The test results are posted today for the bar exam. The list is names of people who passed.
X’s name is not on the list.
He will not be practicing law any time soon in this state.
He did not pass.
He failed.
Earlier today I was driving D to school. In traffic, we see his father. I saw him long before D did, because there was a time he would show up where he wasn’t invited, I am constantly on the look out for his vehicle. Even when he was safely tucked away in SD, I was still watching for it. I saw him yesterday too, but didn’t say anything.
We pass him. D whips his head around and says ‘Hey I think that was dad?” I said “Oh, maybe. He must have dropped A off at school.” D says “Yeah I guess.”
Ugh. That boy’s voice is filled with confusion and sadness. X is such a fucker. There isn’t a word I can even think of right now to describe the total uselessness of him. He does nothing but cause a storm of bullshit and destruction and chaos where ever he goes. Everything he touches turns to shit.
D hasn’t heard a peep from his dad since January. He hasn’t seen him since Dec 2011…except he saw him today in his suv in traffic. Blah.
I’ve had to fight too much this week. I’ve had to worry too much this week. I’ve had to be on guard too much this week. I am exhausted.
In a few hours I’ll be home. Likely, I’ll be in pajamas and laying in bed eating my supper. Maybe D will join me. Maybe we’ll watch a movie.
I imagine that you all are as sick of my ex as I am. I like that about you guys.
He also told me that you want him to do all the work in getting me to agree to a schedule change so then all you have to do is send me an email to whatever effect A has managed to negotiate. Please stop putting him in that position. These kinds of conversations should be between you and I. Of course you can decided between you and A what works best for you two, but I don’t want to be speaking to him on your behalf.
Had I known you weren’t going to be available this coming weekend, we could have made arrangements prior to today regarding extra time for you with A, but again, this is not something I should be dealing with A about, I should be dealing with you.
Thanks,
Stacey
I wanted to get the phone call out of my head last night before I went to bed. Sorry about the sloppiness of the post – re read it this morning and cringed a little.
Anyway, I did not sleep well last night. Lots of dreams about X having us kidnapped so D would have to live with him…Pretty unpleasant. I’m tired. I’m exhausted by this process. I feel trapped and like I’m just treading water. I’m so tired of feeling like this.
Its Monday. I have a long week ahead of me. I’m hoping to meet with a lawyer about the impending lawsuit – though I have no idea if he intends to actually file those papers with the court or not – I still feel like its just a scare tactic, but who knows. You can’t predict crazy.
Oh what an interesting turn of events.
As I previously blogged about, X took A for the length of vacation. A missed time with his grandparents. None of this was planned. I didn’t get any notice…as usual. I haven’t talked to X on the phone since July of last year..until tonight.
Well, today A texted me.
A: Hi, I want to stay the night at the new place in holden, Dad will take me to school tomorrow. I’d have to come pick up my book tonight so we can discuss it l8r.
Me: “Without being able to discuss this with your dad, no, sorry.
A: Yeah he’ll shoot you an email.
Me: We’ll need to talk about it.
A: Well you need to unblock his number from your phone lol.
Me: His number isn’t blocked on my phone, but he’ll need to email me.
A: He can’t email the laptops in waterville and it is blocked he just tried to text you.
Me: The are no blocks on my phone
A: Well he has no way of using email and the messages aren’t going through how else do you suppose he could reach you.
Me: He call call me from your phone, he can email me from his phone, or he can call the home phone.
A: You can call the school tomorrow and know that I got there on time and I have to stop by and school book so I can stop by say Hi hugs n sh*t
Me: I need to talk to your dad about this, not you, sorry.
A: About what, he can’t email you right now and you’d know whether or not I want to school. There’s honestly nothing to talk about it just seems as though you’re purposefully making things difficult. And i’d take the bus home to your house.
A: He said he’ll call and leave a message so don’t answer your phone.
Me: Or he can text me…
A: His messages to you aren’t sending, he can text you from my phone but I don’t think you want that.
Then A called me and said “Hi, yeah, here he is….”
X says “Yeah A wants to spend the night again tonight I’ll take him to school tomorrow.”
I said “That doesn’t work for me. You’ve not been able to give me notice about bringing A home or taking him, or anything, so if you’d like to keep him again tonight, we need to work out an alternate arrangement for a more consistent schedule.
X said he had no idea what I was talking about, what schedule? Consistent? What do I mean? He was angry and hollering this at me. He did a lot of talking over me. Saying that he shouldn’t talk to me, he should be talking to my lawyer, etc. He did a lot of hollering.
I was trying to get him to agree to a Sunday to Wednesday schedule – with consistent pick up and drop off times and locations. I said “Is that something you’d like? To have A from Sunday to Wednesday?” He hollered “THATS A NO BRAINER! OF COURSE! AND I INTEND TO HAVE HIM MORE!” I said, “For now, in the interim, would you like to pick him up at the store on Sunday mornings?” More screaming at me. More talking over me. I didn’t really know what he was trying to say. I heard something about he wasn’t going to to keep to a schedule like this, he only wanted to do what A wanted to do.
“So, you’re going to let A make all the decisions then?” I asked.
He said “A is 16! He can decide who he wants to stay with!”
I said that “A is 15, and until you manage to file the paperwork with the court to change what is already in effect, A lives with me, and that isn’t something he gets to make a choice about. So, do you want him from Sunday to Wednesday?”
He was super pissy, saying that my lawyer should have told me this, he doesn’t know why he’s even saying anything to me about it, but our interim order was only for when he was in school, so now it goes back to what it was before! The order is meaningless! Then more hollering, accusing me of twisting things, and being sneaky.
I said “I just want to come to an agreement for the time being that is consistent. Your refusal to give me any kind of notice about drop off times or pick up times is unreasonable and I want an agreement that doesn’t require that.”
He screamed at me “I HATE HE SOUND OF YOUR FUCKING VOICE! I’M CALLING YOU BEING CIVIL, BEING NICE, AND ALL YOU’RE DOING IS GIVING ME A HARD TIME! I HATE THE SOUND OF YOUR FUCKING VOICE!” I said, “That’s not really appropriate, so do you want to pick A up at 9am at the store?”
He was pissed. “Yeah the store, I’ll come get him at the store because you REFUSE to transport!”
I said “Oh I’ll bring him to you, I have no problem with that, I just need to know where to bring him.”
He said “NO! Fine! The store is FINE! Noon…I’ll pick him up at noon on Sunday!”
I said, “ok great, so, then he can get off the bus on Wednesday’s at home?”
His response was “Whatever, fine.”
Then, he asked about D. He wanted D on the same schedule too. I said, “No, that’s not going to work. I’d rather have you email times for D rather than discussing it on the phone with you.”
He said “So, you’re telling me right now that you are refusing to the schedule for D as well?!”
I said, “Yes, there are no overnights for him right now, that’s not going to work.”
He said, “Ok thanks.” And that was the end of the conversation.
About 3 minutes later A came home, was chatty and collecting his books and clothes for tomorrow for school. He seemed very ok. I was relieved.
I’m so tired of X making my kids choose between him and me. There is no point. A doesn’t have a home with his dad and home with me. As far as X is concerned, he can only have one home. And he needs to choose.
On Tuesday I finally heard from X. He’d be bringing A home on Friday. I responded that A and D both have plans with their grandparents this weekend, and A needs to be home Thursday evening.
Then there was push from A. He now doesn’t want to go visit grandparents. He wants to stay with Dad. I explained that Grammy made these plans a long time ago, shes anxious to see the kids and that he needs to follow through with the commitment that he made. After talking in circles with him on Facebook I ended the conversation by saying that if Dad wants to keep him beyond Thursday, he’ll need to talk to me about it.
So, of course I get an email from X that says “A wants to stay from now till Sunday.”
Of course he does. So, I reiterated that the boys have agreed (weeks ago) to spend time with their grandparents during school vacation. I also said that had there been communication prior to him taking A on Saturday, I could have explained this to him. I said my parents would be here to get the boys at 9am Friday.
Meanwhile, my mom is ok with it, she’s disappointed, but she’ll get to have D for a few days. When I told D that his brother may or may not be going to Grammy’s with him he said “Whatever. More Grammy for me.”
So, that’s what’s going on with visitation.
The next big exciting thing is that on Friday I was served with civil papers – X is suing me for 4302.00 dollars because I “Abandoned” the property I was renting from him. Its absurd. But, it makes me think three things.
1. He’s a super sucky almost lawyer. I can’t be sued for rent owed to him if he hasn’t tried to re-rent the property. He can’t sue me for rent for months that haven’t happened yet. He can’t charge me for removal of appliances that were left in the house before he left for SD. He can’t make me pay for mold removal when the mold is caused by a shitty roof. Oh I could go on and on…but I think you all get the point.
2. He’s crazy.
3. I think he’s trying to bully me into not asking for child support. Oooh please don’t sue me for 4302.00! I can’t possibly afford that! Whatever I have to do to make it stop…I won’t ask for child support! Yeah. Right.
Yesterday I got an email from my lawyer saying that X had called her and wanted to file a motion to have the pre-trial moved to after May 10th because he claims he’ll be in SD for graduation ceremonies. (vomit) Then he said since mediation was so unproductive, he is unclear as to what the issues are, from Stacey’s perspective.
Seriously? He is UNCLEAR? You’re a shitty father, a shitty ex husband and a shitty person. What could I possibly have for issues!? I suppose his lack of clarity is why mediation was so unproductive. Good to know.
Within the scope of family law there are really only a few things that could possibly be issues for the court to address. Like how A hates eggplant. I’d like the court to address this with X and make a formal decision on that for me. Oh wait. No. That’s not right.
I’m a little horrified that law school didn’t help him with his ability to hunt down information. Alright, well, where might these issues be found? I suppose it would have helped him if at some point this had all been written down for him. And handed directly to him. By a deputy sheriff. Twice.
Maybe he should have kept his paper work from the case management hearing. We both received forms with all the issues on it and at the bottom it said no agreement was reached on these issues. Also, at our mediation, there was another form with all our issues on it, and written on the bottom was that no agreement had been reached. Also, the “paternity” box was checked, as he made THAT an issue. And once again at the status conference, yet another form with our issues on it, and written on the bottom was that no agreement had been reached and a trial would be scheduled.
I wonder where he could find out what the issues are….?
Personally, I think he’s fishing to see if the small claims suit has changed my mind on any of the issues that I’ve had for the last three years. It has not. He’s a moron to think it might. Actually, he’s just a moron.
He is such an asshole.
Through Facebook I see the x will be taking A on Saturday. There is no mention of how long…so on Friday, as usual I email x and ask for when and where drop off and pick up will be. No response.
Saturday afternoon comes and A says he has to go, dad is in the parking lot.
I email x on Sunday morning asking when he plans on bringing A home. No response.
I text A and ask if he’ll be home tonight. He says ‘no’. I ask when he thinks he’ll be home. He says probably Thursday.
I thank him for letting me know, tell him I love him and that I hope he has a good time.
Now I’m off to email my lawyer.
My blog is full of facts. There is no denying what he has said when I have the ability to simply copy and paste, word for word, the insanity. Its not as though I have recall full conversations where there would be room for error, or remembering something incorrectly. I can’t be accused of twisting his words or taking things out of context. Its all right here.
I’ve not been writing much about how I’ve been feeling, besides the pre birthday angry rant. I suppose being exhausted by the variety of things going on and needing my attention in any given day might lead me to not wanting to expend any more precious energy on thinking, feeling, and then writing about it…Plus, I really feel like a broken record….but lets try and see where it goes.
I am exhausted. Anyone who has to deal with a disagreeable ‘co parent’ understands this. Every little thing is a giant thing, so the giant things can’t possibly be dealt with. Things like visitation, contact, child support, medical decision making, are big things, and things that the court will need to decide for us. Not because of OUR inability to come to a resolution, but because of HIS disagreeableness.
I am sad that D doesn’t have a dad. I’m sad that it makes D feel uncomfortable when A goes away with dad for the weekend, and D doesn’t even get a phone call.
I feel discouraged that this is what my kids father is going to be like – forever. He isn’t going to change, not for the better anyway. He will always be this way. Dealing with him will never get better, it will always be a struggle. He will always be angry, he will always use the kids as pawns. He is always going to try to make something out of nothing. He is always going to ignore the larger problems and never take any kind of responsibility.
I’m worried x is going to try to take my kids, not because he loves and misses them, but because he hates me. Because he doesn’t want to pay support. Because he wants more people in his life to control.
I’ve said this all before. I say it over and over. I’m tired of hearing myself say it. Im tired of feeling all this stuff. Some of it is just from parenting, some of it is from being divorced, some of it is from raising teenage boys…But most of it is because of X, and most of it is avoidable. That’s the most frustrating part.
But, on a positive note, My husband loves me. He loves my kids. He would do anything to protect and support us. We are a team. We talk, we make decisions together. He understands that x isn’t right in the head, and he understands what kind of impact this has on the boys. He does his best to be a positive role model. Monday we went to the park where he was simultaneously throwing baseballs to A for batting practice and the frisbee to D in the outfield. He makes this situation bearable. He makes me feel good. He reminds me that I’m doing alright. So, despite all the doubt I have, and all the worry and panic I carry around with me, I somehow manage to be ok.
The boys got new health insurance as of April 1st. Due to the x demanding the boys go to counseling, and my agreement to provide him with their insurance information, I did what any normal person would do. I let him know.
From: Stacey
Sent: Monday, April 08, 2013 9:35 AM
To: Asshat
Subject: Fw: Id cards
Here is a copy of the kids ID cards for their new insurance coverage in the event you want to make counseling appointments for them.
Thanks,
Stacey
And he replied today with insanity. Conspiracy even.
Yeah once again I don’t have the proper authority to access these accounts. And the counselor you used seems to be someone with very close ties to your current place of employment which means that there is a serious issue with impartiality.
I have no idea what this means. The counselor the boys saw has NOTHING to do with where I work. And even if he DID have something to do with my place of employment, I would assume after 30 years of working in this field he would have the ability to be impartial.
Looking Forward 