Struggling
Our trip to Florida was nice. the weather was fantastic, which is just what I needed. The kids were the same as usual, and i would have been just has happy to have left them at home, honestly. husband had this idea that putting the effort and money into bringing them along would somehow elicit a bit of gratefulness from two teenage boys. I’m not sure what he was thinking.
Husbands mom has Alzheimer’s disease. The brother and sister live 15 minutes away from the parents, yet see them about once every six months. Husbands mom seemed alright for the family dinner on Sunday, but not as good when we stopped by on Monday. No one talks about it. Its just sad.
Upon our return home everyone was cranky. We came back to snow and cold. A ran to his gf’s house, D ran to the computer. Husband and I tried to readjust to normal.
Back to work, same old shit, different day. I really hate that place. It’s making everything in my life suck a whole lot more than it should. A stays over at the gf’s house for days and days. He stops by to pick up clothes or shoes or xbox games. We dont see him much. The gf is younger and her parents are newly divorced. Her mom is terrified of making her daughter mad, so ‘Sure! Your boyfriend can sleep over!’
The gf’s mom called me to say that she thought the kids were spending too much time together. I told her that she should send A home. She said the kids told her that I had kicked A out and he had no place to live. I told her that was bullshit. “It’s your house and your daughter. If you don’t want him there, send him home.” I found myself losing patience very quickly with her, droning on about how the kids are both from divorced homes, how its soooo hard for the kids, and she told me that her husband now has a 24 year old girlfriend. She kept saying “please don’t tell the kids I called. Please don’t mention that we spoke. Please don’t tell them I called.” She probably said that 20 times. She didn’t want her daughter to be angry with her. Sigh.
A no longer wants to go to college. He has gotten a second job. He has no idea what he’s doing. It kills me. GF’s mom was upset to hear this news about A, and said she’d ‘have a talk with him about it, because college is important!’ Yeah. You do that.
D is diving still. The season is over, but we’re paying for him to go to the Y 3 times a week to keep practicing. It’s good for him to keep busy. Meanwhile, he’s lazy about school and grades. We’re not sure if we need to adjust his ADHD meds or if he’s just really being lazy. It’s hard to really want to do too much with meds with the school year coming to a close.
Bill collectors looking for Dummy call me 2 or 3 times a week now. He’s changed his number, no one can get in touch with him. He’s still attempting to sell the house. He’s dropped the price 35k in the last 6 months. I wish it’d sell so I can get out from under the HELOC and get my money owed for arrears. I’m not holding my breath though.
I feel like I’m struggling a lot more than I should be lately. I’m not sure what that’s about. We were hopeful that A would go to college, move out, be on his own. the idea of him just hanging on in his crappy little town with no real direction is worry-some…almost equally worry-some is that he’ll want to keep living at home. D is being lazy, or maybe he’s not. I don’t know. Husband and D are at each other all the damn time lately. School work is taking all of my time and I’m sick of it. I’m so far from finished, I feel like the accounting profession will be replaced entirely with robots by the time I’m done and there won’t be any jobs for me.
My birthday is next week. Maybe this is my midlife crisis or something. I just feel….blah. I know the weather doesn’t help, and we are talking about moving just as soon as D is done with high school. But that’s still 3 years away!
I’d just like to not feel like I’m struggling all the time. How do I accomplish that?
Looking Forward 