Looking Forward

Making a better life for me and my kids

Archive for the tag “communication”

Lucky Lawyer Lady

I’ve been trying to organize all the information we have to give to our lawyer. If I’m going to pay someone to sift through the mountains of bullshit I’ve accumulated since Oct 2011, I can at least organize for them so maybe it won’t take them quite so long to wade through it. 

Wading through it isn’t an over statement, let me paint this picture for you…Conversations between X and A from October – December 2011 spans 74 pages. Three months of sporadic facebook instant messaging = 74 pages. Only 16 months to go. Lucky you, Lawyer Lady. 

 

X found out we got a lawyer last week. I know this because for the first time in 3 years he answered an email with compliance on the first try.

I sent this email on Friday. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve sent this exact email over the last 6 months: 

If you would like to see A this weekend I need to know when and where you will be picking him and up and when and where you will be dropping him off.

Normally, in return I get no response or occasionally I’ll get “Friday to Sunday.” Or maybe even “after school Friday to Sunday.” Or like the last time “I don’t know. I can just make up random times if you want.”  But now with the power of a lawyer behind me, here is the response I get.

I will pick up A on Saturday after 12 at Irving Station and will drop him off by 8pm on Sunday at Irving Station. 

Huh. Well there. So he does actually have the ability to answer direct questions with actual information. Good to know, because frankly, I was beginning to think it was beyond his scope of intelligence. 

Update from the weekend

I’m glad the weekend is over. Seriously. 

D had diving, it went well. 

We looked at a new place to rent. It was AMAZING! Space upon space….in our price range. Heat is included. Only one problem. No dogs. My parents are SO happy to take Summer for us. They are home all day. They have a dog already. It would be a transition for her, but she really loves my mom, and she’d be petted and loved. All. Day. Long. 

A was with his dad (I’ll get to that later) so he didn’t see the place with us. He was not happy to hear that we wouldn’t be able to take Summer. You can’t please everyone I guess. We submitted an application. If we get this place, ooooh the X drama that will come – everyone will need to hang on tight! 

Melanie really came through with a shiny new resume for me that makes me sound totally qualified and important and professional for pretty much any job ever. I submitted it yesterday to the open job at my husbands company. We’ll see what comes of it. 

I didn’t find A’s birth certificate anywhere at home. I went to city hall and got a copy on Monday. I really need a fire lock box to keep this shit in. 

Also on Monday we had to go to the parent portion of the Drivers Ed class for A. Talk about terrifying!

Our federal tax refund was APPROVED and magically showed up in my bank account today. I cannot believe this. I am so relieved. We now have just enough to pay for drivers ed and our State taxes. 

So, as I said, A went with his dad this last weekend. X emailed me on Thursday last week
“Picking up A Friday back on Sunday”

Now, normally, I’ll try to be lenient with the not requiring 7 days notice as long as I know when and where things will be happening. A wants to go – I’m trying to be reasonable. So, I responded saying I need to know when and where this pick up and drop off would be happening. I received no response. 

Friday came, and I texted A asking where he was after school, and to see if he needed a ride home. He said dad had picked him up at school. (I figured this was what was going to happen…but I sort of wanted to hear it from X. Crazy, I know.)

I emailed X again Friday night asking when and where he would be dropping A off on Sunday. Again, no response. 

Saturday night I emailed again, wanting to know when and where he would be dropping A off on Sunday. Nothing. 

Sunday I texted A. I didn’t want to because he’s not the one to make arrangements, but I was trying to plan my day, and clearly X wasn’t going to be giving me any information. Am I driving to a bus station? Am I driving to the end of the road? Am I driving to Waterville? 

A said he didn’t know when or how he was getting home. Could I come get him? Maybe he could ride the bus. Also, can I take him to the Dr.? His throat really hurts and his nose won’t stop running.

Seriously? Deep breath…

Yes. I can take you to the Dr. Yes, I can come get you, but I’d prefer you take the bus (its 1.5 hours down to Waterville) There is a bus leaving Augusta at 1:10. I’ll leave it up to you. 

A says “Dad says he’ll bring me back to Brewer later.”

Of course I want to know later when? And wouldn’t you know it…A doesn’t know. Of course he doesn’t. ITS NOT HIS JOB TO KNOW!! 

Another deep breath….

Do you want me to just come get you? 

A’s response “Nah. dad will bring me back. We’re watching a movie, so after that.” 

I point out that the walk in clinic closes at 7pm so A needs to be in Bangor by 6pm at the latest. At 4:15 A texts me and says they’re leaving Waterville, and where should we meet? 

Duh. The walk in clinic? 

How about the Burger King across the street? 

Fine.

I get a text at 5pm saying they are passing Newport. (About 20 minutes from Bangor). I leave the house and head to Bangor myself. 

I am 1/4 mile from the Burger King when A texts me again “Dad says its going to be the high school and you’d better not be there when we get there.” 

WHAT?! Deep breath…I pulled into a gas station and as I’m trying to formulate a response A calls me.

When can you be here to get me? 

Well, I’m on Union St…So give me about 15 minutes to get all the way over there. Are you wearing a coat or a sweatshirt? (its 4 degrees out)

No.

Can you go into the school?

No.

Do you want to walk to the grocery store and wait inside?

No. I’m ok. Just hurry up. 

So I rush over to the high school and collect my shivering, sick kid. I am so angry. SO. FUCKING. ANGRY. I decide we’ll do the Dr. in the morning. We’ll go to the grocery store and get some medicine. The dr on Monday said its just a cold and not strep. Phew! 

So, we have court tomorrow for a case management hearing. I see from FB that X will be there. (He’s trying to plan for an evening of drinking afterwards with anyone he can get together). 

I’m nervous. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to be anywhere near him. I don’t want to hear him speak. I just want this to be over with. I know case management hearings are normally to discuss the issues, to make sure that no resolution has been reached, and mediation will be scheduled. 

I suspect that X will try to talk about how this is wrong. How I’m using the court to screw him. How he’s always getting the short end of the stick. How I’m keeping him from his kids. I’m overwhelmed by his crazy and its not even happened yet. I feel totally unprepared…because I have NO idea how to even prepare for something like this. 

 

 

 

 

 

he’s back…and is still a selfish jerk.

Looks like not only is the ex back in Maine, he is staying less than 7 miles from where I live. With his mother. And his new puppy.

On Wednesday this was the conversation I found: 

  • A
    any way you would be able to take me out to lunch tomorrow at like 1130ish?
  • Dad
    Maybe, why what’s going on? I am gonna need to move my crap into my place at some point soonish though.
  • A
    nothing, i just dont like frenkh and you’re in town haha
  • Dad
    Ummm, in that case no monsieur – learn french so you can speak it when you go to europe. I should be in my house by Friday though in case your interested
  • A
    I already know French and I have plans Friday Saturday but were on vacation after Friday so maybe Sunday-Monday
  • Dad
    Your call, I am out the 26th-28th, after the first I go to bar study schedule. Also, if your gonna come visit I need a heads up because I will need to plan on the drive for pickup and dropoff in Brewer. Not pushing, my schedule is what it is right now though
  • A
    Sunday pick me up at kams or shanes wherever I am

We all know the drill now, so when I see this, I email the ex:

X,

It has come to my attention that you are continuing to schedule time to see A with A, rather than with me.

Your last email to me said that our current court arrangement was ‘reasonable’.

The agreement is you give me 7 days notice of your intention to exercise your visitation, also that pick up and drop off is at specific times at a specific location. Anything not sticking with what is in the court order, needs to be agreed upon by both of us. As always, if the current Sunday – Wednesday doesn’t work for you, you just need to let me know and we can make other arrangements.

Thanks and Happy Holidays,

Stacey

 

When I pick A up from school this was our conversation:

“So, here’s the plan…There’s a basketball game happening tomorrow, which we’re going to lifting first, then Kris will bring us home after the game. Then on Saturday there is a hockey game, Kris is gonna take me to, then we want to go to Playland, and Kris will bring us home. Oh and a heads up, dad won’t probably talk to you, but i want to go over there on Sunday.”

I said “Ok, well as long as Kris is willing to give you rides, that’s all fine with me. And if you want to go see dad, dad has to email me. Simple “I’d like to pick A up at _____ at __:___ and will drop him off at _______ at __:___.” That’s all he needs to do.”

A said “Ugh, well I wish i had access to his email account, i’d just do it myself. Anyway, some spending money would be good for the games.”

I never heard back from the ex, but I did see this in FB this morning:

  • A
    you will need to email mom
    you just have to say, picking a up at kams or shanes and bring him back to shanes at 12
    that’s it.
  • Dad
    Lol, you know as well as I that that is never just “it.” Your funny though  not sure if my new place is gonna be available before the first like I was promised, looks like I will need to punt in the mean time
  • A
    huh?

 

I’m going to hit the court house today and file my modification paperwork. I’m ready to get this show on the road!

First and only visitation

We are attempting to organize information to give to the lawyer. Its much easier to search through my blog instead of my email. I’m going to throw some emails in here by the dates they were sent. None of this will be new information for those of you who read my blog, but I do want to get as much on here as I can. Thanks for your patience with this process!

 

This was from the first and only time he used his court appointed visitation. He said he would be leaving on Jan 2nd. He can have the kids from Sunday-Wednesday. Jan. 2nd was a Monday. On January 2nd, I went to the store to pick A up. They never showed up. I called X, he didn’t answer, so I left a message. I called A. He had no idea dad hadn’t talked to me about him staying longer. Dad had told him he was going to stay overnight and he’d be taken to school in the morning. 

From: Me 
To: 
Subject: A
Sent: Tue, Jan 3, 2012 12:15:14 AM 

As the email below shows, I asked to be informed in the event you were not bringing A to the store at 5pm on January 2nd. 

It seems that you’ve decided to keep him longer than you originally told me without communicating that to me. He has none of his school stuff with him, as his backpack is in my car. Hopefully, you’ve already considered this, and have made a plan to get him to school on time tomorrow and with all of his things. 

When will I be meeting you at the store to pick A up as our court documentation states? Please let me know as soon as possible.

Thanks, 

Stacey

FROM: ME
TO: X
Sunday, December 18, 2011 12:57 PM

January 2nd is a Monday,  not a Wednesday. Your email said you would be here until january 2nd. I just wanted to clarify that you would be dropping them off at the store on January 2nd at 5pm. If this is incorrect please let me know.
Thanks,
Stacey

______________________________

So, his response was to lie. Of course he tried to communicate with me.

Yeah. Right. 

From: X
To: Me
 
Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 9:01 PM
Subject: Re: A

It appears my response email did not go through. A will be going to school tomorrow and has informed me that he lifts afterwards. This is his normal routine as I have been informed. He has informed me that pickup on your part will follow his normal schedule as well and that you were in agreement with this. I am ok with you picking him up there instead.

Its very unfortunate that I only saw D a total of 14 hours this holiday vacation. 

_____________________________

Sticking to the task at hand, he’s a liar. So I ask for proof he’s not lying.

From: Me 
To: 
Subject: Re: A
Sent: Tue, Jan 3, 2012 2:23:37 AM 

Please resend your original response, along with failed message delivery notification you received. 
Once again, you forcing scheduling pick up and drop off plans to be made through A, and your refusal to speak to me is inappropriate.

_________________________________

But, all I get is a handful of crazy. And spelling errors.

From: X
To: Me
Sent: Monday, January 2, 2012 10:46 PM
Subject: Re: 

You dare speak to me about being inappropriate. Laughable. Speak to you? I will never again give you an opportunity to spread lies to others that I am controlling or abusive. Email is the mode of communication for the rest of their childhood – your choices are the reason for this. Your privilidge of speaking directly with me was terminated in part when you married one of the men you cheated on me with… and solidified when you explained to the children that I was the reason you decided to get married – failing to even tell the children you were already engaged, and had become so less than two months after he abruptly moved into their home. Too many lies to my children to cover up your actions, your attempts to assasinate my character in the eyes of my children, and your shortcommings as a mother and a person. And still I hold my tongue because you are their mother.

Again, things may have been very different had you placed the interests of others ahead of your own. I am tired of explaining to you in an email why you at present have no right whatsoever to verbal or face to face communication with me. If you need a refresher of events, you should go back over the email trail and reread your journal. At this point I do not want to be within 1000 miles of you, don’t want to see you nada. I have come to realize you – who you are today, you’re just a cancer in my world and it is best to have the barest, absolute minimalist communication with you. 
I did not force comunication through anyone, my son just wants to spend what little time he is afforded with his father. Try to appreciate that and realize it isn’t all about you or me, its about what’s best for them overall 🙂 🙂 🙂 

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