Looking Forward

No baseball

Now that we’re back to a life without so much Asshat, things have been busy! We had a lovely mini-vacation in Florida to visit husband’s family. It was so wonderful to be away from the cold and snow, if only for a few days. The boys had a great time. Neither had flown before, or been able to wake up to views of the sunrise over the ocean, so it was nice to be able to give them those experiences. 

We were smart enough to return home on a Friday in order to have a full weekend to get back into the swing of things before work and school resumed. 

A had decided that he would be participating on the school’s baseball team. He has played every single season since T-ball, so I was thrilled about this. A is very very good at baseball, but says he hates it. Each season since the last year of Farm League he normally has to be coaxed by a coach to join the team. So it was exciting that he was willingly going to be doing this on his own.

This week is Asshat’s week with A, but because my kids and their activities are important to me, I still pick A up after practice or volleyball or weight room even when its not my week. If I don’t, Asshat refuses to work around anyone’s schedule but his own. This way A gets to participate, and I get to see him most every day. 

When I picked A up at 5:15 on Monday he got in the car and was angry. “I’m not doing baseball” he said. I said, “Oh….Why not? Did it not go well?” He said, “No, its not that. Dad called me three times and since I didn’t answer my phone, he texted me and told me that I’d have to find my own way back to his house tonight. And if I couldn’t that he’d pick me up after school tomorrow. I don’t have any of my stuff for tomorrow” 

Silly me, with all my logic said, “Didn’t dad know you had baseball today?” 

“Yes. He did. But apparently he got out of work at 3:50 and since I left my phone in the locker room because I was at BASEBALL PRACTICE he just went home. I told him it started at 3, I don’t know why he would assume it would only go for 50 minutes. Whatever. I’m not going to do baseball. Its too much of a hassle if this is what’s going to happen every time.” 

He was upset. I felt bad. He just insisted that he’d do Sr. League in the summer instead, that would be less of a hassle some how. 

I offered to drive A out to dad’s to drop him off, but he said no. If I drove out there, he said, he’d just get his stuff and come back with me. He said all he was really missing was his history book, and he didn’t think he’d really need it. So, we just went back home. 

Asshat knew A was doing baseball. There was no previous mention about schedules or what Asshat would or would not be able to do. A gave him all the information he needed, and Asshat said, “Ok.” Then, when the time comes for Asshat to follow through and do something for someone else, suddenly, its a giant fucking problem.

How clearly I can see it now. This is a form of abuse. He’s being set up, just to be taught a lesson. It’s like A should have known ahead of time that this would be a problem for dad. Having to WAIT?! for his kid to get out of practice? I don’t think so! A is being sent a very clear message that what he wants is inconvenient. He will have to deal with his father being a manipulative prick because he is following his own ideas and goals. He’s being told that he should just give up. It’ll be easier to just give up than to fight for what you want. Its just baseball. You’d rather have your dad be civil and talk to you and not make you feel like you’re fucking up his day by needing a ride home. Just quit. 

I’ve done this a MILLION times myself with Asshat. It got to the point where whatever I wanted to do, it wasn’t worth the hassle of putting up with his bullshit afterwards. A trashed house, the silent treatment, suddenly no money in the budget for me to take the kids school shopping, whining endlessly about how awful it was for me to be gone…

Hopefully A’s reliance on his father for rides and food and shelter will be over soon enough, as college is quickly approaching for him. I’m sure for A though, its not soon enough. 

I emailed Asshat and told him that A was going to quit baseball because he wasn’t able to wait around after work to pick A up. (Normally Asshat gets out of work at 4:45, so the 20 minute drive to the high school would only mean about 10 minutes of actual waiting.) I asked Asshat to please try to work out some kind of resolution to this with A, as extracurriculars are important. I offered for A to stay over with me any time that he needed, and I would still be willing to pick him up from practices. 

Asshat’s reply? “Fee free to have a conversation with A about you picking him up from practice and driving him to my house every day.” 

Asshat lives 20 minutes away since moving to the old house. He really thinks this is the solution to the problem? Make me do all the work? Yeah. I guess that’s about right for his tiny little brain. Fucker.