Looking Forward

Court!

Well, first of all, THANK YOU! to everyone for their well wishes and positive thoughts for me yesterday. Everything went just fine. 
I was thinking about why I was so nervous about court yesterday. I know what is going to happen. I know what can happen, and what can’t happen. I know I am in the right here. I know that there is no argument he could possibly have that would take my kids away. Not during a case management hearing anyway. 
Spending so much time over the last two years learning about how unstable he really, truly is has been eye opening. Its changed how I deal with him, and others too. I’ve learned to avoid him and his insanity as much as possible…and this mentality, seems to have created a larger than life idea of my ex. He is toxic. He is bad. He is terrible. He causes as much trouble as possible. He is to be avoided. So, yeah, I was nervous to have to deal with him, up close.

Husband and I got there first. We waited in the hall. X showed up in a full suit. 

We were called in and I sat down. My heart was pounding. Over the doors in front of me was a big silver plaque with the Maine State seal. The plaque said “Dirigo”. I tried to play that word once in Words with Friends. I was told it wasn’t a word. This made me smile, and started to feel a lot more calm.
The Magistrate came in and started talking to us. He was same one that we had before, and he remembered our case. He reviewed my papers and asked me to summarize what I was looking to modify. I had no problem sitting up straight, making eye contact and speaking loud and clear. I wasn’t afraid of this part. X seemed a lot more fumbly. 

They asked him if he had submitted his child support affidavit. He said “No. My circumstances haven’t changed.” The magistrate said “Well, that’s really for the court to decide. You’ll need to submit the form by next Friday, will that be enough time for you to get that done?” X stammered and said “Uh. Well. I guess so.” The Magistrate said that at the status conference that will follow mediation child support will be discussed, including arrears due from the time of service, and going forward if it will be based on actual or imputed income. 

The Magistrate asked about changing contact, because X was around more. I said yes, that was why we need to change it. “Do you agree with that?” he asked the X. The X said, “Yes, but I’d also like to say that I don’t want to have any contact with her that isn’t absolutely necessary. In fact, I’d like the exchanges to be done by a neutral third party.” 

The Magistrate’s eyes got wide and he looked at X, then at his papers and said, “But you have children together. The lines of communication need to be wide open if you have two kids. I am sure you have an opinion about why you feel that way, and the court will look at that after mediation, but that’s unlikely.” 

We were both ordered to take the For Kid’s Sake parenting class. He has to prove that he’s registered by Feb. 22nd. The Magistrate asked if that was enough time to get it done. X said “well that is in the middle of all the other stuff I have going on.” The magistrate gave him until March 7th. We both need to submit certificates of completion. 

We were ordered to schedule mediation with the Clerk. He decided that costs were to be split evenly. We were then asked if there were any other issues we wanted to discuss. I said “No, thank you.” X said, “Yes, actually.”

Magistrate: “Ok sir, go ahead.”

X: “I have an issue with her monitoring all my communication with A. My phone is blocked. We have no privacy. He can’t vent to me or anything.” 

Magistrate: “Ok, anything further, sir?”

X: “Yes, I can’t talk to D on the phone either. I was calling on weekends and he wasn’t there. When I call he’s not available.”

Magistrate: “Do you call in the evenings?”

X: “Yes, but that’s not a good time.”

Magistrate: “Ok, anything further, sir?”

X: “Yes. There is a factual issue with money she got from a raise that was not disclosed in the divorce.”

Magistrate: “With your law school background you should know that without filing your own motions, the motions she has filed is all that the court will be looking at. This includes Rights and Responsibilities, visitation and child support. Without filing your own motion, nothing else will be looked at by the court.” Then he looked at me and said “Would you like the court to look at and discuss this issue?”

Me: “No.”

Magistrate: “Very well then, I didn’t want to assume anything, I like to ask. Is there anything further, sir?”

X: “Yes, my son is on a medication without my consent. I wasn’t even asked!”

Magistrate: “Well that is a serious allegation. However, you have joint medical decision making rights, and she is asking they be allocated to her. You can discuss this during mediation. Is there anything further, sir?”

X: “I have concerns about my youngest son being in counseling. He was only there for 2 weeks, and now he doesn’t go anymore. I also have concerns about her presences in his sessions. That’s not ok.”

Magistrate: “That can be discussed at mediation. Is there anything further, sir?”

X: I’ve spoken to the Department of Human Services and they won’t release any medical benefit information to me without a court order. So I need a court order for that.”

Magistrate: “As I said you have joint decision making authority, so you wouldn’t need a court order to access your children’s medical information. 

X: “Well that is what they told me.

Magistrate: “Is there anything further, sir?”

X: “My youngest son has been very hesitant to speak with me over the last year. And that, I’m sure is intertwined with the counseling piece.”

Magistrate: “You share medical decision making about all major medical issues. Is there anything further, sir?”

X: “I guess not, not without motions.” 

Then the Magistrate asked me about coming to a resolution for an interim order about contact. Since X was whining about not being able to contact the kids and all…He asked me if I had any ideas about a resolution. I said, “He can call anytime he wants to talk with the kids. His phone number is blocked on A’s cell phone only because of some inappropriate text messages. He can call the home phone anytime he wants to talk to the kids, and our phone plan allows for as much long distance calling and the kids want, so they can also call him anytime they like. D is home between 3:30 and 4 most days. We are not home Saturday mornings as D has diving.”

The magistrate looked at X and asked what, based on that, he was going to do?

X didn’t say anything.

The magistrate said “is this a suitable resolution?”

X said “Yeah.”

The magistrate said “What is your resolution?”

X said “I guess I’ll call around 5 or 5:30” 

And with that, it was over. He said he looked forward to seeing us after mediation a status conference. We stood up and left. X raced to the door and was at the elevator before I reached the Clerk’s window. I scheduled mediation. I went downstairs and paid my half of the mediation fee, and went home. 

I was so relived when it was over. And, just like I knew all along, there was nothing to worry about.