and my lawyer). X said, “well if that’s what D says, then that’s fine.”
We’d been in front of him for what seemed like forever when he said “We’ve been at this for 10 minutes now, and I’ve really been trying to get some thing, anything resolved, and we’re getting NOWHERE. At all. So, I see no way that we’ll be able to resolve the issue of enforcement in the hour that’s scheduled.” X continued to argue about this. The judge then asked him, “How long do you think it would take you to present your whole side of this enforcement issue? You’d only have 30 minutes.” X replied “20 minutes.” The judge was exhausted, and leaned back in his chair. He asked my lawyer, “How long would it take you to present your side of things?” She replied “At least 2 hours.” The judge said he was going to try to find the motion to consolidate that our lawyer had submitted (it was not in our file) and he’d make a decision by the end of the day. But, not to be deterred, X kept talking. He kept standing and saying “one last thing.” “just one more issue.” My lawyer and I were quiet. The judge kept saying he had other cases to hear, he didn’t have time to get into all of this.
So, while it appears that the kids will have to go to court with us, and give their two cents, it does sound like what they say will be taken seriously – so that’s good.
It’s also good that the judge we saw today will be the same judge we have for our trial. X did not score any points with him today. The bad news, however, is that there are only 4-5 available dates in November and 4-5 dates available in December. It’s likely that we won’t be heard until January.
Just have to keep reminding myself, this won’t last forever.
Looking Forward 