Looking Forward

I had a long talk with A, though text message and on the phone yesterday. He wanted to stay with x until Saturday, and I said no. I said, again, that if Dad wants more time with you, he needs to talk to me. A said that dad won’t talk to me unless all he has to do is send an email to me confirming what A has negotiated. A missed the bus while he was on the phone with me. He said he didn’t have any of his things from Dads house. I suggested that he call dad, have him pick him up at school, take him to his house, get his belonging and be dropped off at home. Or, the other choice was that I could come and pick him up. He said he’d call his dad. 

 

 

X,
I just got off the phone with A. He missed the bus and will be calling you for a ride.
He’s asked to not come home tonight, he wants to stay with you until Saturday. I said no, but would compromise with him being home today and tomorrow and if it was ok with you, you could keep him from Friday afterschool until Saturday evening.

He also told me that you want him to do all the work in getting me to agree to a schedule change so then all you have to do is send me an email to whatever effect A has managed to negotiate. Please stop putting him in that position. These kinds of conversations should be between you and I. Of course you can decided between you and A what works best for you two, but I don’t want to be speaking to him on your behalf.

Had I known you weren’t going to be available this coming weekend, we could have made arrangements prior to today regarding extra time for you with A, but again, this is not something I should be dealing with A about, I should be dealing with you.

Thanks,
Stacey

 

A just called me and said I should come pick him up.  I am going to do that since it appears he has missed his bus.  He also said that you told him I am going to do whatever anyway.  Just so we are clear, he is almost 16 years old.  He wants to spend time with me as much as possible and I am ok with that, but this is his choice and not my idea… but I am not pulling the strings here as hard as that might be for you to understand.

 

 

 

What I told him is that you need to communicate with me any schedule changes. If you wanted to tell me that you were keeping A until Saturday, that you could do that, and then I would likely disagree, then it would be up to you to go from there and do whatever you do. I was trying to make the point that I can’t do much to get A home if you dont hold up your end of the schedule. All I can do is ask to be notified of plans that change, and to express my position about them. 

 

 

 

Our agreed upon schedule had A coming home today. When do you plan on bringing him home?

 

 

Lets be clear here.  I am not asking anyone to negotiate for anything more than we agreed to already.  A flat out denies that he said anything like what you just told me in your previous email.  It would be good if you would stop implying that in a written email, or any other form for that matter, as if it were fact,  That has not been the case EVER.  I ask for him to discuss with me what he would like and talk to him about it – because communicating is what I feel is appropriate for a parent to do.  Again, you are not going to control what I talk to my son about.  You are not going to control any part of the communication within me and A’s relationship.  If after talking to me I advise him that it would be wise to speak to you about his thoughts first, I see nothing wrong with that.  That is teaching him to be responsible and giving him a voice.  This infatuation with you thinking that it is me going through him for scheduling needs to stop.  If I have a schedule change that I want I will be sure to bring it to your attention.  I want the children 50% of the time because they are my children and we agreed to that already back in 2010.  If it is something schedule wise that HE wants, it is very appropriate for him to speak to you – because he is a young responsible adult who is capable of expressing his wants and needs.  As hard as this may be for you to accept, he is not speaking on my behalf but his own.  What happened today is a prime example of this.  I had nothing to do with him being with me this evening, it has everything to do with him wanting to be here and you giving him the green light.  If either child is stranded at school (or anywhere) on your day and you don’t want him to stay with me feel free to tell him that and go pick him up instead of telling him that “I am going to do whatever I want” and that they can in essence feel free to call on me to be the responsible parent and go get him.

 

It sounds like you’re suggesting that I am to make all scheduling arrangements for A’s time with you, with A? And again, when do you plan bring A home?

 

All?  I have already made all the scheduling arrangements with you that I am inclined to – Sun through Wed.  Anything beyond that will require you to listen to him.  I am not bringing A anywhere tonight, I already went and picked him up at school when you didn’t.