Tag: relationships

Life Lessons 101

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Life Lessons 101 – Keeping Relationships Alive and Thriving by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Published on by dgkaye40 Comments

Life Lessons 101 – Keeping Relationships Alive and Thriving

Welcome back to my Life Lessons 101 series at the Smorgasbord. In this episode I’m discussing the importance of nurturing relationships and never taking one for granted.

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love lock

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All relationships are work and require tending to. If they aren’t nurtured, they won’t last happily. Like a plant, people need compassion, understanding, love, and tolerance to thrive. When I say work, I mean a good kind of work, like when we go to our jobs we enjoy doing, working on projects that we enjoy, not tedious work. Work doesn’t have to mean something is a chore, but, putting in the attentive work in a relationship will always give us a better payoff. I use the word work for lack of a better word. I don’t mean keeping a relationship thriving should mean laborious work, rather more – giving a relationship the attention it needs to flourish and stay alive.

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 and require tending to. If they aren’t nurtured, they won’t last happily. Like a plant, people need compassion, und

Working at a relationship means being aware and conscious of our partner’s needs by listening, asking questions and showing interest in our partner’s life, passions, and livelihood. Often people tend to take their relationships for granted, simply because we may be married and feel we’ve already achieved the work put into the relationship to get to that stage of wedded bliss. But that couldn’t be further from the truth because in order to keep that relationship healthy and alive, we must always remember to give it the food and love it needs to remain healthy and thriving. The plant analogy – if we forget to water our plants, they’re going to wilt. With loving care and water, we revive them, as we revive a relationship. If you ignore the plant long enough, it’s inevitably going to die, just as the good in a relationship can.

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erstanding, love, and tolerance

Just because we may have had a partner for what seems a long time and we’re used to their habits, moods, and giving them and ourselves space, some tend to forget the magic ingredients that keep relationships fun and engaging like keeping each other interested in each other’s lives – spending time together, and just as important – spending time apart enjoying personal interests.

There is always work to be done in a partnership, or let’s use the term, upkeep. Just as our homes have potential to look like a cyclone went through after not tending to daily upkeep of law and order in the home, neglected relationships will take the same hit. Relationships thrive on give-and-take. If only one is doing all the giving, that is not going to result in a long-term healthy relationship and will eventually hinder it. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship has endured, if we continue to feed it with love, compassion, interest, and understanding, it will continue to thrive – not just exist. Like a plant (again), if it isn’t paid any attention or fed/watered, would we expect that plant to thrive or wither? We want to be able to interact with and enjoy spending time with our partners, not draw apart.

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to thri

What do we want most from a relationship?    

  • Acceptance
  • Love
  • Compassion
  • Trust
  • Understanding
  • Communication
  • Interest
  • Respect
  • Reciprocation
  • And for myself, a big one is – sense of humor

These are the most important qualities a relationship should offer, and the qualities that will sustain a solid relationship.

How To Keep Things Fresh and Keep the Interest and Love Flowing?

Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord

©DGKaye2024

ve. When I say work,

I mean a good kind of work, like when we go to our jobs we enjoy doing, working on projects that we enjoy, not tedious work. Work doesn’t have to mean something is a chore, but, putting in the attentive work in a relationship will always give us a better payoff. I use the word work for lack of a better word. I don’t mean keeping a relationship thriving should mean laborious work, rather more – giving a relationship the attention it needs to flourish and stay alive.Working at a relationship means being aware and conscious of our partner’s needs by listening, asking questions and showing interest in our partner’s life, passions, and livelihood. Often people tend to take their relationships for granted, simply because we may be married and feel we’ve already achieved the work put into the relationship to get to that stage of wedded bliss. But that couldn’t be further from the truth because in order to keep that relationship healthy and alive, we must always remember to give it the food and love it needs to remain healthy and thriving. The plant analogy – if we forget to water our plants, they’re going to wilt. With loving care and water, we revive them, as we revive a relationship. If you ignore the plant long enough, it’s inevitably going to die, just as the good in a relationship can.

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Life Lessons 101 – Keeping Relationships Alive and Thriving by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Life Lessons 101

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Life Lessons 101 – Boundaries by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Published on by dgkaye56 Comments

Welcome back to my Life Lessons 101 series. Today I want to talk about the importance of creating boundaries where necessary. No matter the type of relationship we may share with another, whether family, friends, or colleagues, it’s important to create boundaries where/when necessary to protect against the ones who may not have our best interests at heart, or perhaps, those around us who constantly suck the life out of us. Boundaries are necessary for good mental health and self-preservation.

Being around negativity can become quite a contagious thing. And as much as we’re all subjected to it at some times in our lives, we must learn how to be assertive and create those boundaries when necessary to avoid getting caught up in a tailspin of other people’s dramatics, gossip, or plain, sucking out of our energies. I speak with great experience on the subject.

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Dodging the Clouds

Negativity is like a huge umbrella that has the power to swoop us in unwittingly. As I’ve written about in other articles, energy is a real thing and plays a big part in the vibes we give off to others.  We all give off our vibes and energies into the atmosphere, and if we’re in close proximity to someone negative, we can feel the draining vibe it leaves with us. These vibes can come off from a complete stranger as well as from the people we know. Negativity comes in all varieties. Negativity could even come from a constant naysayer in our circles, or from an acquaintance, friend, or family. There are several terms for these types of people who leave us feeling ill at ease when around them. But the bottom line is that they suck our energies and make us feel quite uncomfortable when around them.

We can avoid these people easily if they are not in our usual circles. We can just remove ourselves from their presence. But other times, like when it comes to family, or even some friends, or maybe a colleague, it can be difficult to navigate around these people and their frequent storms. If these people are constantly bringing us down with their moods, demands, or temperaments, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship we have with them and decide how much we’re willing to put up with from these people and set some boundaries.

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If someone is always angry, accusing, conniving, inconsiderate, or downright rude, we must take a look at our own self and evaluate whether or not we are going to continue to tolerate the mental abuse, and make a change. Either way, it isn’t easy, but often when it becomes a decision about keeping our own sanity, cords must be severed for self-preservation. I have much experience with this procedure of creating boundaries in my own life. And in all situations, they sadly, involved family.

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Knowing Limitations and Creating Boundaries

When my own family became too much for me to endure, I was faced with making such decisions. For much of my life, my mother was the antagonist in my life. But because she was ‘a mother’, I always respected her, took her rantings daily, and I never raised my voice to her. It took all the discipline in the world not to tell her what I really thought, but I didn’t want to hurt her. It didn’t matter that she hurt me so very much through life, I am not a tit for tat person. But through the years – and decades, the proverbial last straw finally hit the camel’s back one day where fifty years of taking her garbage came to a head. The last dagger had finally hit me, and courage was summoned. I’d taken enough abuse. When I received her last harmful barrage of word bullets, the separation was immediate and forever. And there was no going back because there was nowhere to go to but back on the hamster wheel.

Yes. It took me fifty years until I summoned the courage to stand up to her toxic words; but I did it. . . please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord.

Source: Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Life Lessons 101 – Boundaries by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

©DGKaye2024

Bitmo Sunday book review

Sunday Book Review – Evidence of the Affair – Taylor Jenkins Reid #novelette #womensfiction

Published on by dgkaye39 Comments

My Sunday Book Review is for another book I enjoyed by Taylor Jenkins Reid. This is a short novelette of 80 pages, written in epistolary writing style. A discovered marital affair through letters changes four people’s lives. I do love me a good character study, especially with a karmic twist.

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Blurb:

The repercussions of an illicit affair unfold in this short story by bestselling author Taylor Jenkins Reid.

Dear stranger…

A desperate young woman in Southern California sits down to write a letter to a man she’s never met—a choice that will forever change both their lives.

My heart goes out to you, David. Even though I do not know you…

The correspondence between Carrie Allsop and David Mayer reveals, piece by piece, the painful details of a devastating affair between their spouses. With each commiserating scratch of the pen, they confess their fears and bare their souls. They share the bewilderment over how things went so wrong and come to wonder where to go from here.

Told entirely through the letters of two comforting strangers and those of two illicit lovers, Evidence of the Affair explores the complex nature of the heart. And ultimately, for one woman, how liberating it can be when it’s broken.

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My 5 Star Review:

I have never been disappointed by Jenkin Reid’s books, and this book, although short, still packs an emotional punch.

When Carrie discovers some hidden love letters between her husband Ken, and a woman named Janet, she decides to find out who Janet’s husband is so she could share with him what she’s discovered. She writes David a letter introducing herself and shares her discovery. While the plot may seem a bit oxymoron-ish because of Carrie contacting David about their spouse’s affair with each other, and their own correspondence escalating into personal conversation, they both begin pouring their hearts out about their married lives to each other.

Carrie and David (Janet’s husband) are two strangers caught in the same predicament, and grow a bond in their common dilemma. They make many discoveries about themselves and their spouses, and marvel at their own vulnerabilities, leaving them wondering why they couldn’t both have the same fulfillment as their spouses were sharing with each other. There are no sexual innuendos in their conversations, but Carrie is good for David’s depressed ego, and David is good for Carrie’s low self-esteem.

And the plot thickens when Carrie’s husband Ken uncharicteristically starts trying to be romantic with Carrie, but tells her he has to go away for business for a few days. This news prompts Carrie to check with David if Janet has gone too. Has she? No spoilers, but this book had a beautiful karmic ending, in more ways than one.

This story is not a cliffhanger, but one that leaves possibilities. I would have loved this book to be a full length novel, especially with the richness of emotions and characters.

©DGKaye2023

Guest Featured Author

Smorgasbord Coffee Morning – Bring a Guest – Meet My Best Friend San by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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I was thrilled to be over at Sally Cronin’s Smorgasbord for her #Influencer – Coffee Morning, Bring a Friend series. In this post, I’m unmasking Zan (San) one of my oldest best friends, and our relationship that has survived the distance and decades.

 

Smorgasbord Coffee Morning – Bring a Guest – Meet My Best Friend San by D.G. Kaye

 

 

Today a story of friendship that has thrived despite distance and pandemics for over forty years Debby Gies brings her best friend Sanja to coffee.

 

Meet My Best Friend San by D.G. Kaye

 

Today I’d like to introduce you all to my best friend Sanja, a.k.a., Zan, who you may recognize her name from some of my books. Sanja, pronounced – like ‘S’ plus ‘on’, plus ‘yaw’. I call her San (sounding like sand without the ‘d’) and when I call her by her full name, I pronounce it as San Ja, as in ‘jaw’. You will learn later how we love to make up new words.

 

We’ve been friends since we were both nineteen years old. That’s a long time, but then again, never enough. I met San when I moved away from home and worked part time in the building I was living in at the Recreation Center. I was the receptionist and gatekeeper of law and order of the gym, and San was a part time lifeguard up at the pool. After a few shifts together and one very quiet day at the Center, I buzzed up to the pool to ask her a question, and we blabbed away most of our shift. That was the beginning of our lifelong friendship.

 

 

Me and San

This photo is us in our early twenties. Me with my blond hair streaked more blond and San with her natural hair color – until we changed our colors.

 

I should actually write a book about us and our shenanigans through the decades together, and most likely I will, but for now I’ll talk about how San became my ‘person’ in life through thick and thin, and how even an ocean that has separated us geographically for the last twenty-eight years never hindered our connection.

 

I grew up in a world of ‘colorful’ characters in my mother’s circles and with very conservative Orthodox Jews on my father’s side, despite my father never living his life as a conservative Jew. So that spectrum of my life was a total oxymoron when it came to family. I was a precocious, inquisitive, clever and street-wise child from a young age.

 

Because my mother was a social butterfly, barely home, we spent way too much time at our paternal grandparents’ growing up, a good ‘dump off’ spot for my mother. There was nothing Jewish about our family other than we were, and we went to synagogue with our dad and grandparents on all the high holidays out of respect for my dominating grandparents. Back at home we ate bacon and pork (although I personally no longer eat pork, as a choice, not religion) and my dad (when he was ever living with us), loved to order in Chinese Food or Pizza. I look back and it isn’t difficult to see how dysfunctional my family always was. And the funniest part was my, not even fully Jewish mother, who never had time to mother, had made it clear to me that I could only date Jewish guys. LMAO.

 

Okay, maybe I digressed here, but I had to set the setting to how my friend San turned my life into a 180.

 

Where I grew up, I only ever knew Jewish people. Exceptions were some of those ‘colorful’ characters I mentioned earlier in my mother’s gambling and racetrack circles. Heck, even my high school was 99 point something percent Jewish. After my tumultuous homelife and my parents’ many break ups, they finally divorced when I was sixteen. Two years later, my dad decided to sell our family home. My Aunty Sherry (my mother’s sister, and more my mother to me than my own mother), who happened to be a rental agent for a popular apartment complex mid-town in the city, hatched a plan with my father, to set me up on my own, to set me free from my mother’s rule, and allow me to experience life. My aunt got me a primo apartment and my dad paid my rent for two years until I could get myself sorted in what I wanted to do or be in life.

 

Enter San. There was an instant connection with us that first day we yacked for hours together at work. San, too, came from a somewhat dysfunctional family life, and that may have been the first thing we bonded over. Despite us being the same age (I’m actually 5 months older), I always look up to her like an older sister, sometimes even as a mother. I remember always feeling safe with her, safe to say anything, and protected. San was and is very nurturing and tactile, she’s warm and loving to everyone. When she enters a room, there’s a light that just puts her right in it. Despite the fact she’s physically beautiful, her heart and soul are equally beautiful, and she can often be the loudest one in the room. I warn, put us together and you will have a party. Until I met San, I’d grown up afraid of my mother, afraid to ask questions (I’d seek them out in other ways), zero talking about birds and bees, and the words “I love you” were not common practice anywhere in my life.

 

San introduced me to a whole new world of friends, and of living. And she taught me what unconditional love meant and taught me it was okay to tell people I loved them – something which felt most difficult to say all my life. She had/has many pet names for me and would often hug me and tell me she loved me. Oh, it felt so weird in the beginning, and of course, I felt so comfortable talking to her like I never had with anyone in my life until that point – not even my Aunty Sherry. I couldn’t tell my aunt my deepest feelings, for fear her allegiance to my mother would have her share anything noteworthy.

 

Friends

This photo was taken at one of girl get-togethers we do when Sanja comes home, about four years ago. This is my tribe. From left to right is me, Al, San, and my other bestie Anna, better known in my books as Bri.

 

San brought me into her world of close friends, who ultimately became my tribe of friends too. And as we grew and had various jobs, we’d both meet new people we’d introduce to each other, and our circle of friends grew. Only two people were Jewish in my wonderful new circle of multi-cultural friends, and I was loving and enjoying life. My first real best friend San is from the formerly known – Yugoslavia, now known as Croatia, and I fell in love with dating Italian men. I was introduced to a new world of diversity and I was never so happy.

 

I’d taken the opportunity to go back to university while my dad was helping me out and San was going to ‘beauty school’ to become an aesthetician. We remained working at the Rec Center a few more years, part time and Saturdays. And she made a damn fine aesthetician at that career, and magically, I had my own personal manicurist. San also taught me how to apply eye-shadow – PROPERLY. And she gave me the big thumbs down one time she caught me experimenting with BLUE eyeshadow. She still reminds me about that decades later. So, my best friend, sister/mother, social director, teacher of love was the pinnacle of my new life.

 

Through the years in our twenties, both San and I had active social lives, together, and in our own other various groups of friends. Her then fiancé and eventual first husband Jake lived in my building at the time with his parents while they were dating. Needless to say, San and Jake pretty much hung out at my place in our early years, as I was the one with my own place and they both still lived at home.

 

Our lives were full and exciting, and despite how busy our lives were, we were always together for everything that mattered. I had lost my father, both my grandparents and my Aunty Sherry in that first decade on my own, and besides always being by my side for life’s up and down’s, nursing me back to mental health on several occasions, San was always there to put me back together.

 

 

Best friends

This photo was taken in the late eighties, just before I turned into a redhead. We were at a party.

 

The years passed and nothing separated us, not even San’s first two marriages. Husbands knew I was an appendage to San, and we still remained besties and there for each other always. Until that fateful day when San was going through some hardship of her own, she serendipitously met her soon to be third husband, only, he was visiting Toronto on business, and he lived in the U.K. In a whirlwind love affair, and after only a few short months of serious dating – flying back and forth to the U.K., among other amazing trips Tray took San on to some exotic places in the world, San announced she’s selling her house and moving to the U.K. with Tray. If I didn’t know heartache yet, and I had had plenty by then, I knew what a broken heart felt like way back then, but the pain of feeling your losing your best friend, confidante, mother, sister, all rolled in one, was almost too much to bear. After almost fifteen years of being attached to my best friend, she was leaving me, or so I thought, because that’s how it felt. . . Please continue reading at Sally’s blog to find out how our friendship survived the miles.

 

 

Original Source: Smorgasbord Coffee Morning – Bring a Guest – Meet My Best Friend San by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye2021

 

Updates on health

Updates – Moving On and Best Friends

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Wow! It’s been so long since I posted a personal update here for you. I don’t know where the time has gotten to, but considering my last post a few weeks ago, talking about my brutal move and hearing Johnny Cash on the radio, and the post prior, talking about my moving in July and my BFF coming from the U.K., ya, well, that didn’t happen. But a few things have. And so I’ll fill you in.

 

My bestie from U.K. did not get here because our airports wouldn’t allow non-essential visitors without having to quarantine in a hotel at her own expense, for fourteen days. Heck, so many people can’t even afford to stay that long, so why would they want to spend it alone in quarantine? They only began allowing Canadian residents to come back home, in late June. And now it’s September 7th supposedly, where leisure air travelers will be welcome, as long as they’ve been double vaxxed and Covid tested prior to flight then no quarantine required.

 

Well this new time frame threw a wrench into my U.K. plans. And in the meantime, my friend Zan has sold her house again and will soon be moving to a rental home in a few weeks and she and her hubby will begin a new house project from scratch on the land they’ve purchased. So now, until she gets moved in and her and her hub take a private getaway for a week or so to Italy after their move, their first holiday since Covid struck, she will probably be here in late September. So it’s looking like some time in October I’ll be flying back with her to the U.K. It’s a tough wait, but probably better for time to pass as the summer crowds should be more tame, easier for traveling – maybe a jaunt to France, maybe to Italy, but definitely to Spain, and hopefully more time for the Covid to simmer down. Heck! I may even stay through Christmas, come back, and pack up for Mexico. All I know is I must get out of this constant space and spread my wings and breathe. I have no clue what I’m doing the rest of my life, but I sure as hell know I won’t find out by sitting on a couch with a computer. Nobody is going to come banging my door down with opportunity. I have to get back out into the world.

 

The last week of July, I took a little trip with my girlfriend Alison. We both needed to get out of our four walls, so we rented a hotel room up north here in cottage country for a few days. But, as it turned out, Zan’s sister lived twenty minutes from where we were staying and once Zan told her sister we were there, she swiftly invited us to stay with her instead. So, we stayed the one night at the hotel and off to Kokie’s beautiful home for almost a week! It was a slice of heaven to be in the fresh air and steal a few days at the beach when the usual rainy weather would let up. We had lots of fun yacking, Netflixing, walking, shopping vintage stores and playing Mexican Train Dominoes – a fun variation of Dominoes.

 

It was a lovely mini getaway and I look forward to Zan’s visit here so we can go back up to her sister’s house once she ever arrives here.

 

Coming back to my new abode felt a bit strange and back to reality. I am trying to establish somewhat of a new routine for myself without my husband and now, four months after his passing, everything still feels strange and out of sorts for me without a comforting familiarity.

 

And then something wonderful happened in the midst of my sadness and loneliness, I got a condolence message from my other BFF Bri. We had a falling out a few years back, and sadly, stubbornness had kept that distance hanging. I was elated to hear from her. She adored my husband, and I had wondered why I hadn’t heard from her, thinking she’d have heard the news, but she hadn’t. When she found out, she sent me a message. I replied, and the next thing I knew, we were gabbing on the phone for hours. A few days later, we met at my husband’s grave and spent a few hours together there sitting on the grass, filling each other in on our lives while apart. The day turned into night after picking up some food and killing a bottle of wine together on my balcony at home.

 

The reunion was just what my heart needed, and both of us said to each other that it was my husband who subtly found a way to inform her about his demise and he knew we had to get back together. We both felt that. The whole thing was divine intervention how it all came about, and the fact that I’m pretty much family-less now (a book for another time),  there is no comfort like a best friend who has been in my life for 37 years. She knows all the ghosts, good and bad, and understands my loss better than any family could ever imagine what I’m living.

 

God and the universe certainly do work in mysterious ways. Everything has its time and place. Yes, Zan never got here for my turbulent move, but had she come and the lockdowns coming and going, turns out, Canadians too are being made to quarantine right now still going to U.K. and I wouldn’t be interested in doing that either. Not to mention the new wave the U.K. has been experiencing much of July. Then there’s Zan’s sudden house sale and getting ready to move later this month. Suffice it to say, divine timing is looking much better for the fall than the summer. And in my deep and dark moments, waiting once again for this U.K. connection to happen, my husband and the angels were at work bringing me back together with Bri.

 

In the meantime, I am getting my feet deeper back into blogland. I do hope to get the mental energy up to get back to my MS I completed last fall and get that off to the editor by September. Lots of things up in the air, but definitely some good things to look forward to. I feel uplifted when I have something to look forward to, despite my loneliness and ache for my beloved husband that follows me wherever I may go, making plans and friendships are what keeps me out of ‘the dark’.

 

©DGKaye2021

 

 

 

Reasons and seasons

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives 2020 #Family and #Friends – Meeting People for Reasons and Seasons by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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Sally Cronin is currently running a Post from the Archive Series at Smorgasbord Invitation. We were invited to share a post from the past that relates to Family and/or Friendships. Sally has generously featured my article on People We Meet for Reasons and Seasons.

 

Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives 2020 #Family and #Friends – Meeting People for Reasons and Seasons by D.G. Kaye

 

 

Welcome to the new posts from your archives with a theme of family and friends. Very important as our support system at the moment as many of us are isolated and out of physical touch. If you would like details on how to participate here is the link: Posts from Your Archives April 2020 Family and Friends

In this post D.G. Kaye, Debby Gies explores why we meet people – some who stay in our lives and some that fade.

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Ever wonder why some of the friendships and relationships we once may have considered important in our lives at one time suddenly disappear from our lives?

Often, times we reflect back on our life relationships and catch ourselves wondering ‘whatever happened to so and so?’. Sometimes we remember why those people have exited our lives, and other times we can go back and analyze these relationships, looking back on what the significance was that person played in our lives. I refer to these short-term relationships as seasonal relationships for reasons – blessings and lessons.

These people who come into our lives for brief stints appear for reasons, and because they don’t remain in our lives indefinitely, they are classified as seasonal.

The universe has a way of knowing what we need in our lives at different times. There’s a popular phrase – What we focus on, we attract. For example, if we are focusing our attentions on something we wish for, we will eventually meet people who may possibly introduce us to avenues that we are focusing our attentions on. Similarly, if we focus on negative things, we may also be introduced to people who come into our lives who can teach us lessons.

We don’t meet people by accident . . . please continue reading at Sally’s blog.

 

Source: Smorgasbord Posts from Your Archives 2020 #Family and #Friends – Meeting People for Reasons and Seasons by D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKaye

 

Reblog and share

Something to Think About – The R’s of Life – #Respect in our modern world by Sally Cronin | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

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Today I’m sharing one of Sally Cronin’s poignant posts from her –  The Rs of Life series. This edition focuses on ‘Respect’. Pour yourself a coffee and enjoy.

 

Something to Think About – The R’s of Life – #Respect in our modern world by Sally Cronin

 

 

 

 

In January 2016 I began a series that I was intending to publish as a book but since it has been languishing… I have decided to re-run since it is three years since it was last posted.

The title came about as I dipped into a Thesaurus to find some words for a poem I was writing. I noticed that a great many words that reflected (see what I mean) key elements in our lives began with the letter ‘R’. In the original series there was an introduction, but I am skipping that to dive straight into what I believe is becoming extinct in many areas of our world and our own lives…..

The posts are a bit longer than the average.. so I hope you have a cup of tea handy!

The R’s of Life – Respect.

It is always so easy to criticise and I don’t want these observations on the aspects of life that I have experienced to be completely negative. However, there are some human traits that seem to be devolving rather than evolving and I don’t believe it is a trend we want to continue.

In this post I am going to explore the very thorny subject of respect. This is a topic that needs to be divided into two areas to do it justice. It is one of the fundamental survival tools we have at our disposal and sadly does not receive the prominence it deserves in the headlines.

Self-respect has to come first, as without that basic component, we are unlikely to succeed in life in a way that is acceptable to those close to us, and those we meet along the way.

It should not be confused with self-esteem. This is a value that we adopt and then present to the world in varying degrees. It is interesting that you hear the expression ‘low self-esteem‘ frequently and there are many specialists who are happy to  help you raise that to an approved level. It is quite strange to me that anyone considered to have overstepped that approval level is treated quite harshly and labelled arrogant or full of themselves! It seems that the press and the public rather like to see people who have achieved something out of the ordinary be knocked off their pedestal!

One way to reach a healthy and productive level of self-esteem is to first establish your self-respect which is a process that begins the moment you are born.

Please continue reading at Sally’s Smorgasbord

 

Source: Something to Think About – The R’s of Life – #Respect in our modern world by Sally Cronin | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

 

©DGKayewriter.com

High school reunion

The High School Reunion – Have You Ever Attended One?

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While I was away on winter vacation, one of my oldest school friends, Cindy, who I grew up with since aged 7, Facebook messaged me that there was going to be a high school reunion, called the ‘Birthday reunion’, because most of us would be celebrating a big scary birthday this year. I told Cindy, I’d think about it and get back to her.

 

I pondered going, off and on, right up until the day of the event. I was never one who attended such events, but I seriously gave it some thought. My first thoughts were to not go as I’d declined two other invitations over the decades. My logic was that while in high school, I didn’t socialize much with anyone except a very few students and my friend Cindy, her then boyfriend who became her husband, and Cindy’s younger sister.

My high school was out of my living district, which had me taking a 1/2 mile walk to the bus and 3 consecutive buses to get to school and back daily – save for those days after I got my licence and managed to take my mother’s car to school because most often she was picked up for her daily socializing jaunts, or when Cindy got her own car and we’d ride together. And most of my friends went to the school in my designated living area. William Lyon Mackenzie Collegiate Institute was known as a highly academic high school with a gifted program. Several students from that school went on to become successful lawyers, doctors, politicians and writers. Another notable from my high school, ironically, didn’t finish high school, got expelled and went on to become a Hollywood star with Deal or No Deal and now America’s Got Talent – Howie Mandel. He was a few years ahead of me and ironically, my mother was friend’s with his mother but I didn’t know him well, but I rode the bus with his brother Steve to school for years.

I was an awkward teen with no sense of self-esteem and felt like the Ugly Duckling most of my school life. No boys ever looked twice at me and most of the girls traveled in packs or what I often refer to as ‘cliques’. For a girl who was always thinking and had a lot to say about everything, I was quite introverted and timid while in school and didn’t form many relationships, which never inspired me to go to any reunions.

I struggled with my decision to go this time. But I finally decided maybe it would be interesting to see some people of the past and find out about how some of their lives progressed, and of course, see what they looked like now. Plus it would be a good time to spend some time with Cindy. I decided that I came a long, long way from high school days, now comfortable in my own skin, an accomplished writer and author, and a bounty of life experience, and maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to go.

The event was held in a lovely but rather small restaurant and patio cafe, but sadly, the weather was so darned cold and actually snowing again, which put a damper on sitting outside on the patio. The food was great, the music totally took me back to my teenage years, and most of the faces I’d drawn a blank to identifying. But thanks to my trustee friend Cindy who stays on top of many social circles, she was able to identify every questionable face I asked her about.The evening somehow transported me back to some memorable moments back in time.

We arrived early so we could eat something before the crowd piled in. It turned out we weren’t the only ones with that idea. When we arrived there were already more than a dozen people there sitting down at a table eating. So we grabbed ourselves a table and ordered some food. Before long, the introductions began. For a good part of the night, I felt like that old wallflower from back in the 70s as I was quite content remaining at the table and observing, but my trustee friend kept introducing me to people of my past. “Sorry, I don’t recognize you” was the most popular response by many. And in true social form, Cindy would add in, reminding people I had long blond hair back then. That hint clicked with some but went over the fence with others.

 

friends

 

Many introductions were brief, some I engaged in conversation with for a short while – small talk and pleasantries, but no real stimulating conversation, except for one girl who I’d barely known in school, but for some reason we just clicked in our conversation about life. She was actually the only person who’d asked what I did for a living or was I retired already like it seemed many girls were. My new friend informed me she was going to retire from doing public relations this year and enjoy the rest of her life. I told her I was a writer and she seemed stoked to meet a ‘real author’, lol. We exchanged email addresses at the end of the evening, and hopefully we will connect.

Three different guys came up to me announcing they remembered me. I laughed to myself thinking three males actually remembered me, one who I recognized and the other two I drew a blank about until they brought up some shenanigans from days past and we had a short chuckle over. Besides another old school chum, only one other girl remembered me, as we were school friends, but I’d completely forgotten about her. She sat down to chat with me. The talk was small and short and although it left me feeling as though we had nothing in common, it was nice to see a friend from the past.

I observed a lot that night and had little flashback moments of many of those students back in the day, remembering who hung around with who, who were the shit disturbers, who were snobby ( a very common trait back in those school days), who ignored me and who were nice to me. I observed their faces and demeanor, curious to see who aged well, who let themselves ‘go’ and who were still friends with their old cliquey groups. I came to realize how far I came from those days, not just in life, but how much I’d grown within myself, how confident I now felt among my old school peers, despite them never knowing.

I looked at that evening as a ‘night out’ and a chance to revisit a past I had no real fond memories of. Perhaps I had an inner desire to show up and present myself as no longer the quiet ‘Ugly Ducking’ of yesteryear, kind of like a “Look at me, I’m Sandra Dee” moment. Sure I’ve aged along with everyone else, and I’m no longer the girl with the long blond hair and glasses, but a now secure, dynamic, still wrinkle-less redhead with glasses who finally found her voice in the world. I had no intentions of going back to the past, only to visit how time had treated my old school alumni and a curiosity to see how they’d fared in life since. I’m glad I went to my first and only reunion. Everyone should experience that once, and for me, once was enough.

Have you ever gone to a school reunion? If so, how did it make you feel?