Manipulation (psychology)

Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others often through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at the other's expense, such methods could be considered exploitative, abusive, devious, and deceptive. Social influence is not necessarily negative. For example, doctors can try to persuade patients to change unhealthy habits. Social influence is generally perceived to be harmless when it respects the right of the influenced to accept or reject and is not unduly coercive. Depending on the context and motivations, social influence may constitute underhanded manipulation.

Requirements for successful manipulation

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According to George K. Simon, successful exploitive manipulation primarily involves the manipulator:

1. concealing aggressive intentions and behaviors.
2. knowing the psychological vulnerabilities of the victim to determine what tactics are likely to be the most effective.
3. having a sufficient level of ruthlessness to have no qualms about causing harm to the victim if necessary.

Consequently the manipulation is likely to be accomplished through covert aggressive (relational aggressive or passive aggressive) means.

How manipulators control their victims

According to Braiker

Harriet Braiker identified the following basic ways that manipulators control their victims:

• Positive reinforcement: includes praise, superficial charm, superficial sympathy (crocodile tears), excessive apologizing, money, approval, gifts, attention, facial expressions such as a forced laugh or smile, and public recognition.
• Negative reinforcement: involves removing one from a negative situation as a reward, e.g. "You won't have to do your homework if you allow me to do this to you."
• Intermittent or partial reinforcement: Partial or intermittent negative reinforcement can create an effective climate of fear and doubt. Partial or intermittent positive reinforcement can encourage the victim to persist - for example in most forms of gambling, the gambler is likely to win now and again but still lose money overall.
• Punishment: includes nagging, yelling, the silent treatment, intimidation, threats, swearing, emotional blackmail, the guilt trip, sulking, crying, and playing the victim.
• Traumatic one-trial learning: using verbal abuse, explosive anger, or other intimidating behavior to establish dominance or superiority; even one incident of such behavior can condition or train victims to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator.

According to Simon

Simon identified the following manipulative techniques:

• Lying: It is hard to tell if somebody is lying at the time they do it, although often the truth may be apparent later when it is too late. One way to minimize the chances of being lied to is to understand that some personality types (particularly psychopaths) are experts at the art of lying and cheating, doing it frequently, and often in subtle ways.

• Lying by omission: This is a very subtle form of lying by withholding a significant amount of the truth. This technique is also used in propaganda.

• Denial: Manipulator refuses to admit that he or she has done something wrong.

• Rationalization: An excuse made by the manipulator for inappropriate behavior. Rationalization is closely related to spin.

• Minimization: This is a type of denial coupled with rationalization. The manipulator asserts that his or her behavior is not as harmful or irresponsible as someone else was suggesting, for example saying that a taunt or insult was only a joke.

• Selective inattention or selective attention: Manipulator refuses to pay attention to anything that may distract from his or her agenda, saying things like "I don't want to hear it".

• Diversion: Manipulator not giving a straight answer to a straight question and instead being diversionary, steering the conversation onto another topic.

• Evasion: Similar to diversion but giving irrelevant, rambling, vague responses, weasel words.

• Covert intimidation: Manipulator throwing the victim onto the defensive by using veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats.

• Guilt tripping: A special kind of intimidation tactic. A manipulator suggests to the conscientious victim that he or she does not care enough, is too selfish or has it easy. This usually results in the victim feeling bad, keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious and submissive position.

• Shaming: Manipulator uses sarcasm and put-downs to increase fear and self-doubt in the victim. Manipulators use this tactic to make others feel unworthy and therefore defer to them. Shaming tactics can be very subtle such as a fierce look or glance, unpleasant tone of voice, rhetorical comments, subtle sarcasm. Manipulators can make one feel ashamed for even daring to challenge them. It is an effective way to foster a sense of inadequacy in the victim.

• Playing the victim role ("poor me"): Manipulator portrays him- or herself as a victim of circumstance or of someone else's behavior in order to gain pity, sympathy or evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering and the manipulator often finds it easy to play on sympathy to get cooperation.

• Vilifying the victim: More than any other, this tactic is a powerful means of putting the victim on the defensive while simultaneously masking the aggressive intent of the manipulator.

• Playing the servant role: Cloaking a self-serving agenda in guise of a service to a more noble cause, for example saying he is acting in a certain way for "obedience" and "service" to God or a similar authority figure.

• Seduction: Manipulator uses charm, praise, flattery or overtly supporting others in order to get them to lower their defenses and give their trust and loyalty to him or her.

• Projecting the blame (blaming others): Manipulator scapegoats in often subtle, hard-to-detect ways.

• Feigning innocence: Manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or that they did not do something that they were accused of. Manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation. This tactic makes the victim question his or her own judgment and possibly his own sanity.

• Feigning confusion: Manipulator tries to play dumb by pretending he or she does not know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to his attention.

• Brandishing anger: Manipulator uses anger to brandish sufficient emotional intensity and rage to shock the victim into submission. The manipulator is not actually angry, he or she just puts on an act. He just wants what he wants and gets "angry" when denied.

Vulnerabilities exploited by manipulators

According to Braiker, manipulators exploit the following vulnerabilities (buttons) that may exist in victims:

• the "disease to please"
• addiction to earning the approval and acceptance of others
• Emotophobia (fear of negative emotion; i.e. a fear of expressing anger, frustration or disapproval)
• lack of assertiveness and ability to say no
• blurry sense of identity (with soft personal boundaries)
• low self-reliance
• external locus of control

According to Simon, manipulators exploit the following vulnerabilities that may exist in victims:

• naïveté - victim finds it too hard to accept the idea that some people are cunning, devious and ruthless or is "in denial" if he or she is being victimized.
• over-conscientiousness - victim is too willing to give manipulator the benefit of the doubt and see their side of things in which they blame the victim.
• low self-confidence - victim is self-doubting, lacking in confidence and assertiveness, likely to go on the defensive too easily.
• over-intellectualization - victim tries too hard to understand and believes the manipulator has some understandable reason to be hurtful.
• emotional dependency - victim has a submissive or dependent personality. The more emotionally dependent the victim is, the more vulnerable he or she is to being exploited and manipulated.

Manipulators generally take the time to scope out the characteristics and vulnerabilities of their victim.

According to Kantor, the following are vulnerable to psychopathic manipulators:

• too dependent - dependent people need to be loved and are therefore gullible and liable to say yes to something to which they should say no.
• too immature - has impaired judgment and believes the exaggerated advertising claims.
• too naïve - cannot believe there are dishonest people in the world, taking for granted that if there were they would not be allowed to operate.
• too impressionable - overly seduced by charmers. For example, they might vote for the seemingly charming politician who kisses babies.
• too trusting - people who are honest often assume that everyone else is honest. They are more likely to commit themselves to people they hardly know without checking credentials, etc., and less likely to question so-called experts.
• too lonely - lonely people may accept any offer of human contact. A psychopathic stranger may offer human companionship for a price.
• too narcissistic - narcissists are prone to falling for unmerited flattery.
• too impulsive - make snap decisions about, for example, what to buy or whom to marry without consulting others.
• too altruistic - the opposite of psychopathic: too honest, too fair, too empathetic.
• too frugal - cannot say no to a bargain even if they know the reason it is so cheap.
• too materialistic - easy prey for loan sharks or get-rich-quick schemes.
• too greedy - the greedy and dishonest may fall prey to a psychopath who can easily entice them to act in an immoral way.
• too masochistic - lack self-respect and so unconsciously let psychopaths take advantage of them. They think they deserve it out of a sense of guilt.
• the elderly - the elderly can become fatigued and less capable of multi-tasking. When hearing a sales pitch they are less likely to consider that it could be a con. They are prone to giving money to someone with a hard-luck story. See elder abuse.

Motivations of manipulators

Manipulators can have various possible motivations, including:

• the need to advance their own purposes and personal gain at virtually any cost to others
• a strong need to attain feelings of power and superiority in relationships with others
• a want and need to feel in control (aka. control freak)
• a desire to gain a feeling of power over others in order to raise their perception of self-esteem

Personality characteristics of exploitive manipulators

Manipulators may have any of the following personality characteristic:

• machiavellian personality
• narcissistic personality disorder
• paranoid personality disorder
• borderline personality disorder
• dependent personality disorder
• histrionic personality disorder
• passive–aggressive behavior
• type A angry personalities
• antisocial personality disorder
• behavioral addiction

Basic manipulative strategy of a psychopath

According to Robert D. Hare and Paul Babiak, psychopaths are always on the lookout for individuals to scam or swindle. The psychopathic approach includes three phases:

1. Assessment phase

Some psychopaths are opportunistic, aggressive predators who will take advantage of almost anyone they meet, while others are more patient, waiting for the perfect, innocent victim to cross their path. In each case, the psychopath is constantly sizing up the potential usefulness of an individual as a source of money, power, sex, or influence. Some psychopaths enjoy a challenge while others prey on people who are vulnerable. During the assessment phase, the psychopath is able to determine a potential victim’s weak points and will use those weak points to seduce.

2. Manipulation phase

Once the psychopath has identified a victim, the manipulation phase begins. During the manipulation phase, a psychopath may create a persona or mask, specifically designed to ‘work’ for his or her target. A psychopath will lie to gain the trust of their victim. Psychopaths' lack of empathy and guilt allows them to lie with impunity; they do not see the value of telling the truth unless it will help get them what they want.

As interaction with the victim proceeds, the psychopath carefully assesses the victim's persona. The victim's persona gives the psychopath a picture of the traits and characteristics valued in the victim. The victim's persona may also reveal, to an astute observer, insecurities or weaknesses the victim wishes to minimize or hide from view. As an ardent student of human behavior, the psychopath will then gently test the inner strengths and needs that are part of the victim's private self and eventually build a personal relationship with the victim.

The persona of the psychopath - the “personality” the victim is bonding with - does not really exist. It is built on lies, carefully woven together to entrap the victim. It is a mask, one of many, custom-made by the psychopath to fit the victim's particular psychological needs and expectations. The victimization is predatory in nature; it often leads to severe financial, physical or emotional harm for the individual. Healthy, real relationships are built on mutual respect and trust; they are based on sharing honest thoughts and feelings. The victim's mistaken belief that the psychopathic bond has any of these characteristics is the reason it is so successful.

3. Abandonment phase

The abandonment phase begins when the psychopath decides that his or her victim is no longer useful. The psychopath abandons his or her victim and moves on to someone else. In the case of romantic relationships, a psychopath will usually seal a relationship with their next target before abandoning his or her current victim.

Sometimes, the psychopath has three individuals on whom he or she is running game: the one who has been recently abandoned, who is being toyed with and kept in the picture in case the other two do not work out; the one who is currently being played and is about to be abandoned; and the third, who is being groomed by the psychopath, in anticipation of abandoning the current "mark".

See also

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Other references

Books

• Alessandra, Tony. Non-Manipulative Selling (1992)
• Barber, Brian K. Intrusive Parenting: How Psychological Control Affects Children and Adolescents (2001)
• Bowman, Robert P.; Cooper, Kathy; Miles, Ron; & Carr, Tom. Innovative Strategies for Unlocking Difficult Children: Attention Seekers, Manipulative Students, Apathetic Students, Hostile Students (1998)
• Bursten, Ben. Manipulator: A Psychoanalytic View (1973)
• Crawford, Craig. The Politics of Life: 25 Rules for Survival in a Brutal and Manipulative World (2007)
• Ellul, Jacques. Propaganda: The Formation of Men's Attitudes. Trans. Konrad Kellen & Jean Lerner. New York: Knopf, 1965. New York: Random House/ Vintage 1973
• Forward, Susan. Emotional Blackmail (1997)
• Klatte, Bill & Thompson, Kate. It's So Hard to Love You: Staying Sane When Your Loved One Is Manipulative, Needy, Dishonest, or Addicted (2007)
• McCoy, Dorothy. The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (2006)
• McMillan, Dina L. But He Says He Loves Me: How to Avoid Being Trapped in a Manipulative Relationship (2008)
• Sasson, Janet Edgette. Stop Negotiating With Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody, or Depressed Adolescent (2002)
• Simon, George. "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People" (2010)
• Stern, Robin. The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life (2008)
• Swihart, Ernest W. Jr. & Cotter, Patrick. The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids (1998)

Academic Journals

• Aglietta M, Reberioux A, Babiak P. "Psychopathic manipulation in organizations: pawns, patrons and patsies", in Cooke A, Forth A, Newman J, Hare R (Eds), International Perspectives and Psychopathy, British Psychological Society, Leicester, pp. 12–17. (1996)
• Aglietta, M.; Reberioux, A.; Babiak, P. "Psychopathic manipulation at work", in Gacono, C.B. (Ed), The Clinical and Forensic Assessment of Psychopathy: A Practitioner's Guide, Erlbaum, Mahwah, NJ, pp. 287–311. (2000)
• Bursten, Ben. "The Manipulative Personality", Archives of General Psychiatry, Vol 26 No 4, 318-321 (1972)
• Buss DM, Gomes M, Higgins DS, Lauterback K. "Tactics of Manipulation", Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 52 No 6 1219-1279 (1987)
• Hofer, Paul. "The Role of Manipulation in the Antisocial Personality", International Journal of Offender Therapy and Comparative Criminology, Vol. 33 No 2, 91-101 (1989)