Looking Forward

Making a better life for me and my kids

Archive for the tag “bullshit”

26 Oct 2014
5 Comments

On to the post season

Last night was Senior Night. The last home football game for A and 8 other players, along with many of the varsity cheerleaders. It was scheduled to be played on Friday night. So, Friday morning  informed me that I would be required to wear his away jersey to the game, they’d call my name I’d I have to come down onto the field for the ceremony and pictures. Well. I’m not gonna lie. I was really excited to be chosen. But, due to the rain, the game got rescheduled to Saturday night. A informed me that I needed to be there early. So I was. Our normal spot on the bleachers was decorated with a big poster of A and black and orange balloons. It was very nice.
The announcer told all the senior parents to line up on the sidelines. So I did. Then I heard husband saying my name. I turned around and he was motioning the the line of parents to my right. I didn’t see what he was talking about, but I knew – asshat was there too…and in line with all the other parents.

My first thought was, “oh well, A must have invited us both. That was big of him to refuse to choose one parent over the other.” I was nervous about having to go out there and be within arms reach of someone who has just wreaked so much havoc on my life….but, it should just be a quick meeting on the 40 yard line, hug, smile for the camera, and that’s it. The announcer called A’s number and name. “And A would like to thank his mother…” And they said my name. Everyone clapped. A ran through the tunnel and we met on the 40 yard line. Asshat walked over too. His name was not called. He kept walking closer. A handed me a flower and said “this is for you.” A noticed his father standing there and said to the camera lady “Oh! i guess I’ll have one taken with each of them.” Asshat, scowling to beat all scowls, growled “YES”.

I gave A hug, I told him I was so proud of him. He put his arm around me. We smiled. Picture taken, and I walked away.

It was a big show. A big audience. Lots of people to impress. I should have known that asshat would need to insert himself like that. His name wasn’t called. He wasn’t invited. It was awkward. He was sure to get his picture taken with A too.

As the game wound down, (A’s team winning 42-8) husband and I took our poster and flower and blankets and made our way down the bleachers to leave. At the bottom we stopped to watch the play with 35 seconds left. An older man came up to us and said, “He had a great season. You should be very proud of him.” Husband said, “Oh! thank you, we are! He’s a really great kid!”
We made our way down the ramp behind the bleachers toward the end zone. Asshat and girlfriend were standing at the end zone. I watched the final 21 seconds of the game as we walked the length of the sidelines. I caught girlfriend looking at me. She looked angry. So. Angry. I said to husband, “Is she glaring at me?” Husband said, “Oh yes, she has been for a while now.” Seriously? What on earth does she have to be so pissed off about?

We got home, put A’s giant poster on the mantle and went to pick up take out for dinner. A joined us for dinner and we talked about the play off game that will be coming up next week. It was a pretty great night!

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22 Feb 2014
4 Comments

You can’t make this stuff up…

D had a melt down this morning. Refusal to go to diving class. Attitude. Calling me immature. And my totally mature response? “I’m almost forty fucking years old! I’m not the one being immature!” Ok. Maybe that was a little immature. 

Either way, the consequence was loss of computer for a week. He remained firm in his resolve to be a little turd, so the computer was removed and locked away. 

Later he decided he’d like to go visit dad. Mainly to go play in the woods outside of the old house, and yeah, maybe to play a little xbox…

I explained that likely nothing with his dad had changed since the last time he had visited. He didn’t care, really, he just wanted to go out and play in the woods. I explained that dad would need to come get him and that I would be picking him up at 5pm on Sunday, as per the court order. D was mad. Obviously dad wouldn’t come get him! Why can’t I just take him!? And why does he have to wait until Sunday to be picked up?! This is dumb! 

I gave a whole speech about boundaries, and parents sharing responsibilities, and how we spent a lot of money to get this court order, so we’re going to stick to it. 

Eventually, D decided to give dad a call and see if he could get him to come pick him up. 

“Hi dad…..good…..hey can I come over and visit at your house today?”
We can hear asshat on the other end as we’re sitting in the same room, he didn’t even think about it, he just said “No I cant, I”m studying for the bar.” D’s response was “oh…..ok…..well…..” then asshat started in on some excuses “I don’t have enough money for you to come visit. I’m going to need to work on a new schedule, I’m going to need to get a second job” D rolled his eyes and said, “yeah, ok…”

The phone got static-y and D hung up. Shortly after asshat called back and they talked a little more, but D thought other things were more entertaining and after about 2 minutes he said “I gotta go….yeah nice to talk to you too…bye”

Asshat could have said “Yes! I’d LOVE to see you! Let me email your mom and see what we can work out!” But no. That isn’t what he did. Instead he sent me this email: 

“D called me today to ask about visiting this weekend.  Per the order, as you would say, communication about visitation needs to not go through him.  It is inappropriate for you to encourage him to do the very thing which you seemed hell bent to prevent.  Just an FYI so that in the future it will not happen again.”

He wasn’t encouraged by me to call. He was told he can do whatever he likes. Am I supposed to tell him that he’s not allowed to call his father to ask to come visit? That he needs to wait for dad to initiate contact? Really? What a fucking idiot. 

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09 Feb 2014
3 Comments

The End.

I’ve read it, re-read it, scanned it, copied it, forwarded it, read it again…the order has arrived. 

Friday at lunch I saw that my lawyer had emailed me. She stated that she thought I would be “pleased” with what the order contained. This may have set my expectations a little too high. 

The order contained largely what I expected it to. The main points are: 
* Week on and a week off for A.
*Each parent gets 2 non-consecutive weeks of vacation with the kids.
*Child support for me of $103.41 per week, retroactive to April 12 of 2013 when the court deemed it ‘reasonable’ that he should start supporting his kids after the ‘transition’ from school and bar study. This adds up to right around $4800.00.
*All rights and responsibilities remain shared, however if I email him he has 48 hours to respond, otherwise I can make a unilateral decision. Unfortunately, the timeliness of his bullshit responses to whatever I had to say about the kids was never really an issue.
*He is not allowed to contact D to arrange visitation, he is to go through me, then, contact with D will be alternating weekends, Friday at 5pm to Sunday at 5pm.
*The person receiving the child is to do the transportation.
*He is responsible for 52% of uninsured medical costs. 
*His motion to enforce is denied, as it was made clear that I was within reason to not force D to go visit, considering how D felt about the whole thing. 

D was not happy about this. Since the last time he visited, he doesn’t want to go anymore. His response when I told him about the order was, he’s hoping that dad never sees the order, and if he does, he hopes he doesn’t bother to email me about it.
A is fine with this. However, when I started talking about plans to go to Fl to see husband’s family (which we’ve been holding off on planning until we got the order) A is under the impression that we can’t go unless dad ‘consents’ to us going. “Dad won’t let us” is what he said. I told him that wasn’t accurate, we can do whatever we like, dad gets no say in it. When A says stuff like that, it really makes me wonder how much inaccurate control garbage he really spews at A when they are together. 

This is bullshit, if you ask me. Why did I have to spend over $8000.00 on a fucking lawyer to get THIS as the result? Oh right…its because he is an abusive, manipulative, piece of shit, ass monkey.

And….as for my lawyer? I wouldn’t recommend her. She was expensive, and not particularly useful. She didn’t really grasp what kind of person we were dealing with. I could tell that she often thought, especially in the beginning, that I was overreacting to the shit asshat was doing. She somehow ‘forgot’ to put legal fees into the pretrial list of what we were asking for, even though she and I had talked about it specifically several times. This meant that it wasn’t up for discussion during the trial. She initially quoted me $1500.00 to take care of this. When that money was gone, she estimated another $2000.00. We got our final bill from her yesterday and we owe her $6600.00. We’d get bills monthly. We knew it was accumulating, but we had no way to stop it, not when she wanted to see every fucking email exchange. She was unclear about the amount of time we had for our trial. She’d prepared for 2 days, when we only got 1 day. I paid for prep that we didn’t need. She frequently would ask me “can you think of anything else I should be asking?” during the trial. Fuck man, I don’t know…isn’t this YOUR job? Isn’t this why I owe you so much money now? She even charged me $18.50 to read and respond to the email I sent her on the 27th asking if she’d heard anything about the order yet, as we were told we’d have it in 30 days, maybe less. I guess not really having a grasp on what we needed ourselves made it difficult to be able to choose the appropriate lawyer. Or maybe we just totally picked the wrong person. Or maybe she was a shitty lawyer. I don’t know. 

Anyway. It’s over. I’ve got the order. $8000 dollars and 16 months later, It’s not what I wanted, but it’s about what I expected. This process has been complete and total bullshit from beginning to end. 

The End. 

 

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03 Feb 2014

he’s got it under control.

I took A to the old house to drop him off. We talked about him coming to my house every day after school to wait for dad to pick him up, rather than having to ride the bus all the way out to the old house, then walking the mile up the private road. He thought that was a good idea. 

A said that dad’s plan is to live in the old house until he can get it fixed up enough to be able to rent it. A didn’t know what that meant or how long that may take. I am wondering how on earth he’s going to pay for all these repairs and fixing stuff up…

I saw this ad on craigslist this morning with the old house’s address listed: 

3 bdrm / 2 bath 1000 – negotiable

“Cape style home situated on 2 1/2 acres in Eddington, Maine. Home has full basement with washer / dryer and a chest style freezer. About 1500 square feet not including basement. Pets are determined on a case by case basis and will require a deposit. Utilities not included – heat and electricity. First, last and security. Rent is negotiable and I will work with the right people to find something that works for both of us.”

So. He’s not really worried about it getting fixed up I guess? The best I can gather, the master plan is to get some schmuck to pay him first, last, and security – totaling $3000.00. And with that money, he and my son will then move OUT of that house and into a DIFFERENT place all together? I guess whoever said that kids need stability was just full of shit.
Plus, in speaking with REAL landlords, like the people I rent from, it’s pretty impossible to find renters who have that kind of money to be able to part with at once. Most places we looked at wanted first and security…because they wanted people to actually rent the place. But, I’m sure Asshat knows just what he’s doing. 

In court my lawyer asked him about buying clothes for D rather than expecting D to bring clothes from my house. Asshat’s response was “That’s what I learned from the For Kid’s Sake program, (the mandated parenting class we both had to take) that clothes are a big issue for a lot of parents.”
That is what he learned from a 4 hour parenting class about how to parent your children when you are divorced. I’m sure he’s got everything under control. 

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31 Jan 2014
3 Comments

Bullshit is his air.

We are all fine. Everyone is really doing ok. 

I found out about the HELOC this week – which really pissed me off – but really….whatever. Maybe, if he’ll just hurry up and default, I might be able to make a case to the credit reporting agencies to get that ‘charge off’ taken off of my report, since, you know, ITS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY! We’ll see. 

The claiming the kids on his taxes issue – again – really pissed me off. This creates more work for me. I really have enough to do. I met with an accountant this morning who advised me about how to best proceed with my return and supporting paperwork. Husband and I will visit our local IRS office this afternoon. 

See? We’re all doing just fine. 

In other news, I picked up A yesterday and he informed me that if everything goes according to dad’s plan, dad is moving back to the old house. This weekend. Its like bullshit is his air. He can’t live without it.  

Apparently his renters bailed on him. Who knows whats true and what isn’t – certainly not me. I emailed my lawyer about it this morning to get her take on things. We still haven’t received our order. Things are still up in the air.

A says he’s considering staying with me during the week because he doesn’t want to walk the mile up and the mile down the private dirt road the old house is on. He doesn’t want to take the bus all the way in every morning and back every night. He also won’t be able to stay for weight lifting with the football team after school since there is no late bus. He thought he might go to dad’s on the weekends, but then realized that would prevent him from being able to hang out with his friends on the weekends. A said he hadn’t talked to dad about any of this yet, and wasn’t sure what he wanted to do yet. 

All I could think was, well thank goodness I spent 5k on a lawyer to make a solid schedule! (Insert eye roll here)

So, the immediate issue is, A says that when I drop him off at dad’s this Sunday, it will be at the old house. That’s a long drive – and not what we agreed to. But then – so what? Asshat doesn’t care about what we agreed to. Asshat doesn’t care that A doesn’t want to spend half his time out in the middle of the woods with no cell phone service. Asshat cares about Asshat, and nothing more. 

 

 

 

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01 Jan 2014
5 Comments

3…2…1…

Happy new year, dear wordpress readers! 

I’m not gonna lie, I’m totally cool to have 2013 in the rear view mirror now. Its been an entire year of waiting for me, and in case you’re new here – let me just tell you…I HATE WAITING. 

Tomorrow is the day.

The day we’ve all been waiting for.

Court. 

I’ve talked with my lawyer several times this week, watching the minutes tick away as we go over stuff that I know like the back of my hand. I can’t help but think about how much these prep sessions are costing me. I know she needs them more than I do – she’s not been having to deal exclusively with X this last year like I have. I cringed when she told me yesterday “I’ve spent a considerable amount of time going through all these emails…” 

D seems ready to give his testimony. He says he’s not nervous “Its just another day, really.” Oh, wise beyond his years, that one is. Or Captain Avoidance. Probably a little of both. 

D’s counselor has been talking with him about this opportunity he’s been given for his voice to be heard. I feel this has made a world of difference for him. X hasn’t called since mid October, I think. It’s all such a blur. There was that email exchange where X has A text me, so I could ask D what dad should get him for Christmas…so D emailed dad and said “I’d rather not come to your house for Christmas”

Exhausting. 

I’m not sure where A is on all of this. I hope he’ll be able to be strong and at least say “I don’t want to be in the middle of this.” because that is clearly his position. A had spent the night with friends last night and when he couldn’t find a ride back to dad’s this morning he called me. I asked why dad couldn’t pick him up (this is x’s time with him and all) and A said “Dad said he’s not driving all the way out here to get me, plus he doesn’t know where ‘this friends’ house is.” Seriously? 

Yeah, seriously. So, Husband and I went out to get him. I know it’s asshat’s responsibility, not mine, but when he flat out refuses to go pick him up…yeah, I’m not gonna be that parent. You can tell that A is irritated about this. You can tell he doesn’t want to have to constantly ask me to pick up his dad’s slack…but he also knows that I will. No matter what. 

So, as I was saying…a year of waiting comes down to tomorrow and half the day on Friday if we need it. My lawyer doesn’t think that X will have any idea what he’s doing, so that might help to speed things up. Despite being sick, vomiting, aches, chills, fever, and drowning in an ocean of snot right now, I’m ready to get this over with. So. Fucking. Ready. 

So, to all my lovely readers, my support system, my cheerleaders, my friends…Please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow. Send any positive energy you can spare my way. I’ll be needing it! 

 

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20 Dec 2013
11 Comments

No one is going to ruin my Christmas

So the last couple of days have been filled with anxiety and anger and learning to make the best of what the world throws at me. Husband and I have been brainstorming holiday plans in order to maximize the CHEER and minimize the BULLSHIT. 

We’d made alternate holiday plans and was waiting for A to come home on Thursday to run them by him. In the meantime X sent me this:

I had a discussion with A last night about the upcoming holiday time.  He expressed no preference as to where he goes for Christmas eve or Christmas day and that he was fine with the schedule as it was.  I pressed him about the importance of spending time with each of us and had him text you as to what your specific plans where so that he could make an informed decision.  You chose to not give him specifics.  That was not helpful.  Because I think it is important for him to have time with you during the actual Christmas Holiday, and personally since he will not have his brother when he is with me, we came to a conclusion.  He can get picked up on Christmas eve at 9 and would be returned on Christmas morning by 9 to me.  I want him to have an additional day with me so he can be with me until Friday morning keeping the amount of time with me the same for the week.

A simple yes or no will suffice as to your agreement with this.   I have no intention nor desire to do any last minute planning.  If I do not hear from you by the end of my work day today (4:00pm) this deal is off and I will continue on with my previous plans. 

Gross. Really? I’m not allowed to tell him to fuck off, which is unfortunate.

Growing and adapting to bullshit situations like this over and over and over for the last 3 years, it took me less than 5 minutes before I banged out this response:

Asshat,
You’ve involved A far beyond the point of appropriate in my opinion regarding holiday schedules. I do not wish to cause him any further distress in having to make decisions for his parents. This is, as I’m sure you know, the point of a court order – so as to leave the kids out of having to make these kinds of choices. I do not agree to your offer. I will drop A off with you as per the normal schedule on Sunday (12/22) at 11 am and will expect him returned to me, by you, in accordance with the current agreement, 9am on Thursday (12/26).
Thank you,
Me

We will be having Christmas eve tonight. We will make gingerbread houses, we will eat good food, we will spend time together as a family. The boys will hang their stockings tonight and when they wake up tomorrow, we will have Christmas morning. We will open presents and eat and eat and eat some more. We will laugh and make a mess and watch the dog open her gift. It will be a lovely time, because we choose to give the boys an awesome Christmas over banging our heads against a brick wall. 

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18 Dec 2013
2 Comments

Its all MY fault we’re in this spot.

I followed my lawyer’s advice and sent X an email. He wanted begging and groveling. However, I’ve already made alternate plans for Christmas, so I took the opportunity to say I didn’t agree with what he was doing, with no expectation that he’d change his mind. Just more fuel for fire, so to speak. 

Asshat, 

Since 2010, it has been understood that holidays with the boys will be alternating. This year Thanksgiving and Christmas eve were my times with the kids. A didn’t come home for Thanksgiving because it was Thursday, he came because it was my year to have the boys with me. 

I would ask that you would stick to the original agreement that we set forth in 2010 and have A returned home for Tuesday morning. 

Honestly, I expected no response at all. Silly, silly me. 

Interesting.  You have chosen not to follow the agreement we made in 2010.  You went to court to modify that agreement and then chose not to follow the new agreement you got in 2011.  We are currently going back to court because you have once again decided things need to be modified.  Now you are asking me to follow it the original?  Our original agreement included time with D as well.  The 2011 modifications also provided that I see both children.  I have on numerous occasions asked that you adhere to the original agreement and the newer modifications.  You have refused to do so.  Does that really seem right to you?  We are in this spot because YOU, not I, continue to break the agreements we put in place.    

You are mistaken as to why A went with you for Thanksgiving.  It is unfortunate that it seems you and he did not discuss this already.

To the question at hand and just so we are clear, I am not making this decision – You and A have.  I would have had no problem with a holiday schedule that allowed split time like you suggest – and I have said as much, but at this point I don’t trust you to stick to it when we go into court.  His schedule is Sunday through Thursday.  We currently have no holiday schedule in place.  He wants to stick with this current schedule and has said so to me and you.  This doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have holiday time with you, rather he would prefer to stick to the schedule in place and celebrate the holidays when he is scheduled with you.

I have no dog in this fight as long as I get to see my children equally – which I am currently not being allowed to do because of your efforts.   I am not saying no because I am trying to win, or get even, or whatever – I understand that it is important for them to spend time with both of us.  However, I am respecting my sons wishes.  In addition to that I have been told to wait until a judge decides.  I agree that that is probably the best thing to do at this point. 

He was kind enough to CC my lawyer on this too. Dumbass. 

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26 Sep 2013
11 Comments

Frustration

I am beyond frustrated.

I feel like I’ve typed that sentence 100 times here in the last 10 months. But here I am, typing it again. 

It’s interesting to think about what “frustrating” really means these days. Traffic used to be frustrating. Lines at Wal-Mart used to be frustrating. The kids throwing fits and whining to get their way used to be frustrating. Funny how perspective changes. Now a court date that was rescheduled, X calling D and telling him he has to go to court and talk to a judge and a conference with the judge regarding the kids as witnesses not being scheduled until the middle of October is frustrating. 

It’s as though the more anxious I am for this to end, the quicker the Universe is to shut me down. 

I was looking at child support worksheets today. If I make more than X, and if we both provide “substantially equal care” for A, than the person who makes more money is considered the “non-primary caregiver” for the purposes of the form. That would mean If I make more than X,  I will likely have to pay him support for A. I am trying to be hopeful that I am misunderstanding this form. I am trying to apply common sense here and trust that the system isn’t going to take my child away from me, and then make me pay X for the favor. You’d think with D, it would end up being a wash, that I’ll remain the primary caregiver, and that X would then owe me, but the calculations indicate a discrepancy of $66.00 a week. Meaning, I’d owe X $66.00 a week more than he’d owe me – so I still end up paying him. How can that be? I’ve got to be reading these forms wrong. 

Whether I’m wrong or not, I guess it’s not the worst thing to be prepared for something like this. I’ll file it away under “Worst case scenario.” 

I emailed my parents to let them know that court had been postponed. I said I was a mess of stress and anxiety. I just want this to be over.  This is the response I got from my dad: 

Stacey, I truly understand about being a mess of stress and anxiety. It looks as if time will be your only antidote. But in the mean time you should take solace in yourself. You are a remarkable person. You have come so far and accomplished so much, all through a ridiculously difficult period of time. Very few people would of ever come this far. I’m unbelievably proud of you and your accomplishments and I’m a hard man to impress. So find solace in yourself, your abilities and your accomplishments. The only advice I can offer you is, that whenever you are tempted to look how much farther you have to go, stop and turn around and marvel at far you have come.
Love, Dad
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04 Sep 2013
16 Comments

Is it time to go to court yet?

After the disagreements last week regarding D’s upcoming schedule and how X wants him during the school week and will not agree to anything less than 50% of the time with HIS son, I emailed him on Monday…

I have concerns about D spending overnights at your house during the school week. He reports that he does not have a bed, clothes, pajamas, toothbrush, etc at your house. D has a difficult enough time getting enough restful sleep during the school week without subjecting him to sleeping on a couch.
My alternative suggestion is that for this week, you can pick him up at the Y after his swim practice on Friday at 4:30pm and can keep him until Sunday at 11am. I’ll pick him up when I drop A off. This way he’ll have a proper bed to sleep in, and will give you an opportunity to purchase clothes, pajamas and toiletries for his time with you.
Concerning following weeks, we have yet to determine what D’s schedule will be. However, I will be in touch when I know more.
Please let me know if you wish to have him with you from Friday at 4:30 pm until Sunday until 11am.

He responded with his own ideas, as he usually does. He also seems to think that if he just ignores what I’ve already said, then it never happened.

 
D requested, after discussion with me, that he stay with me from Wednesday after school until Saturday morning prior to his diving lessons.  I intend to honor that choice and will be planning on having him with me during that time period.  I will contact D to see what he prefers for pick up on Wednesday – whether that be me picking him up personally or if he feels comfortable enough to take the bus.  I will drop him off at the Irving station on Saturday morning at 8.  
I look forward to spending time with my son as already planned.

Really? This is your approach to compromise? I want to see him on THIS day at THIS time. This is what D wants. Trust me.

In your email to me last week, you said that if I did not agree to the plan that you had laid out to respond before the end of the week. I did that via my lawyer. I do not agree to D spending consecutive school nights with you. I believe that it will be too disruptive to the schedule we’re working to put into place for him now that school has started.

The timing of visits, as in what days it happens on, matters very little to D. What matters is that he’d like to come and visit you. You can see him from Friday after swim at 4:30 until Sunday at 11am. Eventually a judge will need to decide what will work best for D, and until then we’re trying to facilitate these visits to best meet D’s schedule and needs.

Please let me know if you’ll be able to pick him up from the Y at 4:30 on Friday or not.

And here comes the crazy!

I sent you the email and asked if you had concerns so that we might discuss them. There has been no discussion on your part about a set schedule beyond offering to allow D to visit with me every other week on the weekend.  Your proposal is not even close to 50/50.  What you offered is not a discussion that is meaningful nor does it take into account what D and I want. I offered to continue to discuss options with you at which point Armanda replied that we would need to go before a judge – that is not a discussion.  That is you making a demand. 

I am sorry if you feel that the schedule I proposed is going to be too disruptive to him now that school has started.  I waited all summer long, trying to establish a schedule of visitation with you to no avail. Your only stated concern all along, that I can recall, has been that you didn’t want to allow him to visit because he didn’t want to and that it would be damaging if he was forced to do so.  Visits that only occured when I was able to make direct contact with him or him with me because for some reason going through you first seemed to result in you not allowing it to happen.  There has been no damage done with his visits with me and in fact they have led him to wanting more. 

D wants to visit with me, he has said this to me.  He has verbalized this fact and is ok with overnights as am I.  We had an open and frank discussion about it.  He gave me his concerns and I made sure they were addressed in the proposal I sent to you.  I see no valid reason why he should not be allowed to visit overnight and you have not presented me with any reason that it should not happen.  I can understand your concerns with him not being with you all the time, but I am his father and I have a right to see him too.  You even stated in your email that the timing of his visits matters little to him, so the only one that seems to have an issue with when he visits me now is you.  I would like to point out that although I can appreciate you “trying to put into place” a schedule for him, doing so with little regard to me and my time with him is not ok.  Your actions lead me to ponder whether all the talking and patient attempts to work together on visitation with you have been done so with “bad faith” on your part. 

Again, you have not given me any other proposal that resembles a fair compromise of time with my son, you have refused to continue to discuss the matter and offer compromise, and you have offered no legitimate reason that visitation should not occur as I proposed.  For now, I will look forward to having D with me starting on Wednesday after school so that he may begin to adjust to the new school year and the new schedule that includes time spent with his father. 

I hesitate to go into the following with you but in the best interests of both A and D I would ask that you reconsider your position and work towards reaching a fair and adequate compromise on visitation so that they will not have to go into court with us.   These boys have been through enough already.  A has expressed in the past a desire to be with me full time but I have made sure that the current schedule includes time with you on a fairly equal basis as we originally agreed to.  D has expressed a desire to be with me for part of the week yet it feels as if you continue to make efforts to block this from happening.  Regardless of my silence on the issue of motivation on your part, they both are seeing this happen and it is not a good thing.  Although they may not understand everything right now and they may not appreciate all that is happening – one day they will.  I am not asking for full custody of either of my boys.  I am looking to share based on what is best for them regardless of our personal differences.  There is still time and my offer to work on a reasonable compromise for visitation still stands.

Ok this is exhausting. Can you please stop being an asshole? Just for a second?

Unfortunately, it appears that a compromised isn’t going to be reached. A judge will have to make a final decision regarding these issues. In the meantime, if you would like to see D from Friday until Sunday this week, he is available.

So what does he do? Well he didn’t stop being an asshole, that’s for sure.

 He called D at home last night. “Hey buddy! I’m going to pick you up at school tomorrow (Wednesday) and you can come to my house until Saturday. How does that sound?!” I hear D ask “Do I have a bed to sleep in?” Dad replies, “We’ll work it out, you can sleep in my bed or in A’s bed. And if you don’t bring clothes with you, we can pick some up. Sound good?!” D said, “Yeah ok.”

I explained to D that dad and I had already discussed this and the answer was already “No, not during the week. Friday, Saturday and Sunday was totally ok…but not during the school week.” D apologized for agreeing with his dad, I told him he didn’t need to apologize. It was ok, and not his fault. This is a grown up thing and its not ok for dad to try to use D to work around the rules I’ve already made. “So dad is using me?” D asked. I said, “Yes. He is.” D tried to rationalize, “maybe I should just go with dad. I don’t know what to do.” I asked him if he really wanted to go, or if he was just trying to keep things….” He interrupted me with an arm sweep in a slow and even line through the air in front of him and said “Caaaaaaaalm” Yeah, I get it. No one likes it when dad gets mad. D agreed. “Yeah, I’ve seen it. It’s not good.”

I went to the school this morning to drop off the current order that says contact is from Sun – Wed and is to happen at a specific location, which is NOT the school. Who knows how the school will handle it. If he can’t get D there, he’ll likely just go wait for him at home and take him from there.

I told D that no matter what happens today, he just needs to do the thing that makes him the most comfortable. No matter what he chooses to do, he won’t be in trouble. I packed his cell phone in his back pack. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t holding my breath.

Is it time to go to court yet? Seriously, this shit is out of hand. 

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