Right or Wrong.
In April we planned to go to VA to get the remainder of husbands belongings. We’d be gone Thurday-Sunday. We asked the kids if they wanted to go. They did not. I made plans for each kid as to what they wanted to do for the 3 1/2 days we were to be gone. D wanted to stay with grammy. A did not want to stay with grammy, or with friends, he wanted to stay home alone. He wanted to go to school on Thursday and wanted to take Friday off. A was 2 months shy of 15. We live on a private road where we all know each other. We’ve lived there for 12 years. I decided with a pay per view budget, lots of frozen pizzas, and my mom checking in on him 1-2 times a day, and taking him out to lunch and some activity with his brother each day, along with me calling 2 times a day, he would probably be fine. Plus, he’d have the dog and the cat to keep him company.
A was excited with the idea of being able to be home alone. I was proud to trust him enough to let him do it. My mom stopped over every day, took him out to lunch, brought him more food, took him to the movies, and always asked if he wanted to come with them. He was happy as a clam. Until his dad found out.
From: X
To: Me
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2012 5:03 PM
Subject: A
You left A home for 4 days straight? What were you thinking? This is the epitome of irresponsible to say the least given all he has been going through the last month or so… or maybe you have no idea what he has been going through. I hope for your sake that nothing happens to him or he does nothing to harm himself while he is there all alone – FOR FOUR DAYS! I guess you doing this was foreseeable given your thoughts on children in general. It would be nice for a change if you could take the time, effort and foresight to maybe put ‘our’ children ahead of your own self interests in the future. He could have stayed with a number of different people and you know it. Enjoy your time in Virginia – the fact that you have no money for him to visit me is not lost on anyone. Parent of the year, congrats.
X sent me this email 4 times in a row, about an hour apart each time. I didn’t respond. He didn’t seem to have a valid concern as far as I could tell. I’d covered all the bases. I trusted A.
X harassed A for an entire day, saying it wasn’t safe for him to be home alone! What if something happened!?! He should have an adult around all the time! What is wrong with your mother!? You can’t be alone! A was irritated. A told him he was being stupid and that he was fine. He knew what to do if there was a problem, and to stop overreacting.
Then X decided to call the sheriff. A deputy came to the house and asked if A was alone. A said he was. The deputy asked how old A was, A said almost 15. The deputy said “I have a son who is 14. I leave him home alone too. If you have a problem, just give us a call, ok?” A said “Ok”. And that was the end of it.
Then X sent me this at 10:15pm that night:
I gave A until tomorrow to figure out a compromise, otherwise I will deal with it since you clearly have decided not too. Unbelievable, you really thought this was an okay thing to do… just unbelievable.
I didn’t respond. I asked A what he wanted to do. Did he want to go to grammy’s? did he want to go to a friends? There was no compromise to be made. A wanted independence. A wanted his dad to trust him. We carried on as though we had never heard from X.
Looking Forward 