For YEARS I kept asking my X if there was something wrong with D, the way he was in school, not doing his work, not able to focus, not able to follow through, etc. My X was a teacher, he dealt with kids every day. He was constantly telling me “NO! D is FINE! He’ll grow out of it. its not a big deal.” His teachers seemed to like him, liked his sense of humor, enjoyed him in class, etc.
Fast forward to middle school – NO communication with the teachers, D is failing, not doing his work, its becoming a nightmare. At home he wants to play computer, he wants to watch tv, he can’t follow through on simple tasks like taking the dog out to pee, or cleaning up his room, without direct one on one support. So, I decide that he should see a behavioral specialist.
The specialist recommends that it would benefit D to be evaluated at the early intervention place to see what they can come up with to try to help him do better in school and help us all at home.
We met with the evaluator last week and his test results indicate that he has ADHD. I get this is fairly common, but it was still difficult to hear. She said that medication and therapy were the best bets for him. I tried not to be too pissy at his father for convincing me D was fine, or the school for not realizing there was an issue, or myself for not listening to my gut when I was so sure there was something not quite right. It is what it is…and we’ll need to deal with it. Blame and anger aren’t going to be useful.
We made another appointment for more tests to determine the severity, and an appointment with his primary dr. to discuss treatment options.
I talked to D myself about his tests indicating ADHD the idea of taking medicine every day and continuing to see his behavior dude. He was worried he’d be put in the slow class. I told him absolutely not! that this was all just a way to try to help him do better in school, to remember things better, to hear things better….he was like “I can take medicine that would help me with that?! YES!”
Then I realized I was going to need to let his father know, as we are supposed to share in medical decision making. I knew that he’d have a fit when he realized that D had an actual diagnosis. He’s the type that if his kid has some kind of defect, blame will need to be assigned – and it would be all about him and not at all about his son. And I was right.
From: Me
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2012 1:56 PM
To: X
Subject: D
D has been assessed by Dr. (evaluator lady) at the (early intervention place). Her test results indicate that he has ADHD. We are meeting with his primary physician, Dr. (so and so) at (his dr’s office) on 9/24/12 to discuss treatment options.
And his response:
From: X
To: Me
Sent: Tuesday, September 18, 2012 3:49 PM
Subject: RE: D
I do not consent to him being medicated, what I do consent to is having him placed back in counseling for what he has been through. But there are many things in that boys life that I do not, nor will ever consent to. Medicating that little boy is an absolute shame and something that he will never forget for the rest of his life – hope you keep that in mind.
As much as I wanted to respond with all the logic about adhd not having anything to do with counseling (which he has been discharged from by the counselor because of the progress he made) or “what he’s been through” Whatever the hell that even means – that behavior modification therapy and meds will likely be the options – or that he’s not a “little boy” in 8 short months he’ll be a teenager!
Also, I’ve done research and talked to doctors and moms who have to medicate their kids, and adults who have been medicated since they were kids….I plan on making an INFORMED decision!
I didn’t respond. There would be no point. However, I did let A know about his brother, and asked him to stop making ADHD jokes and to try to be a little more patient. I also told him that his dad thinks medicine is a bad idea. A said “What?! thats dumb! Whatever we gotta do to keep D from busting windows, we need to just do it.” I also mentioned to D last night that I had to tell his dad about all this stuff and that dad wasn’t on board with medicine and D said “Why not!? What if the dr says that’s what is going to be best for me?!” I told him, “then that is what we’ll do”.
Then! after all that…the X called the house to talk to D. Asked him “who told you that you needed to go to the dr?” D’s response was “IDK” and he asked “what kind of troubles are you having?” D just said “i’m not having any troubles.” then the conversation when to D talking about his life is good, super, you know, epic….that made me laugh. The conversation ended right after that. X doesn’t like to hear when his kids are doing well.
Also interesting that he called when he found out D had ADHD, but not when he went to the ER. And by interesting, I mean really really stupid.
Looking Forward 