(Forgive me for my grammatical errors)
BACKSTORY…
Rebellious child
I was born in 1984, Sunday evening, in a very cold, wintery January. My parents migrated to the US from the very poor country of Laos after the Vietnam War. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them to live in a country where they barely had any income, a home to live in, and no knowledge of speaking English. Thankfully they had extended family members around with living in the States. Being a child was hard in a poor family. English was not my first language so my parents would make sure I would spend a lot of time with my relatives to learn English. I remember we attended the church a few times where my uncle preached as a pastor. Yes, he was a Christian pastor. Were my parents very devoted Christians? Nah, but Buddhist. However, I remember my mom used to have daily visitors from the Jehovah’s Witness organization, LOL. I remember those big textbooks she received because there were crazy pictures of heaven and hell. I was so scared of looking at the pictures of Hell. Those pictures had me thinking about being good all the time. Was I, though? Nah I was very rebellious and wanted to be like other typical American kids with big houses, toys, and whatnot. Did I have perfect childhood? I wouldn’t say perfect but overall well. My parents did their best to make us happy and well-fed, even with the little money we were able to afford. I was an expensive one because I lost my hearing when I was at age two or a little older from the flu. My mom noticed I wasn’t responding to her when she was calling me. Yes, my childhood nickname is Bie (short for Bieger, LOL, go ahead and laugh). It was quite bad that the doctor urged me to get hearing aids. Luckily for my mom, I received free hearing aids since she was under state-subsidized health insurance. It was also a bit of a struggle for my parents to find good schools for me because of my hearing loss. First few years until pre-teen, I was attending normal schools and had many friends. I spent a lot of time with my siblings at home, too. I would say we had good relationships even tho I was picked on a lot. Yes, my parents were expecting a lot from me since I was being the oldest child of my dad (my mom had kids from her previous marriage). So that was taking a toll on me. Also, my mom was on a welfare program so it was hard for us not able to talk about my dad to friends or schools. I am sure you know how welfare programs work. You wouldn’t be able to get welfare benefits if you were married. Yes, we were living in the Democratic state so there were a lot of welfare programs in the 80s and 90s. My mom was in that program for a while until she decided to take up a job to help my dad with expenses. My dad was working as a graphic designer or something like that, making designs for tombstones and whatnot. He never explained to me about his job. Remember, I was learning English all the time so my Lao language was fading a little bit. It was hard for my dad and me to have basic conversations since he couldn’t speak English. However, our relationship was based on emotional connection and I was very close to my dad more than my mom. Yes, my dad always spoiled us so much to the point that he went into debt. My mom always has been very strong-headed and tough on all of us but she always has been there for us. She used to chaperone me and my classmates on field trips every Friday. My former teacher and classmates loved her. Because of her being there for me, I always felt closer to her except for her tough love for me.
Tough school years
During middle and high school grades, I was transferred to schools that were 30-45 minutes away from my home because my dad wanted me to focus on education more than socializing. It was hard for me to make friends during those years because I didn’t live in those cities and I wasn’t normal enough like them. Most of my social life was online but my parents didn’t like that because it wasn’t safe. They were right. I wanted to have a boyfriend like other girls but I didn’t understand relationships. I thought those relationships were based on crushing and holding hands at schools.
There is where my rebellion came into play. I was struggling and yearning to be part of a “cool” social life in school. I had a few mishaps with mental problems, I’ll admit. Yes, I tried to commit suicide by taking a few pills of oxytocin. Some of you may wonder how did I get those pills. (Well, little fun facts, I had a mobile accident on my way to school and it was icy that day. Remember I was attending a school that was 30-45 minutes away from my house, I was riding a mini school bus/van. On that day in the very early morning, my driver was super late picking me up. I was really upset so I didn’t buckle up. On our way to school, we hit the black ice and the van was spinning. I was injured because I didn’t buckle up. I was having flashbacks of the times I was in other two mobile accidents when I was younger. I was scared when the ambulance and firefighters showed up. I was sent to ER right away and lay on the stretcher for a long time. My parents showed up and they were in shock to find out that I was in another mobile accident. Yes, my parents cried because they were happy that I wasn’t seriously injured. We waited for an X-ray and then to be released. Of course, my dad took me to KFC for good food treatment. This time, that accident involved a court case and settlement. I didn’t have to testify because I was still a minor. Because of my minor injuries, I was prescribed oxytocin for pain.) So, back to the suicidal moment, I was depressed and felt lonely because I had no one that could understand my emotions. So I popped a few pills more than directed and I was scared of how I was feeling from the side effects. I was feeling fuzzy and unwelcoming high. I was panicking and called for help. Luckily side effects were fading away when I took a nap. Big scare to the point that I would never do it again. My issues were so bad that the school called for psychological evaluation and counseling, meeting with my parents. They invited a language interpreter for my mom so she could understand what was going on with me. I could tell by her face that she was thinking I was just crazy. In Lao culture, when you are not in a good mental state, you’re considered insane and not normal. You can ask any typical non-American Asians, LOL! I am not going to get a whole lot of moments here but I am sure you get the picture of my young life.
NO LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS…
I can’t tell if I was agnostic or theist for a very long time since definitions changed a lot. What I can tell you is that I did believe there is a God and I was very aware of Jesus Christ. Did I understand the concept of Christianity? As a kid, no because my family always have been practicing Buddha. For years, I avoided following Christ because I didn’t want to get caught up in cults. I didn’t want to be labeled as a crazy person. There were times God was calling me but I rejected His calls so many times. The moment I chose not to follow God, my path went dark. I was facing so many obstacles and challenges in my life. I was involved in 3 mobile accidents during my childhood. I was almost kidnapped when I was a kid on a Saturday morning. I was locked up in a psychiatric ward for postpartum depression. I lost sole custody of my kids after the divorce from my first marriage. I was raped twice on two different occasions. I was sexually harassed a few times at a few jobs. So when I say I had encountered many obstacles, I am not even kidding. I was in the darkness for sure.
SPIRITUALITY OVER GOD…
2012
Alex was getting himself into spiritual meditation while I was into the zodiac, crystal rocks, and tarot readings. One morning, I was woken up by something. My alarm went off at 6:00 am but I was setting another alarm for 10 more minutes. All of a sudden, something was pushing the corner of the bed near my shoulder and I was so scared to open my eyes to check. That moment gave me a huge funk all day. The other night at 2-3:00 am Alex was reading something on his laptop. I woke up but I couldn’t get up because it felt like something was sitting on my chest and neck. I tried to sit up and scream for Alex but my voice was muted. I fought it for a few minutes until something was lifted off. After a few nights passed, Alex started to experience some funky paranormal moments when I was asleep. He said that he felt the bed shaking but noticed I wasn’t moving. Then he felt something crawling behind his legs on the bed like a cat would walk on the bed. After that, it happened to me as well but this time I felt the tips of my feet were cold. Alex also saw a black figure in the corner running towards him at his friend’s home. He was so scared that he had to run to the kitchen. Things started to escalate as he got himself deeper into spirituality.
End of 2012
We decided to move to Las Vegas and lived in the house with roommates. My group of friends was all into raves and spiritual activities. Alex started to get into yoga and meditation involving Psychic reading. I tagged along with him because I was curious about his experiences. I was sensing a dark presence in the house. A few months later, we started having a fallout with roommates. We moved out and rented a condo nearby. Once we settled in the condo, Alex heard spirits in the master bathroom. I started seeing mist in the ceiling when a friend named Danna arrived at our condo. Keep in mind that Danna was into spirituality with tarot. The doorknobs were rattling. I was really scared. When Danna left, the whole place became quiet. Paranormal activities continued a few days later. I begged Alex to drop spiritual activities because it was messing with me.
April 2014
We moved back to Boston. Alex and I called off our engagement and went our separate ways for a few weeks. I was raped for the second time. I didn’t share it with anyone nor report it to the police. I moved out and lived with one of my older sisters (K). K texted me to let me know she saw a young spirit at the apartment. My nephew’s bedroom and my room were the coldest rooms in the apartment except mine wasn’t damp. After Alex and I got back together from breaking up, one early morning, Alex started having some stomach pains and I ran to the nearby Walgreens to buy Pepto. By the time I arrived home, his stomach pains were gone. I noticed photos on my walls were tilted. Power outlets were burned out.
2018
I was working a night shift at a grocery store. I encountered some paranormal activities at closing hours. I started hearing things being dropped in the back room. I saw a flash of spirit in the back of the store. I was still in the new age movement.
Goodbye New Age
Things were not going as well as we thought. I realized the new age movement was very demonic so I stopped using crystal rocks for meditation. Alex was still practicing spiritual meditation until I started following Christ in May 2022. My Bible reading routine has been motivating him to quit meditation and leading to get closer to God.
I THOUGHT I WAS IN HELL…
I always had bad trips when I consumed party drugs. For example, I took acids at EDC in 2011. It was my first time attending a rave event and taking drugs. Acids started kicking in before we reached the checkpoint at the entrance. I decided to go on a ride with a friend. From there, the world flipped 180 degrees. It went from a happy vibe to hell. I started seeing tiny skulls on the ground, fire fuming all over the place, skeletons looking on many faces, and I thought my husband Alex (who was a boyfriend at the time) made out with our friend behind my back. At that point, I realized I was not in a good place. That’s just one good memory of hell I can remember.
THERE WAS HOPE…
In mid- 2013, Alex and I were almost stranded in the mountains at night during our first hiking trip. We were hiking to the very top of the Black Mountain. We saw an actual pack of Rams but they didn’t see us. Alex wanted to walk back down on the same path we used to hike up but I resisted using another path that I thought was a simpler and quicker path. My assumption was wrong. We ended up climbing down, winds blowing against us, and fighting with blisters. It was getting dark. We were fearing getting bitten by snakes or spiders but Alex provided little headlights as we struggled to walk and find any available trail. Moments later, we reached the trail. I remember kneeling on my knees and thanking guardian angels for saving us.
GOD SENT HELP…
One day I decided to walk home from work during the day. It was nearly 115-120 degrees in Las Vegas. I thought walking 8 miles home would be easy but I was wrong. By the time I reached 4 miles, I started feeling uneasy but I couldn’t give up. My iPhone was shutting down because it was getting too hot. The water from my bottle was so hot that I could easily turn it into tea. I knew I had to keep walking until a car approached behind me. I was ignoring it and the female driver stopped her car and asked me if I needed a ride. I remember being told as a child to never accept a ride from strangers. At that moment, I was desperate and accepted the ride. I got into the car and she asked for directions to my home. When she turned onto the road heading in different directions, my heart dropped and I thought my life would end there. I started thinking about worst-case scenarios like selling me into prostitution. I started thinking about the last time I was Alex. My heart was beating. She was asking me why I would walk during this time of the day and that it was not safe. I think she thought I was a kid because I had a backpack. When we arrived at my house, I thanked her many times and she handed me her business card. I waved goodbye to her and thanked her again. I entered the house and rushed to the bathroom. I dropped to my knees and cried because I was saved. I realized I was stranded in the desert but she saved me. I knew God sent someone to save me.
I CAN RELATE TO JOB…
Yet, I didn’t blame God for putting me in those situations or questioning why He wasn’t there. I chose to ignore His calls. I chose those bad decisions. This is why I could relate to the story of Job. With Job, he was being tested and yet he still had faith in God. For me, whatever that happened to me, I didn’t blame God.
GOD FOUND ME…
March 2006
I was about 8 months pregnant with my second child. I was in labor all night and had to pay a visit to the ER the next morning. Contractions were getting stronger and longer. I was sent to a private room to change into a gown. I noticed I was bleeding and I knew something wasn’t wrong. I went to lie down on the bed. OB doctors and nurses rushed into the room to do blood work and ultrasound. I was scared. The OB doctor yelled out to rush to the operating room because she witnessed my daughter being strangled by an umbilical cord. I was put to sleep before the emergency C-section started.
During that time, my dream was as surreal as I can remember to this day. I was sitting next to God on His left side. I remember there was a big round table with all of my favorite foods laid out. I remember He was sitting on His big throne. He was wearing a long white gown. His long wavy grayish-white hair was flowing. Unfortunately, His face was blurred. I was gazing over the foods He provided for me because I was blown away to see how God knew what I love to eat. I could sense Him smiling at me. As I was about to dive in, I woke up from the dream. The dream was so quiet and so peaceful.
ACCEPTING CHRIST AS MY SAVIOR…
Before I declared myself to be a follower of Christ, I knew God was saving me many times even when I was ignoring His call. I could’ve been killed, kidnapped, or shot but God saved me.
I started praying in late 2021 with no knowledge of how to pray. I started reading the Bible in May 2022 because I had to know and understand God. I finished reading the Bible for the first time in February 2023. I started reading again in that same month and year. I was searching for the right church to attend. My husband and I found Grace Bible church in our community and we love it. We got baptized in April 2023. Every day I feel closer to God. I know He loves me unconditionally.
I think back many times and remember that dream. I realized that I had to know God at some point. I knew just praying to Him daily wasn’t enough. I started asking questions about God and decided to read the Bible to understand Him. To this day, I am still learning and communicating with Him. I know He’s there listening to my prayers. I know He’s there with me during my trials. I know He loves me.
BEING CLOSER TO GOD…
After the loss of my sister’s life in 2022, I became closer to God because I wanted to understand what happens when people die. I was trying to find answers from my brothers and sisters. I know my brothers and sisters were trying to reassure me by letting me know she was in good hands when I know she was not. I knew my sister was not a believer in Christ nor had faith in her life. I was struggling with the knowledge of her being in Hell. I wanted to believe that she was in Heaven with Jesus but I knew the harsh truth. I was struggling with that pain. I still pray for her to have peace after death because I knew she was experiencing pain during her chemotherapy. I knew having pancreatic cancer can be so painful and unbearable. Only time will tell. Because of her death, I want to plant seeds in my Buddhist family so they can be in heaven. I pray for that.
THE NIGHT I MET MY FAITH…
Before I was struggling to define faith, one night, my husband Alex was in the midst of trouble at his previous job as a store clerk at a liquor store in a bad neighborhood. He texted me at 1:00 am to ask me what I was up to and I responded to let him know I was waiting for him to be home. He didn’t respond so I called him. He didn’t pick up my call and I knew something wasn’t right. I texted and called him a few more times. Normally he would be home by 1:30 am but it was past 2:00 am. I started to panic and thought about the worst-case scenarios. Something was telling me to head out to find him. I ordered an Uber ride and thankfully there was an available driver in my community. Normally Uber and Lyft services are out of service after midnight. With my iPhone having a low battery with no portable charger available, I rushed to leave the house and got into an Uber ride. I was stressing out as the driver was driving. He tried to console me that everything is okay. Once we arrived at the workplace, I saw Alex’s SUV parked at the corner. I got out of the Uber and asked the driver to wait for me in case I needed a ride back home. He kindly said that he would wait for me. I ran to check the SUV but there was no sign of Alex. I saw a couple of people in the car so I ran to them before they rolled up the window. I asked them if they had seen Alex anywhere but they didn’t see him. I looked around and went to one of the next-door businesses which was the pool hall. The pool hall looked sketchy and shady because they had newspapers covering the windows and door. I took the risk and knocked on the door hard because they had loud music in the background. I heard voices so I assumed Alex would be in there. I kept knocking loud until someone flipped the newspaper over to check who was knocking. At first, a woman saw me and ignored me so I kept knocking. A few minutes later, she told me to walk to the back alley to enter the pool hall. The back alley was very dark and sketchy. Anything could happen to me there. I rushed to the back alley and saw Alex being cornered on the seat with two tall men standing next to him. I walked up to him and started questioning him about why he didn’t answer my calls and texts. Two tall men stepped back. Alex and I walked quickly to our SUV but one tall man followed us. I looked back and stared at him until he stopped and turned away. We both got in the SUV and drove away. Alex was thanking me for rescuing him from that situation but I was confused about the situation. As we arrived home, we hugged. He started telling me about how he was being ambushed by random people, people were blocking him from leaving the area, begging him for gas money. Then he got ambushed by people from the pool hall, trying to recruit him to be part of their illegal activities. He felt trapped and didn’t want to upset them. I felt so relieved that I went to rescue him and had faith in going there. I felt God sent me to get Alex and was protecting me during this midst. That’s when I realized what faith means.
To end this testimony, I can tell you God sees and hears you. He never abandons or forsakes His children. He is there when you are hurt, vulnerable, or in pain. Just cry it out to Him, and you’ll find joy and peace. You may not see it or feel it but He loves you.
MY JOURNEY TO THE LORD…
My goal is to learn more about God’s work and get closer to Him every day. I also want to help others to follow Christ and lead them not astray. I want to end false beliefs about Christianity because it is very dangerous and I know people will fall short and walk out with doubts about God. I am continuing to share the gospel because I know that is my hearty mission.
We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19
Check out my testimony about my conversion from Democrat to Conservative…
I found faith 