Forever learning, Kxx

IME writes is a space I was using to chronicle what I was doing at my creative writing course. Feel free to comment / reach out if you enjoy anything you read or would like to ask me about any of it. 

In 2023, I came across information that proved to be a gold mine. A friend, who has since become even more dear to me, was conducting courses in creative writing. This is someone who I admire for her language, humour, conversations, compassion and the most amazing way her mind works. 

I talked to her about doing a workshop with her and loved that the first thing she asked me was, 'what can I teach you, you already write so well'. Now that kind of validation is what I live for. I assured her, she could teach me a lot and I leapt into 'student life' with her. 

Here's what she taught me & I am paraphrasing this a lot because even with all the words in the universe, I can't seem to put them together in a way that does true justice to how I feel

1. To get out of comfort zones, physical and mental
2. Trust in my potential (even if I can't see it)
3. Humility and ownership - Golda Meir style
4. That I have a lot to offer the world, when I am ready
5. Different forms of writing
6. Love myself a little more and like myself too
7. Laughter and lightness
8. A different kind of friendship / kinship

I can go on, but I won't. 

Darling Aditi, 

Once again. My heartfelt gratitude and much love. With you I remembered my voice and wrote some of my best pieces. I felt like revisiting them and remembered how much I have within me. All I need is the right one to tug it out. Thank you for being that one & showing me, me!

I miss our afternoons together. Don't be surprised if I reprise my student identity someday soon.

Forever learning, Kxx

An Olfactory Memory

Nostalgia brings with it this strong sense of yearning, like a chasm that is open deep within your being. It’s a space that cannot be filled by anything. Try recreating a moment with the same elements and you will find that it doesn’t replace what you are missing. 

There is such uniqueness in the way one remembers. 

Personally, I am an extremely sensory person, so my memories are triggered with flavour and colour and touch, with sound and smell or some combination of all these. The strongest ones come at the most unexpected moments and leave me lost for a while.

This note stems from a general conversation about the smells of floor cleaners (yes, one does have this kind of conversation). I mentioned using a particular product  and without realising it, I also gave voice to why I prefer it. It reminds me of my grandparent’s house when I was a young child. Since they were sticklers for cleanliness, I associate this smell with a clean house. 

Here’s the funny thing about this remembrance path; it then branches out into a memory map, bouncing from one to the next in rapid succession. 

My immediate next thought was about the mosquito spray used in all the bedrooms to ensure a safe night. 

Just thinking of that smell brought an image to my mind of walking into this large marble floored bedroom, with dark art deco wooden cupboards lining the walls on two sides. A similar cabinet (where all our toys lived) with an attached dressing table on the third side and this big low bed with pristine white linen on it against the far side of the room. The lights were kept dim, the air conditioning on and the room smelling of the spray.

I am at a loss of words to describe how comforting the combination was. Just imagining it, I can feel my body relax. No wonder sleep came so easily even though I fought it as a child. 

I meant to talk in more general terms, but this image evoked such a visceral feeling in me, it’s like I have gone back in time and I am standing right there, at the door just about to enter this world of comfort. To get under the blankets and open up my Archie comic. Which I will pass to my cousin and take the one she is reading after we are done. We will giggle and be reprimanded and then we will whisper some more before both of us fall asleep with the books in our hand.

My memory map takes me now to the smell of incense and my grandmother’s perfume, to the smell of freshly made bhakris and fresh wet earth when the gardens are watered. My childhood is flashing before my eyes with many a happy memory.

I miss those days of innocence, of family, of weightlessness. There is no re-creating these moments. My grandparents are gone and with them, the connect with that branch of the family. I haven’t stepped into that house in years and am not likely to again. But I am still very close to my cousin, and her I can call to share this happy memory. Which is just what I am going to do after I end this sentence. 

A Poem to a Letter

This is an ode to you; a letter.

Whether you emerge from ink on paper,
Or as words on a screen. 
You will cease to be a figment.

Never underestimate your power.
For while you look like mere scratchings on a surface,
You are anything but two-dimensional.

The heights you can soar to; 
The depths you can plunge to;
Can surpass anything else man ever made. 

You carry the weight of a soul, 
The desires of a heart,
And the memories of a mind.

Take shape, oh little one.
Allow your writer to find solace in your form.
Your construct alone can give her what she seeks.

Haikus

Rain
Rain in summertime
Words flowing to match the vibe
Will they grow or drown

Mountains
A cold day it is
In the mountains with the sun
The clouds are teasing

Grief
A chasm exists
It can swallow, it can heal
What will you allow

Melting ice cream
It is a hot day
The mood is languid and sweet
Melting like my treat

Books
Like ants on white sand
Lines twist and swirl to form words.
They contain the memories of man

248
Two weeks to feel it
Four weeks to see it yourself
Eight weeks to hear it

Stay tuned for more..

Hey K, It's K

Hi K, 

Gosh, what was it like to be in your early twenties and how did so much time pass by in what feels like a fraction of a moment?

Let me start by saying, I haven’t forgotten you. I couldn’t, if I tried. It’s been a long long time and I have kept a part of you secure in the depths of my soul.  

At times you feel like a completely separate entity from me today, even though I know that’s impossible. And sometimes you are so alive within me that I have to remind myself that I am older and technically wiser (though I really wonder about that one). 

I am digging through my memories, my words, some photos and trying to create as close a real composite of who you were. Unfortunately, time has this strange habit of changing perspectives, going as far as eliminating the ugly from the mind. 

So let’s see if I get this right. At 20 you are still in college, AIESEC is done, JJ’s left as have a lot of friends. There aren’t as many distractions and it’s time to buckle down and make the best of your last year. I know you felt the pressure to have something else lined up post college as most of your friends did and I also remember how nothing really felt right in your mind. An issue you struggled with for a few years. 

I wish I could go back and tell you not to worry. That there is something ‘right’ out there for you and you won’t have to feel so unsettled all the time. I wish I could show you how well it eventually turned out. 

But look, you found your space, at EDI, with Channel V and then with dad. It was a sightly chaotic time and you had people critiquing and judging you, but I am so proud that you fought back and found your own space. Yes, dad helped a lot, but that worked because you let him, because you wanted it to bad enough.

At EDI you would tell whoever listened that you plan to make a million and retire by 35. Well darling, you did make a million - more actually and you retired at 41. I would say you did it! 

The post academic years were fun for you, weren’t they? The true embodiment of the phrase ‘work hard party harder’. When I think about it, I envy you the energy and freedom. Your ability to be spontaneous, to always be game for anything and importantly your confidence and security to do it all on your own. JJ was away, you had the choice to let that hold you back or to choose to be independent and I am so happy you chose the latter. I envy that today. 

You forged some wonderful relationships, some that lasted, some that didn’t and that’s okay. Because they all mattered, you grew because of them and I am because of them. 

But you did make some ‘not so smart’ choices and will feel the repercussions for years. Hell, I am still reeling from some of them, so thank you but no thank you! (Certifiably nuts, I say!) 

Hard times lay ahead. I wish I could prepare you for the losses you will face over the next two decades. But then I think, there is no preparing for losing your own father, grandparents and friends. Death, even anticipated, is always abrupt.

Even worse (yes, it is actually worse) you are going to be betrayed by so many who you, at that age, trusted with everything you had. You are going to take some bad hits and of course live to tell the tale (else how would I be doing this).

You are also on the cusp of some very interesting and fun times. You can’t even fathom how many ‘up in the air’ concepts are going to be real things. Tech is going to change every aspect of your life. The world will shrink by the day and that will open up opportunities for everyone. 

You messed up at times, but you cleaned up; you fumbled at things, but you soared when you found the right path; you fought, you made up. You did a lot and I am proud of you for having learnt from every part of your experiences. 

If I had to give you advice, it would be to take your health and fitness seriously, stop smoking, learn to control your temper and balance your ego, travel more, make more friends and never ever lose the spark that kept your eyes twinkling.

Kxx

The Games We Play

Just as my dad was responsible for my introduction to reading, so is he the one who taught me curiosity and fantasy. From the time I can remember, he would come up with a variety of mental games that he and I would play. 

For example, he would point at a random stranger on the street and get me to guess the person’s lifestyle or profession, or maybe what he had for lunch. Another one was where he would make me describe a setting, place or scenario to match the music playing that moment. Yet another one was where he would ask me to choose a car or holiday or ideal home or something like that with a ‘money is no object’ etc addendum. 

While I have always had an answer, I realised that not everyone is brought up to think this way. I have been fortunate to know and be close to men and women who come from so many different backgrounds and yet, I can’t imagine any of them being able to jump these mental hoops like I was taught to do. 

As an adult, I often wonder why dad used to play these games with me. It wasn’t to kill time; he and I never had that problem. So what was he trying to achieve? 

If there is one thing I am sure about, it is that dad never did anything without some lateral thinking. Fortunately, I inherited a little of that and have been able to come to some kind of conclusion. So “if money is no object, what car would you buy”?

Naturally the answer changed every few years, based on new models, increased exposure or even the psychological & physiological changes that I went through as I moved from childhood to adulthood. 

What this did was make me open my mind and throw my imagination out there. It allowed me to be a little crazy, to vocalise dreams and fantasies. Indirectly this sparked a lot of curiosity, made me aspire to a way of life, become ambitious and even a little restless.

He would then use my answers to put the financial implications into perspective. Meaning that if I wanted to spend X amount of money, I would need to earn a proportionate amount, which means I would have to take certain steps with work and so on. Basically he would outline the path to get there. 

The not so subtle teachings were to focus, work hard, be consistent, make better life choices and have a plan, a trackable plan to achieve it all. All this under the guise of a frivolous silly game. 

When I look back at my life, I realised that my aspirations grew but so did my understanding of practicality and necessity. I don’t know how often I said ‘when I have this much money’ I will buy myself “this or that” and every single time I had the money, I didn’t really want to use it to buy “this or that”. Priorities change too. Which means that a lot of the ‘products’ I coveted when I was younger, I stopped wanting or didn’t actually end up getting (yet - you never know, right?).

Some; I did! And have derived immense pleasure from them. I get a kick out of them each & every time I use them. They make me smile and they make me proud. I know dad would have been proud as well, though I am sure some of them would have made him roll his eyes - what can I say, we were very similar and very different. 

Who would have guessed that funny little games would shape me into the person I am today? Actually, I am sure he knew. Like I said, he did nothing without a vision. 

Wherever you are dad, thank you for these happy memories and games that got me to today!!

PS: There was a game that taught me how to write as well, but I’ll save that for another day. 

Meditations on Life

1. Start cooking with cold oil
2. Always have your ingredients ready and lined up
3. Soy in eggs tastes wonderful
4. Fruit in salad always makes it better
5. Food is the best form of nostalgia
6. Marinate your protein and use the same ingredients to create a salad dressing to be had together - saves time and tastes yum. 
7. Brie with truffle honey!
8. While making stir-fry, timing is everything.
9. Add oil to your marinade, you won’t need any more while cooking 
10. Add a pinch of salt to all sweet preparations & a pinch of sugar to all savoury ones.

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1. Don’t over oil your hair or leave it in too long
2. Layer your body fragrances for best effect
3. Always look at yourself in the mirror - see yourself
4. Read everyday
5. Wake up early (preferably before the rest of the members of your house)
6. Mental health days are necessary.
7. Declutter spaces to declutter your mind. 
8. Always acknowledge your day; appreciate the good, recognise the corrections
9. Find a way to cleanse & recharge your own spirit and do it regularly.
10. Love your home!

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1. Consistency is harder than grand gestures
2. Kindness has many forms; the opportunity to show it or experience it is always present
3. Genuine love is beyond three words
4. People’s behaviour is more a reflection of their own selves and not so much about you
5. Relationships cannot be forced if they are meant to be real
6. Being able to ask for help is a strength
7. Start difficult tasks with a positive word
8. Smile when you pick up a call
9. GRACE
10. Always say thank you
11. Be true to yourself

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1. Fit feels right
2. Good things come to those who sweat
3. There is no cure for laziness
4. Positivity is self-perpetuating
5. Lethargy is exhausting
6. Rest is part of the fitness process
7. Big changes come from small ones. 
8. Guilt is very high on calories 
9. Wishing doesn’t get you anywhere, only working does
10. Excuses don’t make you loose weight / become healthier

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1. Water has taste
2. Solitude is necessary for balance
3. A reader will never be alone
4. Don’t chase numbers; concentrate on the process
5. Nostalgia can be about the past and the future 
6. Not all bad things are actually all bad.
7. Deflection is as bad as procrastination 
8. Your own experiences can always help someone somewhere
9. Silence can be healing 
10. Fantasise regularly - it will help you set your goals
11. Keep your inner child alive
12. Mischief is good, as long as it hurts no one. 

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1. Never use more than two fonts / variations in a graphic
2. Allow blank spaces
3. Use colours that compliment or contrast - not both
4. Geometry enhances design
5. Imperfection in perfection
6. There is such a thing as too many colours
7. Design shouldn’t be complex
8. Let your words / design / art form be a natural extension of yourself
9. Keep exploring, there is inspiration everywhere 
10. Never interrupt a flow
11. USE SPELLCHECK!

Six Word Stories

Beads

Glass pieces that become beautiful creations.

Nails

Long nails, neon tips; hello summer.

Nesting

To cook for, is to love.

Humour

To post or not to post.

Cliffhanger

Screech! Crash! There was blood everywhere.

Horror

The monster is real; inside you. 

Hope

Potential magic is around the corner. 

Despair

This indifference of yours; it hurts. 

Shame

Cows more important than women; shame!

Heartbreak

We parted. My heart forever incomplete. 

Visual Poetry

The form: 

The devil with an angel’s halo resting on the horns. A concept that I have loved for years and have always identified with. It represents two sides of me that integrate seemlessly and of course my quirky sense of humour.

The text:

A rhythm of words that together are greater than their sum.

IME, Thinker, Guide, Confused, Romantic, Cynical, Optimistic, Shallow, Sensitive, Cold Blooded, Loyal, Naive, Impatient, Calm, Short Tempered, Kind, Loving, Irritating, Dreamer, Sensual, Hard, Wicked, Angel, Lonely, Child, Wife, Mother, Friend, Sister, Loner, Important, Not so much… 

Visual Phrases