Just Ticked Off

Would that I were comfortable with stronger language, because it's warranted. I'm just angry. Sick, tired, and pissed off.

I'm angry that my home is a shambles, once again...and apparently until the end of time. That my young daughter already notices the differences between this home and others, and knows that THIS is wrong. I'm royally pissed off at myself for not pulling my head out and FIXING it, and at everyone else for not caring enough to HELP. I don't understand how the rest of the world can get up, take care of family, go to work, come home, take care of family, clean the entire freaking house so that it's at least in some kind of order, go to bed, then get up the next morning after too little sleep and do it all over again. I don't understand why I CAN'T KEEP UP. I don't understand why I seem to be expected to do it by myself, either, but that's a personal thing I'm pissed off about right now.

I'm sad and disappointed about my weight and health and how out of shape I am, and discouraged at how very long it's going to take me to get THAT mess straightened out. At least I'm making some progress in that arena, at least so far. I just finished my third week of Weight Watchers. Again. Woo-HOO, right? Right. I've done well (I know, for this WHOLE THREE WEEKS), but I'd be more pumped if it wasn't a dang life sentence. I had my baby just over 5 years ago, and I weigh what I weighed at that point, which is the last time I started WW.

Yeah, not much with the stick-to-it-iveness. I couldn't even keep this project going, could I? And obviously, I need to, because when I was journaling here, and reading comments here, I felt less alone, and I WAS getting things done, albeit tiny things. Right now, even the tiny things feel beyond me.

So, I don't know what's next. I may share some recipes and things, but I don't want this to turn into a weight-loss blog, because jumpin' cats, those are boring. But if I find ways to turn out good meals that are actually healthy, I'll share.

I'll have to tell you about the powdered peanut butter I discovered, at the very least.

Week One In Review

So, dinner Saturday? This. Because we were lazy, we were tired, and they BROUGHT IT TO US. Buffalo Chicken Pizza from Larry's. Yup.

But also, on Saturday? Alex cleaned the living room to a fare-thee-well. I was stunned and grateful, because I sure didn't want to do it. There is the matter of some boxes on one side of the room, but I'll come to that in a bit. Let's continue to recap the week.

Monday, I gathered ingredients for, and Alex did the cooking of, a big pot of Corn Macque Choux. I did some laundry and some dishes.

Tuesday, a dog with a poked eyeball had to go to the vet. Alex foraged at the grocery store for a few items I didn't have, and I fried him some chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy and homemade biscuits, a rare, and rather fatty, treat. More laundry, more dishes. Bought horse feed. Did major grocery shopping on the last day of the circular sale, to maximize my coupons.

Wednesday, I made a lighter than usual version of creamy herb-chive chicken, served on whole-wheat pasta with steamed mixed veggies.

By Thursday, the grind was getting to me, and I used a dry seasoning mix to make some General Tso chicken. Spicy, but good. Served it on brown rice with some sauteed green beans. Also explained what the heck I was trying to accomplish with all this documentation. Or tried to.

On Friday, I was downright tired, and opted for a mostly prepared meal using frozen ricotta-stuffed pasta shells, jarred sauce and some fresh spinach. Internetally, I whined about what the heck is wrong with me.

Saturday morning, we got up early, and GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE. This is a big deal for us on a Saturday, which is when we usually lie around and turn into a sedentary gelatinous substance that may or may not smell kinda bad. My 10-year-old nephew came over, and we went out to breakfast (I LOVE going out for breakfast), took the kids to a playground for some exercise and photo-ops, and then for several games of bowling and arcade fun. Then we came home and Alex and Bella both passed out while I edited fortyleven pictures and posted them on flickr and then watched to see which ones might make Explore. When Alex woke up, he did the amazing living-room cleanup, most of it before I even knew what he was doing. He may not clean often (of course, neither do I), but when he does, he's thorough. We celebrated by eating delivered pizza in the nice neat room. Good times.

Sunday, it was back to rotting away, more or less. Not sure what happened there, except that the very little I got accomplished happened in the last hour before bedtime. Our sad, sad dinner came to this (and no, that ain't homemade):

Since Alex did such a nice job getting the living room to a livable state (I did it last time, but it sure didn't last long, and we're going to try to do better this time), I promised to actually FINISH a project that's been hanging over my head for, oh...nearly two years. Say hello to Project Next:
Yeah. That's my front door, folks. Or at least the door that serves as the front door, because our house faces backward on our lot. In any case, this is one side of the LIVING ROOM. And these moving boxes and miscellaneous detritus have been there since we moved into this house. In January of 2006. Are you picking up what I'm putting down? Now, this is only about half the previous pile, because I put a pretty serious dent in it a couple of months ago, before having a sinking spell that lasted several weeks. But now that I've posted THIS live on the Internets, I can't very well just let it sit there, can I? At least, that's the idea.

I hope you're not ashamed to know me.