Terrible Day
Yesterday was a terrible day. I found out that on Saturday A lied about going to a friends house. Said a friends mom was coming to pick him up, but instead it was X’s roommate, and A decided to spend the night over there without telling me. When I found out, I emailed the roommate and told her that A lied about being there, i haven’t seen him in two weeks, here is my cell phone, please, if X isn’t around, check with me before you let A come over. Here is the FB conversation between A and I.
Me
I texted you…is your phone dead?
A
Nope.
it’s outside.
Me
ok well when do you plan on coming home?
A
Roommate’s daughters mom has to go pick up Roommate’s daughter and she said she can give me a ride. I’m not sure when that is but ill be home when that happens.
Me
how about I come get you now instead?
A
Nah
I have no reason to be home. I’m also in the process of doing homework.
Me
so, how did you get from friends house in orrington all the way to Roommate’s daughter’s house in holden?
A
He doesn’t live in orrington
he lives in holden
He moved from orrington to holden last month.
Me
of course he did
A
But thank you for stalking my friends.
Do you not remember when zach picked me up and i told you the next day we went to holden to pick up tyler? Why would i tell you that if he lived in orrington
Me
right
so did you find out his mom’s name?
A
You’re obsessive, it’s annoying as fuck.
Me
you dont talk to me like that
A
oops.
Me
oops, right. whatever. we’ll chat when you’re home.
A
k.
A
you’re fucking crazy. I hope you understand that i will be coming home today but as soon as i possibly can i will choose not to live with you.
A
You have legit made these past three years hell, whether you think buying me shit and doing shit for me is nice and all it’s just to cover up the fact that you ruined the “family” D buys into all the toys and shit but i see right through it. and the fact that annnnnnywhere i go you have to fucking check on me? it’s fucking pathetic.
Me
No A, its called being a parent. that is what parents do.
sorry you dont like it.
A
sorry, i don’t like you.
Me
I didn’t ruin the “family” A. Im sorry you feel that way, but I didnt. I understand that is what your dad would have you believe, but people get divorced, its just how it works sometimes. Im sorry you feel like I ruined your family, and im sorry you feel like im trying t o “buy” your love. but the reality is kids need stuff, and i provide what you need.
A
you’re not sorry for shit.
Me
welll thats not true. I am sorry that you’re upset and think i ruined the family. However, the reality is your dad left, and you were here with me, and i did the best that I could . Perhaps if you had been able to have two parents during all the divorce stuff, this owuld have been eaiser for you
Me
but i can only do my best, and that is what i’ve done. and i am sorry if it wasnt good enough.
This is teh same things you were sauying over two years ago. Maybe you need to consider talking to a conslelor about htis stuff, like you dad suggests that you do. Maybe then you would be able to work on moving forward with some things and not feel so angry.
A
no, i don’t want a fucking councelor, i just want you, out of my life. so i don’t have to worry about going back there and just sitting in my room for hours on end.
life there is fucking boring.
I don’t like it.
Me
yeah, i understand that, i wouldnt want to sit in my room watching my tv playing on my laptop and playing xbox and textging people for hours on end in my room either. Sounds super boring. Im sorry you dont like your life here, but the reality is, no matter where you live or which parent you have primary residence with, you’re still going to have to spend half the time with me.
A
nah.
A
I don’t want to spend any time at all with you. every time i fucking go somwehere you facebook and text message check fucking everything, then you unblock dads number for like 1 day? what is the fucking point, it’s a bitchy control move. then you message Roommate? it’s fucking pathetic. especially after i had told you i was going to be home tonight.
Me
yes but you lied.
you lied that friends mom was picking you up
A
just another hint to you that i don’t want to be with you.
Me
Lying isnt ok, regardless of the reason. If you’d like to be treated like an adult, you’ll need to start acting like one.
A
don’t fucking say that.
that’s the most retarded thing you’ve ever said and you say it all the fucking time.
it’s a fucking joke
Me
Say the F word one more time and you’ve lost your phone.
A
hahaha shut off my phone and i promise you, you won’t see me tonight.
Me
is this you acting like an adult?
A
no this is me actuing childish to your childish remarks.
You acting like an adult would be giving me space until i got bored and came back willingly
Me
Im not being childish. I am your parent and I’m telling you to cut it out with teh F word.
A
but no, you have to have control all the “Fing” time. because you don’t know how to handle a situation when you don’t have control.
Me
im not sure what you’re talking about.
control of what sitauation?
A
this whole one about custody and you NEEDING to see me 50 percent of the time when really i was totally fine with getting off the bus tomorrow after school and staying there until dad got back. but you do this stupid thing where you HAVE to see me because you miss me when all you’re doing is giving yourself less time. When i do get to pick where i want to live, i’ll be 16 and able to pick who im with all the time. and you’re ruining 2 years of seeing me. All because you won’t give me any space at all.
Me
A. You dont get to lie to me and think that you wont get caught.
B. I havent seen you for 2 weeks except to cart you over to game stop
A
this is a prime example, you even said to her you don’t know why i’d lie but then went on to say maybe it’s because he knows i probably wouldnt have let him stay if i knew it wasnt a friends house. but you knew today i was going to be home, yet you still messeged her and pretend you’re a good parent when honestly you’re not.
Me
A, unitl you have kids of your own, im not sure you have any idea waht a good parent is or isnt.
A
so wait, the point of a parent is to piss them off until they want to have nothing to do with you.
Me
the point is to do your best and what you think is right even though your kids wont get it, and will just be mad about it.
A
because if that’s what’s happening and if that’s your philosophy you should probably try a different one
what you think is the best is not. and it’s obvious because im not happy
Me
and if you have a father who supports your decision to have nothign to do with your mother, and will keep you and take care of you and go along with your idea that you dont need a mom in your life for any reason, and shes done nothing but screw your life up, then maybe you need to reasses what a good and bad parent is.
Me
its not my job to make you happy all the time A. its my job to make sure you are safe, you are loved, you are fed, clothed and have a place to live.
A
dad has made a point not to say anything about you.
Me
and i have made a point not to say anything about him too.
i expect c ommunication
and im not getting that from him. So waht would you like me to do?
let you hate me and stay with Roommate?
let you lie to me and come bck here when you’re bored?
im your mother not your friend
A
i wouldnt hate you if you gave me more damn space.
Me
like two weeks with your father?
and you said, let me stay jsut three more days
i;’ll come home happy
and hugs n shit
and hang out with you
now you want space after 2 hours?
A
AND I WAS GOING TO HELP ROOMMATE’S DAUGHTER WITH HOMEWORK BECAUSE SHE WAS ABSENT FOR 3 WEEKS WITH MONO AND IS BEHIND. I WAS GOING TO BE HOME TOMORROW.
Me
right, but you didnt tell me that
and Roommate didnt tell me that
you lied to me
A
i told you i was going to help her with homework and get mine done?
i told you that.
Me
you told me you were getting pikced up my tyler pattersons mom
you told me that is who you called yesterday
you told me that you were st aying at his house last night
A
because you wouldn’t have let me go if you knew it was with Roommate
Me
you told me that you would be home today
you’re right, because you’ve spent two weeks there, and i wanted you to be home
im allowed to want t6o see my child
and you’r allowed to hate me because of it if you want to
A
i bet you want to, but being there isn’t what i want. just like you wanted to have ryan move in, i didn’t want that either. you’ve had what you want. I am low maintence. i go to school, come home, go to my room, play xbox, eat supper go to my room and fall asleep. I don’t want anything more than a trip to gamestop every once and a while.
Me
we can talk about this when you get home.
A
and i was in a good mood earlier, i was going to stay and make them supper and then help with homework, go to sleep, and go to school in the morning, come home on the bus. but you make this into this HUGE thing where you message Roommate, and you stalk everyone in my facebook as though it’s your business. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t go out to parties, yet you still invade my privacy. yeah, i lied, there was a reason for it. you wouldn’t have known had you not stalked my facebook and everyone im friends with.
A
And i don’t think you understand this at all. I am not going to communicate with you in ANY way when I’m home. I might even take the bus tomorrow. Im not going to eat with you, im not going to say hi to you. I will set my alarm tomorrow morning and go out for the bus. Because you have pissed me off today and i don’t want to see you.
A
It’s funny how you think im going to come home and act like none of this just happened. As though this doesn’t bother me and im just happy as can be.
Me
I didn’t say that at all. I was hoping to talk to you about this. But if you don’t want to then you don’t have to.
A
you’re not going to want to talk, you’re going to tell me the way you want it and that, that’s the way it’s going to be, because that is how every conversation is
Then A tried to talk to his father who is in Colorado, on his way to SD for graduation. He’ll be gone for two weeks.
A
shes fucking crazy
A
once you get back you can not ggo anywhere without me again, i cant fucking deal with her. this ois entirely to much.
X
hey bud, are you ok?
A
She’s a fucking nut.
X
explain?
A
She Legit stalked my.Facebook and figured out I was at Roommates, then messages Roommate
X
for real?
A
Yeah
X
ummm, interesting
I will bring you back some bison jerky and that will make it all better?
A
And then when I told her about how I felt and such she just said it was too bad because I’d have to spend 50% of time with her no matter where primary residence was
That and full costudy would be good
X
Don’t argue it anymore bud. You have tried to do the reasonable and responsible thing by expressing to her how you feel. That is all you can do at the moment.
I will be back before you know it
sh
A
In 2 weeks.
X
it will go by quicker than you think
I do wish you were here
Love ya bud!
A
Yeah well mia enjoyed the fire last night and Brian was there and Roommate and Brian were flirting up a storm.
X
haha, yeah I figured
did you stay there last night?
A
Yeah
X
and where are you now?
A
Holyoak street house
X
ok
A
Yesa
X
well I am will check FB again when I get to SD tomorrow. Gonna be a long ass car ride… but I am riding in a sweet BMW
Haha sweet
X
love ya, and be smart and keep your head up will ya. We will be grilling by the bonfire soon enough!
ttyl
So, I have books about PAS, and this is that. Absolutely this is that. The scary thing is if this goes untreated by a mental health professional, A will end up with the exact same issues that his father has. I am torn apart. I have no idea how to handle this. All the work I’ve done to make A a kind, ok kid. All the work and effort to make sure his only struggle would be working hard enough to do well in school, its all for nothing. X has ruined him. I get to be rejected by my own child daily now. He spent the night in his room, didn’t speak to anyone. I woke him up this morning, he ignored everyone all morning. Maybe he can’t keep this up for 2 weeks. Or maybe he can. I have no idea. I’m tired of losing my child over and over again, every time he spends time with his father.
Looking Forward 