Ranting
I’m feeling a little angry today. Here is my rant.
Maybe its just me, but I really hate it when people find out my age and call me a baby.
I hate the condescending way they say it “Oh you’re just a baby!” Fuck you. I have a teenager. Almost two. Boys even. They have no father. I’m doing it myself. I’m not a baby. I’m a badass mom who has so much anger pent up, that I could level a small city. My kids aren’t babies any more either. They’re almost adults.
Calling me that makes it sound like I’ve not had enough life experience to be taken seriously. Like you with you 5, 10, or 20 years on me somehow know more? Lived through more? Experienced more? You know what life is better than I do? Fuck you. I had kids at 19. I had a husband, I was belittled and screamed at. I was made to cry and left to pick up messes he made. I was told I’d never see my kids again if I left. I have parents who are aging and a brother who is bordering on alcoholism. I’m raising two boys by myself to be decent young men. I’m lucky enough now to have a husband who loves me. Also, I don’t need your snarky comments about it being the “honeymoon period” either. Fuck you.
“You just wait till you’re my age, then you’ll really know what its like to feel old.” Really? I don’t want to be feeling old at 35, but I am. I didn’t want to feel old at 25, but I did. I’m sure you have no concept of how I feel or why I feel it – you aren’t me. You don’t have my life. You didn’t spend 13 years busting your ass to please someone who was perpetually unhappy, and I was always to blame. You didn’t stand between your spouse and your children to stop him from hitting them. You didn’t finish 2 years of college, only an internship away from your degree, only to be told NO! We can’t afford for you to work for free! You didn’t lay awake at night wondering how to get out of your marriage for the better part of your adult life. You don’t know why I feel old, so stop telling me I can’t possibly be as tired or feel as old as you. Fuck off.
I’ve earned the title of Adult. I am a grown up. As much as I’d like to not be, as much as I’d like to go back and do it differently, here I am. I feel tired. I feel old. I have been though enough bullshit for 10 lifetimes. Stop patronizing me.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 36.
Looking Forward 