Hurry up and wait
Here we are.
5 days until our scheduled court date.
Bad news though, it might be postponed. I’m trying not to let it eat at me, but I’m just so frustrated.
On Monday X called D. He’d wanted to make a plan for D to come over to his house, Wednesday through Sunday. D is doing really good at saying “You have to email mom.” Rather than just agreeing. X then said that he wasn’t going to email me because I would just say no. Then he told D that D would be coming to court with us, and that he’d have to speak in front of a judge and tell the judge what he wants. This, rightly so, panicked D.
D called me at work. I said “Hello!”
D was hollering, ” I HAVE TO GO TO COURT?! I HAVE TO TALK TO A JUDGE?!”
“Ummmm, what? Whats going on?”
“DAD JUST CALLED ME AND TOLD ME THAT I HAVE TO GO TO COURT! THAT I HAVE TO SAY TO A JUDGE WHAT I WANT ABOUT VISITING HIM!?! IS THIS TRUE!?!”
“Oh sweetie…ok, so no. Its not. We’re going to do everything that we can to make sure you don’t have any part in going to court. The grown ups need to work this out. This isn’t anything you need to be worrying about.”
“I DON’T WANT TO GO TO COURT! UGH! Ok. Fine. Dad said you emailed him and told him that you only want him to see me one time every two weeks?”
“Um, I don’t remember doing that – but is that what I’ve been telling you?”
D said, “no. its not. You say that I can go when I want.”
“Right, ok then. This is an adult thing, and not for you to worry about, ok?”
“ok fine. I WAS in the middle of my homework!”
I said it was ok if he wanted to finish it after I got home. He said ok, and that was the end of the conversation.
I emailed my lawyer about this and asked how it works and what we can do to keep D out of court. She emailed the clerk and asked for conference with the judge before the trial in order to resolve this kid thing beforehand. The clerk replied that she didn’t think we’d be heard in September, so maybe we had more time to meet with a judge, but she’d let us know in a day or so. That was on Tuesday. I haven’t heard back from my lawyer. I don’t know what to expect. I just want this to be over.
X emailed me yesterday afternoon wanting D to come over that night. I said no. For all the reasons I’ve said every time about school night visits. I said he could have him all day Saturday and until Sunday afternoon. He said, “So now it has changed to something else as the reason you are denying me the right to see my son. This is certainly a growing pattern of denial of my rights on your part. “
God this is exhausting.
That evening X called D. I answered the phone and told D his dad wanted to talk to him. I said to D, “Your dad is going to ask you to come over tonight. I’ve already emailed him about this and said that you can go on Saturday, is that ok?” D said, “yeah I guess, you can just hang up then.” I said no, that D needed to talk to dad, I wasn’t going to just hang up.
D was sucked into the middle the second he picked up the phone. At least 3 times I heard him say “You have to email mom. You have to talk to mom. You have to ask mom.” Then D held the phone up and said “Dad wants to talk to you.” I said, “No thanks.” D said “Mom says to email her.” D then hung up and said “Dad wants you to message him.” I said “thanks.”
Then this morning I get ANOTHER email from X.
Just so I understand what you are saying here, it is only you who feels that D cannot transport his mediation to my house… in essence the 10 feet it takes to go from your vehicle to my door. I noticed that he took medication at school for some time – please tell me how that worked since you don’t allow him to transport it on his own and the medication can only be stored at your house. I am really interested in knowing how that worked, because maybe that process is something that I can mirror when he is with me at my house.
And am I also to understand that you feel it is reasonable to ask the doctor, whom has already said that there is no issue with D transporting or me holding onto his perscription while he is with me, to prescribe a second subscription for me to have at my house. I will call the Doctor this morning and see what he thinks of this plan and if he agrees I will get his medication and send you the bill.
Now that I feel I have addressed all of your concerns from the previous email and given that D wants to visit with me overnight and I want him to, and given that I will take him to any swim practices he may have, and given that he has toiletries at my house, and given that I will get him any clothes he may need while he is with me because you refuse to send him with what he needs, and given that I have a bed for him to sleep in, and given that I will have a prescription for his medication if possible by this evening – Any other issues that might prevent him from staying with me tonight through Sunday morning?
If not please let me know a good time to pick him up this evening.
I couldn’t take it any more. I wanted to not reply. I wanted to just say, “Fuck You.” He’s saying the same things over and over and over. I think he’s mentally handicapped. That must be what his problem is. All the back pain meds he must be on, mixed with the alcohol I’m sure he’s drinking, he’s killed enough brain cells that he inflicted an impaired mental capacity upon him self. He has become handicapped.
Here is my response. I’m not usually so lengthy in my response, but clearly he’s not understanding. I’m sure this won’t help him be any less stupid, but it was worth a try….
I am not going to send the medication that I have for D to your house. In the event that he forgets it, he won’t have any for when he is home. That is why it is important for you to have your own supply to give him. It is also one of the reasons I am uncomfortable with having him at your house on school nights. He need to take his medication in the morning. He also needs a shower every morning, and to brush his teeth every night. This was part of the treatment plan leading to him getting braces. D needs to be a better and more consistent brusher. It was reported that the last time he stayed over with you on a school night these things did not happen.
It is also concerning that you’re calling D and talking to him about your plan to have him speak in court. Whether or not that happens has been yet to be determined. I’m not sure why you think it’s a good idea to get him involved and upset over something that is not yet concrete. I would ask that you refrain from discussing adult matters with him.
I was able to do some research yesterday and found that perhaps when the next medication refill happens, the pharmacy can give me two containers, one for each house. My research also led us to contact the DEA which said two scripts would be better, but other information I saw suggested that regulations for schedule II controlled substances won’t allow one person to have two scripts. I feel like it would benefit you to do some research on this as well. We use the walmart pharmacy and sometimes the rite aid pharmacy. You could call them and see if they’d give out two containers. Also if they could be picked up separately. I feel that this would be the best and easiest avenue.
No one has ever had a problem with YOU having D’s medication. The issue is, and always has been, the meds we give him at home need to stay at home so they don’t get lost or forgotten. Also, I have already paid for D’s script for the month. I will not be paying for a second script for your house. That will be your responsibility, in the event you are able to get a second script.
You will need to get him the clothes he needs while he is with you, not because I refuse to let him take his things, but because you are the other parent. Your house is his other home. He needs his own things there. Including a bed that is his, not one he can choose to use, one that is for him, and him alone to use.
I will agree for you to see D from Friday after school (they have a half day) until Sunday this week. He has swim on Friday from 3:00pm until 4:30pm. He also has diving lessons on Saturday morning at 8:45 until 9:30. We will be attending diving, and can do the transportation for that if you’d rather. I will pick him up at 11am when I drop A off with you on Sunday.
Please let me know what you find out from the pharmacies. I can schedule his refill as soon as tomorrow. Hopefully, we’ll be able to get the medication issue sorted out sooner rather than later. If you are in agreement, I’ll let D know to plan on getting off the bus at your house on Friday.
I’m sure he’ll respond. Pissed I’m not agreeing. Maybe court will happen on time. Maybe it won’t get postponed. Maybe the wait is almost over…?
Looking Forward 