Fucking meds.

So I have fibromyalgia, probable EDS (at the very least, some form of hypermobility disorder), chronic pain, apparently spinal narrowing through my cervical spine (so sayeth the pain doctor, at least), damage from years of uncontrolled celiac, ten years of competitive baton, migraines, hips that are thoroughly fucked, joints that just plain don't stay in place, hands that barely make fists sometimes, pelvic pain and tightness that we're attempting valiantly to treat with PT, POTS, and a body prone to subluxating and sending shooting pains through my hips and shoulders. There's also the ADHD, the depression and anxiety, cPTSD, and the mild brain damage from the time the hospital caused a seizure.

I've been on and off meds for this entire clusterfuck since my late teens, and a lot of my college years is documented in this community.

A few months ago, I finally gave up and gave in and went to a pain specialist since it had been quite some time since my chronic pain was adequately managed.

Previously to going on the ACA in '18, I'd been on Percocet four times a day, though I tried to hold it to three times a day, and was functional, with a daily pain level of a three to a four until I went off of it, because no pain specialist in town would take the ACA. CBD and tramadol kept me hanging at a five to a seven for a while, then by 2020, I was living at an 8, my meds were starting the slow march to when they attempted to kill me, and in November of 2020, I started using edibles.

Then I had a near death experience mostly caused by medications and doctors, went off of most of my meds, including the tramadol, but kept the edibles, since not much was helping.

Weed makes me, at best, distractible. I mean, I had an appetite! No nausea! (Opioids make me chronically nauseated. I cannot imagine why anyone would take these things for fun and games.) The pain was about a five, but the scatterbrained and foggy was about an 8, and I really disliked it. Plus, I've been held hostage to staying at my current job because I'd fail a piss test.

We started Norco in June (5/325mg), no more than 3 pills a day, and then cervical spinal shots in early August, and while the shoulders have sort of improved, the shoulder nerve pain is less, and sometimes I can even make (loose) fists, my hips have gotten worse since we've started pelvic PT. The overarching suspicion from my PT is that in trying to loosen the pain there, my hips joints and muscles are too loose to stay in place, and it's not abnormal for me to walk with stabbing pains down my right hips and leg.

Today we saw the pain doc for the third time.

I broke down the pain scale: pain is still impacting every area of my life and on an average day, I get a couple hours of 5 to 6 usually, and then by the time we hit 8 hours, the meds haven't worked in at least two to three, and I am near an 8. On a very good day, I start at a three to a four, but I'm still at an eight when the norco wears off. And it does.

I am not handling the increased pain well, because at least on weed, I did not hurt this badly. (Yes, a lot of that was because I was dissociated, but. You know.)

I explained this to the pain doc's nurse, pointed out that I am still in daily chronic pain, that it's impacting my life to the point where I cannot move from the couch without whimpering, and that's with low doses of flexeril and lyrica (10mg once a day of the former, 50mg three times a day of the latter). The nurse contemplated this and seemed to Get It.

The doctor, however...

Because I am a Young Woman (I am 33, have had chronic pain since I was 20 and the first onset of ground glass in my joints, and am nonbinary, and have no intentions of childbearing, ever), he refuses to up the dosage.

I am supposed to take the couple hours of minimal pain relief I get from Norco and see it as a bonus. (Yes, this is a direct quote.)

Because they absolutely will not increase dose or try anything else, but if I don't think I get enough reduction, we can go off pain meds altogether.

Per this son of a bitch, I cannot have Percocet because it's stronger than morphine.

I cannot have an increase in Norco because doses should never be raised past minimum.

I can look in st louis or kc if I want to try, but "Brad noble inc may not be able to meet my needs" if I think Norco isn't working. (This son of a bitch actually referred to himself this way, I note. I have no problems naming names right now. He also said "I'm just one person in a Victorian", which yes, his practice is in a converted Victorian, but when I can hear him authorizing medications for other people and accusing me of narcotics shopping when I hate medication to begin with, let us just say I was sobbing for much of the day.)

Because increasing doses is why we are "where we are". I have never abused medication, I point out, and even when I was on percoset, my GP had to convince me to take it.

Post-steroid shots, I still scored a 25 on the "how badly pain impacts my life" score chart and this is still noticeable improvement.

So please gods, does someone have a suggestion for something else, anything else to try? He's pretty much the end-all, be-all in this fucking town, but I am willing to travel to St. Louis or Kansas City or try other medications.

Gabapentin does sweet fuck all except at high doses, which I cannot have post the hospital fiasco and serotonin syndrome that went sideways, Savella does not help consistently, we've stayed on low dose Lyrica because higher doses made me homicidal (no, I'm not kidding, I am very serious on this), Cymbalta played badly with my mental health (I'm currently on Viibryd, vistiril, and Vyvanse), I don't actually remember why Fetzima is out, tramadol does not work, I cannot take any atypical anti-psychotics due to the the fiasco of near-death (neuroleptic malignant syndrome caused by the serotonin syndrome), massage helps, but half the time I end up subluxating two minutes after the pain and stiffness start to fade and it's honestly too much money for me to do regularly, chiropractic can help, but my hip, shoulders, ribs or neck ends up out post-chiro half the time, PT helps in some ways but not in others, and I'm just...

At the end of my rope.

Help a being out, obi-wan-community?