Looking Forward

Making a better life for me and my kids

Archive for the tag “abuse”

06 May 2015
4 Comments

Heartbreaking

Two weeks ago D unblocked and attempted to re-add his father on Facebook. A couple of days later he asked me what his father’s email address was. I gave it to him.

Yesterday D came to me and asked if he could email his father and maybe go visit this weekend.

I told him that he could email his dad anything he liked. I reiterated  the rule about the court order, every other weekend Friday to Sunday, and dad had to email me about it beforehand.

D went ahead and emailed his dad, “Will I be able to come to your house this weekend?”

His father replied, “I have heard nothing from your mother, and she was very specific, as was her attorney and the court, that we are not allowed to discuss visits.  If she emails me and agrees with my rules for you to come visit I would think it is possible.  Sorry D, it is just out of my control based on how things turned out with the court last time.  I hope all is well with you though.  Love – Dad”

D came to me with this email. I asked about other emails he’d sent his dad, D said that he’d asked about going camping and catching up with each other, but dad’s response was that he didn’t have time for that right now. D replied to that, but his dad did not respond.

I said that I didn’t want him to be in the middle of all of this, but we spent a lot of money and time getting the court to make a decisions about all this that was fair for everyone. Your dad knows what the deal is, so if he wants you to come over and visit, all he has to do is send me an email.

I asked him, “So why do you think that dad doesn’t just send me an email? Like all excited to have you come over and visit?”

D said, “its psychology.”

I asked him to clarify, and he did…”If me and my friend got in a fight and my friend wanted to make up, but I didn’t, I’d do the same thing that dad is doing. I’d make my friend work to prove that he really wanted to make up. Like the last email I sent dad, I got the last word. He didn’t respond. So I took the initiative and emailed him again asking if I could come over this weekend”

I said, “Ok, but you realize that might be how kids your age act, but for an adult to treat you that way….” D finished the sentence “Isn’t good? Yeah I know.”

I said, “if you’d like you can email dad and let him know that the next step is for him to send me an email if he wants to see you. And what is the plan if he doesn’t email me?”

D said, “Well I guess that means he doesn’t want me to come visit.”

D sent another email to his father last night after our conversation, and forwarded it to me,

“Mom said that if you want to see me, you’d have to email her and say when you’d want me over. I would like you to pick me up after dive on Saturday and we could go back to the old house, and idk, do stuff I would come home Sunday. I would also like that to become a regular thing every weekend or every other weekend. Love D”

I know you’ll all be shocked to hear that asshat hasn’t emailed me about this.

Posted in abuse, co-parenting, crazy making, kids, narcissism and tagged , , , ,
26 Dec 2014
2 Comments

Holidays

Things have been quiet. Well, quiet besides me taking too many classes this semester and being totally overwhelmed with school, work, kids and life in general.

A has been accepted to his first choice school, and is being schmoozed by the coaches, wanting him to play football. I’ve driven to the far end of Massachusetts twice now – but I guess they’d like him to come back again for an “official overnight visit”. Ugh, really?

Its been an interesting journey, trying to keep him on track with realistic expectations about how much work college actually is and how it will be VERY different than high school. But you all know how kids are – they know EVERYTHING already.

D has successfully joined the high school dive team. He’s participated in actual meets, and scored points for his team. He LOVES it! I am so happy that he’s found something like this. They practice 5 days a week, 2 hours per day. Its been very good for him!

Also, D has been discharged from counseling. I haven’t mentioned this to asshat. I don’t think it would even matter if I did. I suppose if he gave a shit, he could be contacting the counselor himself. Right?

Last night A went over to asshat’s girlfriend’s house for a small Christmas with them. I was annoyed when A brought home presents that they gave him – and D got nothing. Again. The thing is, the girlfriend has met D before. She knows he exists. She knows he and A live in the same house. But yet, it didn’t occur to her to get anything, even something small, for D? I’m not surprised, but I am irritated. Because you know, it’s totally healthy and normal for all adults to punish children by withholding gifts and love for non-compliance and disloyalty.

A will be going to his fathers this evening for a Christmas with that side of the family. I’m not going to hold my breath about A coming back with any gifts for D. Its sad though – D won’t say anything about it, and pretends he doesn’t notice , but I know that he does.

A asked if I could print off 2 sets of extra pictures for him to give to his grandmother and uncle (asshat’s mother and brother). These are the same pictures that the kids gave to my parents, one of A holding the cat in front of the Christmas tree and one of D sitting with the dog in front of the tree. That side of the family has had NO contact with D for YEARS now. None at all. They aren’t going to recognize him in a picture…other than A telling them who it is. I was uncomfortable with giving them pictures of D without talking to him first – but then I thought that maybe this is A’s attempt at reminding that side of the family that they are brothers. Maybe I wont worry about dragging D into this. “A is going to give a picture of you to your grandparents and uncle that haven’t had anything to do with you for 4 years or so as a Christmas present.” I feel like if he knows about it, and they STILL ignore him and don’t send any gifts, cards, emails or phone calls, that it will make him feel shitty all over again.

But, even A isn’t safe from his father’s bullshit. Over dinner last night A told me that his father said that the graduation rate for the college A wants to go to is only 20%. A and I talked about how that didn’t seem possible, considering the retention rate from Freshman to sophomore was 85%. I looked it up later myself and found out that their graduation rate is actually 6% higher than the ‘average’ college’s graduation rate, which is about 43%

I don’t have any idea why asshat would say anything except “How can I help you pay for this?” when it comes to A’s college choices…

Blah.

Anyway…Christmas was lovely for all of us, we had a nice dinner on Christmas eve and a family game of monopoly afterwards. Christmas day was fun and we had a big breakfast and then a fancy dinner in the evening. It was nice to have things feel so much easier than last year!

Happy holidays to you all!

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , ,
04 Aug 2014
8 Comments

Trash

There has been no contact between Asshat and I since the email exchange where he gave me dates for his trip to Europe. So, imagine my surprise when I got this email (from his old email address that he told me not to use anymore) this evening, with the subject line being “Trash”.

Trash

From: Asshat

To: Me

Today at 7:05 PM

You are some kind of piece of trailer park trash to tell A your going to give him only 125 for school clothes.   Maybe you should get your priorities straight and use some of the money you mooch off of me each week and put your child ahead of your own personal interests.   I know this is not the same thing as drugging up your own child cause you two can’t handle kids without a drink,  so please feel free this one time to pretend to be a responsible parent.  PS try letting him shop somewhere other than target or Wal-Mart too as I think he would prefer that. 

 

I’m not sure the projection could be any more evident if he labeled each sentence “this is projection”.

Not that it really matters, but I’ll just point out a few things:

  1. While it’s a rental, I live in a huge and beautiful house, not a trailer. Not in a trailer park. Also, unlike Asshat, we do have cold AND hot running water here.
  2. I budgeted $500.00 for each kid for back to school shopping. I only gave A $125.00 over the weekend so he could do a little shopping on his own while he is in Boston with his friend.
  3. ADHD meds are not “drugging up your kid” when they are serving the intended purpose of treating the ADHD symptoms so that your kid can actually function effectively.
  4. I only ever drank to deal with my abusive asshole husband, never to deal with my kids. Needless to say, I don’t drink anymore. Not even a little.
  5. The only time the kids buy clothes at Walmart is when they need an orange sweatshirt for tomorrow, or a dress shirt and a tie for the concert tonight. Walmart is awful and as a general rule, we avoid it at all costs. I do love Target though.
  6. I have not had any ‘personal interests’ that have come before my children’s interests for the last 17 years. A texted me tonight to say “dad doesn’t have any money to pitch in for school clothes”. So, if I wanted to know what it was like to put my own interests first, I could ask the asshole that just got back from a month in Europe and now has no money to buy any clothes for the kids.
Posted in abuse, adhd, bullying, child support, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, kids, medication, narcissism, parenting, school and tagged , , , ,
24 Jun 2014
11 Comments

Digging a hole

When we last left off on the child support / arrears story, asshat was doomed to meet with a process server in order to be served with a notice of debt…

Since I hadn’t heard anything lately, I filled out the form online to find out what was happening with the arrears last week. A woman named Michelle called me today to talk to me about the status.

She told me that asshat had spoken with an agent and they had come to the agreement and they would not be collecting any more money from him due to his severe financial hardship. She told me that the agent had made this decision, and  that she was just relaying the information to me. She said that asshat had talked about filing for bankruptcy, and has another small child he’s supporting.

I said, “another child? He doesn’t have any other children.”
Michelle said, “He doesn’t have another child with another woman?”
I said, “No, he doesn’t. His girlfriend has a daughter….”
Michelle interjected and said, “Well that must be the child he’s supporting.”
I said, “The girlfriend, her ex-husband and their daughter all live together. That’s how she’s being supported, by both her parents living together.”
Michelle said “The girlfriend and her ex husband live together? That’s weird.”
I agreed and pointed out the asshat had a vasectomy 13 years ago, there’s no way he has other children.

MIchelle asked twice more, “he doesn’t have any other children?” then she took this information down with a surprising amount of disbelief. “I’ll be sure to get this information to the agent to see if he’d like to reconsider the decision. This isn’t right.”

I agreed that it wasn’t right and then mentioned that he and the girlfriend were currently in Europe, and would be there for 3-4 weeks. “Europe?! how is he able to do that?” I said I didn’t know. She asked what they were doing there, I said I didn’t know, but the email he sent me said they would be traveling around Europe. “Well that doesn’t sound like financial hardship to me.”
I agreed. Michelle wanted to know when they left. I told her on Sunday. “He emailed you this?” she asked, her disbelief was becoming comical.
I said, “Yes he did.” I opened the email and read it to her.
“I don’t normally give people my email address, but can you send that email to me?”
I said, “of course.” and forwarded it along.
“Oh! i got it!” she said. “I’ll send all of this information along to the agent and we’ll see about getting him to reconsider this agreement. We’ll see what we can do to get him to pay you that five thousand dollars.”
I told her that I really appreciated her help.

She asked about his legal studies, as asshat had given that sob story about needing to study for the bar exam to the agent. I told her that he’d graduated a few Januarys ago – and had taken the bar exam twice and failed it twice. “So he’s been graduated for more than a year?” Oh yes, he has.

She clarified with me where he worked and what he did there. She seemed quite flustered by the end of the phone call. I don’t know if it was the first time a State of Maine employee realized they’d been duped by a deadbeat trying to get out of paying child support – but that is what it seemed like. She was clearly angry and frustrated, but hopefully that will work to my benefit.

 

Posted in abuse, child support, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, parenting, Uncategorized and tagged , , , ,
11 Jun 2014
4 Comments

almost summertime!

Its been a long time since I’ve posted here…lets see what there is to catch up on.

1. things with asshat remain the same. He’s not spoken to or contacted D since February when D tried to call and arrange to visit. I have been getting regular child support payments (yay!). However, he is now 60 days past due with the HELOC. With his trip to europe in a couple of weeks, we’re not sure what will happen with support payments. 

2. A: The schedule that A has been sticking to is 10 days with me, 4 days with asshat. Baseball will start for him today. He’s looking forward to it, which makes me happy. A will be wrapping up his Jr year in a few days and will officially be a senior. Unbelievable.

We’re still college hunting. We (husband and I) had a talk with A on Sunday about it. The previous Wednesday A texted me out of the blue and said he wanted to do Early Decision at the University of Miami. I have no idea where that came from. After our talk on Sunday, it became clear. Asshat has an opinion. The school A had chosen as his first choice, Coastal Carolina in South Carolina, was now a “terrible idea”. Thats what his father told him. A terrible idea. Asshat has never been to SC, he’s never attended coastal carolina, and its more than likely he’s never even MET anyone who went there. Asshat’s idea for A is that he should apply to Texas A&M, Harvard and California Polytech. Asshat believes that it is very important that A be attempting to attend a “nationally ranked school”. He told A that a nationally ranked school has more actual professors and not as many regular teachers. It is very clear to me that asshat is putting as much effort into research about A’s secondary education as he did his own. A isn’t even close to being considered for acceptance to any of those schools. He is a B and sometimes C, sometimes A student. He’ll only have 3 years of high school science. He does not have a job. He does not volunteer. He is not a qualified candidate for these schools. I hate to say it, but he’s just not. Asshat told him that if he graduates from Harvard that he’ll make 50k a year to start. I guess asshat knows this because he also graduated from harvard and now makes 50k a year? or knows someone who has? No, and No. A’s other school choice was West Virginia University. Asshat told him that this was also a terrible idea. There was also mention that asshat told A that he gets an extra 5k for claiming him on his taxes, and thats good because he only make 25k a year compared to my 90k a year. That guy is on crack. He makes more money than I do, which is why HE pays ME support! Sometimes I wish I could live in such delusion. 

I told A that we would help him with application costs for up to 5 schools, but we would like them to be schools that he actually could be accepted at, even if its a long shot, and that they be schools he actually would want to attend. He doesn’t want to live in New England. He wants the weather to be warm. He wants the school to have a decent football team. He wants to be within a few hours of the coast. And he’d like to major in business. I’ve asked A to look at Virginia Tech. He said he’d look into it. 

3. D: His birthday is on Thursday. He’ll be 14. I have no idea how that happened. We had an appointment with is primary doctor last week. He’s 120 lbs and 5 foot 7 inches tall. Again, I don’t know how that happened. For his birthday we’re going to take him to the Boston Comic Con in August. He wants to go as a ringwraith. If anyone has any ideas about how to make a ringwraith costume, please let me know! 

There is a computer camp for a week in July that D is excited about. He’s never done anything like this before. Its nice to see him get excited about going out into the world and trying new stuff. He’ll be starting high school in the fall. He now has glasses in addition to braces, and he could not be happier about it. He’s continuing to dive on Saturday mornings. He’s recently asked that we not go and watch. He believes he does better when we’re not there. Husband said this was the same thing he felt like when he was 13 and played baseball. 

4. Meanwhile, I still hate my job. So. Much. We’ve tossed around the idea of just packing up and moving to VA or NC or FL. D is on board with that idea, but he’ll likely be singing a different song after his first year of high school, since we couldn’t go until after A was graduated. I guess we’ll see how things look in a year or so. The job market is not good here (slightly worse than other places) so even though I look for other opportunities, there really isn’t much available….which tends to just add to the ongoing frustration. 

Husband and I will be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary in 10 days. I can’t believe its only been 3 years. It feels like a lot longer…but in a good way!

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,
22 Apr 2014
8 Comments

Child support and the bar exam.

Three years and 10 months since I’ve been divorced and I received my first child support payment today.

Finally the state and court have worked in tandem and support payments will be direct deposited into my bank account as long as he continues to work. Considering the bills and loans he has, he really has no choice but to continue to work. 

I inquired about arrears that are owed to me. They explained the process and he needs to be served this notice of debt. However, if he chooses to ignore the two certified letters, which he has done, the state will employ the services of a process server to hand him this notice of debt. It’s like he thinks if he can just avoid it, it’ll go away. 

In other news, the bar examiners office has released the names of those who have successfully passed the exam that happened in February. Asshat’s name, shockingly, is absent from the list. 

The kids are on break this week from school. A should be with his dad, but he’s opted to be with me instead. “I’m not going to sit around out there with nothing to do for an entire week!” is what A said. Plus, A’s new girlfriend lives 2 minutes from our house…so there’s that. 

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , ,
28 Mar 2014
8 Comments

Consent To Treat. Or Not.

Any one who has to co-parent with a bitter and unstable person will know what’s coming when I start this post with the sentence: “I emailed Asshat regarding the orthodontists repeated attempts to get him to sign a consent to treat for D to get braces” That’s right, ladies and gentlemen….He no longer consents.

From Asshat over the last year regarding braces for D. 

March 13, 2013
Additionally, D will need braces and this will need to be verified as happening as soon as possible.  Let me know with whom this is to be done. If you have a preference for a Dental provider to keep your costs down I will be more than happy to discuss that with you.  He needs braces and you are responsible for payment of them.

May 20, 2013
I have looked at his teeth and they seem to be getting worse.  If it is easier for you to have me schedule the appointments and get the ball rolling I have no problem doing so.  If you have separate insurance to cover this I will be more than happy to once again work within your network.  Regardless, this needs to happen soon.  I gave you the green light to get him braces almost three years ago with whomever you found and you have not done so – I don’t care who does the work, but the child needs it done as soon as possible.   

October 4, 2013
I have also not heard back from you regarding a scheduled appointment for D to get his braces.  It has been a month.  Should I need to go through the Court to make this happen I will do so.  D should not have to wait any longer to recieve proper dental care, care that is long overdue.

Twice now the orthodontist has called me to let me know that they don’t have a signed ‘consent to treat’ for D for his appointment to get braces put on, which is scheduled for Aprll 1st. The first phone call with them I explained that now, due to an order from the court making him half responsible for this cost, he would likely not sign the form. She told me that she found that odd as she recalled him making the initial evaluation appt for D. She said he was VERY persistent in making the appointment as soon as possible and if I had cancelled it, he wanted them to call and tell him. I gave her his cell phone number and address. 

The second phone call was the office staff sounding a little desperate about not having this form signed. I explained again that he likely wouldn’t sign it, as he probably thinks that by not doing it, he won’t be financially responsible. She and I laughed. She told me that it wasn’t mandatory that both parents sign, its just what they prefer. I get it. But, I can’t help her. 

So, I emailed Asshat. “The orthodontist says you have still not signed and returned the consent to treat for D’s braces appt on Tuesday. Please stop by their office and do that as soon as possible.”

To which he replied “I do not consent to treat for any elective medical or dental treatment for D at this time.”

We’ll see how much that matters when the state starts collecting medical reimbursements from his paycheck. Asshole. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , ,
26 Mar 2014
10 Comments

No baseball

Now that we’re back to a life without so much Asshat, things have been busy! We had a lovely mini-vacation in Florida to visit husband’s family. It was so wonderful to be away from the cold and snow, if only for a few days. The boys had a great time. Neither had flown before, or been able to wake up to views of the sunrise over the ocean, so it was nice to be able to give them those experiences. 

We were smart enough to return home on a Friday in order to have a full weekend to get back into the swing of things before work and school resumed. 

A had decided that he would be participating on the school’s baseball team. He has played every single season since T-ball, so I was thrilled about this. A is very very good at baseball, but says he hates it. Each season since the last year of Farm League he normally has to be coaxed by a coach to join the team. So it was exciting that he was willingly going to be doing this on his own.

This week is Asshat’s week with A, but because my kids and their activities are important to me, I still pick A up after practice or volleyball or weight room even when its not my week. If I don’t, Asshat refuses to work around anyone’s schedule but his own. This way A gets to participate, and I get to see him most every day. 

When I picked A up at 5:15 on Monday he got in the car and was angry. “I’m not doing baseball” he said. I said, “Oh….Why not? Did it not go well?” He said, “No, its not that. Dad called me three times and since I didn’t answer my phone, he texted me and told me that I’d have to find my own way back to his house tonight. And if I couldn’t that he’d pick me up after school tomorrow. I don’t have any of my stuff for tomorrow” 

Silly me, with all my logic said, “Didn’t dad know you had baseball today?” 

“Yes. He did. But apparently he got out of work at 3:50 and since I left my phone in the locker room because I was at BASEBALL PRACTICE he just went home. I told him it started at 3, I don’t know why he would assume it would only go for 50 minutes. Whatever. I’m not going to do baseball. Its too much of a hassle if this is what’s going to happen every time.” 

He was upset. I felt bad. He just insisted that he’d do Sr. League in the summer instead, that would be less of a hassle some how. 

I offered to drive A out to dad’s to drop him off, but he said no. If I drove out there, he said, he’d just get his stuff and come back with me. He said all he was really missing was his history book, and he didn’t think he’d really need it. So, we just went back home. 

Asshat knew A was doing baseball. There was no previous mention about schedules or what Asshat would or would not be able to do. A gave him all the information he needed, and Asshat said, “Ok.” Then, when the time comes for Asshat to follow through and do something for someone else, suddenly, its a giant fucking problem.

How clearly I can see it now. This is a form of abuse. He’s being set up, just to be taught a lesson. It’s like A should have known ahead of time that this would be a problem for dad. Having to WAIT?! for his kid to get out of practice? I don’t think so! A is being sent a very clear message that what he wants is inconvenient. He will have to deal with his father being a manipulative prick because he is following his own ideas and goals. He’s being told that he should just give up. It’ll be easier to just give up than to fight for what you want. Its just baseball. You’d rather have your dad be civil and talk to you and not make you feel like you’re fucking up his day by needing a ride home. Just quit. 

I’ve done this a MILLION times myself with Asshat. It got to the point where whatever I wanted to do, it wasn’t worth the hassle of putting up with his bullshit afterwards. A trashed house, the silent treatment, suddenly no money in the budget for me to take the kids school shopping, whining endlessly about how awful it was for me to be gone…

Hopefully A’s reliance on his father for rides and food and shelter will be over soon enough, as college is quickly approaching for him. I’m sure for A though, its not soon enough. 

I emailed Asshat and told him that A was going to quit baseball because he wasn’t able to wait around after work to pick A up. (Normally Asshat gets out of work at 4:45, so the 20 minute drive to the high school would only mean about 10 minutes of actual waiting.) I asked Asshat to please try to work out some kind of resolution to this with A, as extracurriculars are important. I offered for A to stay over with me any time that he needed, and I would still be willing to pick him up from practices. 

Asshat’s reply? “Fee free to have a conversation with A about you picking him up from practice and driving him to my house every day.” 

Asshat lives 20 minutes away since moving to the old house. He really thinks this is the solution to the problem? Make me do all the work? Yeah. I guess that’s about right for his tiny little brain. Fucker. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
25 Feb 2014
3 Comments

A really shitty father

I’m procrastinating. 

I should be reading chapter 18 of my Financial and Managerial Accounting book. I should be taking notes in order to answer the discussion questions at the end of the chapter. 

Instead I’m messing around on Facebook and WordPress. I’m having some trouble concentrating. 

Husband is frustrated with the latest round of stupid people continuing to be stupid. Mainly our dear Asshat. I did actually send him an email last night asking for him to please gather A’s school stuff and drop it off on our porch as he passed our house on his way to the southern part of the state in order to take his bar exam. 

No response. And, no books. Husband was actually surprised by this. “He is a really shitty father” he said after checking the porch this morning for the books. Yes. Yes he is. 

I let A stay home today. I don’t know if that was the right move or not. Frankly, I’m not currently in the mood to pick apart my parenting choices right now. I’m tired. And a little cranky.

Husband would like to set some limits about A just ending up here because his father doesn’t have the gas money to drive in to pick him up…or whatever lame excuse he has on any given day. I get it. I really do. But. I’m not going tell A that he can’t spend the night at home. Not ever. 

Its all so frustrating. All over again.

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , ,
22 Feb 2014
4 Comments

You can’t make this stuff up…

D had a melt down this morning. Refusal to go to diving class. Attitude. Calling me immature. And my totally mature response? “I’m almost forty fucking years old! I’m not the one being immature!” Ok. Maybe that was a little immature. 

Either way, the consequence was loss of computer for a week. He remained firm in his resolve to be a little turd, so the computer was removed and locked away. 

Later he decided he’d like to go visit dad. Mainly to go play in the woods outside of the old house, and yeah, maybe to play a little xbox…

I explained that likely nothing with his dad had changed since the last time he had visited. He didn’t care, really, he just wanted to go out and play in the woods. I explained that dad would need to come get him and that I would be picking him up at 5pm on Sunday, as per the court order. D was mad. Obviously dad wouldn’t come get him! Why can’t I just take him!? And why does he have to wait until Sunday to be picked up?! This is dumb! 

I gave a whole speech about boundaries, and parents sharing responsibilities, and how we spent a lot of money to get this court order, so we’re going to stick to it. 

Eventually, D decided to give dad a call and see if he could get him to come pick him up. 

“Hi dad…..good…..hey can I come over and visit at your house today?”
We can hear asshat on the other end as we’re sitting in the same room, he didn’t even think about it, he just said “No I cant, I”m studying for the bar.” D’s response was “oh…..ok…..well…..” then asshat started in on some excuses “I don’t have enough money for you to come visit. I’m going to need to work on a new schedule, I’m going to need to get a second job” D rolled his eyes and said, “yeah, ok…”

The phone got static-y and D hung up. Shortly after asshat called back and they talked a little more, but D thought other things were more entertaining and after about 2 minutes he said “I gotta go….yeah nice to talk to you too…bye”

Asshat could have said “Yes! I’d LOVE to see you! Let me email your mom and see what we can work out!” But no. That isn’t what he did. Instead he sent me this email: 

“D called me today to ask about visiting this weekend.  Per the order, as you would say, communication about visitation needs to not go through him.  It is inappropriate for you to encourage him to do the very thing which you seemed hell bent to prevent.  Just an FYI so that in the future it will not happen again.”

He wasn’t encouraged by me to call. He was told he can do whatever he likes. Am I supposed to tell him that he’s not allowed to call his father to ask to come visit? That he needs to wait for dad to initiate contact? Really? What a fucking idiot. 

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