Looking Forward

Making a better life for me and my kids

Archive for the tag “bad parenting”

02 Jun 2015
4 Comments

Graduation

Its just a few days away…Graduation.

A has been living with his father for the last few months. I wouldn’t let him have a hamster.

Honestly, I’m really ok with that. He’s working a lot of hours, finishing up high school, he still shows up for dinner if we invite him and still picks his brother up for a ride to school most mornings. He’s become the manager at the place he works now. He just got a raise. They’ve promised him 40 hours a week as soon as he graduates. These people are people A have known for years. They are another baseball family. Its been a good ‘in’ for him.

asshat and gf have decided to take a trip to Texas to visit gf’s sister. According to A, gf’s mother is “rich” and is paying for asshat and A’s ticket to go along. The issue is that A was selected to play in Shiner’s charity football game, and the training camp starts on a Sunday, and A wont be back from Texas until Monday. His plan is to drive back from “whatever airport we’re using” and go directly to the training camp. Nice how his father really takes A’s commitments so seriously, isn’t it?

A, of course, thinks this will be totally fine to show up a day and a half late to a week long training camp. Sure. Why not? My dad seems to think that its not that important, so why should I?

Its out of my hands – A will be 18 by the time this trip comes, so I don’t expect any email about any part of it to let me know.

Meanwhile, no one has heard anything from asshat regarding D wanting to visit. So, I guess that makes it all pretty clear. D hasn’t asked again, so does this mean we spend the next three years with our fingers crossed that their paths won’t cross? D won’t be attending A’s graduation. For his birthday present, D will be taking the lifeguard certification class the next two weekends at the Y. I’m not going to lie, this was a big relief. I can’t imagine how it would play out with D seeing his dad and the gf at graduation. I don’t think gf knows that D tried to get together with his dad. Would D want to say hello? Would asshat just ignore him? Would asshat act like he didn’t reject his own son being part of his life? I want to protect him from his father who just keeps making him feel like a worthless piece of shit and my only solution is to keep them apart…at least until he’s 18. Writing it out like that, it doesn’t seem particularly rational. But I guess I don’t know what else to do.

For me, I’m not looking forward to seeing asshat’s big fat face and his dumb, over dressed gf at MY SON’S graduation…but I can’t do much about it. He seems to think he has an equal stake in the person our child has become – when the reality is,  I did all the work. I’m the one who wrote a blank check for the lost sociology book this morning. I’m the one who threw him a graduation party last weekend. I’m the one who financed a car for him. I’m the address A writes on every thing. I’m the parent to contact for anything. I’m the one who would call the school for the missing back packs, the lost cell phones, the picking up after detentions. I’m the one proof reading his business plan for the food truck he wants to start. I’m the one he tells ALL about it, every time I see him. But sure, you should totally come to graduation for a child you contributed nothing but bitterness and bullshit to. It is a big audience for you to parade around in front of, acting like you belong there.

But. In the end, A is very excited about graduation. People are giving him money. He has marching practice this week. They get their caps and gowns today. He bought new dress shoes (with my money). He’s the reason husband and I will go and smile, clap and cry at the video montage of the baby pictures and senior pictures. I’ll get some pictures of him marching in, getting his diploma, and we’ll make our escape once it’s over.

Who knows, maybe asshat won’t even show up after all!

Posted in co-parenting, growing up, kids, narcissism, parenting, school and tagged , , , , ,
06 May 2015
4 Comments

Heartbreaking

Two weeks ago D unblocked and attempted to re-add his father on Facebook. A couple of days later he asked me what his father’s email address was. I gave it to him.

Yesterday D came to me and asked if he could email his father and maybe go visit this weekend.

I told him that he could email his dad anything he liked. I reiterated  the rule about the court order, every other weekend Friday to Sunday, and dad had to email me about it beforehand.

D went ahead and emailed his dad, “Will I be able to come to your house this weekend?”

His father replied, “I have heard nothing from your mother, and she was very specific, as was her attorney and the court, that we are not allowed to discuss visits.  If she emails me and agrees with my rules for you to come visit I would think it is possible.  Sorry D, it is just out of my control based on how things turned out with the court last time.  I hope all is well with you though.  Love – Dad”

D came to me with this email. I asked about other emails he’d sent his dad, D said that he’d asked about going camping and catching up with each other, but dad’s response was that he didn’t have time for that right now. D replied to that, but his dad did not respond.

I said that I didn’t want him to be in the middle of all of this, but we spent a lot of money and time getting the court to make a decisions about all this that was fair for everyone. Your dad knows what the deal is, so if he wants you to come over and visit, all he has to do is send me an email.

I asked him, “So why do you think that dad doesn’t just send me an email? Like all excited to have you come over and visit?”

D said, “its psychology.”

I asked him to clarify, and he did…”If me and my friend got in a fight and my friend wanted to make up, but I didn’t, I’d do the same thing that dad is doing. I’d make my friend work to prove that he really wanted to make up. Like the last email I sent dad, I got the last word. He didn’t respond. So I took the initiative and emailed him again asking if I could come over this weekend”

I said, “Ok, but you realize that might be how kids your age act, but for an adult to treat you that way….” D finished the sentence “Isn’t good? Yeah I know.”

I said, “if you’d like you can email dad and let him know that the next step is for him to send me an email if he wants to see you. And what is the plan if he doesn’t email me?”

D said, “Well I guess that means he doesn’t want me to come visit.”

D sent another email to his father last night after our conversation, and forwarded it to me,

“Mom said that if you want to see me, you’d have to email her and say when you’d want me over. I would like you to pick me up after dive on Saturday and we could go back to the old house, and idk, do stuff I would come home Sunday. I would also like that to become a regular thing every weekend or every other weekend. Love D”

I know you’ll all be shocked to hear that asshat hasn’t emailed me about this.

Posted in abuse, co-parenting, crazy making, kids, narcissism and tagged , , , ,
12 Jan 2015
9 Comments

Fafsa, taxes, and patience.

As you all know, A is preparing for college. At this point we’re working on the fafsa. I ran the numbers in the fafsa-4-caster to determine which situation would benefit A more, me claiming him or asshat claiming him.

I explained what I found to A, along with the standard “I am not an expert, this is just what I read, learned, found out, heard someone say one time, etc…” I also learned that private schools look at what constitutes ‘need’ differently than public schools, and we talked about what the averages are for need based aid for the schools he’s considering offer.

I’d like him to make some of these choices on his own, and to have as much information as I could give him. I told him if he wanted to use his dad’s info, he’d need to get with him ASAP and have him help with the form.

I received this email this afternoon:

From: Asshat
To: Me
FYI – A informed me that you plan on claiming him on taxes this year.  Kudos on telling him that in essence you are putting your taxes over your son’s best interest.  He will certainly receive considerably less aid based on EFC if you do this.  Your calculation of it only making a marginal difference in what type of aid he is awarded is indicative of your ignorance on the subject matter. 
Not that I care, but you will also receive significantly less in the form of my tax refund that is garnished as well.  But alas, your financial ignorance and indifference to your son’s future financial state is not my problem beyond the problems you create for him.

My guess is that he’s extra mad because now A has said, “mom is claiming me.” which means he can’t claim the kids on the sly like he normally does. And trying to tempt me with back support? Come on now – you owe me more than 5k, you’ll owe me that no matter how my taxes work out – so why would I get less back this year to get more money from you when I can get more back this year, and STILL get the money you owe me? I might just have to wait a little longer, but if I’ve learned anything from these last 4 years, it’s been patience.

 

Posted in bullying, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, narcissism and tagged , , , , ,
26 Dec 2014
2 Comments

Holidays

Things have been quiet. Well, quiet besides me taking too many classes this semester and being totally overwhelmed with school, work, kids and life in general.

A has been accepted to his first choice school, and is being schmoozed by the coaches, wanting him to play football. I’ve driven to the far end of Massachusetts twice now – but I guess they’d like him to come back again for an “official overnight visit”. Ugh, really?

Its been an interesting journey, trying to keep him on track with realistic expectations about how much work college actually is and how it will be VERY different than high school. But you all know how kids are – they know EVERYTHING already.

D has successfully joined the high school dive team. He’s participated in actual meets, and scored points for his team. He LOVES it! I am so happy that he’s found something like this. They practice 5 days a week, 2 hours per day. Its been very good for him!

Also, D has been discharged from counseling. I haven’t mentioned this to asshat. I don’t think it would even matter if I did. I suppose if he gave a shit, he could be contacting the counselor himself. Right?

Last night A went over to asshat’s girlfriend’s house for a small Christmas with them. I was annoyed when A brought home presents that they gave him – and D got nothing. Again. The thing is, the girlfriend has met D before. She knows he exists. She knows he and A live in the same house. But yet, it didn’t occur to her to get anything, even something small, for D? I’m not surprised, but I am irritated. Because you know, it’s totally healthy and normal for all adults to punish children by withholding gifts and love for non-compliance and disloyalty.

A will be going to his fathers this evening for a Christmas with that side of the family. I’m not going to hold my breath about A coming back with any gifts for D. Its sad though – D won’t say anything about it, and pretends he doesn’t notice , but I know that he does.

A asked if I could print off 2 sets of extra pictures for him to give to his grandmother and uncle (asshat’s mother and brother). These are the same pictures that the kids gave to my parents, one of A holding the cat in front of the Christmas tree and one of D sitting with the dog in front of the tree. That side of the family has had NO contact with D for YEARS now. None at all. They aren’t going to recognize him in a picture…other than A telling them who it is. I was uncomfortable with giving them pictures of D without talking to him first – but then I thought that maybe this is A’s attempt at reminding that side of the family that they are brothers. Maybe I wont worry about dragging D into this. “A is going to give a picture of you to your grandparents and uncle that haven’t had anything to do with you for 4 years or so as a Christmas present.” I feel like if he knows about it, and they STILL ignore him and don’t send any gifts, cards, emails or phone calls, that it will make him feel shitty all over again.

But, even A isn’t safe from his father’s bullshit. Over dinner last night A told me that his father said that the graduation rate for the college A wants to go to is only 20%. A and I talked about how that didn’t seem possible, considering the retention rate from Freshman to sophomore was 85%. I looked it up later myself and found out that their graduation rate is actually 6% higher than the ‘average’ college’s graduation rate, which is about 43%

I don’t have any idea why asshat would say anything except “How can I help you pay for this?” when it comes to A’s college choices…

Blah.

Anyway…Christmas was lovely for all of us, we had a nice dinner on Christmas eve and a family game of monopoly afterwards. Christmas day was fun and we had a big breakfast and then a fancy dinner in the evening. It was nice to have things feel so much easier than last year!

Happy holidays to you all!

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
26 Oct 2014
5 Comments

On to the post season

Last night was Senior Night. The last home football game for A and 8 other players, along with many of the varsity cheerleaders. It was scheduled to be played on Friday night. So, Friday morning  informed me that I would be required to wear his away jersey to the game, they’d call my name I’d I have to come down onto the field for the ceremony and pictures. Well. I’m not gonna lie. I was really excited to be chosen. But, due to the rain, the game got rescheduled to Saturday night. A informed me that I needed to be there early. So I was. Our normal spot on the bleachers was decorated with a big poster of A and black and orange balloons. It was very nice.
The announcer told all the senior parents to line up on the sidelines. So I did. Then I heard husband saying my name. I turned around and he was motioning the the line of parents to my right. I didn’t see what he was talking about, but I knew – asshat was there too…and in line with all the other parents.

My first thought was, “oh well, A must have invited us both. That was big of him to refuse to choose one parent over the other.” I was nervous about having to go out there and be within arms reach of someone who has just wreaked so much havoc on my life….but, it should just be a quick meeting on the 40 yard line, hug, smile for the camera, and that’s it. The announcer called A’s number and name. “And A would like to thank his mother…” And they said my name. Everyone clapped. A ran through the tunnel and we met on the 40 yard line. Asshat walked over too. His name was not called. He kept walking closer. A handed me a flower and said “this is for you.” A noticed his father standing there and said to the camera lady “Oh! i guess I’ll have one taken with each of them.” Asshat, scowling to beat all scowls, growled “YES”.

I gave A hug, I told him I was so proud of him. He put his arm around me. We smiled. Picture taken, and I walked away.

It was a big show. A big audience. Lots of people to impress. I should have known that asshat would need to insert himself like that. His name wasn’t called. He wasn’t invited. It was awkward. He was sure to get his picture taken with A too.

As the game wound down, (A’s team winning 42-8) husband and I took our poster and flower and blankets and made our way down the bleachers to leave. At the bottom we stopped to watch the play with 35 seconds left. An older man came up to us and said, “He had a great season. You should be very proud of him.” Husband said, “Oh! thank you, we are! He’s a really great kid!”
We made our way down the ramp behind the bleachers toward the end zone. Asshat and girlfriend were standing at the end zone. I watched the final 21 seconds of the game as we walked the length of the sidelines. I caught girlfriend looking at me. She looked angry. So. Angry. I said to husband, “Is she glaring at me?” Husband said, “Oh yes, she has been for a while now.” Seriously? What on earth does she have to be so pissed off about?

We got home, put A’s giant poster on the mantle and went to pick up take out for dinner. A joined us for dinner and we talked about the play off game that will be coming up next week. It was a pretty great night!

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
19 May 2014
3 Comments

No hot water

Asshat has not spoken to D since February 22nd. 

D’s counselor informed us last week that asshat had called him the week before. Asshat wanted to see how D has been doing. Counselor reported that D is doing well. D will occasionally talk about his father, but normally only when the counselor is the one to bring it up. He also reported to asshat that D currently has no motivation for reunification with his father. This seemed to anger asshat as while the counselor was telling us about it, his voice changed. It became that voice we all use when retelling words from someone we have no respect for. The counselor used his ‘asshat voice’ and said the response was: “I’ll have to send you an email about this! I’ll have to email you later!” The counselor said “Go for it.” However asshat did not ever send an email. The counselor asked me, “has dad made any attempts to contact? Phone calls? Emails? Text messages? Anything?” I shook my head and said, “Nope, nothing.” He raised his eyebrows and made a face. It made me wonder what asshat had told him.

A was with us last week and this weekend. He said that asshat still does not have any hot water. “If you want hot water, you need to boil it” he said. I asked A if that what he’d been doing. He said, “No, I don’t have time for that in the morning before school.” He said that he’s been showering at my house. Every day after school A gets off the bus at my house and takes a shower. I didn’t realize this was the ONLY shower he’s taking. I asked, “does dad have a plan to GET hot water?” A said that dad says he doesn’t need it. When he was in china a lot of places didn’t have hot water. A said, “I told him, well I’ve never been to China soooo…..” I said, “But when it gets to be winter, the pipes will freeze….” A said he was under the impression that dad would be selling the house before then. 

Lets hope he does and gets my name off that damn loan! He’s 30 days past due with the payment….again.

Husband and I are off on Thursday to Philadelphia for a few days. Husband turned 40 this year so I thought we’d take a nice little kid-free trip to celebrate. I’m really looking forward to getting out of here for a few days!

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
13 Mar 2014
1 Comment

Done with D

We are going to Florida for a few days. Husband’s parents and siblings all live there now and have invited us down for a visit. 

I needed to tell asshat, as we are taking the boys out of state. I emailed: 

“We will be traveling to Melbourne, Florida with the boys from March 17th to March 21st. Please let me know if you’d like any further information.” 

The next morning, here was the response: 

“This is not during any school vacation which means that A will be missing a significant amount of time from school.  Matters concerning A’s education are to be decided by both of us and it seems like you are circumventing the court order here.  Given the amount of time he has already missed this year and your current plans, I’m sure you have checked with the school already to make sure he will not suffer academically.”

I don’t really need to get all into all of the steps I’ve taken to make sure that BOTH kids will be able to academically weather a week away from school work here. Also I expected some kind of bullshit response regarding how I’m trying to play the system…What I really want to know is what is with all this crap about A and no mention of D? 

I guess in some way I understand that he’s done with D. He didn’t get his way, so he’s given up. But it seems that every time this happens, its only a matter of time before he’s sticking his face back in where it doesn’t belong. Previously, however, he had an audience. He wanted to look good for the lawyer, for the girlfriend, for court…but with not lawyer and no looming court date, and I’m sure the girlfriend isn’t sad about not having to compete with another child for attention…maybe this is it? Maybe he’s really all done with D this time? 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
07 Oct 2013
3 Comments

Assholery

According to the gf’s facebook page her and X were out and about drinking, having chinese food on Friday, then brunch, and being ‘touristy’ on Saturday. This explains why he never bothered to respond to me about if he wanted D this weekend or not, despite me asking twice. 

Just as well, D didn’t want to go and said he was going to “start thinking of plausible excuses as to why I wouldn’t be able to go.” Luckily, his dad did that for him. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
17 May 2013
3 Comments

Deceptive.

Its a fine line between talking shit to your kids about their dad, and just trying to be honest. I worry about that with my kids. I generally opt to say nothing when I’m worried about navigating that terrain…And sometimes I’m not sure that’s always the best idea. 

I found myself dancing up to that line with the conversation I had with D about his upcoming time with his dad. After our lawyer told us that X had brought A to meet her, and X wanted the three of them to discuss A living with him (which she did not entertain) I realized that despite, again, me trying to keep the kids out of adult matters, X is pulling them in. 

We aren’t totally sure what to expect from this visit. Will X be on his best behavior? Trying to woo D back to the dark side?
Will he continue to play favorites with A, leaving D with time on his hands all by himself?
Will he take this opportunity to grill D about why don’t you ever call? Why don’t you want to see me? Did you know your mom has a lawyer and is trying to take you boys away from me forever? 

I had a few minutes alone with D so I told him that I needed to talk to him about a few things. “Step dad and I have hired a lawyer to help us with getting some things from the court that we asked for from your dad. We want for you to be able to go see dad when you want, and when you don’t want to, then you don’t have to.”

D agreed, “ok, ok…that’s good! If he took me and didn’t bring me back, that’s KIDNAPPING!”

“Yes”, I said, “But right now you’re supposed to go half of the time, and we’re not making you go since you haven’t seen dad for a long time. We just needed someone to help us talk to the court about that. And we need someone to help us to make it so that I’m the only one who makes your medical decisions for you. Right now dad and I are supposed to do it together, but he is saying he wants you to stop taking your medicine. I don’t think that’s a good idea. And, since he hasn’t really seen you to know how the medicine helps you….”

D rolled his eyes and was disgusted. “Yeah.”

I continued, “Anyway, we weren’t going to talk to you guys about getting a lawyer, because, honestly, its not any of your or your brothers business, this is grown up stuff…but your dad, for some reason, took A to meet our lawyer over vacation. I was worried he might start talking to you about it, and I want you to understand what step dad and I are doing and why.” 

D said, “Right. Ok. That’s good.”

“Hopefully, it won’t come up and dad won’t talk about grownup things or try to give you a hard time about your medicine or visiting him….”

In a very serious tone D said, “But if he does, then I’ll just ignore it….” Then he smiled real big and said, “Just like I do to you! Hahahahaha!” 

I laughed…”Right, just like you do to me. I just don’t want you to have to talk about anything that makes you feel uncomfortable…you know your dad sometimes says things that are just…..” 

D finished my sentence with more awareness than I realized he had when he said, “Deceptive.”

“Right” I said. “But you know, I want you to be prepared, just in case it doesn’t go very well. But maybe it’ll be a nice surprise and it’ll be a super fun time, and we didn’t have to talk about any of this.” 

D said, “Yeah, maybe” 

And with that, the conversation was over. In my opinion, counseling can’t come soon enough. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , ,
29 Apr 2013
6 Comments

Terrible Day

Yesterday was a terrible day. I found out that on Saturday A lied about going to a friends house. Said a friends mom was coming to pick him up, but instead it was X’s roommate, and A decided to spend the night over there without telling me. When I found out, I emailed the roommate and told her that A lied about being there, i haven’t seen him in two weeks, here is my cell phone, please, if X isn’t around, check with me before you let A come over. Here is the FB conversation between A and I. 

 

Me

I texted you…is your phone dead?

A

Nope.

it’s outside.

Me

ok well when do you plan on coming home?

A

Roommate’s daughters mom has to go pick up Roommate’s daughter and she said she can give me a ride. I’m not sure when that is but ill be home when that happens.

Me

how about I come get you now instead?

A

Nah

I have no reason to be home. I’m also in the process of doing homework.

Me

so, how did you get from friends house in orrington all the way to Roommate’s daughter’s house in holden?

A

He doesn’t live in orrington

he lives in holden

He moved from orrington to holden last month.

Me

of course he did

A

But thank you for stalking my friends.

Do you not remember when zach picked me up and i told you the next day we went to holden to pick up tyler? Why would i tell you that if he lived in orrington

Me

right

so did you find out his mom’s name?

A

You’re obsessive, it’s annoying as fuck.

Me

you dont talk to me like that

A

oops.

Me

oops, right. whatever. we’ll chat when you’re home.

A

k.

A

you’re fucking crazy. I hope you understand that i will be coming home today but as soon as i possibly can i will choose not to live with you.

A

You have legit made these past three years hell, whether you think buying me shit and doing shit for me is nice and all it’s just to cover up the fact that you ruined the “family” D buys into all the toys and shit but i see right through it. and the fact that annnnnnywhere i go you have to fucking check on me? it’s fucking pathetic.

Me

No A, its called being a parent. that is what parents do.

sorry you dont like it.

A

sorry, i don’t like you.

Me

I didn’t ruin the “family” A. Im sorry you feel that way, but I didnt. I understand that is what your dad would have you believe, but people get divorced, its just how it works sometimes. Im sorry you feel like I ruined your family, and im sorry you feel like im trying t o “buy” your love. but the reality is kids need stuff, and i provide what you need.

A

you’re not sorry for shit.

Me

welll thats not true. I am sorry that you’re upset and think i ruined the family. However, the reality is your dad left, and you were here with me, and i did the best that I could . Perhaps if you had been able to have two parents during all the divorce stuff, this owuld have been eaiser for you

Me

but i can only do my best, and that is what i’ve done. and i am sorry if it wasnt good enough.

This is teh same things you were sauying over two years ago. Maybe you need to consider talking to a conslelor about htis stuff, like you dad suggests that you do. Maybe then you would be able to work on moving forward with some things and not feel so angry.

A

no, i don’t want a fucking councelor, i just want you, out of my life. so i don’t have to worry about going back there and just sitting in my room for hours on end.

life there is fucking boring.

I don’t like it.

Me

yeah, i understand that, i wouldnt want to sit in my room watching my tv playing on my laptop and playing xbox and textging people for hours on end in my room either. Sounds super boring. Im sorry you dont like your life here, but the reality is, no matter where you live or which parent you have primary residence with, you’re still going to have to spend half the time with me.

A

nah.

A

I don’t want to spend any time at all with you. every time i fucking go somwehere you facebook and text message check fucking everything, then you unblock dads number for like 1 day? what is the fucking point, it’s a bitchy control move. then you message Roommate? it’s fucking pathetic. especially after i had told you i was going to be home tonight.

Me

yes but you lied.

you lied that friends mom was picking you up

A

just another hint to you that i don’t want to be with you.

Me

Lying isnt ok, regardless of the reason. If you’d like to be treated like an adult, you’ll need to start acting like one.

A

don’t fucking say that.

that’s the most retarded thing you’ve ever said and you say it all the fucking time.

it’s a fucking joke

Me

Say the F word one more time and you’ve lost your phone.

A

hahaha shut off my phone and i promise you, you won’t see me tonight.

Me

is this you acting like an adult?

A

no this is me actuing childish to your childish remarks.

You acting like an adult would be giving me space until i got bored and came back willingly

Me

Im not being childish. I am your parent and I’m telling you to cut it out with teh F word.

A

but no, you have to have control all the “Fing” time. because you don’t know how to handle a situation when you don’t have control.

Me

im not sure what you’re talking about.

control of what sitauation?

A

this whole one about custody and you NEEDING to see me 50 percent of the time when really i was totally fine with getting off the bus tomorrow after school and staying there until dad got back. but you do this stupid thing where you HAVE to see me because you miss me when all you’re doing is giving yourself less time. When i do get to pick where i want to live, i’ll be 16 and able to pick who im with all the time. and you’re ruining 2 years of seeing me. All because you won’t give me any space at all.

Me

A. You dont get to lie to me and think that you wont get caught.

B. I havent seen you for 2 weeks except to cart you over to game stop

A

this is a prime example, you even said to her you don’t know why i’d lie but then went on to say maybe it’s because he knows i probably wouldnt have let him stay if i knew it wasnt a friends house. but you knew today i was going to be home, yet you still messeged her and pretend you’re a good parent when honestly you’re not.

Me

A, unitl you have kids of your own, im not sure you have any idea waht a good parent is or isnt.

A

so wait, the point of a parent is to piss them off until they want to have nothing to do with you.

Me

the point is to do your best and what you think is right even though your kids wont get it, and will just be mad about it.

A

because if that’s what’s happening and if that’s your philosophy you should probably try a different one

what you think is the best is not. and it’s obvious because im not happy

Me

and if you have a father who supports your decision to have nothign to do with your mother, and will keep you and take care of you and go along with your idea that you dont need a mom in your life for any reason, and shes done nothing but screw your life up, then maybe you need to reasses what a good and bad parent is.

Me

its not my job to make you happy all the time A. its my job to make sure you are safe, you are loved, you are fed, clothed and have a place to live.

A

dad has made a point not to say anything about you.

Me

and i have made a point not to say anything about him too.

i expect c ommunication

and im not getting that from him. So waht would you like me to do?

let you hate me and stay with Roommate?

let you lie to me and come bck here when you’re bored?

im your mother not your friend

A

i wouldnt hate you if you gave me more damn space.

Me

like two weeks with your father?

and you said, let me stay jsut three more days

i;’ll come home happy

and hugs n shit

and hang out with you

now you want space after 2 hours?

A

AND I WAS GOING TO HELP ROOMMATE’S DAUGHTER WITH HOMEWORK BECAUSE SHE WAS ABSENT FOR 3 WEEKS WITH MONO AND IS BEHIND. I WAS GOING TO BE HOME TOMORROW.

Me

right, but you didnt tell me that

and Roommate didnt tell me that

you lied to me

A

i told you i was going to help her with homework and get mine done?

i told you that.

Me

you told me you were getting pikced up my tyler pattersons mom

you told me that is who you called yesterday

you told me that you were st aying at his house last night

A

because you wouldn’t have let me go if you knew it was with Roommate

Me

you told me that you would be home today

you’re right, because you’ve spent two weeks there, and i wanted you to be home

im allowed to want t6o see my child

and you’r allowed to hate me because of it if you want to

A

i bet you want to, but being there isn’t what i want. just like you wanted to have ryan move in, i didn’t want that either. you’ve had what you want. I am low maintence. i go to school, come home, go to my room, play xbox, eat supper go to my room and fall asleep. I don’t want anything more than a trip to gamestop every once and a while.

Me

we can talk about this when you get home.

A

and i was in a good mood earlier, i was going to stay and make them supper and then help with homework, go to sleep, and go to school in the morning, come home on the bus. but you make this into this HUGE thing where you message Roommate, and you stalk everyone in my facebook as though it’s your business. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t go out to parties, yet you still invade my privacy. yeah, i lied, there was a reason for it. you wouldn’t have known had you not stalked my facebook and everyone im friends with.

A

And i don’t think you understand this at all. I am not going to communicate with you in ANY way when I’m home. I might even take the bus tomorrow. Im not going to eat with you, im not going to say hi to you. I will set my alarm tomorrow morning and go out for the bus. Because you have pissed me off today and i don’t want to see you.

A

It’s funny how you think im going to come home and act like none of this just happened. As though this doesn’t bother me and im just happy as can be.

Me

I didn’t say that at all. I was hoping to talk to you about this. But if you don’t want to then you don’t have to.

A

you’re not going to want to talk, you’re going to tell me the way you want it and that, that’s the way it’s going to be, because that is how every conversation is

 

Then A tried to talk to his father who is in Colorado, on his way to SD for graduation. He’ll be gone for two weeks. 

 

A

shes fucking crazy

A

once you get back you can not ggo anywhere without me again, i cant fucking deal with her. this ois entirely to much.

X

hey bud, are you ok?

A

She’s a fucking nut.

X

explain?

A

She Legit stalked my.Facebook and figured out I was at Roommates, then messages Roommate

X

for real?

A

Yeah

X

ummm, interesting

I will bring you back some bison jerky and that will make it all better?

A

And then when I told her about how I felt and such she just said it was too bad because I’d have to spend 50% of time with her no matter where primary residence was

That and full costudy would be good

X

Don’t argue it anymore bud. You have tried to do the reasonable and responsible thing by expressing to her how you feel. That is all you can do at the moment.

I will be back before you know it

sh

A

In 2 weeks.

X

it will go by quicker than you think

I do wish you were here

Love ya bud!

A

Yeah well mia enjoyed the fire last night and Brian was there and Roommate and Brian were flirting up a storm.

X

haha, yeah I figured

did you stay there last night?

A

Yeah

X

and where are you now?

A

Holyoak street house

X

ok

A

Yesa

X

well I am will check FB again when I get to SD tomorrow. Gonna be a long ass car ride… but I am riding in a sweet BMW

Haha sweet

X

love ya, and be smart and keep your head up will ya. We will be grilling by the bonfire soon enough!

ttyl

 

So, I have books about PAS, and this is that. Absolutely this is that. The scary thing is if this goes untreated by a mental health professional, A will end up with the exact same issues that his father has. I am torn apart. I have no idea how to handle this. All the work I’ve done to make A a kind, ok kid. All the work and effort to make sure his only struggle would be working hard enough to do well in school, its all for nothing. X has ruined him. I get to be rejected by my own child daily now. He spent the night in his room, didn’t speak to anyone. I woke him up this morning, he ignored everyone all morning. Maybe he can’t keep this up for 2 weeks. Or maybe he can. I have no idea. I’m tired of losing my child over and over again, every time he spends time with his father. 

 

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