Looking Forward

Making a better life for me and my kids

Archive for the month “January, 2013”

30 Jan 2013
5 Comments

Milo

His name is Milo. He’s a lab “mix”. Turns out “mix”, in this case, was code for hound. D wanted a dog. Really, really, really, really wanted a dog. He wanted a friend. Someone to talk to and to cuddle with. A dog to train of his own, one that would follow him around and be his best friend. 

15 months ago D was chaotic. He was having tantrums and rages and melt downs. He was doing terrible in school. We thought that maybe giving him a dog, something to be responsible for, something he can focus on, maybe this will help. Maybe this will help him make the hurdle into being more responsible. He earned and saved money for 4 months, and finally had enough. We visited the shelter every weekend. He wanted a puppy. We encouraged him to at least meet a few older dogs, but he wanted a puppy. 
The shelter called us and said they had a puppy…do we want it? I said yes. I drove home, picked up our older dog and D and we went to the shelter to meet the puppy. 
Summer liked him ok, and D fell in love. Of course. 
That night we brought his new puppy home, and within 2 hours of him being there he peed and pooped on the floor, was biting and scratching, and D was in tears “I DON’T WANT THIS DOG!” Seriously? I told him “This is what puppies do, D. This is what you’re supposed to work on training them not to do. Its your job to make him into a good dog. This is what you’ve been telling us you wanted to do for the last 4 months.” 

The ensuing weeks D would not take the dog out to use the bathroom with any consistency. We set the timer, we reminded him. We took away all electronics. We made a trail in the woods for him to run with the dog… But, he was cleaning up dog poop and pee all over the place, he would play with him until he got bit or scratched, then he was done. The dog wasn’t housebroken. It was getting old. No matter how many ultimatums I’d make, none of it mattered. D wouldn’t take care of the dog. When I talked about taking him back to the shelter, D would cry and say no no, he would do better. I was sad to think of this awful little puppy in a cage all alone and scared….We decided D needed to start puppy classes. 

Milo learned Sit. Down. Wait. D learned raising and training a puppy is more work than he cares to deal with. 

At the 3 month mark, I took over housebreaking. Within a month, he was fully housebroken, asking to go out when he needed to. 

At the 7 month mark we talked again about taking Milo back to the shelter. Jumping, barking, biting, scratching, chewing….how much is really normal? D couldn’t have friends over, this dog was just too much. He was barking at everyone and every thing. He was jumping on us, the kids, everyone.
We found out that D has ADHD and THAT is why he can’t possibly raise a dog. He doesn’t have the skills…how could I have not seen this before? And holy lord, I think Milo has ADHD too! 

Husband and I decide to take Milo on as our own dog. We decide to remove D from any and all responsibility relating to Milo. Clearly, he can’t handle it, and its just confusing the dog to not have consistency. We’d take him for walks when we could. We tried to get him as much exercise as we could. We both work full time…there is only so much time in the day. 

At the 8 month mark we took him to a dog trainer, the same guy who did our puppy classes. He gave us suggestions. We tried them all. We were consistent. This dog is stubborn. And bossy. He needs a leader. The amount of time I am home is not enough to establish myself as the leader. He’s still jumping, he’s still chewing, he’s still biting and scratching…There isn’t enough time in my day to get him the exercise he needs. We hope it’ll get better. We hope he’ll form some kind of attachment to us, or that we will to him. 

Yesterday, after just short of 12 months, I took him back to the shelter. He sniffed the lady who gave him a new collar and lead, and happily followed her down the hall.He didn’t even look back.

I am sad. I feel like a failure. I should have known D couldn’t handle this. I should have taken him back that night when he said he didn’t want this dog. I should have done better at the beginning…

Fortunately, the shelter in our area is a no kill shelter. I’m certain he’ll be adopted very soon. He’s only 1 year old. He’s a lab mix. He’s fixed. He’s handsome. I’m sure that someone will make him their very own best friend. But, I still feel like a pretty terrible person. 

I know this will be better for Milo. He’ll find a home better equipped to handle him than we were. We were keeping him because we felt guilty. 

For some reason, laying awake and thinking about this last night, this has brought up a lot of crap about my first marriage and my divorce. I stayed because I felt guilty. I ignored all the signs that told me this was a bad situation and I hung on longer than I should have. I tried every avenue possible to lessen the pain, trauma, bullshit, transition, hurt, discomfort that I could (also known as banging my head off of the wall)…and still managing to avoid doing the hard thing. 

Then the day came. I was out of things to try. I had to do the hard thing so that things would eventually be better. I know Milo getting a new home is for the best. I also know the calm in our house will be for the best for us too. But for some reason its still hard. Image

 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , ,
25 Jan 2013
5 Comments

The X and the Kids

Things have been pretty quiet lately. Its been cold. With the wind chill, its been -15 to -30 most days and nights for the last week. We ran out of oil on Saturday night, but our delivery was scheduled for Tuesday. We went to walmart and got heaters for the kids rooms. We watched football on Sunday in the living room, everyone together. Husband brought our giant tv down stairs for the kids to play xbox and watch tv on. It was a really nice day. Oil was delivered Tuesday, we all made due and survived. 
Besides that A has mid-terms this week, and has done well on them so far…I suspect its because he’s actually been STUDYING! Imagine that! 

Yesterday after his morning midterms he asked me to pick him up and take him home early. Yeah, why not? When he got in the car he told me he’d gotten a 92 on his French midterm. This kid hates french. Hates the teacher. Does NONE of the work. But, he did study for 3 hours over the weekend. I guess it paid off! I was SO proud of him! His team also won their PE volleyball championship. In PE he is a bit of an over achiever. 

On the way home he asked me if I would pick him up after his first class the next day, as he only had one midterm, and it was first thing in the morning. I said “No way. This is your one free pass for the week.” 
He said “I’ll see if Dad wants to come get me.”
I said “And then do what with you?” 
“Take me to his house”
“Oh  right, then he could bring you back on Sunday. That’s a good idea.” 
“Right, or ride a bus back.”
“Well, maybe I could need to do something in Waterville on Sunday, I could maybe pick you up.”
“He was pretty adamant that I needed to ride the bus.”

So, here is the conversation that unfolded last night:

A

What are you doing tomorrow

Dad

same ol same ol why?

A

Just wonderin

Dad

whats up?

A

Any way you would be able to pick me up tomorrow after first block?

Dad

what for?

A

I only have one midterm and its 1st block

Dad

haha

A

And to come back with you until Sunday

Dad

thought you had to stay the whole day?

A

Threres no open campus and there’s classes but they’re not aloud to assign homework this whole week

Dad

hmm, bus?

down here that is

A

I have no way to get to one

Dad

and how come I never heard from Dom ?

buy a ticket – heck if you get one way I will drive back

Hello?

A

I thought you were going to call D, and what if I took the bus back and you just did the ride up there

Dad

I need to study tomorrow… falling behind as it is

A

Alright

Dad

I have 2-3 lectures to get through tomorrow

bout 3 hours each

A

Ok

Dad

just buy a ticket

I will pick you up in town

and bring you back

A

I don’t have a way to the bus station

Dad

wtf just walk the half mile

geez

when I was your age…

A

Um from The high school all the way to downtown bangor is more then a half mile

Dad

no it isnt bud

A

And its -20 tomorrow

Dad

just buy a ticket

call mary and have her take you then

and if it is too cold take the city bus from hannafords to the bus

bout a buck fitty

A

What are you doin next weekend

Dad

same shit different day, although I will prob need to prep for court too

just get a ticket and take the bus

give me a min

A

I don’t have money either. It’s fine, ill plan for a ride next Friday and it will be a round trip there and back

Dad

just get some from your mother

A

She isn’t getting me shit, she’s going to say if I want a way down there you have to pay

I’ll work something out for next weekend

Dad

call mary

A

Can we just try for next weekend?

Dad

maybe, need to get out of the house?

A

Just havnt seen you in a while

Dad

true story, been swamped bud. 10+ hr days kinda suck!

actually closer to 14

just ask your mother for bus fare

A

She’s not going to give me any

We just had to get oil

She’s going to say she doesn’t have Amy

Dad

doesnt hurt to ask

A

Any

I’ll ask in the am

Dad

seriously, man up

wuss

A

Asking people for money isn’t manning up but alright.

Dad

it is when you are asking a parent

but true story when you turn 18 – I will remember you said that lol

??

A

What?

Dad

you gonna ask?

A

Ya

Dad

well do it before I get off here will ya

A

Ya brb

She said no

That she has to get groceries

Dad

whatever… I say nothing right now 

A

Ok

Dad

there is one leaving from concord – 22.50 @ 3:30 and is only an hour long.

just in case

A

Well if I get money ill letchu know


Now, this was the first part of the conversation – A never asked me for money. I likely would have worked on making an arrangement for him to go down and see his dad, if that’s what he wanted to do. However, I think A is smart enough to understand that this is his Dad’s responsibility, not mine. Also, I actually just now mapquested walking directions from the HS to the Bus Station. Its 1 hour 36 minutes to walk 4.01 miles. It also is, as I mentioned previously, well below 0 outside. 

The second part of the conversation was about D. Here is some back story. At Christmas time, “Manny”  their grandmother, x’s mom, came over and brought them each a poster and a package of fake tattoos. My kids thanked her at the time, though I wasn’t there when she stopped by, they both said they did say thank you. When they showed me what they got, I said “Oh that was really nice of her!” remembering she hasn’t seen or even SPOKEN to either kid since LAST Christmas. Both kids said “Well, I guess its the thought that counts.” A has ZERO interest in the Hobbit…and fake tattoos? He’s 15, not 6. However, D really likes the whole LOTR, and was happy with the poster, but was pretty confused with the tattoos. A ended up actually giving D his poster and tattoos. I’m sure they both realized that their own grandmother really has NO idea who they are as people. Sigh. 

A few weeks ago D called me at work after school and said he was very lucky, that he had found a 50 dollar bill in the snowbank on our road. I took it from him when we got home and put it away. I never mentioned this to A. Over a week later A asked me if I’d found any money in the washing machine lately. I asked him how much he was missing. He said that the last time he’d seen his dad, he gave him two 50 dollar bills. One for each kid. But, A couldn’t find them. He thought that he’d put them in his pants, but now they were gone. I had D come into the kitchen, and I told him this, I asked him if 50 was all he’d found, explained that it was actually a gift from Dad, etc….D seemed confused, and A said that D could just keep that 50 and A would just be ok that he’d lost his 50. It was no big deal. A said, “If dad asks, make sure you tell him I gave you your money.” D agreed.
Weird. But, there was no argument, so I decided to leave it alone. 3 times since then, I’ve asked D to please at least send his Dad a “thank you” email for the money. He says “yeah….” but never does it. 

Here is the second part of the conversation from last night:

Dad

Tell D I expect a call from him tonight

I know he is still up

A

Um ok

He said “I’m busy”

But he’s on the computer

Dad

You tell him I really want a call from him tonight, like within the next 10 min

It is not ok for him to not even acknowledge that I gave him 50 for xmas

A

He keeps saying no

dad

or thank his manny for whatever she gave

A

and that hes busy

Dad

I will call – you answer and pass the phone to him please and thank you

ughh

A

If you call right now hell answer

Dad

just waiting for my phone to start up

A

Ok well he’s sitting right next to the phone

Dad

so is that a no now?

no answer

not cool

A

You didn’t call

Dad

rang 8 times

A

843-XXXX

Dad

yup

and again

A

No i never heard it ring

Dad

is right now

nothing, someone picked up and hung up

A

The ringtone was off

So i had to turn it on

Try again

Dad

he can call back

I just called twice

A

The phone didn’t even ring

Dad

hit redial

A

He keeps saying no to calling while he sits there on his laptop

Dad

whatever

cant make him want to

just disappointed, but whatever

it is what it is

alright bud, let me know how it turns out and I will talk to you later – sorry I am so busy, but I do keep fb on so message or call whenever and I will get right back to you ok

A

Alright

Dad

and don’t be a punk and skip out on the rest of your study halls – take it like a man… paper airplanes!

 

Posted in abuse, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, growing up, kids, parenting, school, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
18 Jan 2013
11 Comments

Tax Time!

 
In 2011, I filed my taxes for 2010, as we all did. X declared he would be claiming both the kids. I did not claim them, for fear of getting in trouble with the IRS. I ended up paying in close to 2k in taxes. Single parent. One income. No support. I begged him for financial help to pay the electric and the cable he’d strapped me with. NO. No help. He can’t afford it. Though, I knew he’d gotten his tax money back – close to 7k. Whatever. My parents helped me pay my debt. They are amazing. 
 
Later that year he came back to Maine, took A for 6 weeks, and refused to return him.
I went to talk to a lawyer while he still had A to ask how to best remedy this vague divorce decree. He gave his advice, then asked, “Do you want to play hardball?” 
My husband, who was with me said “YES!” 
The lawyer went on to ask me about why I didn’t claim the kids on my taxes. I told him that X said he was going to, and that I didn’t want to get in trouble. He reread the divorce. He said, “there is no agreement here. Is there another agreement about this anywhere?” No. “Did you sign anything else?” No. “You’re positive?” Yes.
He gave me the business card for his accountant, told me to mention his name when I made my appointment, and said that the accountant would help to take care of it. 
 
I made the appointment, I mentioned the lawyers name and I got, not some intern or ‘associate’, I got the guy whose name was on the building. 
He looked over my stuff, took some notes and told me he’d take care of it. A week later his office called, charged me 85 dollars and handed me an envelope of all my stuff. He said the IRS does NOT like it when people do what the X did. Its a big no-no. He also said the IRS would take care of getting back the money they’d given him.
It might take a long while, there might be more correspondence. But, in the end, I was entitled to a refund. In November I got a refund check for a little over 5k.
 
Last year, I filed taxes for 2011. I claimed the kids. I got a refund. No issues. 
 
This year, we’re anxiously awaiting our w-2s so we can file our taxes. I count on that refund. As most people in my position do. Then 2 weeks ago, I get this: 
 
From: X
To: Me
Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 9:54 PM
Subject: Taxes

Per our agreement to alternate years, I am claiming the boys on my tax return this year.

 

I didn’t know how to respond. I had to pay a lawyer and an accountant to explain the IRS rules to me about this kind of thing. I’m not going to give him all the information that I have for free.
Even if I did tell him, “No, you can’t.” Or “Its illegal”. Or “There is no agreement” It would only instigate an argument and lead to more bullshit, and there is no way to know if he’d still try to claim them anyway. So, I didn’t respond at all. Legally, the kids are mine to claim. Nothing he does or says is going to change that. 

What I’ve read about this is that if two people try to claim the same kids, we will both be audited and made to prove with whom the kids lived the majority of the time. This can take a long time to sort out. But, in the end, they live with me, 365 days a year. They are mine to claim. If I have to wait for my refund, so be it. I’d rather have it that way than have to deal with him for any reason. 

 

 

Posted in Divorce, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
16 Jan 2013
2 Comments

Court date and its GO TIME!

I filed my court papers on December 21st. The man told me that it would be about two weeks, and I’d get a letter in the mail with our case management hearing date. 

I waited three weeks for good measure, considering holidays and all, and then I started calling. I had to leave two messages, but someone called me back yesterday. 

February 7th at 2:30 pm. 

Phew. Ok. I put it on the calendar. 

My letter came in the mail last night confirming what the lady on the phone told me. This means that X’s letter came last night to. To his parents house. I didn’t assume they’d let him know so quickly, but apparently they did. Here the conversation between him and A last night. 

  • Dad
    hey bud
     
  • A
    Hi
     
  • Dad 
    Not sure why, but I got a call from clay today saying that I am heading back to court
     
  • A
    Why…n
     
  • Dad
    good question…
    might be go time my man lol
     
  • A
    Oh
     
  • Dad
    just thought I would give you the heads up cause I do believe that there are many things that need to be dealt with now/
     
  • A
    I see
     
  • Dad
    Just remember that I do love you
    pretty good game this weekend too huh 
     
  • A
    Haha ya
     
  • Dad
    Alright I need to get back at it, will you be on later?
     
  • A
    Yeah probably
There are a couple of things I want to point out here, besides the obvious amount of WRONG that is talking to your kid about court, or insinuating that he’s going to destroy me in court.
X initiated this conversation. He is looking to his son for support here. He wants to suck him in and have him be disgusted and angry. I am happy that A didn’t fall for that. I know that one word answers mean that he doesn’t want to talk and he’s just being polite. I also know that when he has an opinion about something, he is like me, he won’t shut up. I don’t like that he’s trying to get my kid to be part of this, but I am happy that nothing came of it.
I’ll also note that X didn’t answer A’s question about why we’re going back to court. X pretends he doesn’t know. But he does. He was served. Twice. 
I guess he must have thought that his attempt at bullying and intimidation worked, and that I wasn’t going to actually file the court forms. I should have been fearful of him being “legally aggressive”. And since I wasn’t afraid, I guess its “Go Time”. Whatever that really means. 
 
After a deep breath and thinking logically about this process – here is what happens now.
1. He may or may not file an answer to my request for modification. 
2. We will attend a case management hearing. We will be asked about the items to be modified. We will be asked if we’ve come to an agreement. The judge will attempt to discuss any answer he may submit refuting the idea of a modification. Regardless, he will be ordered to pay child support.
3. We will be ordered to mediation. 
4. I will be requesting separate rooms. I will not be in any enclosed space with him. 
5. We will agree. Or we will not agree. 
6. Another case management hearing to discuss whether or not we have come to an agreement. If not, the judge will schedule a hearing for us.
7. I will hire a lawyer. 
8. A judge will decide for us what we could not agree upon for ourselves. 
 
There is no room in that list of events for “Go Time” or for him to be “Legally Aggressive.” I filed papers, I am the one requesting a modification. He can either agree, or not. If he wants something else, if he wants his OWN modification, then he needs to file his own paperwork. How does he not know this? If I had a dollar for every time I asked that, he wouldn’t have to pay child support, I’d be RICH! 
 
Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
15 Jan 2013
5 Comments

Office Mate

I share an office with a woman in her late 50’s. She has two daughters, a few years younger than me. She has been with her husband since she was 13. She used to go home at lunch time to vacuum her house. Whether she says so or not, she has a lot of judgment about people who are not as ‘clean’ as her, or who are not as obsessive about housework. She likes to insert herself in any conversation or situation that has anything to do with people having babies. She talks a LOT about her past, and raising her kids. She misses being useful and needed. Though, her daughters are both VERY needy. The older one has three children. She married a guy who now has taken a job in VA while she stayed in Maine. She’s moved in with her parents, with her three children. She calls her mother at work to ask what to dress the kids in, “do you think they need coats today?” Its absurd. 

Anyway, the HR guy at work often teases me about being ‘rough around the edges’, and he and my office mate had a good laugh last week at the idea of me having to be a nice flight attendant. When someone needs to get fired, or disciplined he jokes that he bets I wish I could do it. (I usually do). The other people in the office think its fun to tell the new hires that I’m not someone to get on the bad side of…That I’ll holler at them. While I don’t holler at people, other than my kids on occasion, I normally don’t mind being labeled as someone that doesn’t put up with shit. 

However, today, office mate seems to just be being mean. While I was working on payroll she puts a card on my desk in front of me and tells me I need to sign it. The front says “Congratulations!” I hate signing cards for people I hardly know. I said ‘ugh, yes congratulations on getting knocked up, and giving birth.’ 
She said, “You’re cranky! If you got more sex, you’d be less cranky.”
I said, “Seriously?” She turned all red and left the office. 
Later the HR guy came in and was joking about something with me, then office mate starts in at me with, “You’re not always right, you know!” and “you exaggerate, all the time!”
(Pot, kettle, what?) Then she told me that I am pushy and bossy…not all the time, but most of the time! She’s laughing like this is funny. I clarified, telling her that I am direct. Bossy and pushy suggests I’m trying to sway them into doing something. I am rarely bossy or pushy, simply because I generally don’t give a shit what people do or don’t do, as long as it doesn’t make my job harder. I also said I wasn’t sure if she was trying to offend me or not, but I really don’t have any problem with how I am. 

I’m not sure why she’s being so mean to me today. I guess spending 5 years working right next to someone every damn day, I would hope that she’d learn to talk to me in normal way, instead of insulting me, and pretending its funny when she’s really thinks I’m an awful person. 

Its only 1pm. I have 3 hours left in this day. I suppose punching her in the face isn’t good for my job security. 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
14 Jan 2013
7 Comments

Parenting sucks.

Ive not been sleeping well. It feels like its been months since I’ve woken up and not been feeling like I could sleep for another 8 hours. I fall asleep ok, but staying asleep is a problem. I toss and turn. Dreams often wake me up and I feel unsettled and edgy. 

So, as anyone who reads this knows, I have boys. Two boys, A is 15 going on 40 and D is 12 going on 6. I try to show them that while my world revolves very much around them, the real world does not. My father used to tell me and m brother “The world doesn’t owe you a goddamned thing.” And its true. Many of the boys peers don’t see the world this way. They get what they want, when they want it. They ask and the world provides…or their parents provide, and thereby enabling the cycle of entitlement. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have, and do occasionally, spoil my kids. They would disagree, but to me, it feels like spoiling them. I worry about this. I want them to be tough. I want them to understand the world the way that I do – you work for what you get. Even when you work your ass off, sometimes the world still shits on you. You are owed nothing. You need to make your own happiness, you’re own life. 

I’m by no means a perfect parent. If you asked my ex, he’d tell you I was the WORST PARENT OF ALL TIME. Of course, he has no actual basis for that statement, he just hates me because I burst his bubble. My kids would also tell you that I have many parental failings. Some of which are funny, like the time we all sat down to watch MacGruber. I didn’t know it was Rated R for strong crude and sexual content, violence, language and some nudity. Silly me. I paused it 5 or 6 times saying “Oh my god you guys, I can’t let you watch this!” and they’d say “Come on mom! this is funny! we wont tell anyone! we promise we wont repeat any of these jokes at school. COME OOOOOONNN! Please!!!???!!!!!” 
Ugh. Fine. 
Or the time I accidentally stole a bag of carrots from the grocery store. D said “well you went back in and apologized right?” Ummmmmm…….

This weekend my older son was a jerk. I was actually thinking that worst person ever is now standing in my kitchen. How did this happen? What did I do to create this? I am apparently, the worst parent ever! Good god, he sounds just like his father…..remember not to say that out loud….I have no idea how to handle this! 

Here is what happened:
A’s xbox broke. The only way I’d consider replacing it for him was if he’d agree to share it with his brother. (compromise on time sharing) He glared at me. How dare I suggest such a thing?! The dead xbox actually was a gift for both of them, years ago. After several broken controllers, D was no longer allowed to play, unless he wanted to buy his own controller. He never did. So, the xbox lived in A’s room, with A being the only one who ever played it, for the last 2-3 years.
I explained that I couldn’t, in good conscious, spend that kind of money on one kid and not the other. He kept glaring. Then launched into how his brother breaks everything, how its not fair that I keep things fair. He’s older, he should get more! D has a Wii! D breaks everything! Christmas always sucks because you get us the same things! 
My husband stepped in. He said “Dude, your mom is a NUT when it comes to stuff being fair for you guys. Things HAVE to be even and fair. She won’t let it be any other way.” A just continued to glare at me. I pointed out that I guess he didn’t want a new xbox very badly if he wasn’t even willing to try to compromise with his brother about scheduling time for them both to be able to use it. This was the point he got mad, and went to his room, slamming doors and being pissy.

I was so angry at how much of a jerk he was being. Who does he think he is? Why should he get any MORE than anyone else? His dad likes to blame D for his misery. “He never calls me. Its so sad, he’s replaced me. He doesn’t ever want to talk to me.” This is what he tells A. So, I guess A thinks its fair game to blame D for everything? Is my son actually becoming a narcissistic asshole like his father?

Later, while I was cooking dinner, (eggplant, which A does not like, and since I know this, i had other food on hand to offer him for dinner to keep him from bitching about it….AND I only do this with eggplant because he’s tried it every time I’ve made it and just doesn’t like it) he came out and started playing with the dog. He asked what was for dinner. I told him, then quickly launched into the other options that were for him. He asked if instead of putting all the sausage into the sauce, if I’d save a couple out for him, and he’d eat that. I said sure. Then I told him about the ice cream i’d picked up at his request. I’d asked what kind, he said “IDK, (Yeah, he said the letters) just not chocolate.” I presented him with a flavor that got me TWO “thank yous”. Then he poked around, got a snack and went back to his room. 

Without saying it, he seemed to be trying to clear the air. 

The next morning, he brought the xbox out to the table, got me and husband to help him take it apart, and ultimately decided it could not be fixed. I explained to him that blaming his brother for crap was NOT ok, that being a jerk, thinking your entitled, thinking things are going to be anything but fair, is just crazy. I left it at that and went to my room.
15 minutes later I hear the brothers talking, and compromising. 

They both got dressed, shoes on, were happy, not fighting about how sat in front, we bought a refurbished xbox. We went to lunch. We came home and ate lasagna and strawberry shortcake and watched football. The kids played xbox. 

I guess sometimes teenage boys are just jerks, maybe that doesn’t mean that he’s terrible like his father, or that I’ve done something terribly wrong. It all seemed to work out ok. At least I stopped feeling like the worst parent ever.

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , ,
09 Jan 2013

day one!

Thought you’d all like to know, despite being cranky, tired, bitchy, whiny, and frustrated, I did do a mile and a half on the treadmill last night! 

Posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
07 Jan 2013
7 Comments

Bar exam pickle. I want to hear your thoughts.

APPLICANT LIST
FEBRUARY 2013 EXAMINATION

Following is a list of applicants for the February 26 and 27, 2013, State of Maine Bar Examination. Any person having adverse information bearing on the character and fitness of any person listed below is requested to immediately communicate that information to the Executive Director, Maine Board of Bar Examiners.

And, of course. There on the list, is his name. This has left me in a bit of a pickle.

Do I tell them he raped and abused me and our children? Do I tell them that he is a terrible person / parent? Do I forward my blog address to them? Do I write a letter? Will they even care?

Or do I let the chips fall where they may? Let him fail the bar all on his own, with no one to blame but himself? Or if he magically passes, perhaps the court will impute his wages based on how much a lawyer would be making, even though he’ll likely not be able to find a job?

Do they even really care what kind of adverse character BS he displays? Do they care he is likely personality disordered and perhaps ethically dysfunctional?

What do you think?

Posted in abuse, child support, Divorce
07 Jan 2013
1 Comment

And the bullshit continues…

So, on Thursday night around 8pm, A facebook messaged me and asked if Dad had emailed me yet. I said, no, but if he did, I’d let A know. A said he wanted to go see dad this weekend.

When I looked at A’s other FB messages, this was between him and dad:
Thursday

Dad
5:43pm
You still coming?

A
5:49pm
Yes

Dad
5:58pm
And mike? I am thinking about 6:30ish.

A
5:59pm
No mike I don’t think, and either 210 or Luke 9 would be better

Dad
6:02pm
Can’t do either – will be studying until 5 and don’t want to be out that late bud. 6:30 or 7 is the best I can do. Why no Mike?

A
6:03pm
Idek, but yeah, the later the better, ill be at the school
Email mom

A
6:53pm
Remember to email her

Dad
7:14pm
Just puked in my mouth a bit… tell me you mentioned going with me already

A
7:16pm
No, she bitched at me last time, as long as you email her she will be fine
I just asked her and she said she wants an email from you

So, see that there? Thursday night from 5:45pm until 7:15pm A told Dad to make sure he emailed me 3 times.
Then, he asked Dad again at 7:15am on Friday “did you email mom?”

From: X
To: Me
Sent: Friday, January 4, 2013 7:44 AM
Subject: A
Friday at 6:30/7 until Sunday at 5

My response:

X,
It is fine with me if you have time with A this weekend. You can pick him up at the basketball game, as that is where he’ll be this evening. You’ll drop him off at 5pm on Sunday, at the end of the road?
I understand you don’t like me, but frankly, that is neither here nor there.
Its not good for A to be waiting outside in the cold for me to come get him, simply because you “don’t like me.”
I will be waiting at the end of the road for him to be dropped off at 5pm on Sunday
Also, in the future, I would appreciate more than 10 hours of notice that you’d like to spend time with the kids. It makes planning more difficult than it needs to be.
Thanks,
Stacey

As usual, I get no response from him about this.

Sunday at 3:43pm A calls me and says he wants to go out to dinner with dad and watch the football game at a local restaurant. I said “I just need an email from your dad about when he’ll be bringing you home.”

A texted me right after and said “nevermind, his email has a virus so he can’t. I’ll be home at 5”
I replied “He could call, or text me or use his school address.”
A answered “His school address got cancelled when he graduated.”

At 5pm I went to the bottom of our road to wait for A to be dropped off. At 5:30 I texted A and asked “where are you?”
His answer was “Ground round. Dad texted you.”
I answered “Ive been checking my messages since I talked to you last and I got nothing.”
A said “He texted you before we left waterville. I saw him do it. he asked me for your number.”

I didn’t reply to A. Instead I called Dad. No answer. I texted Dad. “I didn’t receive anything from you. When are you bringing A home?” I went home. I emailed Dad.

X,
I didn’t hear from you this evening, when I called you did not answer and when I texted you I got no response.
I need to know what time you will be bringing A home tonight.
Thanks,
Stacey

35 minutes later I get a text from him. “8”

Right, so his text messaging capabilities are working just fine I see. Which tells me, he never sent the first message. He wanted me to go wait for A at the end of the road. He wanted to have the ability to inconvenience me, despite all my efforts to the contrary.

At 7:17pm A texted me and said they were leaving the restaurant. At 7:38 he called me and said he was waiting at the end of the road for me. I went down to get him. We drove home talking about football, and RG3. We got home and I made him a bowl of peach cobbler with extra whipped cream. He gave me is bbq chicken tender leftovers. He showed me the clothes dad had gotten him, he rolled his eyes at the batman shirt, and we laughed a little. He said “right because I guess I’m into batman?” He talked about how dad had no internet or cable at his house. How the puppy poops on the floor and how dad isn’t happy its going to be a small dog.

I went to bed feeling ok. I need to draw a line of some sort with X, but with court looming, I want THEM to do it for me. I’m not entirely sure how to proceed here.

Posted in abuse, co-parenting, crazy making, Divorce, Dogs, kids, long distance parenting, worry and tagged , , , , , ,
03 Jan 2013
1 Comment

I guess I need to find my Ipod.

I’m considering getting back into running. Its cold. Shoveling two 8 inch snow storms, back to back, left me winded and sore and bitching about how much I hate winter and snow and cold and questioning why on earth we live in Maine. It was the first two snow storms of the winter, we still have a lot of winter to come.

The answer to why we live here is that it’s one of the safest states to live in and raise kids. Stupid safety. Stupid never having to lock the doors. Stupid good parenting of ungrateful kids who are sucky shovelers, by the way. Stupid snow. Stupid pain. Aleve is the best thing ever.

I can’t change winter, snow, or my current lack of income to hire some idiot to come plow us out every time a flake falls from the sky. So, I guess I need to figure out how to not feel like a 70 year old when I’m required to engage in intense physical exertion while wearing 40 pounds of winter clothing.

Now, here is my excuse list about why I’m not running.

The basement is cold.
I have shitty songs on my ipod.
I don’t have any idea where my ipod even is.
I don’t want to.

Ok, well that’s not entirely true. I do want to. I like running. I like clearing my head, feeling like I accomplished something, sleeping better is nice too. However, I am totally incapable of making time for running. I have no idea how to make time for myself. Its not that I don’t have the support at home to allow me to do it. I just can’t seem to make it a priority. And if I do manage to do it for a week, I never manage to stick with it. So then I think, well why start? I know I’m not going to do it for very long. There is no point in starting if I’m just going to give up?

Ok, re-reading that last paragraph, I want to slap myself across the face and tell myself to quit bitching about it already!
I need to get my ass moving and stop making excuses. I’d like to not have to re-buy all my summer clothes a size bigger than last year.

Goal 1: Run at least 2 times per week, at least one mile each time.
Goal 2: Stick with it for at least one month.

Sounds do-able, right? I guess we’ll find out!

Posted in exercise, goals, running and tagged , , , , , , ,

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