Looking Forward

Making a better life for me and my kids

Archive for the tag “money”

05 Jun 2013
2 Comments

Woe is me

As much as I hate my ex husband, and as much as I hate this bullshit situation we’re in right now, I do realize that I am lucky. I have a job that pays for half of the bills. I have a wonderful husband who has a job that pays the other half of the bills. My kids are, overall, happy, healthy and ok. I have a place to live that I love. I have a car that is paid for. We have a fridge with food in it. My savings account only has 15 dollars in it – but hey, I have a savings account! 

Despite understanding how lucky I am, right now, in this moment, I am feeling irritated and frustrated. 

We gave our lawyer $1500.00 in February. Today I got a statement from her saying, not only have we some how used up that $1500.00, we actually OWE her an additional $75.00. This doesn’t include her presence at the status conference we have tomorrow at 9:30 am. 

Now. I know. I am very fortunate to have had the ability to give a lawyer any money at all. We scraped together what we could, and went to the bank for the rest. We were very lucky that with our super shitty credit scores, we were able to get a loan. For this I am grateful. However, I am feeling very frustrated. What did I get for my $1500.00? 

She wrote a letter to X telling him what my “Concerns” are when he pretended he didn’t have any idea.

She wrote a strongly worded letter to him about not keeping A longer than the order states. (He keeps A as long as he wants. Her threats of filing an injunction were apparently hollow.)

She received and printed and filed a zillion emails from X and I. She told me she needed to see all of them. 

She spent time talking to, in person and on the phone with X. 

She had 2 meetings with me and my husband. She and I also had two brief phone calls.

She filed a paper with the court requesting this status conference so she could ask for more than 2 hours for our trial. 

And now, here we are. We are no closer to a resolution with X. We still have to deal with his crazy on a daily / weekly basis. By asking for a longer trial, we are pushing the trial date even further out then we’d previously hoped. We are making loan payments to the bank on money that hasn’t gained us anything. We are out $1575.00, plus how ever much time the status conference takes tomorrow x 185.00 per hour. 

Sigh. 

Husband keeps telling me that this will pay off in court. When we are in front of a judge, that is when having this lawyer will suddenly be worth the money. We are in agreement that we mistakenly believed she could do things that we could not. Perhaps this was a $1500.00 mistake? 

Husband suggests we borrow money from my place of employment. I have no doubt they’d give it to me, with very lax repayment terms, and without much questioning. However. I am SICK of borrowing money. We cannot afford to take on another payment of any kind. Do I need to get a second job? Perhaps I should just give in? I suppose that would be easier if I had any idea what it is that X wants here…other than to make me suffer, make me worry, stress me out, make me feel incompetent, and defeated…probably nothing. 

Sure, we’ll ask for lawyer and court costs to be added into the mix of things we’re asking the court to award us…but what does that really get us? Right now – nothing. Long term – still probably nothing. 

Would it be crazy to say, thanks anyway lawyer lady – we’ll take it from here? 

Its hard to remember that I am lucky to be in this position.

 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , ,
05 Mar 2013
4 Comments

We’ve moved!

We have officially moved! 

My ex is no longer my landlord. The only capacity I need to deal with him now is as the father of my children. 

I can’t tell you all how relieved I am. I’ve slept like a rock for the past 3 nights.

We rented A’s teenage friend to help us with our move on Saturday. Between those two and D and me and Husband, we knocked out all the heavy stuff in just a few hours, and everyone was rewarded with Subway. On Sunday, Husband and I got groceries, ran errands and went back to the house that my children and I had lived in for the last 11 years, cleaned it from top to bottom and took every last thing that was ours. Done. Finally. Keys on the sideboard. 200+ pictures taken. Didn’t even look back. Good riddance.

That house was just a “thing” to X. It was never a home for us. It was just a place for him to keep his wife and kids. A thing he could tell people he had “I bought a house.” It was in constant disrepair. Mold. That I cleaned weekly. Holes in the walls. That I repaired every 6 months. The front door leaked at the bottom. I caulked it, every year or so. No carpet, only subfloor. I ripped it up in the kids rooms in 2006 or so because A suddenly developed asthma (and by ‘suddenly’ I mean I’m sure he’d had it for a very long time because of his under developed lungs when he was born and his father’s refusal to smoke OUTSIDE for his entire childhood, it was only then that his symptoms started to be a big issue) Removing the carpet helped, a lot. But, X never replaced it. Then he left for South Dakota. As the “tenant” I wasn’t allowed to make ‘improvements’. The outside stairs fell apart. He had someone come and patch them together. He emailed me and told me it was my job to powerwash the mold off the side of the house. I didn’t. Its not in the lease. Siding started to fall off. I told him. “It was fine when I left.” he said. The fridge stopped working. It’d get warm, needed to be unplugged and defrosted every 10 days or so. I told him. “It was fine when I left.” he said. The dryer stopped working. I told him. “It worked when I left.” he said. We made due. We bought our own dryer. We lived out of a cooler every 10 days.The mold growing in our bedroom, bathroom and kids bathroom, I cleaned it as often as I could. It was there before he left. He was aware of it. He’ll say he had no idea. I’m sure. And of course, on Sunday he thought he’d get some sympathy from the Facebook world by posting about how difficult it is being a landlord. 

D broke a window. We’ll pay for that. I’m not going to pay for anything else. He’ll send me a bill. I’m sure of it. He told A he was going to sue me. Ok. Whatever. Do whatever you want. I don’t pay you rent anymore. You have no more say about where I live or who I live with. You can’t control me anymore. Money is just money. He wants mine because money is everything to him. It makes him feel powerful. It makes him feel like he has control. Over me. That is what he wants. But he can’t have that now. Not unless he takes me to court. Not unless a judge says I have to. And by then, I’m hoping to have a nice stash of child support saved up, he can have that. Asshole. 

Not only have we moved, we also have a new driver in the house. A passed his permit test last Friday. After a day of moving and packing stuff, Husband was going to call in a pizza order for us to pick up and I was going to driver’s ed to get A. Husband said “let me know, as soon as you know something!” A came out of drivers ed and motioned for me to get out of the drivers seat. He said the instructor told him he’d gotten the highest grade in the class with a 96. I texted Husband to let him know and A drove to the pizza place.

Once inside I gave them my name and the girl found our receipt and pizza and handed it to the counter person. The man looked at the receipt and then at me and said “Is A with you?”
A said “yeah….?” 
The counter guy said, “A, Congratulations on passing your permit test! Awesome job! Anything you want to drink out of the cooler, go ahead and grab it, its on the house!”
A said “Cool, thanks!”, grabbed a Mt Dew and we left. 
“How did he know that?” he asked me in the car. I said “Husband wanted to know how you did, and he called in the order, so I guess it was him.” A was smiling. 

Magically, it was dark and the snow was starting to come down pretty hard, but A was insistent that he wanted to drive home. So he did. It took us a while to get there, but he did a good job and was safe. I was very proud of him. 

The last we’d heard from his dad was “good luck on that test of yours” 3 days before the test. Then on the Sunday after the test this was part of the conversation:

Dad

Any idea where the keys to the house might be?

A

I have no idea

Dad

can you pass along that unless she wants the added bonus of me taking on the cost of lock replacement when I sue she might want to let me know where they are…

thanks bud

hope your all squared away 

A

She says sidebord

Dad

so she left the place unlocked huh, hope nothing happens before I can get there…

Are you all moved out?

A

Ya

And a permited driver \m/

Dad

sweet:)

just be careful bud

is there a new number to call for D?

A

Not yet

Dad

k

hey bud have you ever done fantasy baseball?

A

I havnt before but I probably would

Dad

k

that does not help me right now lol

A

Haha

Dad

yeah, this is way more complex than football

A

Lol I know

 

Seriously? He might as well just have typed the words: “I am a useless individual. I am a terrible parent. I don’t care about you, your life, or your brother. I don’t understand boundaries. I can’t be bothered.” 

Mediation on Thursday. I’m sure he’ll try to bring up the lease. The house. The millions of dollars he thinks I owe him. Too bad I didn’t request to discuss all that in my motion to modify. Oh well! 

Posted in growing up, kids, parenting, reality and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
01 Feb 2013
5 Comments

A list

I woke up feeling very overwhelmed this morning. Here is a list of shit going on – I think is see why I might be feeling a bit crazy. 

Driver’s Ed

A has finally decided he wants to take drivers ed. Less than a week’s notice. I now need to come up with 430.00 to pay for this. I also have to work my schedule to be able to pick him up in town at 5:30 three nights a week. 

Scheduling to see Grammy

My mom has asked to see the kids over Feb vacation. She now lives 4 hours away, and will come up and get the kids, have them spend 2-3 days with her, then bring them home. This is awesome. The kids said they would like to go. But now, to figure out how to schedule it. A’s driver’s ed during that week is T, W and Th. 

Seeing dad

A wants to see his dad this weekend. The email he sent me said “pick up A Friday drop off Sunday.” It doesn’t tell me when or where. I’ve emailed him twice asking for where and when. I’ve gotten nothing. I’m sick of him. 

Haircuts

Both kids and husband are in desperate need of haircuts. I don’t have an extra 60.00. I’ll need to find it though. If A sees his dad this weekend, maybe HE can figure it out…lol, yeah right. 

Movie

D wants to go to the movies. He’s been asking since before Christmas to see the new Hobbit movie, or Les Miserables. Money. Time. Ugh! 

Diving

D is back at diving classes every Saturday morning. He likes it when he’s there, but the going to bed at a reasonable time on Fridays and getting up early Saturday makes him such a treat to deal with. Also, he wants to quit band. 

Homework

We continue to have issues with D bringing him homework home. The new plan that came from the 504 meeting was for him to have a plain notebook that each day he’d write the date on the top of the page, and write the homework for each class, then the teacher needs to sign off on it, indicating he has the assignment correct. In the last two weeks, this has happened exactly 2 times. 

Dr appt

D has a dr and dentist appt on Tuesday. I don’t know how and when A will be getting picked up from school that day. We have a gap in time between the two, hoping to get D an early supper before his dentist appt. I have no idea if that will actually work out or not. 

Valentines Day

Husband and I have made a reservation at a fancy schmancy B&B for a late Valentines Day trip. http://www.hartstoneinn.com/
Looks awesome, right? Well, cooking with alcohol is an issue for husband, as he doesn’t consume alcohol. In any capacity. Ever. He’s going to email them and see if there is something they can do. 

Cat

The cat continues to be an asshole. We are thinking about moving…I don’t know what to do about the cat. Do we get him fixed and try to keep him as an indoor cat? Do we give him to the shelter? Do we just leave him for the Ex to deal with? Will he EVER use the litter box again!?

Moving

As I mentioned, we are wanting to move. We have looked at three places so far. None of them are right. The first two just didn’t have enough space. The third was an old building, but it looked like their idea of “fixing it up” was putting shitty industrial carpet over ALL the floors, which is fine, except why the kitchen? Bathroom? Really? And the entire first floor felt like they’d put that carpet over existing carpet….yeah for the kid with asthma, I’m sure this wouldn’t cause ANY issues! 

Court

We have court on the 7th this month. I am dreading this. I’m sick of worrying about it, especially when I know there is nothing to actually be worrying about. Blah. 

Tax refund

The IRS says the have received and accepted my tax return. It has not been processed yet. I don’t know if there was going to be an issues with Dummy trying to claim the kids as well, when in this process it would show up. I’m anxious to just get the refund and move on with our lives…especially since we owe most of that federal refund to our state tax debt. Awesome. 

Resume

The exact same job I do right now is open at a different company. A REAL company. A company with offices and benefits and actual time off. I need to make a resume. Or fix the one I have. And I don’t interview well, at least I don’t feel like I do. I have trouble “selling myself”. I have trouble sugar coating things. 

Birth Certificate

The kid’s birth certificates are the bane of my existence. I don’t know why having an original, raised seal birth certificate is so damn difficult to have, keep, and know where the hell it is. A needs his for driver’s ed. I know I have one somewhere. They both needed one to start school. A needed one for the All Star league for baseball. Any idea where either of them are? No. Not a clue. So, to save myself 15.00 dollars and a trip to city hall, I’ll tear the house apart looking for it this weekend. I was going to do it last night, but the power was out until after 7pm. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
25 Jan 2013
5 Comments

The X and the Kids

Things have been pretty quiet lately. Its been cold. With the wind chill, its been -15 to -30 most days and nights for the last week. We ran out of oil on Saturday night, but our delivery was scheduled for Tuesday. We went to walmart and got heaters for the kids rooms. We watched football on Sunday in the living room, everyone together. Husband brought our giant tv down stairs for the kids to play xbox and watch tv on. It was a really nice day. Oil was delivered Tuesday, we all made due and survived. 
Besides that A has mid-terms this week, and has done well on them so far…I suspect its because he’s actually been STUDYING! Imagine that! 

Yesterday after his morning midterms he asked me to pick him up and take him home early. Yeah, why not? When he got in the car he told me he’d gotten a 92 on his French midterm. This kid hates french. Hates the teacher. Does NONE of the work. But, he did study for 3 hours over the weekend. I guess it paid off! I was SO proud of him! His team also won their PE volleyball championship. In PE he is a bit of an over achiever. 

On the way home he asked me if I would pick him up after his first class the next day, as he only had one midterm, and it was first thing in the morning. I said “No way. This is your one free pass for the week.” 
He said “I’ll see if Dad wants to come get me.”
I said “And then do what with you?” 
“Take me to his house”
“Oh  right, then he could bring you back on Sunday. That’s a good idea.” 
“Right, or ride a bus back.”
“Well, maybe I could need to do something in Waterville on Sunday, I could maybe pick you up.”
“He was pretty adamant that I needed to ride the bus.”

So, here is the conversation that unfolded last night:

A

What are you doing tomorrow

Dad

same ol same ol why?

A

Just wonderin

Dad

whats up?

A

Any way you would be able to pick me up tomorrow after first block?

Dad

what for?

A

I only have one midterm and its 1st block

Dad

haha

A

And to come back with you until Sunday

Dad

thought you had to stay the whole day?

A

Threres no open campus and there’s classes but they’re not aloud to assign homework this whole week

Dad

hmm, bus?

down here that is

A

I have no way to get to one

Dad

and how come I never heard from Dom ?

buy a ticket – heck if you get one way I will drive back

Hello?

A

I thought you were going to call D, and what if I took the bus back and you just did the ride up there

Dad

I need to study tomorrow… falling behind as it is

A

Alright

Dad

I have 2-3 lectures to get through tomorrow

bout 3 hours each

A

Ok

Dad

just buy a ticket

I will pick you up in town

and bring you back

A

I don’t have a way to the bus station

Dad

wtf just walk the half mile

geez

when I was your age…

A

Um from The high school all the way to downtown bangor is more then a half mile

Dad

no it isnt bud

A

And its -20 tomorrow

Dad

just buy a ticket

call mary and have her take you then

and if it is too cold take the city bus from hannafords to the bus

bout a buck fitty

A

What are you doin next weekend

Dad

same shit different day, although I will prob need to prep for court too

just get a ticket and take the bus

give me a min

A

I don’t have money either. It’s fine, ill plan for a ride next Friday and it will be a round trip there and back

Dad

just get some from your mother

A

She isn’t getting me shit, she’s going to say if I want a way down there you have to pay

I’ll work something out for next weekend

Dad

call mary

A

Can we just try for next weekend?

Dad

maybe, need to get out of the house?

A

Just havnt seen you in a while

Dad

true story, been swamped bud. 10+ hr days kinda suck!

actually closer to 14

just ask your mother for bus fare

A

She’s not going to give me any

We just had to get oil

She’s going to say she doesn’t have Amy

Dad

doesnt hurt to ask

A

Any

I’ll ask in the am

Dad

seriously, man up

wuss

A

Asking people for money isn’t manning up but alright.

Dad

it is when you are asking a parent

but true story when you turn 18 – I will remember you said that lol

??

A

What?

Dad

you gonna ask?

A

Ya

Dad

well do it before I get off here will ya

A

Ya brb

She said no

That she has to get groceries

Dad

whatever… I say nothing right now 

A

Ok

Dad

there is one leaving from concord – 22.50 @ 3:30 and is only an hour long.

just in case

A

Well if I get money ill letchu know


Now, this was the first part of the conversation – A never asked me for money. I likely would have worked on making an arrangement for him to go down and see his dad, if that’s what he wanted to do. However, I think A is smart enough to understand that this is his Dad’s responsibility, not mine. Also, I actually just now mapquested walking directions from the HS to the Bus Station. Its 1 hour 36 minutes to walk 4.01 miles. It also is, as I mentioned previously, well below 0 outside. 

The second part of the conversation was about D. Here is some back story. At Christmas time, “Manny”  their grandmother, x’s mom, came over and brought them each a poster and a package of fake tattoos. My kids thanked her at the time, though I wasn’t there when she stopped by, they both said they did say thank you. When they showed me what they got, I said “Oh that was really nice of her!” remembering she hasn’t seen or even SPOKEN to either kid since LAST Christmas. Both kids said “Well, I guess its the thought that counts.” A has ZERO interest in the Hobbit…and fake tattoos? He’s 15, not 6. However, D really likes the whole LOTR, and was happy with the poster, but was pretty confused with the tattoos. A ended up actually giving D his poster and tattoos. I’m sure they both realized that their own grandmother really has NO idea who they are as people. Sigh. 

A few weeks ago D called me at work after school and said he was very lucky, that he had found a 50 dollar bill in the snowbank on our road. I took it from him when we got home and put it away. I never mentioned this to A. Over a week later A asked me if I’d found any money in the washing machine lately. I asked him how much he was missing. He said that the last time he’d seen his dad, he gave him two 50 dollar bills. One for each kid. But, A couldn’t find them. He thought that he’d put them in his pants, but now they were gone. I had D come into the kitchen, and I told him this, I asked him if 50 was all he’d found, explained that it was actually a gift from Dad, etc….D seemed confused, and A said that D could just keep that 50 and A would just be ok that he’d lost his 50. It was no big deal. A said, “If dad asks, make sure you tell him I gave you your money.” D agreed.
Weird. But, there was no argument, so I decided to leave it alone. 3 times since then, I’ve asked D to please at least send his Dad a “thank you” email for the money. He says “yeah….” but never does it. 

Here is the second part of the conversation from last night:

Dad

Tell D I expect a call from him tonight

I know he is still up

A

Um ok

He said “I’m busy”

But he’s on the computer

Dad

You tell him I really want a call from him tonight, like within the next 10 min

It is not ok for him to not even acknowledge that I gave him 50 for xmas

A

He keeps saying no

dad

or thank his manny for whatever she gave

A

and that hes busy

Dad

I will call – you answer and pass the phone to him please and thank you

ughh

A

If you call right now hell answer

Dad

just waiting for my phone to start up

A

Ok well he’s sitting right next to the phone

Dad

so is that a no now?

no answer

not cool

A

You didn’t call

Dad

rang 8 times

A

843-XXXX

Dad

yup

and again

A

No i never heard it ring

Dad

is right now

nothing, someone picked up and hung up

A

The ringtone was off

So i had to turn it on

Try again

Dad

he can call back

I just called twice

A

The phone didn’t even ring

Dad

hit redial

A

He keeps saying no to calling while he sits there on his laptop

Dad

whatever

cant make him want to

just disappointed, but whatever

it is what it is

alright bud, let me know how it turns out and I will talk to you later – sorry I am so busy, but I do keep fb on so message or call whenever and I will get right back to you ok

A

Alright

Dad

and don’t be a punk and skip out on the rest of your study halls – take it like a man… paper airplanes!

 

Posted in abuse, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, growing up, kids, parenting, school, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
18 Jan 2013
11 Comments

Tax Time!

 
In 2011, I filed my taxes for 2010, as we all did. X declared he would be claiming both the kids. I did not claim them, for fear of getting in trouble with the IRS. I ended up paying in close to 2k in taxes. Single parent. One income. No support. I begged him for financial help to pay the electric and the cable he’d strapped me with. NO. No help. He can’t afford it. Though, I knew he’d gotten his tax money back – close to 7k. Whatever. My parents helped me pay my debt. They are amazing. 
 
Later that year he came back to Maine, took A for 6 weeks, and refused to return him.
I went to talk to a lawyer while he still had A to ask how to best remedy this vague divorce decree. He gave his advice, then asked, “Do you want to play hardball?” 
My husband, who was with me said “YES!” 
The lawyer went on to ask me about why I didn’t claim the kids on my taxes. I told him that X said he was going to, and that I didn’t want to get in trouble. He reread the divorce. He said, “there is no agreement here. Is there another agreement about this anywhere?” No. “Did you sign anything else?” No. “You’re positive?” Yes.
He gave me the business card for his accountant, told me to mention his name when I made my appointment, and said that the accountant would help to take care of it. 
 
I made the appointment, I mentioned the lawyers name and I got, not some intern or ‘associate’, I got the guy whose name was on the building. 
He looked over my stuff, took some notes and told me he’d take care of it. A week later his office called, charged me 85 dollars and handed me an envelope of all my stuff. He said the IRS does NOT like it when people do what the X did. Its a big no-no. He also said the IRS would take care of getting back the money they’d given him.
It might take a long while, there might be more correspondence. But, in the end, I was entitled to a refund. In November I got a refund check for a little over 5k.
 
Last year, I filed taxes for 2011. I claimed the kids. I got a refund. No issues. 
 
This year, we’re anxiously awaiting our w-2s so we can file our taxes. I count on that refund. As most people in my position do. Then 2 weeks ago, I get this: 
 
From: X
To: Me
Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 9:54 PM
Subject: Taxes

Per our agreement to alternate years, I am claiming the boys on my tax return this year.

 

I didn’t know how to respond. I had to pay a lawyer and an accountant to explain the IRS rules to me about this kind of thing. I’m not going to give him all the information that I have for free.
Even if I did tell him, “No, you can’t.” Or “Its illegal”. Or “There is no agreement” It would only instigate an argument and lead to more bullshit, and there is no way to know if he’d still try to claim them anyway. So, I didn’t respond at all. Legally, the kids are mine to claim. Nothing he does or says is going to change that. 

What I’ve read about this is that if two people try to claim the same kids, we will both be audited and made to prove with whom the kids lived the majority of the time. This can take a long time to sort out. But, in the end, they live with me, 365 days a year. They are mine to claim. If I have to wait for my refund, so be it. I’d rather have it that way than have to deal with him for any reason. 

 

 

Posted in Divorce, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
04 Dec 2012
13 Comments

Thanks, Asshole.

This is from the online banking page for the Home Equity loan account. This is a loan in both of our names, so when he misses a payment, it kills my credit score. The amount of the line of credit is $10,000. No amount of pleading with the bank will make them remove my name. He needs to refinance this line of credit. He cries about not having money or a job, so he can’t possibly.

What this shows is that the ex made a loan payment on the home equity loan of $73.66, and then another one of $8926.34 on 11/5/12. I have no idea where that kind of money is coming from. He’s a super poor student, remember? He then took  $3000.00 out from that line of credit on 11/21, then another $890.00 on 12/3.

Oddly, my rent check that I mailed on 11/26/12 still hasn’t been cashed.

12/03/2012 Payment 100.00
12/03/2012 Note increase 890.00
11/21/2012 Note increase 3,000.00
11/05/2012 Payment 8,926.34
11/05/2012 Payment 73.66

I have full access to this money. I just need to go to the bank and say I’d like to make a withdrawal from this account, show them my ID and sign a receipt. What a lovely Christmas gift $5000.00 would be. But a better gift would just to be off of this loan all together.

My email to him:

Asshole, (I used his real name, of course)
I continue to have complete withdraw and view access to the HE loan. With your recent deposits, I feel it’s best for you to refinance or pay off the loan as soon as possible, and get my name off of it, as the divorce says to do. 

 I’m sure the email was pointless. We all know you can’t reason with a crazy person. I’m really pissed about this. Thanks for the child support, asshole.

 

 

Posted in abuse, child support, Divorce, kids, Uncategorized and tagged , , , ,

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