ffox

 worked. logged off at 4pm. packed for london tomorrow. laura had an attitude problem because she couldn't find anything in her room. i have told her so many times to keep  her dads things separate. i am going to london tomorrow and i am stressed as i haven't been for like ten years and it will inevitably be busy and dirty. 

ordered burgers for dinner, cleaned kitchen, started a load of laundry and took myself to bed at 8pm, but then couldn't sleep until nearly midnight because i was stressing. i wish i knew why i was like this. 

sort of. there are primroses cropping up in my garden and i saw some purple bindweed flowering when i was walking back from the shop. i love this time of year. i just need it to be sunny now and all will be well with the world.

i finally got off my ass and did vinted listings - and i've made £72 today, which is just proof that i should get off my ass more often. that's more than i spent on this week's food shop. very last day of eating junk today, i feel sick from trying to force myself to get it all finished. OMAD from tomorrow for a month, chicken/sweet potato/broccoli for dinner and yogurt for pudding. and coffee. i may have already mentioned i would rather die than go without coffee. i am scared to weigh myself. but looking forward to purging my body of all the junk. chris said if he lost 2 stone he would quit smoking so i am going to quietly make this competitve and see how it goes. 

did my six hours sunday overtime. call that £125 net, plus the weekly bonus which will be about £65 net and i've made £262 today. i did buy another dress on vinted though - oops, and a new multiwire as mine has just snapped. so lets say £200 profit all in! 

i've got about three threads left of my fox cross stitch, and then it will be on to backstitching. so that ought to be done by the end of the week. i am still slogging away with listening to throne of glass series. it's so badly written i am just getting irritated that its taken up so much of my life. she is a mediocre writer, and the narrator is awful. 

tried on my outfit for london on saturday and i am very pleased with it. i feel like i am really finding my groove style wise and that's really nice. today i wore a long dusky pink maxi skirt, a long sleeve cropped black and white tee, and my black and white zodiac cardigan. i am going to try and wear proper clothes every day this month because i love a cute outfit. who doesn't. 

finch are doing a spring cleaning challenge - today's was to open the windows and air out your house! i also washed my bedding - always a mammoth thing as we have a kingsized duvet and it takes about eight hours to wash and dry everything. i can't wait to crawl into bed. 

 i am really worried i am no going to get paid. normally i get paid by BACS and it shows on my monzo 24 hours beforehand so i can "get paid early" or at least confirm that i am getting what i am expecting. i rang payroll and they said i was definitely getting paid because my payslip was up, but my bank details are blanked out on it.
luckily i have a pay advance app so i can advance up to 25% of my salary for £2, so i've done that so tomorrows bills are paid at least. what a disaster. i'm going to try and stay up to confirm if it 

also i am sick of being fat. in my head i am skinny, but i am not. and none of my clothes fit me properly. so i am going to have to start dieting. gah.

currently reading: up to this pointe / empire of storms / tower of dawn

idk. 
tuesday is my longest shift (10.5) hours and when i finished i cleaned kitchen, put laundry on, made dinner, took moose for an evening walk and had an everything shower. i can't even think. it was nice to get outside and i changed moose's harness for a bigger & better quality one - it made walking him a lot nicer. i should do this every night. 
i had a call from ovo who i got into an argument with the other day - they've given me a £30 credit on my account as an apology and are going to fix my credit file. believe it when i see it. 

i took this photo while i was out, and it looks like i've caught a tiny bird made of light. its 8pm now and i am going to bed. 

strange day today with chris being gone so early. thought i was going to fall asleep on the sofa because of how tired i was, but i opened netflix and there was a 3 part documentary about ANTM so i was seated. I used to watch it pretty obsessively, and it definitely did not help my eating disorder, but it was soooo fun. and now looking back its absolutely horrific. i feel the most sorry for shandi, and i think the producers were wrong to not say it was sexual assault. that poor girl. and tyra is a disingenuous money grubbing worm. announcing cycle 25 at the end was a diabolical move. 

once that was done i sort of looked around the house and realised i had another seven hours to myself? i cleaned the bedroom, vacuumed, mopped and did four loads of laundry. and i still had too much time. i was going to walk the dog but it was pouring down, so i just sat on the sofa. i don't like being alone apparently, or at least i am not sure what to do with myself without something structured to do and i don't have a really engrossing book to while the hours away so it was a bit of a let down. never mind, next time i will be better prepared! i downloaded queen of faces yesterday as its been recommended, maybe i will start that once i finish the ToG audiobooks. funnily enough the recommended book was "every time we meet at the dairy queen your whole fucking face explodes" which like... what?

chris came home eventually absolutely sodden, he hadn't had his waterproofs with him and he was pretty miserable - however a shower, pyjamas and a steak dinner sorted that out. he said to me he realised that he really needs to be earning money, which was great as that was what i was hoping for. it will do him so much good to engage with the world again like that, and also help our budget. 

unfortunately my esophagus decided not to play ball so i spent two hours trying to dislodge the first bite of steak i had. *sigh* my throat is raw now. ended up falling asleep on the sofa watching unexpected. i'm going to have to start keeping notes of what i was eating and how long it took to fix for the doctors. 

currently reading: the pillars of the earth (95% done - will be glad when it's finished!! hilarious to me that names like michael armstrong and sally are medieval.)

i did my overtime today, utterly nervous about leaving work in the hands of others but it it what it is and i need to remember not to burn myself out. got a weird email just before i was logging off to say they will let me know about senior by the end of next week! i have never known it take this long post interview before. 

laura was supposed to get picked up in the afternoon, obviously this translated to 5.30pm - pretty sure that is evening time by anybodys standard. 

we had fakeaway nandos and it was very good - i did medium spiced chicken breasts, perinaise mash & garlic and butter tossed tenderstem broccoli. 

chris' brother has offered him a day of work on friday, i am very excited for him. i hope he enjoys it and i think it will do him some good to earn his own money. he says he really wants to clear the debt as fast as possible so will take any work his brother can offer him. 

watched another 2 episodes of small prophets - i love it. the house always feels very quiet without laura around. 

currently reading: the pillars of the earth (good lord this book is long)
 

i slept really badly last night, and ended up having a bad day at work. logged off and felt like my eyes were bleeding. i have been nominated as key lead for the financial hardship cases and its very draining knowing all these people are complaining and not getting paid and no matter how fast i work i can't fix it all at once i can only send them generic emails. 

made dinner and had laura eat with us at the table for a change and that was nice. did the washing up and logged back on to work. couldn't stop thinking about all the work that wasn't done. 

currently reading: pillars of the earth

we went on a seven mile walk this morning with laura and moose, and stopped halfway around for a picnic of cornish pasties and cold coffees. it was lovely. the sun has finally come out (only today) and it was really nice to feel warm again! i almost overheated in my coat. 

came home and had a cup of tea, and a nice long hot shower. started talking to my besties from back home and i mentioned that shadowlands is coming to the aldwytch theatre (on drury lane!) and hugh bonneville is playing cs lewis. and they wanted to go and see it too, so i bought us tickets for march. i'm super excited to go and see them as i haven't seen them since last august. i really like hugh bonneville and i remember watching shadowlands on VHS as a teenager and being absolutely devastated by it and anthony hopkins performance. 

we watched england get done over by scotland during the rugby and now chris is watching the rugby. its been quite a nice day. but i am ready to go to bed and read my book.

currently reading: queen of shadows

 another two hours of overtime logged. 

i'm feeling a bit lonely to be honest. everyone seems to spend time in their own zones of this very tiny house and i am just left downstairs alone once i've made dinner. then i sit by myself with the dog and maybe do the washing up if i'm feeling really saucy. it's a bit crap.