Looking Forward

Making a better life for me and my kids

Archive for the tag “co parenting”

02 Jun 2015
4 Comments

Graduation

Its just a few days away…Graduation.

A has been living with his father for the last few months. I wouldn’t let him have a hamster.

Honestly, I’m really ok with that. He’s working a lot of hours, finishing up high school, he still shows up for dinner if we invite him and still picks his brother up for a ride to school most mornings. He’s become the manager at the place he works now. He just got a raise. They’ve promised him 40 hours a week as soon as he graduates. These people are people A have known for years. They are another baseball family. Its been a good ‘in’ for him.

asshat and gf have decided to take a trip to Texas to visit gf’s sister. According to A, gf’s mother is “rich” and is paying for asshat and A’s ticket to go along. The issue is that A was selected to play in Shiner’s charity football game, and the training camp starts on a Sunday, and A wont be back from Texas until Monday. His plan is to drive back from “whatever airport we’re using” and go directly to the training camp. Nice how his father really takes A’s commitments so seriously, isn’t it?

A, of course, thinks this will be totally fine to show up a day and a half late to a week long training camp. Sure. Why not? My dad seems to think that its not that important, so why should I?

Its out of my hands – A will be 18 by the time this trip comes, so I don’t expect any email about any part of it to let me know.

Meanwhile, no one has heard anything from asshat regarding D wanting to visit. So, I guess that makes it all pretty clear. D hasn’t asked again, so does this mean we spend the next three years with our fingers crossed that their paths won’t cross? D won’t be attending A’s graduation. For his birthday present, D will be taking the lifeguard certification class the next two weekends at the Y. I’m not going to lie, this was a big relief. I can’t imagine how it would play out with D seeing his dad and the gf at graduation. I don’t think gf knows that D tried to get together with his dad. Would D want to say hello? Would asshat just ignore him? Would asshat act like he didn’t reject his own son being part of his life? I want to protect him from his father who just keeps making him feel like a worthless piece of shit and my only solution is to keep them apart…at least until he’s 18. Writing it out like that, it doesn’t seem particularly rational. But I guess I don’t know what else to do.

For me, I’m not looking forward to seeing asshat’s big fat face and his dumb, over dressed gf at MY SON’S graduation…but I can’t do much about it. He seems to think he has an equal stake in the person our child has become – when the reality is,  I did all the work. I’m the one who wrote a blank check for the lost sociology book this morning. I’m the one who threw him a graduation party last weekend. I’m the one who financed a car for him. I’m the address A writes on every thing. I’m the parent to contact for anything. I’m the one who would call the school for the missing back packs, the lost cell phones, the picking up after detentions. I’m the one proof reading his business plan for the food truck he wants to start. I’m the one he tells ALL about it, every time I see him. But sure, you should totally come to graduation for a child you contributed nothing but bitterness and bullshit to. It is a big audience for you to parade around in front of, acting like you belong there.

But. In the end, A is very excited about graduation. People are giving him money. He has marching practice this week. They get their caps and gowns today. He bought new dress shoes (with my money). He’s the reason husband and I will go and smile, clap and cry at the video montage of the baby pictures and senior pictures. I’ll get some pictures of him marching in, getting his diploma, and we’ll make our escape once it’s over.

Who knows, maybe asshat won’t even show up after all!

Posted in co-parenting, growing up, kids, narcissism, parenting, school and tagged , , , , ,
26 Oct 2014
5 Comments

On to the post season

Last night was Senior Night. The last home football game for A and 8 other players, along with many of the varsity cheerleaders. It was scheduled to be played on Friday night. So, Friday morning  informed me that I would be required to wear his away jersey to the game, they’d call my name I’d I have to come down onto the field for the ceremony and pictures. Well. I’m not gonna lie. I was really excited to be chosen. But, due to the rain, the game got rescheduled to Saturday night. A informed me that I needed to be there early. So I was. Our normal spot on the bleachers was decorated with a big poster of A and black and orange balloons. It was very nice.
The announcer told all the senior parents to line up on the sidelines. So I did. Then I heard husband saying my name. I turned around and he was motioning the the line of parents to my right. I didn’t see what he was talking about, but I knew – asshat was there too…and in line with all the other parents.

My first thought was, “oh well, A must have invited us both. That was big of him to refuse to choose one parent over the other.” I was nervous about having to go out there and be within arms reach of someone who has just wreaked so much havoc on my life….but, it should just be a quick meeting on the 40 yard line, hug, smile for the camera, and that’s it. The announcer called A’s number and name. “And A would like to thank his mother…” And they said my name. Everyone clapped. A ran through the tunnel and we met on the 40 yard line. Asshat walked over too. His name was not called. He kept walking closer. A handed me a flower and said “this is for you.” A noticed his father standing there and said to the camera lady “Oh! i guess I’ll have one taken with each of them.” Asshat, scowling to beat all scowls, growled “YES”.

I gave A hug, I told him I was so proud of him. He put his arm around me. We smiled. Picture taken, and I walked away.

It was a big show. A big audience. Lots of people to impress. I should have known that asshat would need to insert himself like that. His name wasn’t called. He wasn’t invited. It was awkward. He was sure to get his picture taken with A too.

As the game wound down, (A’s team winning 42-8) husband and I took our poster and flower and blankets and made our way down the bleachers to leave. At the bottom we stopped to watch the play with 35 seconds left. An older man came up to us and said, “He had a great season. You should be very proud of him.” Husband said, “Oh! thank you, we are! He’s a really great kid!”
We made our way down the ramp behind the bleachers toward the end zone. Asshat and girlfriend were standing at the end zone. I watched the final 21 seconds of the game as we walked the length of the sidelines. I caught girlfriend looking at me. She looked angry. So. Angry. I said to husband, “Is she glaring at me?” Husband said, “Oh yes, she has been for a while now.” Seriously? What on earth does she have to be so pissed off about?

We got home, put A’s giant poster on the mantle and went to pick up take out for dinner. A joined us for dinner and we talked about the play off game that will be coming up next week. It was a pretty great night!

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
28 Mar 2014
8 Comments

Consent To Treat. Or Not.

Any one who has to co-parent with a bitter and unstable person will know what’s coming when I start this post with the sentence: “I emailed Asshat regarding the orthodontists repeated attempts to get him to sign a consent to treat for D to get braces” That’s right, ladies and gentlemen….He no longer consents.

From Asshat over the last year regarding braces for D. 

March 13, 2013
Additionally, D will need braces and this will need to be verified as happening as soon as possible.  Let me know with whom this is to be done. If you have a preference for a Dental provider to keep your costs down I will be more than happy to discuss that with you.  He needs braces and you are responsible for payment of them.

May 20, 2013
I have looked at his teeth and they seem to be getting worse.  If it is easier for you to have me schedule the appointments and get the ball rolling I have no problem doing so.  If you have separate insurance to cover this I will be more than happy to once again work within your network.  Regardless, this needs to happen soon.  I gave you the green light to get him braces almost three years ago with whomever you found and you have not done so – I don’t care who does the work, but the child needs it done as soon as possible.   

October 4, 2013
I have also not heard back from you regarding a scheduled appointment for D to get his braces.  It has been a month.  Should I need to go through the Court to make this happen I will do so.  D should not have to wait any longer to recieve proper dental care, care that is long overdue.

Twice now the orthodontist has called me to let me know that they don’t have a signed ‘consent to treat’ for D for his appointment to get braces put on, which is scheduled for Aprll 1st. The first phone call with them I explained that now, due to an order from the court making him half responsible for this cost, he would likely not sign the form. She told me that she found that odd as she recalled him making the initial evaluation appt for D. She said he was VERY persistent in making the appointment as soon as possible and if I had cancelled it, he wanted them to call and tell him. I gave her his cell phone number and address. 

The second phone call was the office staff sounding a little desperate about not having this form signed. I explained again that he likely wouldn’t sign it, as he probably thinks that by not doing it, he won’t be financially responsible. She and I laughed. She told me that it wasn’t mandatory that both parents sign, its just what they prefer. I get it. But, I can’t help her. 

So, I emailed Asshat. “The orthodontist says you have still not signed and returned the consent to treat for D’s braces appt on Tuesday. Please stop by their office and do that as soon as possible.”

To which he replied “I do not consent to treat for any elective medical or dental treatment for D at this time.”

We’ll see how much that matters when the state starts collecting medical reimbursements from his paycheck. Asshole. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , ,
25 Feb 2014
3 Comments

A really shitty father

I’m procrastinating. 

I should be reading chapter 18 of my Financial and Managerial Accounting book. I should be taking notes in order to answer the discussion questions at the end of the chapter. 

Instead I’m messing around on Facebook and WordPress. I’m having some trouble concentrating. 

Husband is frustrated with the latest round of stupid people continuing to be stupid. Mainly our dear Asshat. I did actually send him an email last night asking for him to please gather A’s school stuff and drop it off on our porch as he passed our house on his way to the southern part of the state in order to take his bar exam. 

No response. And, no books. Husband was actually surprised by this. “He is a really shitty father” he said after checking the porch this morning for the books. Yes. Yes he is. 

I let A stay home today. I don’t know if that was the right move or not. Frankly, I’m not currently in the mood to pick apart my parenting choices right now. I’m tired. And a little cranky.

Husband would like to set some limits about A just ending up here because his father doesn’t have the gas money to drive in to pick him up…or whatever lame excuse he has on any given day. I get it. I really do. But. I’m not going tell A that he can’t spend the night at home. Not ever. 

Its all so frustrating. All over again.

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , ,
09 Apr 2013
3 Comments

Impartiality

The boys got new health insurance as of April 1st. Due to the x demanding the boys go to counseling, and my agreement to provide him with their insurance information, I did what any normal person would do. I let him know.

From: Stacey
Sent: Monday, April 08, 2013 9:35 AM
To: Asshat
Subject: Fw: Id cards

Here is a copy of the kids ID cards for their new insurance coverage in the event you want to make counseling appointments for them.
Thanks,
Stacey

 

And he replied today with insanity. Conspiracy even.

 

From: Asshat
To: Stacey 
Sent: Tuesday, April 9, 2013 10:29 AM
Subject: RE: Id cards

Yeah once again I don’t have the proper authority to access these accounts.  And the counselor you used seems to be someone with very close ties to your current place of employment which means that there is a serious issue with impartiality.

 

I have no idea what this means. The counselor the boys saw has NOTHING to do with where I work. And even if he DID have something to do with my place of employment, I would assume after 30 years of working in this field he would have the ability to be impartial. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , ,
22 Feb 2013
3 Comments

Trying to coparent with a dummy

Things have been CRAZY! Where to start….lets see. X is the landlord, and he is also the children’s father. When we found out we were moving, I needed to give him notice regarding moving the kids, and also as tenants leaving a lease early. Neither of which I was looking forward to. Here is what happened when I gave him notice about moving the kids. I’ll do another blog post about the landlord / tenant end of this whole situation. 

My divorce states that I need to give X 30 days notice, if possible, if I intend to move the kids. So, I gave him notice.

From: Me
Sent: Friday, February 15, 2013 8:37 PM
To: Dummy
Subject: FYI

X,
I wanted to let you know that we will be moving to New School District in March. As far as the divorce states I am to give you 30 days notice of my intent to move the kids.  You will receive a formal letter in the mail regarding our intent to vacate the house at _____________.
Thanks,
Stacey

I knew it wasn’t going to be that simple, and I was right. 

 
From: Dummy
To: Me
Sent: Sunday, February 17, 2013 2:51 PM
Subject: RE: FYI

For the record, you did not notify me nor attempt to discuss with me the relocation of the children to a new town nor did you notify me nor attempt to discuss with me the withdrawal of D from School A and his subsequent placement in the School B system.  A direct violation of the divorce decree as we have shared custody.  Expect an additional motion for contempt to be filled after your move.

 

Ok seriously? A. we do not have shared custody. We have shared decision making about certain things. Education being one of them. And B. I’ve researched what it takes to file contempt charges…you’re an idiot to think you can scare me with this shit. C. Look at the email I originally sent you, there you will find the NOTICE and the ATTEMPT TO DISUCSS with you D being moved from school A to school B. 

 

From: Me
Sent: Sunday, February 17, 2013 2:32 PM
To: Dummy
Subject: Re: FYI

X,
If you have concerns about D switching schools, feel free to discuss them with me.  Our email below is the 30-day “notification” about the relocation, as our divorce decree states I need to do.
Thanks,
Stacey

 

Seems clear, right? Apparently not. 

 

From: Dummy
To: Me
Sent: Sunday, February 17, 2013 7:16 PM
Subject: RE: FYI

I have concerns, but a discussion with you after the fact that you have already made your decision and informed the children makes what I think moot.  Court may be the best place to discuss actions that have already transpired.  And once again I still do not have the specific date you intend to vacate the house in breach of the lease.

 

Ok so, you want to holler at me for my refusal to parent, but as you can see, I’m parenting, and he’s refusing…anyone else confused yet? 

 

From: Me
Sent: Sunday, February 17, 2013 6:47 PM
To: Dummy
Subject: Re: FYI

X,
I just want to clarify, you have concerns and you choose not to discuss them with me? Now is the time to have an open and civil discussion as far as the concerns you may have.  As far as what’s best for the children and their schooling, it’s a work in progress, and no action has been taken as of yet. As always, this will be a decision based on what is in the best interest of the children.
Thanks,
Stacey

 

Are you ready for it…..? Here comes the crazy!! 

 

From: Dummy
To: Me
Sent: Sunday, February 17, 2013 9:33 PM
Subject: RE: FYI

So that I am clear and that you understand – I am not interested in playing your games and allowing you to put me in the position of bad guy after you have already informed the children of your decision.  What purpose would a discussion at this point have but to affect my relationship with them in a detrimental fashion by casting me as the bad guy by questioning what they have been led to believe is going to be in their best interests.  I don’t for a minute believe that you would not have attempted to spin this in a manner that would preclude any disagreement from them so as to obtain a path of least resistance.  And now what, I am going to give you my concerns and allow you to use that as a wedge to say “Oh look, your Dad doesn’t think this is such a good idea.”  A discussion with me would have been appropriate prior to you doing that, but as is evident – they already know this.  And also for the record – School is not a work in progress, ever.  It is sound decisions made in the BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILDREN, and not your own – ALWAYS.  I really have to question whether you considered them in any of this, rather as always I am sure it is more of a convenience issue than anything else – hence the medication over actual therapy.  See that is the real problem here isn’t it.  Your decisions are cloaked in “best interests of the children” because it is a nice little phrase to make you feel better about your choices, when in reality you have given very little thought to the possible repercussions to them.  I take comfort in the fact that at least when they were with me my decisions were always based on them, regardless of whether or not you were able to comprehend/contemplate it or not.  But yeah for the record I will take your bait because at least one of us needs to do what’s right by them.

1.  Switching school in the middle of the year is not in the best interests of D, it may be in yours but not his and there is a clear history of statistics to show this.  2.  Given his current academic performance the whole “new place and a chance to start all over fresh” is not what he needs, rather he could use a bit more parental attention at home in regards to homework and a whole lot less computer time.  This is doing nothing more than teaching him to run away from his problems and quit when the going gets tough.  3.  Manipulation of the situation on your part in terms of bolstering the positives of the switch without really addressing the likely consequences does not mean he is in any way competent to give consent; not allowing me the opportunity to discuss with him the switch before a decision was made simply puts anything I might add in response to a switch in a most likely negative light which is not conducive to fostering and promoting positive problem solving skills in him affording him an opportunity to value my input.  4.  It is apparent that you have not really investigated the School B educational situation, nor taken the time to truly reflect on the different standards in place nor the climate that you are thrusting upon him – as a parent that should have been your primary concern rather than just finding a home to move to at his age. 5.  Moving to School B District relinquishes his opportunity for any alternative choice of high school – which based on conversations with him he does not seem to be clear on nor sold on.  6.  Floating him into a new school setting so late in the year where they will not be able to fully evaluate him based on their standards has the potential for simply passing him to the next level regardless of his overall performance capabilities which if they are sub par, lets say like they were a couple years ago, continues to set him up for future failure on a much larger scale.  7.  Socially and educationally speaking I find it quite unnerving that you feel he will adjust so quickly to School B, a much larger system with considerably less room for personalized attention than he has received at School A especially given his track record with similar things.  8.  You really think that a child that has regressed to be overtly introverted to the extent he has over the last few years is going to prosper in School B?  Are you for real?  

Anyone of these factors alone, and there are more if you took the time to actually think about it, should be enough to seriously rethink your actions… if it was about the children.  There is a reason that your friend Crystal busted her ass to avoid this scenario so feel free to get input from her.  Heck feel free to ask that girl down south who is a teacher.  I suspect you avoided those conversations because they would have provided you with the same common sense rational input as well.  But alas, it doesn’t matter what I say because you plan on doing what ever is in YOUR best interests and not theirs.  You know, and this really goes to the heart of the matter, if you only made your decisions with them first and foremost in mind I wouldn’t have a problem with anything you do regarding them.  But you haven’t, and you continue to drop the ball in so many major ways.  It is disgusting and utterly sad all at once.  I guess the biggest difference I see in you compared to most of the other mothers out there, and frankly in retrospect this has always been the case with you, is that you just have no desire to put them above yourself.  It is always about what you want and what you need.  It is with profound disappointment that I look at how they are being raised and what you have done to them.  I seriously don’t know whether to continue to be super pissed off at your choices or just cry for them at what you have done and continue to do.

Feel free to have that open moment of disgust so that your new husband can see it, but when you are in that quiet moment all on your own and don’t have to fake it, you know what I say is the truth.  That is if you even bother to.

 

I felt like I was sprayed with projection slime after reading this. I’m not a bad person, a bad mom…I’m not even a bad ex wife!
I slept on it and responded the next day. I took out all the other BS, I took just his base concern and addressed it. 

 

From: Me
To: Dummy
Sent: Monday, February 18, 2013 9:15 AM
Subject: Re: FYI

X,
Thank you for sharing your concerns regarding D changing schools. 
 
1.  Switching school in the middle of the year is not in the best interests of D, it may be in yours but not his and there is a clear history of statistics to show this.  
 
Once vacation is over we will be contacting both the School B, and the School A teachers to speak with them regarding this type of transition with three months left in the school year. As educators, I’m sure that this is not an atypical situation and they will be able to make recommendations based on what will be best for D. 
 
2.  Given his current academic performance the whole “new place and a chance to start all over fresh” is not what he needs, rather he could use a bit more parental attention at home in regards to homework and a whole lot less computer time.  This is doing nothing more than teaching him to run away from his problems and quit when the going gets tough.  
 
D spends one hour per evening on his computer during the school week. I am in daily contact with all of his teachers regarding homework assignments. Completing school work and homework will still be a requirement for D. That is not something he will be able to escape. 
 
3.  Manipulation of the situation on your part in terms of bolstering the positives of the switch without really addressing the likely consequences does not mean he is in any way competent to give consent; not allowing me the opportunity to discuss with him the switch before a decision was made simply puts anything I might add in response to a switch in a most likely negative light which is not conducive to fostering and promoting positive problem solving skills in him affording him an opportunity to value my input.  
 
If at anytime you would like to speak with D, you are allowed to do so. 
 
4.  It is apparent that you have not really investigated the School B educational situation, nor taken the time to truly reflect on the different standards in place nor the climate that you are thrusting upon him – as a parent that should have been your primary concern rather than just finding a home to move to at his age. 
 
Once vacation is over we will be contacting both the School B, and the School A teachers to speak with them regarding this type of transition with three months left in the school year. As educators, I’m sure that this is not an atypical situation and they will be able to make recommendations based on what will be best for D. 
 
5.  Moving to School B district relinquishes his opportunity for any alternative choice of high school – which based on conversations with him he does not seem to be clear on nor sold on.  
 
D understands that this will end his opportunity to be able to have a choice of high school, but the reality is with his grades and educational performance at School A, its unlikely that anything other than School System B would be an option for him. This has already been discussed with School A. 
 
6.  Floating him into a new school setting so late in the year where they will not be able to fully evaluate him based on their standards has the potential for simply passing him to the next level regardless of his overall performance capabilities which if they are sub par, lets say like they were a couple years ago, continues to set him up for future failure on a much larger scale.
 
As far as your concern regarding School B simply passing him because they are unable to evaluate him, you should know that I was told by Mr. M that School A will pass D, regardless of his grades. Once students reach middle school, they will not keep kids back. 
  
7.  Socially and educationally speaking I find it quite unnerving that you feel he will adjust so quickly to School B, a much larger system with considerably less room for personalized attention than he has received at School A especially given his track record with similar things.  
 
I believe that a persons attitude toward a transition is a big factor in a successful adjustment. D has a very positive attitude towards this transition. 
 
8.  You really think that a child that has regressed to be overtly introverted to the extent he has over the last few years is going to prosper in School B?  
 
I’m unclear as to how you’ve made the determination that D is overtly introverted. That is not our experience with him.
 
Thanks,
Stacey
 
He never responded to this. Of course. 
This whole exchange this weekend was exhausting. But, I’ve done my part. He, in a hateful, manipulative and awful way, voiced his concerns and I was able to be a level headed, clear and responsible parent and address them. 
Can I be done now? Can he just leave? Can he just maybe fall off the face of the earth and leave me alone now? Please? 
 
Posted in abuse, child support, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, kids, parenting, reality, worry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
01 Feb 2013
5 Comments

A list

I woke up feeling very overwhelmed this morning. Here is a list of shit going on – I think is see why I might be feeling a bit crazy. 

Driver’s Ed

A has finally decided he wants to take drivers ed. Less than a week’s notice. I now need to come up with 430.00 to pay for this. I also have to work my schedule to be able to pick him up in town at 5:30 three nights a week. 

Scheduling to see Grammy

My mom has asked to see the kids over Feb vacation. She now lives 4 hours away, and will come up and get the kids, have them spend 2-3 days with her, then bring them home. This is awesome. The kids said they would like to go. But now, to figure out how to schedule it. A’s driver’s ed during that week is T, W and Th. 

Seeing dad

A wants to see his dad this weekend. The email he sent me said “pick up A Friday drop off Sunday.” It doesn’t tell me when or where. I’ve emailed him twice asking for where and when. I’ve gotten nothing. I’m sick of him. 

Haircuts

Both kids and husband are in desperate need of haircuts. I don’t have an extra 60.00. I’ll need to find it though. If A sees his dad this weekend, maybe HE can figure it out…lol, yeah right. 

Movie

D wants to go to the movies. He’s been asking since before Christmas to see the new Hobbit movie, or Les Miserables. Money. Time. Ugh! 

Diving

D is back at diving classes every Saturday morning. He likes it when he’s there, but the going to bed at a reasonable time on Fridays and getting up early Saturday makes him such a treat to deal with. Also, he wants to quit band. 

Homework

We continue to have issues with D bringing him homework home. The new plan that came from the 504 meeting was for him to have a plain notebook that each day he’d write the date on the top of the page, and write the homework for each class, then the teacher needs to sign off on it, indicating he has the assignment correct. In the last two weeks, this has happened exactly 2 times. 

Dr appt

D has a dr and dentist appt on Tuesday. I don’t know how and when A will be getting picked up from school that day. We have a gap in time between the two, hoping to get D an early supper before his dentist appt. I have no idea if that will actually work out or not. 

Valentines Day

Husband and I have made a reservation at a fancy schmancy B&B for a late Valentines Day trip. http://www.hartstoneinn.com/
Looks awesome, right? Well, cooking with alcohol is an issue for husband, as he doesn’t consume alcohol. In any capacity. Ever. He’s going to email them and see if there is something they can do. 

Cat

The cat continues to be an asshole. We are thinking about moving…I don’t know what to do about the cat. Do we get him fixed and try to keep him as an indoor cat? Do we give him to the shelter? Do we just leave him for the Ex to deal with? Will he EVER use the litter box again!?

Moving

As I mentioned, we are wanting to move. We have looked at three places so far. None of them are right. The first two just didn’t have enough space. The third was an old building, but it looked like their idea of “fixing it up” was putting shitty industrial carpet over ALL the floors, which is fine, except why the kitchen? Bathroom? Really? And the entire first floor felt like they’d put that carpet over existing carpet….yeah for the kid with asthma, I’m sure this wouldn’t cause ANY issues! 

Court

We have court on the 7th this month. I am dreading this. I’m sick of worrying about it, especially when I know there is nothing to actually be worrying about. Blah. 

Tax refund

The IRS says the have received and accepted my tax return. It has not been processed yet. I don’t know if there was going to be an issues with Dummy trying to claim the kids as well, when in this process it would show up. I’m anxious to just get the refund and move on with our lives…especially since we owe most of that federal refund to our state tax debt. Awesome. 

Resume

The exact same job I do right now is open at a different company. A REAL company. A company with offices and benefits and actual time off. I need to make a resume. Or fix the one I have. And I don’t interview well, at least I don’t feel like I do. I have trouble “selling myself”. I have trouble sugar coating things. 

Birth Certificate

The kid’s birth certificates are the bane of my existence. I don’t know why having an original, raised seal birth certificate is so damn difficult to have, keep, and know where the hell it is. A needs his for driver’s ed. I know I have one somewhere. They both needed one to start school. A needed one for the All Star league for baseball. Any idea where either of them are? No. Not a clue. So, to save myself 15.00 dollars and a trip to city hall, I’ll tear the house apart looking for it this weekend. I was going to do it last night, but the power was out until after 7pm. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
14 Dec 2012
8 Comments

Just Ignore Them

I’m having some trouble reconciling this email from yesterday. My initial thought was that I would not respond. This is typical shit. Manipulation. Bullying. Words that don’t mean anything. What do I tell the kids when someone tries to bully them? “Just ignore them.”

But at what point do I fight back? Ever?
I want to tell him his emails makes no sense. That he’s a pathetic bully who is trying to scare me into backing down from court because he’s a coward. 
I want him to know that I know this is what is happening. I want him to know that its not working.

But what would be the point? I know better than to think he’d ever have even a moment of self awareness. He won’t understand any of the things I have to say. He is unable to process any of it. The words would just bounce off of his eyes and back onto the screen, poking the part of his brain that holds all the spite and bitterness…making it 100 times worse. 

I guess the best thing to do would be to just file court papers and wait for a court date. But I do wish I could tell him how stupid and sad he is – and have him understand it. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
22 Oct 2012
4 Comments

Grounded?

So, here is the conversation that X had with A last night. It doesn’t make any sense to me. I’m confused why X thinks A is grounded…as apparently A doesn’t think he grounded….probably because I didn’t ground him – I had no reason to. Also, no where have I seen A say that he’s had a shitty couple of weeks. In fact, his brother was at a friends house on Saturday night and A joined husband and me in a game of scrabble…and yesterday husband and A played pass outside. I’ve been getting “thank you” for dinners and rides (not always but more than usual)…Plus, I picked up A and two of his friends, brought them home for food and showers, before taking them all in town on Friday night for a football game, and then gave them all rides home afterwards. It makes me sad that my kid feels like he has to lie to his dad to keep in his good graces.

I don’t say anything to A about these conversations. He knows I see them. Maybe 3 times total in the last 2 years has he actually deleted any conversation he’s had with his dad…Should I be doing  more? I don’t know.

  • Dad
    • So whats been so shitty about your last couple of weeks?
  • Son
    • you’re a hardcore stalker haha
    • but mom hasnt let me do anything on the weekends so ive been home bored
  • Dad
    • I have a feeling I know why, but maybe you can explain why you think you have been ‘grounded”?
  • Son
    • not grounded, shes just to lazy to take me in town
  • Dad
    • lol, yeah well you need to remember to delete our conversations or else she is not going to be happy about reading them
  • Son
    • yeah i know
  • Dad
    • smile🙂
Posted in abuse, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, growing up, parenting, worry and tagged , ,
21 Aug 2012
4 Comments

To enforce or not to enforce?

Found out yesterday from the Hawaii sheriff that the ex was NOT served. Which makes me think two things.

1. wow his crazy spouting about wanting me to stop messing with his life, and talking about child support are truly out of the blue and have no basis at all in any realm of reality.

2. Dammit! now I’ve got to track him down in South Dakota!

However, this is a motion to enforce the rules that are already in place, in about 4 months, he’ll no longer be a student, and I can go back to court to ask for child support…so I’m toying with the idea of just scrapping the motion to enforce and just wait till December and modify support AND visitation,  since clearly the visitation plan we have in place, isn’t working.

Not sure what the real life effects will be if I don’t push the enforcement…He may be back in November to take them for thanksgiving – its his year, but he’ll only get a week off from school, and he didn’t bother to come back and see them last year. So, its likely, he’ll be back after school is done in December, as he’s told my older son that he’ll be coming back to Maine after school is done. I really believe though that even if I pushed the motion to enforce, he would still come back here and do whatever he wants anyway, to hell with the court order.

Guess it’ll be something to think more about.

Posted in abuse, Divorce, kids, long distance parenting and tagged , , , ,

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started