Paint on the wall

Good guys, bad guys

"So, we're the good guys, are we?"

"Of course! We're the good guys because we shoot bad guys."

"And how do we know they're bad guys?"

"They shoot us good guys."

"Got it."

Crucifixion

"But— What did you do? You just nailed me by the hands! You're supposed to do it through the wrists! I will fall from up here!"

"Er... Nobody told us..."

"It's our first crucifixion."

"Father, forgive them. They don't know what they're doing."

The enemy of my enemy

"He's our new ally? But... I know him! He eats babies!"

"We are all enemies of the same monster, and we need as much help as we can get."

"Er... Why was our enemy a monster again?"

"Are you serious? BECAUSE HE EATS BABIES!"

"Yeah!"

Aiming

"Well? Have we hit San Francisco?"

"No. Earthquake in China."

"Will we ever be allowed to correct for the planet's rotation?"

"Correct? Are you suggesting that God could be wrong?"

Crusade

"You are done, infidel! Your days of mocking God and the Church are over! Get ready to face the Lord's terrible justice!"

"No, brother Athanasius! Don't do it!"

"What? What's the matter, brother Irenaeus?"

"One more and we'll have killed as many people as that atheist Stalin!"

"Good Heaven! I was about to commit an atrocity!"

Magic

"May the gods have mercy! The Death Legions of Krak-Tukat outnumber us ten to one! We shall face thousands of howling blood-thirsty beasts!"

"Stand back! I shall summon the Firestorm of Palizant upon them and our men will only need to finish off their charred remains!

"Palizant'es tilmara uka-uka rimbombatur! ZZRAK!

"Well, I suppose you're not so unsophisticated as to expect magic to have an observable effect on physical reality, right? Its value is in the metaphors it gives us to better understand ourselves!"

"RUN!"