[sticky entry] Sticky: (Mostly) Friends Only

Sep. 18th, 2026 07:20 pm
lirazel: An outdoor scene from the 1993 film The Secret Garden ([film] the whole world is a garden)




A Few of My Favorite Things )






I use my journal as a journal, so some of it is about the very boring aspects of my life.

These days I lock most things, but there's a bunch of fanfic and fandom rants from years past that is unlocked.

Comment if you want to be added.

Note: if a post is public, it's fine to link to it elsewhere.


lirazel: Janice Rand from Star Trek TOS in pink ([tv] justice4janicerand)
I do a lot of work where my hands are occupied but my mind is not (hello, rehousing!!!) and may main exercise is walking so I listen to a lot of podcasts, and I am always looking for more.

My favorite ongoing podcasts are In Bed With the Right, Know Your Enemy, If Books Could Kill, Maintenance Phase, Panic World, and A Bit Fruity. These are the shows I listen to every episode of and (most of them) support on Patreon so I get extra episodes. Oh, and On the Nose from Jewish Currents.

There are a number I also like but don't listen to every episode of, just dipping in and out as they interest me. These include Behind the Bastards, Hoax!, HyperFixed, Search Engine, Straight White American Jesus, Culture Study, Decoder Ring, American Hysteria, Strongwilled, 5-4, and The Dream.

Then there are my classic favorites that I haven't listened to in a while but loved madly: You Must Remember This, You're Wrong About, and You Are Good.

One limited run I listened to lately was What Happened in Nashville, about the unregulated fertility treatment industry through the lens of a big scandal that happened in my hometown and found it interesting.


Things I like in a podcast:

+ Culture and/or history and/or current events through a leftist/feminist lens. It's really important to me that these are serious thinkers or deeply insightful people, even if what they're talking about is lighter fare
+ People who take culture and internet culture seriously but want to deeply critique it
+ Stuff about religion--not in the sense of being religious but in the sense of talking about how religion works in the world
+ Stuff that is well-researched
+ Stuff about moral panics
+ I tend to be drawn to podcasts that are created by people who are first and foremost either writers/journalists or scholars (with the exception of A Bit Fruity, all my favorite current podcasts are created by people in those categories)
+ Anything Michael Hobbes is involved with lol
+ Oh and my guilty pleasure is anything about cults (other people listen to true crime stuff, I listen to cult stuff)

Things I don't like in a podcast:
+ Humor podcasts (a lot of these people are very funny, but none of these podcasts are comedy podcasts)
+ Generic culture/pop culture stuff (by which I mean the sort of overviews of just what's going on in the world of pop culture)
+ Fiction (I'm sorry, but Welcome to Night Vale is the only one that ever truly worked for me)
+ Pure news podcasts
+ Interview podcasts that focus on celebs
+ Honestly anything about celebrities, I just don't care
+ Self-help stuff
lirazel: ([tv] believe in me)
Fic: take whatever you need to take and leave the rest
Chapters:
1/1
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa “Mel” King & Frank Langdon, Becca King & Melissa “Mel” King, Becca King & Frank Langdon
Characters: Frank Langdon, Melissa “Mel” King, Becca King, Michael “Robby” Robinavitch, Baran Al-Hashimi
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, well just slightly, set during season 2, branches off after episode 5, who is mel going to trust to treat her sister?, do you really need to ask?, frank needs someone to trust him, mel needs someone to reassure her, good thing they’re in the same space again
Summary:

“I’ll look her over,” Robby says.

“Um, thank you,” Mel says. “But, um, can Dr. Langdon do it?”

Frank isn’t sure which is more gratifying: Mel’s request or the expression on Robby’s face.

“Oh, we want Ms. King to have the very best care,” Robby says, voice a bit tight behind the jocularity. “She’s family, after all. I think I can spare a few minutes to make sure she’s okay.”

Fuck him. Frank’s hand flexes just as Mel’s jaw tightens. Becca’s eyes are darting around anxiously and she’s flapping both of her hands now.

“I appreciate that,” Mel says. “But I’d like Dr. Langdon to be the one to treat her.”

Her voice is steely in a way that Frank hasn’t heard from her before, her eyes fierce as she holds Robby’s gaze. A little shudder passes through Frank and he sucks in a deep breath even as he fights to keep his face neutral.
lirazel: Hideko and Sookhee from The Handmaiden ([film] my tamako my sookhee)
So yeah, I finished Stone Butch Blues last week and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I had braced myself for endless suffering, and there was so much suffering, but I am still so glad I read it.

There was almost nothing in it I related to (except being very pro-union lol) and much that I found perplexing (mostly the sex stuff--no shock there--and some of the ideas about gender that are quite dated but important), but I also learned a ton. I struggled with the first few chapters because I found the prose too...simple? That's not the right word. It just wasn't stylistically what I enjoy. Too many short sentences in a row. But I came to appreciate it as a way of evoking the voice of a working-class, (formally) uneducated woman who is struggling to find her place in the world.

The episodic nature of the book creates its own rhythm; it's essentially a book about a woman finding community and/or stability, then losing it (often in incredibly violent circumstances), sinking into depression, then fighting for it again, repeat repeat repeat. Jess and her friends are living their lives in a constant state of danger, and they know it. Most of the violence comes from the state (the police are the truest villains in the book) or through the powers of capital. It's a communist book, though it's not as overtly communist as I kind of expected being familiar with Leslie's politics and life. I thought it did a great job of handling the political stuff. I was particularly moved by the queerplatonic relationship between Jess and her neighbor, who is a transwoman, and I think it's significant that after a book about Jess trying to find a sexual/romantic partnership that works for her, the (hopeful) ending is found in this friendship and work in labor organizing. Community is complicated and messy but absolutely vital and the lines between romantic/sexual relationships, friendships, solidarity partnerships, etc. are blurred in ways that I think is really realistic.

I appreciated talking about this book in community with a bunch of queer women/nonbinary folks, and I was fascinated by the very different ways that we read Jess's gender identity in particular. Jess didn't fit into the categories offered by the time in which she was living (late 50s through late 70s), but even though we have a lot more categories and labels now, I don't think she really fits into any of them either, which I really appreciated.

Shoutout to the two scenes that made me cry:
the fire where Jess loses everything and the scene where she goes to the institution to visit the older butch who had inspired her as a kid. That last one TORE ME UP
.

So yes, I have now read an important queer novel, and I'm glad I did.
lirazel: The Dag from Mad Max: Fury Road in blue and grey ([film] desert witch mystic)
This is totally random, but I've had something on my mind lately and I realized that the people who could most likely answer my questions are...on my flist!

Some context: when I was still a Christian, I spent a lot of time appreciating the tradition of religious sisters and how that was a lifestyle it was possible to pursue. It just really made me feel good to know that there was this long tradition of women who chose to pursue faith and/or education instead of wifehood/motherhood/family/sex. You could step outside of that and you had a society-sanctioned option to become a nun, spend your life in a community of other women, and sometimes pursue an education or the arts. (Obviously I don't want to idealize life in a religious community, which could be abusive or poverty-stricken as the case may be. But so could marriage!)

Judaism is SO different and more family-focused (for understandable reasons), so I've kind of been missing that, especially since I've been thinking a lot about female mystics lately for Ann Lee reasons (though I am NOT mystic in any way at all and in fact am pretty anti-mystic in both my personality and experience, I find it endlessly fascinating). Were there different points or places in Jewish history, say, pre-19th century, in which women could pursue a different kind of life? Or, even if they married, is there a mystic tradition among Jewish women? I have the vaguest ideas about Jewish mysticism, but I only know it in the context of men.

Or is there something similar in Islam? I know there are Buddhist nuns, but I know little of that either.

I've been thinking a lot about the ways that female mystics in Christianity are both honored and seen as operating within a well-established tradition but also always dangerous and threatening to the power structure and the ways in which they kind of teeter between something that the masculine authorities approve of because they can use it (mostly to prove the power of God) and want to tamp down on because it threatens them, and how the women themselves are just concerned about their relationship with God and sometimes other women, and how complicated all that is. It's just really rich, and I've sort of wanted to write some speculative fiction inspired by it, but I want to draw from wider sources than just Christian ones and I don't know where to start!

I want to be clear that I'm looking for women operating within a patriarchal religion. Obviously there have been women religious figures throughout history--priestesses, shamans, etc.--who wielded great power, both religious and otherwise. Lots of that up to the present day in indigenous religions! And they are super interesting! I want to learn more about them at some point! But right now I'm looking for women who are inhabiting that weird place where them devoting their life to a religion with a male power structure is sanctioned by the larger society, but what they do with that might not be. And women whose experience of that religion is distinctly more mystical/untamed/transcendent than most people's. Give me some women who are married to the divine!
lirazel: ([film] ann the word)
Y'all, I cannot stop thinking about The Testament of Ann Lee, which I saw last Thursday at our incredible local indie theater. I think it’s going to end up being one of my favorite films.

A movie about a religious figure that presents someone with true faith without winking at the audience all, “you know how dumb it is to believe this”??? When was the last time I saw that? Neither I nor the filmmakers believe what Ann Lee believed, obviously, but there’s no doubt she believed it, and the film respects that. It’s honestly a hagiography in a way that you usually only see historically for Catholic saints? But it’s such an inspired way to approach this story? So stylized and gorgeous? But also sincere?

A film about a woman who finds her meaning and satisfaction in her spirituality and religious vocation? Whose main relationship is with her understanding of God? Yes please!!! (Her second most important relationship is with her brother, which was equally moving.) When she sings, "I hunger and thirst for true righteousness," I believe her. That's what she wants! Not a romance, not a family, not standing in society, not money or power or anything else. (Though she does end up having a certain amount of power and I think she really loves having it. People contain multitudes!) I can't remember seeing a mystic portrayed onscreen like this before? (I am the opposite of a mystic, but I have always been very fascinated by mystics, especially women mystics, so I dug this.)

Amanda Seyfried is mind-blowing. Casting of all time. It’s rare that I see a performance and I think, “No one else could have ever possibly played this role.” I often think, “No one else could have ever played this role like this,” but I almost never think, “No one else could have played it period.” But I feel that way about her. Her face, her voice (her voice!!!), her range! Goodness gracious. I’m in awe.

THE MUSIC and the dancing! Using the original Shaker hymns but updating them with really unexpected production was a genius move, and the choreography really felt like a kind of religious rapture. I know that the Shakers’ dancing didn’t look like that, but it I am positive that it felt like that. I have had the soundtrack on repeat since I walked out of the theater. Fuck me UP, Daniel Blumberg! I will have to seek out more of his music because it was really genius.

The film was also visually gorgeous, especially when it leaned into the Shaker aesthetic in the last third (it also made me want to go back to Shakertown, which I haven't visited since high school). I know that aesthetic had not really emerged during Ann Lee’s life, so it was technically historically inaccurate, but it does not matter because that kind of beauty found through extreme simplicity and order was absolutely the manifestation of Ann Lee’s teachings, so it was entirely appropriate to have it onscreen. Choosing the spirit of history over the letter.

I really loved how much of the script was direct quotes from the first-hand Shaker accounts from the early 19th century. And the places where it diverged from historical fact all made sense.

The speculation on why Ann Lee might have insisted on celibacy seems to have been drawn from Nardi Reeder Campion (as, again, is some of the language of the script), and I think it was entirely appropriate. I personally like to think that Ann Lee was just so asexual that she started a religion about it, but yeah, the trauma thesis is a strong one.

I just kind of can't get over how perfectly tailored this film was to my interests and priorities? Ann Lee's life was difficult and painful in many ways, so it's not an easy film to watch. But I was swept away by it I want to rewatch it again and again. I wish I could see it in the theater again, but it's already left here, alas.

This is how you make an unconventional, artsy period piece. I’m enraptured.

I know other people did not react to this movie in the way I did--there are people who hated it, people who have a lot of complaints about it--but f you like: stories about unconventional historical women, religious faith treated seriously but not at all polemically, unorthodox approaches to the musical genre, beautiful but slightly unnerving music and dance, films that lean into their own weirdness without being weighed down by it…you should watch this movie. Preferably in a theater, but if you can’t swing that, any other way.

If you do see it, come back and tell me what you thought. Even if it doesn't work for you, I would love to read your thoughts about why because I know I can trust y'all to be thoughtful!
lirazel: Anne Shirley from the 1985 Anne of Green Gables reads while walking ([tv] book drunkard)
Because I never brought it over here! Here's the Yuletide fic I wrote!!!

Can you believe it took me 39 years of life to write The Blue Castle fic? I'm very proud of this--it's a love letter to the book and the characters, and I'm so glad that Yuletide gave me the nudge to write it. Yuletide!!!!

of wild honey (7940 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Blue Castle - L. M. Montgomery
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Barney Snaith/Valancy Stirling
Characters: Barney Snaith, Valancy Stirling, Cecilia "Cissy" Gay, Abel Gay
Additional Tags: Yuletide, Yuletide 2025, 5 Things
Summary:

Abel held up his hands, helpless. “She’s sitting in my house holding Cissy’s hand this very minute! She gave me her valise before I left the house, and I thought sure she’d send an errand boy to fetch it back tomorrow. But no, not an hour ago she walked right up to my door, determined as you please, and I do believe she intends to stay despite how the whole damned ruck of Stirlings must be throwing a tantrum as we speak. The spunk of the girl! The ways of Providence are strange.”

Life was full of surprises, but in Barney’s experience, people generally weren’t. Oh, people had surprised him before, in his callow youth, but that was because he hadn’t understood who they really were. Once you got down to someone’s true character, you could see that they’d been who they were all along. People mostly kept doing just what they’d been doing their whole lives, what they’d been brought up to do. Of course he’d met a handful of those who bucked tradition and struck out on their own, but he hadn’t expected to find one in Deerwood.

“Is it Providence?” he asked. “That seems as clear a demonstration of free will as anything I’ve ever heard.”

Five times Valancy Stirling surprises Barney Snaith.

lirazel: ([tv] believe in me)
muscle and blood (10003 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa "Mel" King/Frank Langdon
Characters: Frank Langdon, Melissa "Mel" King
Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 01, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Appalachian Frank Langdon, trailer trash (affectionate) frank langdon, Frank Langdon's Daddy Issues, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, Protective Melissa "Mel" King
Summary:

Frank’s biological father is a non-entity, Mel decides, either in actuality (as in Frank doesn’t ever think about him) or at least in his relationship with her (as in he does think about him but doesn’t want to discuss it), so she’s honestly forgotten that he even exists until the day they walk out of PTMC towards the parking lot and a sudden, rough voice says, “Frankie,” and Frank goes so stiff beside her that it scares her.

Frank never talks about his dad.

lirazel: Langdon watching Mel, the Pitt ([tv] stemi with me)
the getaway (7229 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa "Mel" King/Frank Langdon
Characters: Melissa "Mel" King, Frank Langdon, The Pitt (TV) Ensemble, Abby Langdon
Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 01, frank langdon is about to be the most divorced man in america, Emotional Infidelity, lbr frank is a drama queen, and he doesn't do anything halfway
Summary:

Everyone should have known that Frank Langdon's getaway would be as showy as possible.

lirazel: ([tv] practically a zen exercise)
everything about it is a love song (200 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 2/?
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa "Mel" King/Frank Langdon
Characters: Melissa "Mel" King, Frank Langdon
Additional Tags: Drabble Collection, Post-Season/Series 01
Summary:

Mel and Frank in 100-word slices.




I keep accidentally writing drabbles, so I'm collecting them here.
lirazel: Alice from Luther in her knit cap ([tv] the mind is its own place)
Hey, I woke up at 2:30 this morning and wrote something really fucked up, and I am just stupidly proud of it!

denouement (500 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa "Mel" King/Frank Langdon, Melissa "Mel" King & Frank Langdon
Characters: Frank Langdon
Additional Tags: tagging both / and & because i honestly don't know, Hurt No Comfort, Angst, Just angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, POV Second Person, there is nothing but bleakness here, You Have Been Warned, addiction is a helluva drug
Summary:

Santos takes longer to put two and two together. It gives Langdon enough time to increase the collateral damage.

[Or: exactly 500 words of how it could have been]

lirazel: ([tv] believe in me)

 

rounding the bases, we're headed for home (47406 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 6/6
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa "Mel" King/Frank Langdon
Characters: Melissa "Mel" King, Frank Langdon, The Pitt (TV) Ensemble, Trinity Santos, Samira Mohan
Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 01, Divorced Frank Langdon, Developing Relationship, Demisexuality, Loss of Virginity, i don't think mel is a virgin but i'm writing this anyway, mel accidentally cockblocks herself, by underestimating how horny she'll be for frank, meanwhile he's just trying to be a gentleman, horndog!mel, horny virgin rights, body image stuff, cliche baseball metaphors, (apologies to the non-americans), if i was very cheesy i would subtitle this 'or how mel king hit her first home run', but i'm not THAT cheesy, mel knows what she wants and frank is going to give it to her, basically mel is a rollercoaster and frank is just along for the ride, just so much talking about sex and sexuality, and what people want and why, alan alda is the secret guest star
Series: Part 2 of batting 1.000
Summary:
“I want to, uh, cover all the bases, which I know is a silly metaphor, but I think I’m beginning to understand it now, and I don’t want to skip any of them, I know theoretically how they all work, but it might take me a while to master them, and I want to make sure that I’m competent at each thing before we do the next thing, but I already know I want to do the next thing and the next thing because, Frank, I want you so badly that sometimes I think I’m going into cardiac arrest.” She stops abruptly, a little breathless from the string of words and from realizing what she just said and how wide Frank’s eyes have gone.
 
Mel really did think she wanted to take it slow. Turns out she didn't know herself at all.


lirazel: Pooh and Piglet in a snowy field, the text reads, '"Is it Yuletide yet?' asked Piglet hopefully."" ([misc] yuletide)
Dear author:

Hello and happy Yuletide! Thanks for choosing one of my fandoms and thanks in advance for the story! I always find that the writing is the most enjoyable, rewarding part of Yuletide and I hope you feel the same way.

details here )



The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion )

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell )

Seventy-Two Letters )


Life with Derek )

손 : The Guest (TV) )

Summers at Castle Auburn )
lirazel: Langdon watching Mel again, the Pitt ([tv] sensitive person)
There is something so wrong with me.



like a needle and thread (6342 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa "Mel" King/Frank Langdon, Melissa "Mel" King & Trinity Santos, Frank Langdon & Trinity Santos
Characters: Original Characters, Melissa "Mel" King, Frank Langdon, Trinity Santos
Additional Tags: do not let the original characters tag deceive you: this is kingdon all the way down, Post-Season/Series 01, Hurt/Comfort, frank gets hurt; mel doesn't deal with it well, POV Outsider, but don't worry: we always get a happy ending at my house, featuring my langdon&santos bffs agenda
Summary:

Frank.”

The name isn’t loud, especially in the rising din of the ER, but something about the raw terror in it makes Jessa’s heart leap. She spins around to look at Dr. King, and finds that her face is so white that Jessa reaches out unconsciously to grab her by the arms and steady her. She remembers just in time that Dr. King doesn’t like to be touched except by a very few people (Dr. Landgon, Dr. Mohan, occasionally Dr. Santos) and she jerks her hands back.

“Dr. King? Are you okay?”

lirazel: ([tv] practically a zen exercise)
i can hear the truth auditioning (14964 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa "Mel" King/Frank Langdon
Characters: Melissa "Mel" King, Frank Langdon, Abby Langdon, Original Characters
Additional Tags: Mel-centric, Post-Season/Series 01, Emotional Infidelity, this is as close to cheating fic as you're ever going to get from me, so enjoy it while you can, but there's no actual infidelity here, really this is an anti-infidelity fic in a lot of ways, the mel in my mind just wouldn't do that, like i'm glad y'all are having fun, but this is my take, mel!whump, only emotionally this time though, y'all mel cries so much in this i'm so sorry, she does get her happy ending though i'm not a monster, Angst with a Happy Ending, frank langdon is about to be the most divorced man in america, subtitle: mel works through some stuff over the course of five conversations with four different people
Summary:

She keeps her head down, focuses on work and Becca and studying for boards, and all the time, she’s thinking of Emily.

Mel had thought she was so pretty and cool, the first time Dad brought her to dinner. Emily wasn’t the only guest—there had been at least two other grad students invited, too, but Mel only remembers Emily’s red-brown hair tumbling over her shoulders, the hazel eyes that looked almost as big as an anime character’s, the way she talked with her hands about the Victorian novels that lined the bookshelves in Dad’s study. After dinner, Mel and Becca had agreed that Emily looked like a Disney princess, and when Becca said something about it a few days later to Mom, Mel didn’t understand why Mom’s laughter was brittle.

lirazel: Langdon watching Mel, the Pitt ([tv] stemi with me)
Lol have 25k more words, I guess.

so tell me when you're gonna let me in (24951 words) by Lirazel
Chapters: 6/6
Fandom: The Pitt (TV)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Melissa "Mel" King/Frank Langdon
Characters: Melissa "Mel" King, Frank Langdon
Additional Tags: 5+1 Things, Post-Season/Series 01, Divorced Frank Langdon, Frank Langdon is Down Bad, Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Pining, Caretaking, Caretaker burnout, mel!whump, which ends up being frank!whump by extension because of who he is as a person, i really put mel through the wringer here but i can't help it she's my woobie, and the comfort is in proportion to the hurt, i just really need mel to be taken care of, there's some cute fluffiness here too, i really bounce around tonally tbh, But Such is Life
Summary:

“I need to get AAA,” she says, and he glances up to see her bouncing in place to keep warm, her breath streaming out of her mouth like dragon’s smoke. Her coat is one of those puffer ones, all down and nylon, but her pants aren’t thick enough for standing outside for this long. “It’s not that expensive, I just keep forgetting and—”

“You do not need to get AAA,” he says, cranking at the jack. The metal is biting cold against his hand—he didn’t stop to get gloves before he ran out of the house, which was stupid but whatever—and the grit of the road shoulder is digging into his knees through his jeans—at least it’s dry; it hasn’t snowed in a while—but like hell is he going to let her spend her precious money on getting somebody else to come change her fucking tire. No matter what it does to his back. “You need to call me, which is what you did.”

“I didn’t want to,” she says, and he shouldn’t feel that like a kick to his ribs, but he does. “Becca insisted.” Thank you, Becca. He makes a mental note to buy her that Cricut she’s been eyeing.

Five times Frank Langdon takes care of Mel King (and one time she takes care of him)

March 2026

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